Laney Diva dies in fish attack Sadness struck The Daily Squeegy today as our beloved reporter/art critic and agony aunt, Laney Diva died. She was happily feeding her pet goldfish when tragedy struck. Her well loved pet fish, Angus, leapt from her fish bowl in a suicide attempt and lodged herself in Laney's ausophagus. Jimmy Jambone (reporter for The Daily Squeegy) witnessed the whole thing and though he found it hard to speak through his tears, he managed to tell us this. "I can't believe she is dead, I am going to miss her so much. Poor Angus. She was so young and full of life, why did she have to go like this?" We asked him what he thought about the death of Ms. Diva and he replied. "Oh yeah her, I suppose she will be missed. Who was she again? I seem to know the name from somewhere." The Daily Squeegy is asking for donations for the funeral costs, which will include certain things that where requested by Laney herself in her will. These include a talking elephant as the priest and full zoot suits for all mourners. Also donations will be taken to help pay the wages of her successor Edmund G. Shufflebottom, who will be taking over her responsibilities as soon as we can sneak him through the Channel Tunnel. All letter of condolence and credit card numbers should be sent to thedailysqueegy@aol.com   STOP PRESS : We found out how to make zombies after an interesting Blue Peter episode so Laney is still here, if a little stinky. Although, she is now under Jimmy's complete and utter control and may eat people he takes a dislike to so she'll only make rare appearances from now on.