Attacks Baffle Police A string of recent attacks on teenagers in the small town of Widnes, Halton have sparked rumours of supernatural occurences. Five teens from the St. Jebuses school have been attacked recently in their homes by what is described 'a man of superhuman strength and bodily odour' and 'who weilds a Black and Decker power sander'. We spoke to one of the attack victims, Anthony Todd. "It's been going around the school for months now. There were people saying it was just a joke, I didn't believe it at first," he told us, hesitantly, "I just tried it for a laugh but it worked, oh dear God it worked." When we tried to interview him further, he clammed up and wouldn't tell us any more. We were then ejected from the house by his father, who proceeded to throw various foodstuffs at us. We collected these, which included fish fingers and half a pound of Edam, and used them to bribe a particularly hungry student from the same school as the other victims. The student, who wishes to not be named for the sake of bullying, had this to tell us.  "I haven't tried it myself, it sounds way too creepy for me. I've believed in him for years because my mum says that he came to her house once and did terrible things. The rumour is that if you stand in front of a mirror at 7.30 pm and then repeat his name 5 times, he'll come and get you." We asked Mick what that name was and, after checking his immediate surroundings, Mr. Williams said in a low voice. "Handy Andy." We will try to bring you actual evidence of this phenomenon as brave art critic Laney Diva is to be trying this experiment soon. As long as she doesn't read this report, anyway.