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INTERNATIONAL NEWS
Rabbi Treks Across China On A Yak.
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Rabbi Lippa Lipman (Pictured) With His 600lb Yak 'George' Somewhere In China.
Dandong, CHINA (AP) - After enduring more than two years straddling a 600lb Yak, world renowned Rabbi and travel writer Lippa Lipman has finally reached the finish line. In doing so becoming
the first Rabbi on a Yak to successfullyyy travel from Kashgar, in eastern China to Dangdong, the western border city overlooking North Korea.
Lipman who for many years ran the South
Mimms Synagogue in Hertfordshire, England said he was inspired by the travels of Bishop Desmond O' Flatley. A man who successfully followed the trail of Lewis and Clarke in the USA on a
Bison.
" 'Bishop On A Bison' was an extraordinary read. A feat that I wanted to repeat but in the style of the famous Mount Everest Climber Edmund Hilary. Unfortunately I hate walking so I
had to come up with a different method of transport."
During his voyage Lipman's diet soon mirrored that of his Yak a steady diet of grass and twigs. Asked about his most difficult moments he stressed there was many but recalls trying to navigate
his Yak through the Tiger Leaping Gorge as probably the toughest.
"The pass was only about two feet wide, my Yak was just too fat. However a Kind Naxi woman with a skateboard
managed to tie the Yaks legs together and lift him onto the skateboard. We were then able to push him along the narrowest of sections. At 2000 metres above the Yangtze river this really was
endurance at its hardest.
Asked how his Yak was doing he sighed and recounted the day they hit the finish line on the International Friendship bridge spanning the Yaku river into North Korea.
"Some children
began firing off fire crackers and poor George, as he became known, bolted across the other side to Sinuiji, North Korea. I fear the soldiers on the other side were probably a little
hungry".
You will be able to read this extra ordinary account of Lippa Lipman's trek across China in his forthcoming book "Rabbi On A Yak".
American Fast Food Giant Launches Biggest Risk To Human Health To Date.
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KFK`s Latest Sodium And Fat Laden Creation - 'The Tripledown' (pictured).
TOPEKA, Kansas (AP) - How big is your mouth? Big enough to gorge on the latest sodium-packed creation from KFK? Of course it is!
After the North American artery clogging
sensation from KFC earlier this year. Kansas Fried Krap (KFK), America's second largest multi-billion Junk food chain has just unleashed its heart stopping creation, dubbed by worried
nutritionists as a coronary on a plate.
'The Tripledown' consisting of three deep fried portions of chicken comes filled with fried onions, two slabs of sausage, four eggs, two cheese slices and the TripleDown's very own secret spicy
Jalapeno sauce. Mmm..mmm. Tasty!
Salt lovers, overweight people and diabetics have been alerted however because at 810 calories, 45g of fat and 2510mg sodium. This isn't a lunch
snack to be taken with a pinch of salt!
Inflatible Doll Caught In Hit And Run.
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Nikolai (pictured) Was Apprehended Shortly After Running Over And Seriously Deflating An Innocent Bystander
(inset).
WARSAW - Poland (AP) - The World's first reported case of a blow-up doll being charged in a hit and run accident occurred late yesterday afternoon in the Polish city of Kraków.
It is
believed the driver, known only as Nikolai, did not see the female doll in the road and simply drove over the top of her causing severe puncturing.
In recent years Poland has seen the
population of blow-up dolls soar and they are fast becoming Poland's non-human Number one minority group.
The doll's, of mixed sex, now number almost 17% of the overall Polish
population. This huge rise is believed to be related to the mass exodus to the United Kingdom of millions of Poles during the 1990's to get better housing and benefits.
Poland's workforce
needed to be filled - literally. As for Nikolai, he will remain detained until the appropriate means of deflation be determined.
Button Believed To Belong to Beatles Great To Be Auctioned.
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John Lennon's Lost Button (Pictured) To Be Auctioned.
HAMILTON, Bermuda, UK (AP) - While snorkeling off Bermuda during the 1970's a fly button from John Lennon's swimming trunks got snagged in a fishing net. Several attempts over the
decades at retrieving the 'lost' button of John Lennon have proved futile until now.
Over thirty-five years later world renowned dive experts Mike and Warren Fletcher managed to locate and
retrieve the button using the latest underwater technology.
"The button was snagged in an old fishing net just like John described all those years ago. After methodically mapping the net
and several unsuccessful dives later our team located and found the button. It's seen better days and time has eroded it well." Warren's dad, Mike, said.
This very button is now ready to be
sold at auction. Yoko Ono also kindly donated the original trunks that he wore on that Snorkeling trip back in 1975.
Christbies are expecting a high bidding turnout for the button and shorts.
As it is being sold as 'A Complete Lot'.
The button that has remained on the bottom of the ocean floor for decades and is thought to be worth in excess of $30,000 US dollars.
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LOCAL NEWS
Dieppe Or Dieppenham? Forced name Change Sparks Outrage.
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DIEPPE, New Brunwick - (AP). Outrage and anger erupted from the Dieppe council chambers late Monday night after a motion was carried to consider changing the city's name.
Jean-Marie Nadeau, President of the New Brunswick Acadian Society stormed out in disgust. This then followed hot on the heels of a local citizen hurling their shoes at the Mayor.
Why the proposed name change? A letter from the Minister of Heritage in Ottawa urging Dieppe along with many other Canadian cities to re-name their communities.
James Moore the Minister responsible elaborated on his decision. " Many foreign tourists, foreign to Canada are coming to provinces like Ontario, Quebec and Atlantic Canada in the belief that
they are actually visiting world renowned towns and cities in Britain and France. We have to look at stepping away from the shackles of our past and create our own identity in the world". He
mused.
"It is with regret that we have to do this but we have no alternative."
In the letter to the Dieppe Mayor Mr Moore was kind enough to offer Dieppe with the following name changes. Dieppenham, Dieppeford, Dieppeton, Dieppepool and Dieppe Sur Le
Marais.
"This is yet another assault on our Acadien-french culture". Jean-Marie Nadeau, President of the New Brunswick Acadian Society fumed. "We will fight tooth and tongue to save our City's name to
the bitter end until our job is done!"
Banning Of Sunday Shoehorning Passed.
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PEI Premier Robert Ghiz (left) And Someone Shoehorning (right).
CHARLOTTETOWN, Prince Edward Island (AP) - Premier Robert Ghiz announced yesterday that the public
use of Shoehorns would be prohibited from all future Sundays on the Island.
For those of us that are not familiar with a shoehorn it is a tool that allows the user to put on a shoe more easily.
It does so by keeping the shoe open and by providing a smooth surface for
the foot and particularly the heel to move, without crushing the shoe's counter (the vertical portion of the shoe that wraps around the back of the foot), in this way acting as a first class
lever.
Shoehorns are widely used by baby-boomers and octogenarians throughout the western hemisphere. The banning of Sunday Shoehorning has not been accepted lightly.
Mary Maud Montgomery of Avonlea was particularly disgusted. "Long handled shoehorns, for example, are used to reduce bending and straining by persons lacking mobility, and my family are all
bent double from Scoliosis and Sciatica."
A common ailment on the Island due to many teenagers being put to the fields to pick potatoes before they invented modern
machines.
Couple Sentenced For Snuggling.
SAINT JOHN, New Brunswick (AP) - Peeter Volvic and Greta Arvil both from Estonia were sentenced yesterday in Saint John, New Brunswick to twelve months in prison for human
snuggling.
The pair were caught by the Canadian coastguard drifting close to the coast, snuggling on the deck of their 12ft yacht late last June. Officials quickly determined that the couple were attempting to
illegally snuggle their way into Canada.
House Search Continues.
Rogersville, NB (AP) - Police are continuing to stay tight-lipped in their search for a missing home and have no leads as yet in this inexplicable sudden disappearance
A spokesperson for the RCMP described the home as being a regular looking house on a well kept property.
It is all the towns folk can talk about. What exactly prompted a home to simply
up and vanish?
All was normal in the rural New Brunswick town until about two weeks ago. Then one morning neighbours woke to find the property adjacent to them had gone. When
asked if they neighbours saw anything all they could say was nothing!
The investigation continues...
Police Find Man In Shoe-box.
Halifax, NS (AP) - A notorious shoe store thief that left behind a trail of empty shoe-boxes in recent weeks has been apprehended.
Officers found Dermott Smythe, 37, tucked away in a
store room shoebox.
Constable William Biggar of the Halifax Regional Police who led the investigation released the following statement. "We were certain Smythe was in the store because inspection of their closed
circuit camera's revealed he had not vacated the premises."
After setting up a protective wall of shoe-boxes int eh main sales area Police cautiously edged their way towards the
storeroom. Equipped with Tasers and thermal imaging equipment they managed to find Smythe hidden in a shoebox located on the third shelf.
"The reason we had so much difficulty in finding Mr. Smythe was because he was very small". Constable Biggar concluded.
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