November 23, 2000 [10:13 pm]
Well, I'm in my room and listening to Tori's "Winter" single. Yes, my room. In our apartment. Number 201 and I really like it my room is really nice-sized and I'm trying to keep it looking empty...I keep my makeup in my makeup bag and my books and cds in my backback. All my mostly-black clothes hung in the closet or folded in drawers. I'm afraid to disturb the grossly-flowered bedspread that does not match the carpeting I like empty rooms. Empty houses. I'm afraid to sleep in the bed...I'll prolly curl up atop the bedspread with my stolen booty...a navy blue fleece blanket from the airplane. It makes me happy, like a vacant piano.
It's nice to see Dad again. I love how he treats me like he's on my side...but he usually goes to far trying to keep everyone else in the world on the other side. And when he gets mad and shouts avalanches, it's because I act like I'm on the other team. At least I think. But between you and me, book, I maybe sort of kinda want to belong to the other team. They never have avalanches...only waterfalls...
Tonite I got all dolled up in my fuzzy shirt and plaid pants who can't decide whether to eat safety pins and be punk or to shrink and dance and jump like a preppy in my docs. I curled my hair and wore Dad's colonge and we had Thanksgiving Dinner. We went to Riders' in and drank killer wine and I had this icky cheese-canned veggie dish but it was cool cause we each took home a slice of pie. Apple for me, blueberry for Dad, and pumpkin for my mom because she's just boring like that. And I missed Gundam Wing! That seems dumb but right now (now, Now, NOW!) I need a link to something now somewhere somebody someone someTHING real. Breathe.
So...we came home and I saw Austin Powers on TV and the 'rents went to bed (may they do what they do, after so much stress and separation they deserve it). Book, I started thinking of Sarah. This time it is acceptable, because that is just her movie, I could hear her talking her baby voice at first, then I could see her speaking her baby voice. Then I just shut the movie off - it was almost over anyway - and made myself sick. I know, book. Book, shut up.
I've got nothing else. I've got nothing else to say. I'm sitting on the floor of my room (floors are nice) and I have a schoolgirlish crush on Björk. Dancer in the Dark was a so great. I'm gonna rent it and watch all the musical scenes and the screaming scene. She's amazing insane.
Landing the second time, there were patches of woods, dark purple-brown and misty gray and there were toy houses with driveways and there was white snow. Snow White. Now, I've discussed my thoughts about white things. But snow isn't like that and never was. Snow is like Björk and I don't know why but I wish I did. They are like glitter jelly bracelets. Like stretching and crying. YES.