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INTERNATIONAL NEWS
White House Fears US President Barack Obama Becoming More Like 'Star Trek's Spock'.
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President Barack 'Spama' Obama (Pictured Recently) Bearing An Uncanny Resemblance To 1960's Space Hero 'Spock'.
WASHINGTON, USA (AP) - In recent months observers and critics have become increasingly worried over US President Barack Obama's seemingly transparent views concerning issues over the current American and Worldwide financial crisis.
It appears that the President is facing an identity crisis. At a recent White House speech in which the President attempted to quash fears over US job security, many observers noted striking similarities and mannerisms of that of Actor Leonard Nimoy's portrayal of Spock. (The fictional character from the popular 1960's Sci-fi show Star Trek).
"We as Republicans are very concerned with our current President's mental state." Republican nomination Mitt Romney noted after the White house speech.
"What does the rest of the world, let alone the North American people, think when our President is sporting a lacquered hair-cut and gives the Vulcan salute at the end of his speech. Not only does it seem as if he is portraying Spock, his speech delivery is very reminiscent of that of the actor Leonard Nimoy." He concluded.
White House press secretary Jay Carney quickly rushed to Obama's defence by saying that the President had been suffering a last minute hair malfunction and in responsee to his 'Vulcan salute' explained that 'modelling glue' had become 'entangled' in his fingers.
"The President likes building model aeroplanes" Carney offered. "Who doesn't?" He concluded.
More Travel Chaos As Fresh Fireballs Expected To Hit The UK.
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More Fireballs, Like The One Pictured That Destroyed A Shopping Centre In Dagenham, Essex Last Night Are Forcast.
London, England (AP).
An easterly wind combined with fresh calls of fireballs is expected to cause further disruption to Britain over the weekend, with the danger of Fireballs and a bitter aftermath to follow, forecasters said today. The warnings came after the country last night was bombarded with over three hundred fiery balls, the worst Britain has seen since records began.
Hundreds of schools were shut again for a second day due to intense inferno's burning out of control in borough's across the country such as Croydon, Hackney, Solihull and Manchester. All this while major disruptions continued on the roads, air and rail networks. More Fireballs are expected for Southern England today.
The Met Office issued an early warning of severe or extreme inferno's affecting London, much of the south east and the Midlands from until Sunday morning.
Disruption to transport, work and homes in these area's are possible." A top Weather forecaster predicted.
In Croydon, Surrey, one of the towns affected by some of the most intense anarchy earlier this year lost up to 4,000 homes and businesses during yesterday's fireball attacks. Restoration of these affected area are thought to take at least a few days.
The death toll caused by the fireball attacks continued to rise yesterday, after the body of 95-year-old Archie Hughes, from Hackney, was recovered from beneath a molten pool of lava.
He had been staying with friends watching a local cock fighting tournament.
Ryan Air, Ireland's major Air carrier cancelled around 459 flights today to and from airports including Gatwick, Birmingham and Stansted advising customers to check ahead for further fireball inferno's.
Canadian Sealers Welcome New Challenge.
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Convicted Rioters (Pictured) Possibly Pondering Their Fate On The Labrador Strait.
London, England (AP).Over one-thousand convicted rioters, looters and arsonists who wreaked havoc across much of Greater London earlier this year have sensationally been deported to Canada under the controversial new 'We Don't Want You' legislation that was passed in The British House of commons a few weeks ago.
Under the new legislation anyone caught selling drugs, stealing and claiming benefits over a long period of time will be deemed a burden on the country and simply 'sent away'. In the case of the rioters - being sent to Canada to serve as bait for Newfoundland Sealers eager to make a profit from expensive brand name Hoodies, track pants, sneakers and electronic gadgets.
The Canadian Government welcomes unruly deadbeats from other countries unwilling to conform to civil standards and this is a great opportunity for thousands of unemployed Newfoundland sealers who have seen their trade diminish in recent years due to overwhelming condemnation of seal culling.
Here at least the sealers can take to the ice and club these social misfits ridding them of all their belongings before selling them on to impoverished people in Northern Canada who really need clothing and electronic gadgets to keep them in touch with the modern world we live in.
As for the fate of the recently deported one Canadian man said. They will most likely perish as they will not be attuned to our harsh winters.
Activists and EU officials are concerned that if the cull is a success will this then pave the way to removing illegally camped Travellers, harbouring 'slaves' in England? The recent relevations at The Green Acres farm has raised many concerns over the newly passed legislation.
Former Pop Group ABBA Pushes Ahead With UN Bid For Palestinian State.
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Legendary Swedish Pop group ABBA (file photo) Recently Reunited In A United Effort To Recognise Palestine As An Independent State.
STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - ABBA, consisting of former band members Anni-Frid "Frida" Lyngstad, Björn Ulvaeus, Benny Andersson and Agnetha Fältskog were holding meetings with French President Nicolas Sarkosis and British Foreign Secretary William Haggue Tuesday as they pressed the Palestinian bid in New York for United Nations recognition.
There was no public Palestinian reply to an offer from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahoo, who called Monday on ABBA to meet with him in New York to talk peace.
Mr. Netanyahoo on Monday appealed to ABBA to open direct talks on the sidelines of the U.N. General Assembly meetings and continue them in Jerusalem and the Swedish city of Stockholm.
The Israeli leader's appeal increases pressure on ABBA to stall the Palestinians' U.N. application but does not provide any indication as to whether Mr. Netanyahoo is willing to agree to any of ABBA's demands.
However, Albanian Foreign Minister Edmond Haxhinasto said Tuesday Albania “fully” supports ABBA's bid for Palestinian statehood.
ABBA frontman Björn Ulvaeus has said a Palestinian state must have the borders that were in place before Israel took control of the West Bank and Gaza Strip in the 1967 Arab-Israeli war.
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LOCAL NEWS
Flying Jellyfish Attack Port City
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An Unidentified Man (pictured) Runs For His Life As Downtown St. John's Becomes Engulfed By Flying Jellyfish.
ST. JOHN'S, Newfoundland (AP) - North America's eastern most city yesterday became the scene resembling something out of a science fiction novel.
The skies above St. John's literally became engulfed in hundreds of thousands of flying jellyfish. They glided down from everywhere stinging and smothering everyone and everything in their path causing injury and destruction wherever they landed.
"I never seen nothing like that before in all my life". City resident Jack O'Neill recalled. "I was out shopping with me Sister Gladys and her two kids when all of a sudden I seen Jellyfish falling everywhere. We run like we never run before". Jack was one of the lucky ones he locked himself in his car and lit a cigarette.
It is believed that Hurricane Herbert, a category 5 hurricane that caused a stir in the North Atlantic several days ago off the coast of Portugal sucked up an entire breeding ground of Portuguese Man o' War Jellyfish and carried them across the Atlantic to Newfoundland before dumping them all over St. John's.
“The city of St. John's is under attack and regrettably there is not a lot we can do in the face of this airborne invasion” Mayor Dennis O'Keeffe said yesterday from inside his barricaded home. "All we can do is pray that this will pass us by very soon so we can look forward to next Hockey game.
Private Home Disappearances Continue To Soar.
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Rue Vagisil St. (pictured) Was Until Recently A Thriving Street Until Its Dwellings Literally Started To Disappear Overnight.
DIEPPE, NB (AP) - A sudden rise in the disappearance of private homes and smaller businesses in Dieppe have left many residents utterly dumbstruck in recent weeks.
"It's like something out of a Stephen King novel", local resident Yves La Voisin lamented. "You'll be driving down a street of a morning and then it just hits you - a hole in the ground where a house once stood."
Dieppe residents have been left scratching their heads and necks with a mixture of confusion and fear in recent weeks that maybe their residence will be next. Vast tracts of land have been opening up all over Dieppe streets recently as houses and small commercial properties have simply disappeared.
La Voisin is not the only resident to have noticed the sudden swell of disappearances. Rocky Cormier, Dieppe housing planner and local Harmonica hero also voiced his concerns. "Its as if the dwelling and the occupants were simply vaporized overnight."
Dieppe Mayor Jean Leblanc quickly rushed to quell the rising tension amongst local residents. "I am sure that there is a perfect explanation for all of this. Maybe the land was sold, the residents moved and their dwellings were removed or towed away. Its not uncommon in this part of the country. After all most homes here are made of timber and plaster anyway. As to the sudden increase of property disappearances? That I cannot answer as I am busy overseeing other community commitments."
Despite his calls for calm, tensions are continuing to climb."I don't want to wake up in a pool of sodden mud tomorrow, wondering where my house went!" One panicked mother of ten remarked. "When is this all going to stop? nobody is providing us with information."
Until then Dieppe residents continue to live day-to-day not knowing if they will be the next victim of Dieppe's sudden swell in dwelling disappearances.
Neck Bolt Ban Panned.
MONCTON, New Brunswick (AP) - Human rights advocates and New Brunswick Piercing establishments are at odds over the proposed Provincial Governments moratorium on neck bolt piercings.
locally, its being met with mixed reviews as well.
Moncton Municipality Councillor Stephanie Steeves-LeBlanc-Reeves doesn't see the ban having much of a long term impact, but she still doesn't see it as a good thing for the industry.
"As for Moncton, I don't see much of an immediate impact". Said Steeves-LeBlanc-Reeves. "How many people in this municipality get neck bolts? Not many to my knowledge!" She offered.
"However whenever you put up a roadblock to personal preferences, its usually not beneficial." Steeves-LeBlanc-Reeves.
Critics have blamed neck bolt piercings to a significant decrease in productivity amongst hard working individuals in towns and cities across Canada.
"Whether you work in the Insurance Industry, IT industry or Sales industry seeing an employee sport a bolt in their neck is obviously subject to discussion on a daily basis". New Brunswick Premier David Alward noted.
"The public needs to know that what we're doing is sustainable over the long term and offers a better working environment for all those in the public sector". He continued.
Organizations such as the Neck Bolt Removal Society praised the move, saying the industry would be better served Bolt free.
Cost Of Cabbage Doubles.
MONCTON, NB (AP) - Not so long ago the average New Brunwicker would sit down to a staple diet of Oatmeal, Fish, Bread and Cabbage. In less than forty years that diet has been viciously replaced by Burgers, Burrito's and Bologna.
"You could do so much with Cabbage! Rheal Doucet fondly remembered. You could fry it, boil it, salt it and shred it. It could be added to absolutely anything." He smiled wryly. "No no-one wants it anymore!"
Dick Burns, head of the Atlantic Food Corporation defended the decision to raise the price of cabbage. "If the demand is not there, the farmers suffer and they have to make ends meet. So for those of us who enjoy it with Sunday lunch, in a soup or as Coleslaw ultimately will have to pay the price!"
Last year saw the average yearly family consumption of Cabbage drop from one per fortnight to one per month.
People eat out. We have no time to prepare anymore. We are too busy texting, checking the internet and watching Hockey. Why shred or boil a cabbage when you can order Pizza and Popcorn and watch TV all night long!" Burns concluded.
Drunk Driver Found Sober.
CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI (AP) — A 23-year-old Prince Edward Island man found himself almost facing charges after he was found supposedly drunk and asleep behind the wheel of a vehicle parked in front of a Valu-Quick grocery store on Saturday night.
Witnesses noticed what appeared to be a man sleeping behind the wheel of the running vehicle outside a busy grocery store in Charlottetown at about 8:30 pm.
Charlottetown police said one witness approached to see if the man was all right. Noting that the man was asleep, the witness “had the presence of mind” to turn off the engine and Phone 911. When officers eventually arrived they hesitated for several hours to breathalize him, noting that he was asleep.
According to police, after five hours of deliberation they determined after breathalyzing the man while he slept that he had no blood-alcohol level. Their investigation revealed that the man had left his house to go grocery shopping. It was determined that due to the length of the shop he became very tired and retired to bed in his car shortly afterwards.
The would-be accused made a telephone interview to us yesterday explaining that he had indeed drank beer all afternoon and then became pressured to go out and do a grocery as his wife had fallen and broken her hip.
"I was a little tired after my trip" He was quoted as saying.
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