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ENTERTAINMENT
CELEBRITY NEWS
Turkey Dinners Weigh Heavily On GNR Frontman.
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Appetite For Morbid Destruction. Axl Rose (Pictured) Piles On The Pounds As Turkey Dinner Consumption Escalates
LAREDO, Texas (AP) - Time has not been too kind to legendary American heavy rocker and front-man of Guns N' Roses AXL Rose. The hard drinking, drug abusing womanizer of the early nineties presents himself these days as a bloated, over indulgent slob compared to his former svelte days.
The Ginger winger looked visibly tortured and tired at a recent United Way benefit gig in Laredo, Texas prompting some to suggest he is headed down the same path as Elvis.
As Axl belted out his signature tune "Sweet Child O' Mine" Fans watched on in shock and bewilderment as a Turkey dinner was lowered in-front of him on stage. As he lunged forward to grab the plate the lyrics of the song became "Sweet Turkey Dinner O' Mine".
Turkey farm owner Barry Matthews stressed the dangers of over consumption. "While the occasional Turkey dinner is OK, over eating Turkey along with all the trimmings can cause your body mass to increase over time. Especially with someone like AXL who is in his late forties. His body can no longer absorb and burn off the fat, grease and gravy associated with these dinners."
Is Jennifer Lopez Dating A Muppet?
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Drive-In Date? Jennifer (pictured left) Seen Covering Her Face As Kermit Gleefully Looks On.
Hollywood, CA (AP) - Speculation was mounting yesterday as actress, singer and mother of two Jennifer Lopez was spotted out and about last Sunday with Muppet legend Kermit the frog.
Rumours have been swirling in recent weeks that Jennifer 42, recently seperated from Steve Buscemi (aka Mark Anthony), had been spending rather a lot of time on the set of the New Muppet Movie starring the 38 year old star - Kermit.
Kermit who was sensationally brought to life in 1974 by Puppet Creator Jim Henson has been linked to stars like Miss Piggy and Sandra Bullock over the years. It seems that Jennifer is the latest in a line of Hollywood actresses to steal his heart.
'Jlo' as fans know her has also had her fair share of high profile Hollywood relationships. First there was Ben Affleck, then Mark Anthony. However after several years of marriage and two children 'Jlo' was shocked to discover that mark Anthony was infact Hollywood actor Steve Buscemi. Feeling betrayed and taken for a fool she turned her affection towards the loveable green frog Kermit.
How this relationship will fare in the long term nobody knows as this picture cleary shows.
American Hooters Premiers This Monday.
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Follow Laticia, Enid & Gracie (pictured) As They Struggle to Raise their Cup Sizes a Notch Or Two.
Texas, USA (AP). From Hog-Hunters and Crocodile Killers to Bull Baiters and Bridal Bliss. American reality cable network 'Real TV Inc' have just unleashed their latest addition - 'American Hooters'.
Show creator Desire Jackson, bra cup designer to the famous, was on hand to explain. "There's so much crap on our screens right now! Everything you can think of is being played out right infront of our eyes 24-7! My show, however, is different!" She gleefully explained.
"Take twelve American women from five carefully selected ethnic backgrounds who have 'ample cleavage'. Hear their hurt at not having the desired bust and watch them struggle to achieve their dream of a attaining bigger chest!"
The show split into twelve epiodes follows LaTisha, Enid, Gracie, Stephanie, Morticia, Jen, Su, Vrasilia, Gabby, Cecile, Mercedes and Conchita. Watch as all these DD cup size women strive to get the GG cup size prize by the end of the six weeks.
"We use absolutely no cosmetic surgery or breast enhancing techniques on this show. It is simply down to the willpower and stamina of our girls struggling to attain the cup size of their dreams." Desire concluded.
American Hooters premieres this Monday on the 'Real TV Inc'. channel from 9/8 central.
OBITUARY
Bastardo Sanchez aka 'El Bastardo' Dead At 96.
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Spanish Movie Legend Bastardo Sanchez Enjoying A Supervised Day Release From Prison Circa 2010 (File Photo)
BARCELONA, Spain, (AP) - Famous for movies such as Rápido Testículos (1965) and Héroe Bombardero (1973) he gained a reputation as the Spanish equivalent of American action giant Charles Bronson.
He even starred along side Bronson in the 1980 flick 'Caboblanco' where he played a Penguin. (The scene was later cut).
Bastardo was Born into poverty in the suburbs of Santander to an unmarried Manure labourer Almudena Sanchez. As soon as Bastardo turned five his mother cast him adrift in a hollowed out Pumpkin where he spent several days floating along Spain's North Atlantic coast until a local fishing trawler the 'Eposa Abominable' (roughly translated as 'Ugly Wife') scooped him up in her nets. From that day on until he was eighteen he worked as a deck hand.
The years that followed saw him Gambling, drinking and Bull-fighting. All the necessary skills to become a first rate Spanish action movie star. After starring in more than 158 low budget produced films Hollywood beckoned.
The year was 1978. Director Francis Ford Coppola needed a convincing Sturgeon to swim close to Martin Sheen's boat as they edged up the River in 'Apocalypse Now'. The only person for the job it seemed was Bastardo. He was an instant success. More movie roles followed, albeit playing animals in one form or another.
Bastardo finally tired of playing animal-only roles and retired from acting for good in 1996. Returning to his roots he tracked down the mother who abandoned him, pushed her over a cliff and spend his last days serving a life sentence for manslaughter in Barcelona. "Life is good" he was reported as saying recently. "I get 3 meals a day, a bed to sleep and its all free!"
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LIFESTYLE
HEALTH
Kninkle Sufferers Set To Double Over Next Decade.
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Over 35 And Your Knee May Well Look Like This.
London, England (AP).Cases of 'Kninkles' or knee wrinkles, more commomly known as 'Saggy Knee Sydrome' have soared in recent years, so much so that many predict almost two-thirds of women over the age of 35 will have them within the next ten years."
Kninkles more often than not attack skinny, tall, short and predominantly boney women. While it is not life threatening it can lead to longer skirts or a higher than normal covering up of the legs.
While this may come as bad news to many knee concious ladies, renowned sagging skin specialist Dr Rotep Eastcheem offers some hope to sufferers.
"Continually stretching the Vastus Medialis Oblique (VMO) muscle by doing vigourous deep squats certainly staves off Kninkles in the long term. Failing this you could also have a cosmetic Kninkle or knee-lift." Dr Eastcheem pointed out.
Hollywood stars like Gwyneth Paltrow, Sharon Stone, Demi moore are well-known Kninkle sufferers. As are normal everyday women like my next door neigbour Beverley and the lady that works in the Sobeys Grocery store.
BEER REVIEW
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The Borough of Redcar & Cleveland is a unitary authority in the ceremonial county of North Yorkshire, England. This alone was enough to drive me to sample a bottle of 'Belching Bishop' -The Holy Grail of beer.
It was here in 1776, against the wishes of the Vatican, in the crypt of St. Fintan's Church that Bishop Algernon Algacs, a renowned belcher, began brewing his beloved beer.
Now some 250 years later at 'The Brothers Of Algacs Brewery' in Recar I sit in anticipation and excitement, sipping from a fine bottle of the Belching Bishop's Beer.
The main ingredients include Redcar sea salt, ground mint leaves, thyme and ginger. With a jolt of buttercup and thyme extract. I must admit its an earthy, thick yet fruity experience. Coupled with an above average amount of carbon dioxide I soon discover why it is called the 'Belching Bishop'.
At a 7.8% alcoholic volume this little beast does more than just serve up a barrage of successive belches. I rate this a definite 8/10.
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Ah yes! 'Cotswold Spinster' brewed exlusively by Gloucestershire's biggest independant brewer - 'John Beere'.
Based on the novels by Agatha Christie's Miss Marple this beer certainly captures the taste and flavour of thousands of Post WWII Spinsters.
At first gulp I take in the combined taste of festering mothballs and Copper and Brass Tarnish Remover. Then its after-taste hits me several seconds later a mixture leather shoulder bags and talcum powder.
Is this really a beer I ask? Or nostalgia kept in a time capsule?
A Fine barley hop seasoned with lavender reads the label, but hey I remember the smell of my great-great Aunt Murgatroyd's cottage in Devon and it reeked of this taste!
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No doubt in my mind fans of Miss Marple will surely swoop to devour this beer. But alas it is not for the
beer lover in me. At 4.5% alcoholic volume I rate this a poor 4/10. Lovely label though!
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Cackles all round! 'Witches Tit' is brewed exlusively by Wiltshire's finest independent brewer - 'Sorcerer's Apprentice'.
Apparently the name derives from suspected Witches who were stripped, shaven, then closely examined for any blemishes, moles, or even scars that could be labeled as diabolical.
History aside 'Witches Tit' presented itself with a creamy head and a curdled cottage cheese aroma. I suddenly felt loathe to taste it. However the head brewer of Sorcery Ales, Donal O' Donovan, assured me that despite its initial scent it really is a sweet tasting tipple.
I held my breath and took the plunge. It was like swallowing warm dishwater, once this hurdle was over Donal was right, it did taste sweet. I have to say I actually enjoyed the pleasant after taste. So much so I polished the entire bottle off.
'Witches Tit' is however an aquired taste and not for the faint hearted.
At 5.6% alcoholic volume I gave this curdled cheese phenomenon a conservative 6/10.
BOOK REVIEW
The Potato Harvest By Maud McAdams
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Faced With Failed Potato Crops The Stoole Family Will Do Anything To Survive The Great Depression.
The latest literary offering from Pulitzer prize winning playwright and author Maud Mcadams proves yet again that she is a force to be reckoned with.
Her latest novel is a fictional gem set in depression hit Manitoba during the 1930's. Here she recounts the hardships faced by an all-Canadian Prarie Potato farming family living in the ficticious community of Fistule.
We follow the main charicters - Charles and Edna Stoole and their eight children to the ends of the earth in search of survival on the Great Plains.
McAdams is at her best here pitching the family to do absolutely anything to stay alive. During the course of the 471 page book the Stoole family turn in desperation to contraband chewing gum running, endure countless sandstorms, dehydration, starvation and at times death along the way.
This is a gripping, heartfelt novel that captures the essence of the depression hit 1930's at its height. Well worth the read.
On sale now priced $16.99. Published by Sasquatch Books.
Eating Chitlins - A Consumers Guide.
Rex Dexter Gives Us His Love Of Chitlins.
Renouned culinary expert and sometime cook Rex Dexter allows us into his Kitchen once again to explore one of his favourite culinary ingredients - Chitlins.
In his book Rex opens up a whole new eating experience with Chitlins.
"Chitlins, often spelled chitterlings, are a type of food made from pig intestines. Because chitlins are intestines, they have to be cleaned with extreme care." Rex stresses.
"They can contain fecal matter, which can translate into Diarrea, often of the heavy variety. Coupled with the threat of E. Coli, Yersinia, and Salmonella Chitlins are not recommended to be sold uncooked."
Rex offers consumer and cooking friendly recipes including stews and soups, and if that does not tickle your taste buds he has some really neat ideas for deep-fried Chitlins.
"When deep-fried, you may dip your chitlins in mustard, or other spicy condiments like Tabasco, Wasabi or hot fiery Jalapeno-buffalo sauce." He offers.
Love 'em or hate 'em Chitlins are also the main ingredient of sausages. So, like me you've eaten them already!
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