Film Review by Jimmy Jambone On Cinema Red Dragon The prequel to both Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal emerges again after the success of the latter film. Formerly made as Manhunter in the 1980's, this version features Anthony Hopkins again as Dr. Hannibal Smith, the mastermind from the A-Team. Edward Norton stars as Bob Scratchett, the FBI agent on the trail of the elusive 'Red Dragon', a criminal who literally roasts anyone who tries to enter a cave in the small town of Honalee. Scratchett gets sent to the town to find out the identity of the Red Dragon but finds a town of psychopaths who seem to frolic in what they call the "autumn mist", which is actually a state induced by a frightening new form of crack cocaine called 'Puff'. Scratchett asks for the help of Hannibal and his team of dishonourably discharged soldiers to try and tame the problem of the townsfolk. Mr. T singlehandedly storms the town with his 1982 GMC custom van and proceeds to throw the addicts and the drugs 'helluva far'. With this problem out of the way, Scratchett then remembers his original reason for coming to Honalee and devises a masterful way to catch the villain. Hannibal then says "I love it when a plan comes together." This film was very exciting, especially when the frolicking becomes more frantic due to Mr. T's appearence. I thouroughly recommend this title to anyone who even vaguely remembers the A-Team or who likes seeing crack-whores get thrown by a master of the art. Story - 8/10 It would have been higher if I hadn't wet myself half way through. Cameo Appearance Score - 9/10 Who'd have thought Sean Connery could play a Dragon? Overall - 8/10 If you do one thing before you die, kick Dale Winton in the nuts.. then if you have any time left while you cough and splutter into the afterlife, watch this movie. Signs Mel Gibson (Mad Max, Eastenders) stars as a farmer in this thoughtful horror/sci-fi by the master of twisty turny things, M. Night Shynalynamalanian. Giles (Gibson) wakes up one day and decides to check on his field, as he is a farmer. When he looks, he sees a huge crop circle taking over his favourite bit of field, which he loves because he's such a good farmer. He calls the local police who proceed to laugh and say "ooh arrgh, you likes your cider you do." Crushed by this, he sets about finding his gun and getting tanked up on scrumpy. After waiting untill midnight for any 'sign' of aliens, he takes his gun outside to randomly shoot at the sky, just to make sure. He fires, hits a post and a street sign falls on his head and kills him. What a twist! Genious work, I thought. Actually I fell asleep near the start so it was probably just as long winded as his last film, Unwatchable, with Bruce Willis and Michael Jackson. Story - 8/10 kept me guessing till i got into the cinema Special FX - 1/10 they sucked big time, the scrumpy wasn't even cgi Overall - 10/10 for featuring farmers. And scrumpy.   Minority Report A new film from legendary beard endorser, Steven Spielberg, stars Tom Cruise (Mission Impossible, Willow) as a news reporter who becomes the target after producing a report that shows a conspiracy from the media to portray all members of the vertically challenged minority as dwarves in fantasy films. Co-starring Kenny Baker (Star Wars) in his first film role to date where he can actually look down on someone, he and Tom are on the run from the aptly monikered 'Tall-ies' who are trying to stop the damning evidence from coming to light. I enjoyed this film greatly as most of the shots are just of Tom's face, just like most of his other movies, and I enjoy throwing wads of soggy toilet roll at the screen whenever he comes on. The acting quality was above average, especially for the many supporting actors who showed an heroic performance and often overshadowed the two midgets. Story - 7/10 even though I am of average height, I still felt for the poor plight of those darned 'shorties'. Below the Waist Acting - 9/10 the supporting cast members were well chosen, never before have I seen such good kneecap emotion. Overall - 8/10 maybe this film will bring the sizeist problem into focus and stop those creepy midgets from being used as bar stools by accident.   On Sky Horny College Girls part 5 I couldn't quite get into this film at all. Every time there seemed to be any sort of advance on the plot, some creepy guy would sneak into the window and then the girls would forget what they were doing and proceed to get 'jiggy' (a term which I don't quite understand) with the cat burglar-esque man in question. Exactly what his part was in the story, I'm not sure but he seemed to love them very much so I am imagining that he was probably their mormon husband and they were mature students. I thouroughly enjoyed certain aspects of this film but I feel that it was spoiled in parts by the fact that wacky 90's comic Pauly Shore wasn't there to add a bit of humour to the proceedings. Story - 4/10 I couldn't quite understand the numerous hot dog eating sequences Special FX - 0/10 not one of the girls had horns to speak of Overall - 2/10 and that's only in case Pauly Shore was hiding under the bed