David Gray in Speed 3? David Gray, performer of poncy pop, shocked the media world today as he told us about a horrible terrorist attack on his own head. The dwarf-like singer had this to tell. "The terrorists broke into my cranium just before the release of my smash hit, Babylon. They implanted a bomb that makes it so when I sing, I have to continuously bob my head from side to side at a speed of no less than 120 rocks per second. Otherwise, my brain will just pop like a hamster in a microwave." Currently on tour with his new album, Forever Seasick, out now on CD, the star faces a much greater task due to the fact that his shocking revalation has been, erm, revealed. The most recent product to appear on the streets is the 'Portable Head Vice', which is an instrument used by anti fans of the soulful short-stop. The device, cunningly disguised as a packet of Earl Gray tea samples, can be made to open up, extend 30 feet and then catch a head mid-swing. So far, police have seized three of the weapons and David himself has broken two of the cheaper versions with his now over-developed neck muscles. Thom Yorke, Radiohead's lead warbler is also suspected to have been a target of terrorists who have used a new type of bomb that can only be neutralised through the techniques of what is known as CDP, or Crazy Dance Phenomenon. So far, the terrorists have not come forward but we hope that their demands are not too high as the continual bobbing and dancing could one day change the planet's orbit and destroy us all.