"Your file will be done in 2 hours and 12 years...Thank You" -Grace
[Gabby] "Dude, if I hung hung up on you, would you notice?"
[Jen] "Yeah"
[Gabby] "Oh...Ok"
"MOM! The Children are on fire in the backyard!" -Andrew
"Dorothy's name was originally Rebecca Goldestein and she landed in Oz and they said 'Are u a good jew or a bad jew?' Back then it was the Rabbi of Oz...they couldn't get that past censors" -Definitly Me
"Do NOT cradle your instrument to your bosom as though it were your child!" -Dr Neal
"Why does every page make me sound like an addict?" -Annie
"I wanna see the dance...I might even wanna DO the dance!" -Gabby
[Jen]"Hey guys....next time, lets go to the gallery when its open."
[Fatima]"Yes!!! OPEN ROCKS!"
"Spang....Spang-a-lang" -Mike
"That kid just threatened to stab me, incase you didn't hear." -Mike
"Lions and Snipers and Bands; Oh My!!!" -Me
"When we warm up this early in the morning, I'm always afraid the ghetto people are going to come out and shoot us" -Mike
"Dude, my slurpee is all watery...this is NOT the kind of slurpee experience I imagined" -Gabby
[Jen] "Why are you watching this? They're all gonna die anyway."
[Alessandra]"No, this is the WB. No one dies on the WB"
"Do nice stuff for people...or fuck off" -Michelle
"It is my opinion that you should not be struggling to cut your dessert w/ a knife" -Gabby
"Swing it guys....Swing it Hard!" -Mike
"Procrastination is like masterbation....it feels good at first, but in the end, you're only fucking yourself" -Chrystal
"I don't hate you because you're ugly...I hate you because you're annoying" -Some random girl in Michelle's Film Class
"They didn't have public executions just so people could point and be like, 'Hey! NEAT!' " -Lily
"What is cole? Who slawed it? Why?" -Grace
"Alright...up here, you're gonna make a....straight" -Cheta
[Jen] "Estan Una Lagosta in me Pantalones!!!"
[Mrs. Wright] "Oh is that a movie?? Maybe we can watch that sometime"
"If I could just put you up on this table, and cut you open, pull out your parts and show them to you in action, you'd be amazed!" -Mrs Fair
"All Power can be attributed to one moment in history" - My History Teacher
"Uh-oh, she's getting rage again" -Stacy
"Goooooood Moooooooooorning" -Stacy's mom
"MULLET MAN!" -Gabby, Beth and Me
[Gabby] "Dude...what is that? A High School?"
[Jen]"Nah man...thats definitely a prison."
"Yo, any piercing that requires bandages is not cool"- Jen
"A man was attacked this week by a 500 pound lion and nearly mauled to death....now, lets go to band!" -NBC Network
"I definitely didn't know the back of your head could fall asleep until mine did." -Jen
"Ghetto....squared" -Jen and Mary
"Mamas? Mamas...Babies? Babies....Naked Gabby?....WHAT?" -Originally by Grace, but ameded by me to make it totally wrong
"Just because she became a lesbian, she feels she has to get a crappy-ass hair cut!" -Lea
"Where are the baritones? I want to shake my finger at you! BAD BARITONES" -Dr. Neal
"If a balloon pops while I'm playing, I'm screaming like a little girl!" -Doug
"Look at me!! I'm a science class with a mask on!" -Kelly
"Its only chlamydia...Nothing to worry about. Here! Have some Crabs!" -Lea
"My roomate had Madagascaria for a while....but then she got some ointment, and now she's better." -Vicky
"Cymbal...Cymbal....Breast....Cymbal..." -Eric R.
"If I did get some praying mantis', they'd probably just wait to eat eachother when I'm in class anyway!" -Gabby
"Trick or Treat, you little Bastards!" -Katie
"Here at Penn State, all we gotta look out for is wacked-out weather. Down at Temple, you gotta watch out for stray bullets" -Kelly
"I don't like penises unless they're made of plastic" -Steph
"Sixteen on that kid's Mom!" -Eric R.
[George] "Sixteen on a dildo.
[Mike] "What is that, George?
[George] "Sixteen on a hand."
[Mike] "No...a Dildo...What IS that???
[Jen] "I'm sorry...do you want a cookie?
[Steph] "I'll take some cookies!!!"
[Gabby] "I don't think you're the one to provide them for her
"I'm an FAS baby...Can I leave practice early?" -Dustin
"Black people don't play tenors...its just written somewhere" -Neal
[Dustin] "Even the field hockey team is more manly than us."
[George] "They're Girls!"
[Anthony] "No...They're Not!"
"Here...Lick this. Its all innocent fun!" -Jen
[Beth Making Hand Gestures]
[Jen] "I think she wants to mix cement...or she wants to paint a room."
[Makes new gesture]
[Gabby] "No dude, she's definitly giving us the finger now."
"You just thwapped her in the head with the pen...thats fucking awesome!" -Gabby
[Jen] "Hey look! A tour group!"
[Gabby] "No harassing the tour group!"
[Jen] "Awww..."
[Gabby] "Oh, alright, go ahead."
"We are what your children will become!" -Jen
"Ahhh it's the virgin mary...under glass...with lights!" -Jackie
"I Deffinitely just almost hit a priest...God is frowning." -Jen
[Jen] "Hey Gabby....Define 'CABINET'"
[Gabby] "Of which variety?"
*pause*
[Jen] "Define 'CABINET'"
[Gabby] "Um...A chest of drawers, or a governing body."
[Jen] "WRONG! Its "The body of men constituting the official advisors of the executive head of a nation."
*pause*
[Gabby] "Like I said...a Chest of Drawers."
"I'm not dissing the Temple Band....I just can't help it if your bass drums have bullet holes in them." -Kelly
[Gabby] "Why do I always want to call Neal 'Nick'?"
[Jen] "I dunno man...maybe because it rhymes with prick? Dick?"
"MKA!! MKA!!!!" -Jen and Mary
[Brian] "A straight girl who hangs around with all gay people? What do you call that?"
[Steph] "Hmm.....Jen's the Lesbo-Hoe!"
"I Think I hit something....we're in neutral!"
*VROOM* -Jackie
"The Christ-Mobile...bringing god to heathen truckers everywhere" -Jen and Jackie
[Jen] "Shrimp? Lemon? Coleslaw? Fry? Cocktail Sauce?"
[Gabby] "Shrimp Tail? Salt? Pepper? Sugar? Knife?"
[Jen] "There, don't you feel better now?"
[Gabby] "No, now i'm just an angry person with a cookie!"
"Are you still scared of me? Cause I think if you are that could be an impediment to our friendship." -Gabby talking to Eric R.
"One day I put everything I had to say into a hat box..." -Grace
[Frank] "So then, You're NOT a lesbian?"
[Jen] "No.....Not....Yet."
"I'm studying 'Isreal in Biblical Times'....Oh was a good little Jew I am." -Grace
"Not fair! Drew looks better in my bra than I do!" -Steph
[Gabby] "Dude, I'm sorry we made You jump into the wall."
[Eric R.] "Yeah, well atleast I didn't jump face first this time."
[Jen] "Yo...does Mary see the car?"
[Jackie] "I think so...."
*Vroom...SCREECH*
[Jen] "Oh wait....apparently not."
"Rule #1 when on a road trip....When you hit a dirt road, its probably time to turn around." -Jen
[Jenna] "I talked to the cunty hoe today"
[Her Dad] "Oh really, Jenna? Which cunty hoe would that be?"
"You could fight me Ron....infact, right now, if you knocked me out, it would be ok." -Jen
"I wouldnt' be happy if I couldn't ruin people's opinions of me atleast once a month." -Pink
"You know.....PENNSYLVANIA doesn't fog like this!" -Jen
[Scary Man walking late at night] "Hello!"
[Jackie] "Ahhhh!"
[Mary] "Alright guys move over...theres no room for me...."
[Jackie] "I bet there would be room for Mary's Mom!"
[Jen] "This video is odd."
[Michelle] "Yeah...its from the 80's,... plus, its European."
"Don't piss off people in Mini-vans...they already hate their lives" -Alessandra
[Gabby] "Do you think we'll make it back to Philly?"
[Jen] "What? By 4?"
[Gabby] "No....at all."
*pause*
[Jen] "What???"
"You're just not having a good night....First I stab you in the eye with a glow stick, and now Beth just elbowed you in the mouth" -Jen
"Yo...His ass is mezmorizing..." -Shannon
"You found your sock.....but WHERE is your shoe????" -Jenna
[Gabby]"So i'm filling this out for all four of us???"
[Jen] "I think so"
[Gabby] "Um...OK.....Lets see. Um...religion?....Beth's not.....sexual orientation?....um....."
[Jen] "Is there a section for 'All of Thee Above??"
[Gabby] "I guess bisexual about sums it all up."
"I turned to Burcu and she was like, 'I don't kno' and I turned to steph and she was like, 'I don't kno' and we were all like, "i don't kno' and then when we thought we had it all figured out, and we were ready for the movie to end, it just kept going, and we were still like, 'I don't kno"" -Grace
[Emily's Mom] "Who's here?"
[Natalie] "Jen and Kelly."
[Emily's Mom] "Jen and Kelly!?!?! HAVE SOME SOUP!"
[Chrystal] "OOOO...look at the moon!"
[Nishika] "Which one?"
[Chrystal] "it clamps on to your cervix!"
[Kelly] "Ahhh! Alligators Clamp!!!!"
"Where are the Jews on Christmas day??? You can find us all at the Eastern Chineese Restaurant." -Grace
[Jen] "Where is the rest of her?? Did she leave it in the lobby?"
*Cough Cough Cough*
"I soooo Just almost died from the popcorn."
[Chrystal] "That was god smiting you!"
[Gabby] "Yo man, what's it say?"
[Jen] "It says 'Give Us your Soul!"
[Gabby] "That's Funny....It didn't used to say that."
[Kelly's Roomate] "Don't worry...God still loves you!"
[Kelly] "Well Whooptie Shit!"
[Jackie] "Mom, Why are you Laughing?"
[Jackie's Mom] "Cause I think I'm funny."
"I won't Choke....I'll just spit my food and beverage all over you. Would you like that?" -Gabby
[Gabby] "Dude...Look at my Poofy."
[Jen] "Maybe you should get a new one."
"Yo, that one don't ticklish" -Jenna
[Jen] "Dude, shut up, you're white"
[Beth] "So?? You are too!"
[Jen] "Yeah but I'm blacker than you'll ever be!"
"Heehee....We're Funny" -Gabby
[Drew] "Hey! Chopsticks!"
[Liz] "You get on outta here with your chopsticks!"
[Vicky] "Why can't I shut up?"
[Michelle] "Because you're obnoxious"
[Jen] "We should all drink a bottle of Vodka each and then go play frisbee!"
[Gabby] "Ooo! I like Frisbee!"
"Thats the biggest Damn Cracker I've ever seen!" -Drew
"At first, she thought it was something with my ovaries and she said 'Would you be willing to take a rectal exam?' and I said You Better go to Hell!" -Katie
"I have no faith in me...I hate everyone and I hate my life. The only thing I DO have faith in is that God can't make things any worse." -Ron
"What the fuck...I didn't get no 20oz of gravy!" -Steph
"Wow...that guy has a big knife...ooo...now he has 2!" -Gabby
[Jen] "Cinnaminson...We're in Jersey!!!"
[Gabby]"Nah man...we passed Roxborough a few blocks back."
*Tractor drives by with farmer on top*
"Oh wait...we ARE in Jersey."
[Abbey] "Hey Brie...Say something for me in Italian."
[Gabby] "Buon giorno"
[Abbey] "That's real great Brie...after 5 years of Italian, all you can say is 'Hello'."
[Jen] "We need a waffel Iron"
[Gabby] "I could steal one from Friendly's, but I think they'd notice."
[Steph] "Why didn't you send me for the jacket now, when there are no people around?"
[Gabby] "If I waited that long, he would have kissed you."
[Steph] "Ewwww!! Man Tongue!!!"
"Eatin' pussy at red lights? I'm never drinking after that dawg again! He'll be like 'You thirsty?' and I'll be like 'Nah Dawg, I'm good!'" -Bo
[Sol] "Man, there ain't nothin' wrong with eatin' pussy...your daddy did it."
[Bo] "Man, My dad didn't do nothing like that!"
[Jen] "It looks the same as last time"
[Bob]"Hmmm....This is deffinitly bourbon!"
[Jen] "Maybe you're just getting drunker"
*Takes the Shot*
[Ron] "Hmmm....Maybe!"
"He claimed he was molested as a child?? Thats why he downloaded the kiddie-porn??? I'd expect this from our priests! But not our rockstars!!!" -The Chick from the View
"Good things don't last forever...they just change and evolve into Greater things." -Jen
[Jen] 'Can I just throw my shoe at her?"
[Gabby] "No because then she'd scream for my mother, and then you couldn't come over any more."
[Steph] "Chritians...Cant live with them, can no longer feed them to the lions"
[Jen] "We could..its just illegal now."
"It is my oppinion that the warmest room should be the one where I have my pants down!." -Gabby
"Human bites are worse than people bites." -Jen
"MOM!!! GABBY'S BEING GRUMPY!!!" -Molly (Irony Much??)
[Robyn] "I think I'll go commit suicide"
[Liz] "Well before you do, you better do your sidework."
[Jen] "I don't understand these 'Actor's Games'"
[Erikka] "We're Musicians...we don't have to."
"It is my opinion, that if I was being follwed by a big truck with a skull on the front of it, I'd pull over too." -Jen
[Jen] "I love you Gabby"
[Gabby] "If you'd find me a table, I might be able to recipricate that feeling."
"Sex...Ice Cream...Sex...Ice Cream...ICE CREAM!" -Erin
[Beth] "Aww...no fiery explosion!"
[Gabby] "Typically, those who would cause a fiery explosion upon landing are not allowed to fly a plane."
[Jen] "'I feel every now and then that I gotta bite someone. I know every now and then what I wanna be. A fierce jungle animal crouched on the limb of a tree. I'd stand very very still til i see a victim come. I'd wait, knowing very well every second counts. And then, like the fierce jungle creature I am, I would Pounce!!!"
*Attacks and bites Beth*
[Liz] "Thats not fair! You dazzeled us with your poetry!"
"Don't punch her in the head!! She just got run over by a truck, you ass hole!" -Erin
[Gabby] "If John and I get married, we may want our own apartment."
[Jen] "Gabby...Honey...Lets think about this for a minute. You're a Med-Student...He's an art student...You're combined income is less than $4000...You NEED to live with us."
"ERRRRIIIIINNN!!!! THE WATER'S BOILING!!!" -Jen
*which led to
[Jen] "ERRRRIIIIINNN!!!! THE WATER'S BOILING!"
[Erin] "Well atleast I have my pants on this time..."
"Rachel, Honey...Don't worry...That rash isn't contageous....they have a cream for it." -Dan
"Hey everyone...lets all laugh at Erikka in 12/8 time!" -Jen
[Jen] "Yo Erin...Did you press the button to go to the apartment?"
[Erin] "No....."
[Jen] "I don't want to hear you bitch about my syncopation anymore."
[Erikka] "When did I bitch about that?"
[Eli] "You bitch at her about everything!"
"I'm so important. If I died, who would wear the head-set?" -Marcy
"Hey...Uh...Mary...Marcy's Dead...But its ok...We got it covered." -Jen
"Last year, I was the piano player. This year, I'm the piano player. Next year, I'll probably still be the piano player. Theres just so little hope fo advancement." -Jen
"You did well tonight. I mean, nothing fell, nothing burnt down and no one died." -Mary
"Gabby has Crispy Thighs." -Jen
[Jen] "Where did she get that baby?"
[Gabby] "She pulled it out of her bag."
[Jen] "Oh..Ok...What????"
"First you insult me, then you insult my playing, and now you're going to set me on fire while I'm wearing a barney mask?" -Erikka
[Erin] "Jen...Did you burn the bacon?"
[Jen] "Yes...well...no...not exactly....well...yeah...yeah I did."
"You'd be suprised how little body you're sleep needs."
In reference to the pile of text books holding up Erins Bed....
[Jen] "Yo Erin...that is the most ghetto thing I've ever seen."
[Erin] "Yeah well, it's only until I get enough money to fix it agian."
[Jen] "Oh....so its pretty permanent then, huh?"
"I found that yogurt is better than Ice Cream because I can eat twice as much." -Jen
"I ain't don't got no none cookies" -Jen
[Emily] *singing* "'Cause I'm your Lady...."
[Jen] "Its true."
[Emily] *singing* "And you are my man..."
[Jen] "What?"
"I am a bad person, and I have come to terms with that." -Jen
"I should just get drunk and go over there. Drunken sex is always the best." -Emily
"I thought going down the stairs was the hardest thing I ever had to do...but then, I had to come back Up the stairs." -Jen
"I hate take-home exams! They're worse than Cancer!" -Emily
[Jen] "If that guy hit you with the ball, would you kick him?"
[Erin] "No...Guys don't hit girls because girls are weaker. I don't hit guys for the same reason."
[Jen] "Yeah...Guys tend to get angry when they get their ass kicked by a girl."
"I'd have sex with you...I just don't think it would be the way you want it." -Jen
"Awww...Now cancer has a self-esteem problem!" -Erin
[Jen] "Look what I have for you, Gabby!"
[Gabby]"Did you pull that off the chair? Yeah...Yeah you did."
"Why does everyone who sits on my bed want to haev sex?" -Jen
"Well that's just great. I'm gonna go slash my wrists now...I'm gonna go stab myself in the eye with a pencil." -Jackie
[Jen] "I think it Sucks to go to Prison."
[Steph] "Well Duh..."
"Don't get too close to the Amish people, honey...they smell funny..." -Erin's Mom
[My Crim Justice Teacher] "I'd advise you all to watch the presidents adress to the nation tonight at 8 o'clock."
[A girl in my Crim Justice Class] "8 o'clock??? Is that going to run into my reality T.V. time?"
[Jen] "Why would you need 5 laptops?"
[Erin] "5??? That half of 10!!!"
"I was walking down the street at 3am and I passed a dry cleaners and there was a sign that said 'sorry...we are closed' and I thought, 'You do not have to be sorry...its 3am.' I am not going to come to your store at 10am and be like 'I was here last night at 3am and you were closed. Somebody owes me an apology." -A guy on the late show...
In reference to the Presidents Address to the U.S...
"And u know iraq is watching this and theyre like "What the..But...Hey now...But We...And I...Did you? No...I Didnt...Well...No..." -Grace
"There's Buffalo Bill in all his glory...Well...Some of his Glory..." -Erikka
[Jen] "Sadam and his Kids gotta get out in 48 hours...Where the hell are they supposed to go?"
[Grace] "Caves?"
"Why is she so close to the car? I feel uneasy. I'm gonna crap..." -Vicky
"I was reading the bible yesturday and I realized that God's an asshole." -Gabby
[Vicky] "I think I'm going to vomit."
[Eric R] "Thats because you keep smelling your fingers."
[Erikka] "Hey look! Theres the theater!"
[Jen] "Thats a church...see? It has Jesus all over it."
"I have found god and he is in an ice cream tub." -Jen
[Karen] "Jen, I owe you my soul"
[Erikka] "Hey! I thought I had your soul."
[Jen] "It all defaults back to me in the end anyway..It just saves you paper work."
"They put my grandfather in the ham box!!! And then they said 'What smells like ham?...Maybe its the ham box!!" -Steph
"You get your goddamned chicken, your fucking rice, and your goddamned mother fucking egg roll and its 6 fucking dollars!" -Erikka
[Carmy] "The vampire probably means he's going to bring change. So did he suck anything out of you?"
[Mollie]"He sucked something, but I don't know what came out."
"Ahhh! It's David Bowie...he's so scary!" -Jen
"I don't own any low-cut shirts...I'm keeping the mystery." -Karen
[Jen] "Ahh...Tori Amos and Ice Cream...Does it get any better than this?"
[Liz] "Half Baked?"
[Jen] "Hell yeah"
[Liz] "Then, No...It doesn't."
"I don't want to get a reduction...then I'll look like Frankenstein." -Erin
[Jen] "It smells kinda peculiar..."
[Gabby] "It smells like horse shit."
"Karen, Erin, Eric, Erikka...Thats it! I'm starting a friendship screening program!" -Jen
[Jen] "Did you just hit yourself in the face with that bottle?"
[Emily] "No...I hit my protective eyegear."
"I'm like a vending machine...I wanted gumballs, but they gave me babies." -Erin
"I don't look like a second grade teacher...Second grade teachers wear bras." -Mollie
"Sometimes its ok to have a breakdown...I mean, not like a go crazy and raping children breakdown." -Emily
"When we're old, and sitting on the porch, our tattos are all faded and we're the ugliest two people you've ever seen in your life, we'll still be rocking to punk music and we'll still be in love." -Benji
[Jen] "Look at it like this...if people don't heart you, then they don't deserve to"
[Karen] "No...I'm perfectly happy without big hearts floating around me... cause sex appeal isn't really hearts is it? "
[Jen] "Hmmm...I guess not. Sex appeal is more like, 'Hi my name is karen and everyone wants to fuck me"
*After seeing a truck that says 'RENT ME HOURLY'...
[Beth] "Hey Jen...Isn't that your truck?"
[Sarah] "No...It's your mom's."
[Jen] "You don't have any games on your calculator, Em."
[Emily] "No...Because that IS my game...Cheating on the test!"
"Did you know that the Jen Doll is the best selling doll in the country? Yeah! The first is Beth's Mom." -Sarah
[Steph's Mom] "STEPHANIE! What are you doing out there?"
[Steph]"Um...Room Mate Bonding?"
[Steph] "So yeah. Basically, we are going to take you back to my house, and tape you to a wall with Duct tape and then see if you can hang there."
[Gabby] "What? Why?"
[Jen] "Yeah. We saw it on the internet."
[Jen] "Ask Eric if his House floated away."
[Gabby] "No one's house floated away. Everyone is fine."
[Eric] "Matt is a violent person"
[Matt] "No I'm Not, and If you say that again, I'll break your jaw."
"Look! A moth! Its Gabby in miniature!" -Gabby
[Erin's Mom] "I wanna just take that thing and shove it in right here!"
*pause*
*a REALLY long pause*
[Jen]"What?"
[Erin's Mom] "What did Bonnie say to Mel Gibson last night???"
[Erin] "Oh My God..."
"His penis is driving and it can't see over the steering wheel." -Jen
[Emily] "You're Dirty..."
[Erin's Mom] "I'm Sorry"
[Emily] "No...Its ok. I like it."
"Excuse me...Could you not splash me...Friend?" -Annie
"You found it in your mouth, huh?" -Gabby
"Suddenly, my balls are pastel" -Eric
"Stop staring at his ass...I'm not staring at his ass, I'm just wondering how his pants are staying up." -Jen's wonderful inner monologue
"I think...wait...yeah...we are the only white people here." -Christa
[Grace]"You know those lil wafer things u get at church...:jeezits."
[Matt] "Bite sized body of christ"
[Grace] "Once u pop u cant stop"
[Matt] "Now shaped like body parts!"
[Grace] "Baked, not fried"
[Matt] "Collect them all!...put jesus back together!"
[Grace]"Mommy! I got baby gee's head!" ::GRIN::
[Matt] "Jesus by the foot"
[Grace] "Reeses Jesus?"
[Gabby]*reading the hair dye package* "Comb evenly through hair until it becomes frothy"
[Jen] "Dude, at no time should your hair ever be frothy"
"Bruce Willis?!?! If only I were 30 years older..." -A random girl in the DVD section at sam goody
"I like drunk sluts...well, as long as they're not my girlfriends." -Rob
"Isn't that a mormon code? You're straight and you can't have caffine..." -Steph
"I don't need your bag...lets save a plastic tree." -Some lady at sam goody
"Once girls get past 21, and they're no longer drunken sluts, and they're not alcoholics, well then they're ok." -Rob
"Kelly rocks my world...like a pet rock with arms and legs." -Jen
"I think they made that 'hip-hoptionary' so that black people could make fun of white people." -Eric J.
"Gabby has that too...a general 'fuck you' face." -Jen
"I bitch and moan because if I didn't, I'd have to do something about my issue." -Gabby
[Steph] "I bet you put in more than one."
[Jen] "No...I only put in two."
[Jen] "I think we should go to grampa's pancakes for breakfast"
[Lisa] "Its Uncle Bill's and its good as hell!"
[Jen] "Are you hooked on drugs?"
[Gabby] "I do not need jesus and I do not need 'us'."
"Cash??? Johnny Cash....Johnny Carson!!!!" -Gabby
In reference to a cell phone charm that Rose bought for her friend's birthday....
[Annie's mom] "What is it?"
[Rose, Annie's Sister] "Its a...never mind...you wouldn't understand."
[Annie] "I don't even understand!"
"When I close my eyes, I see red white and blue sprinkles...Well happy Ju-fucking-Ly." -My inner monologue
After learning that Alessandra was a valentines day baby....(ya kno...9 months before november...)
[Jen] "Awww...You're a product of love!"
[Michelle] "Or of chocolate."
[Jen] "Why do you have a heimlich manuver poster in your kitchen?"
[Sarah] "Because my cooking is just that bad."
"There's in and out...thats half sex. In out, in out...thats whole sex. See...with you, there was no breakage, and only in, out. Therefore, its only half sex." -Stacy
[Rob] "Do I get to be a woman again?"
[Russ] "No...you're just gay."
[Jen] "This is gonna be illegal"
[Gabby] "Yeah...Yeah it is."
[Jen] “Dude, I don’t think there really IS a secret of life.?
[Sarah] “If people knew about it it wouldn’t be a secret.?
[Jen] “It's not a very good secret if nobody knows about it.?
[Jen] “I’m going to stop the car with my pants.?
[Beth] “Well, you could try but I doubt it would work.?
[Jen] "Aww...leave the kitty alone."
[Steph] "I just wanna beat her...er...pet her."
[Jen] "People never change."
[Cripple] "Dammit! I'm gonna be a loser forever!"
"Oh yeah...boss me around, Butchy!" -A chick on the cartoon network.
[Some guy Rob knows] "You know, there is no 'I' in team."
[Rob] "Yeah well there's no 'team' in Rob."
[Gabby] "So where did she go to college?"
[Steph] "Yeah...the university of some state...um.."
[Jen] "Omaha!"
*after having sex with a soon to be pastor...
[Jen] "So what's it like to see the otherside of god"
[Jackie] "Well, its small...I thought God was supposed to be larger than life."
[Jen] "Why is there crazy music?"
[Steph] "Because its japaneese."
*in reference to the picture up on Gabby's wall...
"She's hot...she's all...primal and...nature-like." -Gabby
[Jen] "If I got a piercing needle, could I pierce you?"
[Gabby] "Um...no."
[Jen} "Why? I'd do it well...er...than a blind person..."
[Jen] "Ok...Game plan: If there's a fire, get the cat out...she's the only one who cares about me..."
[Kris] "I say, if theres a fire, someone should go to wawa and get some marshmallows..."
"Is Barbie anatomically correct??? NO!!! Is Dolly Parton anatomically correct??? NO!!!" -Steph
[Jen] "I think I'll go get a pretzel and lemonade as well."
[Eric J.] "Why didn't you tell me when I went? I could have gotten them for you."
[Jen] "Because I'm a failure."
[Eric J.] "Well atleast you know your flaws."
[Jen] "He wants you to be his booty call and I think that's funny."
[Jackie] "Excuse me! I am no one's booty call....if there is callage of the booty to be done then I will darn right call it!"
"Once you go Jack, you never go back!" -Jen
"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." -Kelly
"How exactly does one fashizzel a nizzle? Can you fashizzle something else, or just nizzles? And what exactly is a nizzle?" -Steph (aka Wolla)
"Hello I am a shunt and I have no fucking clue what I am." -Elena
[Karl] "So even though you're schizophrenic personality helped you grow and mature spiritually as a person, they're not real?"
[Elena] "No cause you're a fucking psycho."
"50 cent DOES have kid and his name is 25 cent. No...you think I'm joking...its true." -Jen
[Steph] "So I hooked up with Karl last night..."
[Jen] "What?!? How does that work?"
[Steph] "I dunno...I'm so confused."
[Jen] "You are the weirdest lesbian I've ever seen."
"We were making out, and then I stopped and started laughing and he was like 'What's so funny?' and I said 'You have a penis.'" -Steph
"I really LOVE my tractor." -Karl
[Steph] "Why are they drinking wine out of margarita glasses?"
[Karl] "Because they're bigger than normal glasses...why are they drinking out of the bottle? Because they can."
*in reference to the abnormal amounts of doubles scored by Jen in Dr. Mario
"How are you doing this? Did you sell your soul to satan for Dr. Mario?" -Karl
[Jen] "Ladies night on wednesday?? Tomorrows wednesday!!"
[Elena] "Or...the day after."
"So I said 'I can bring out my tractor...'" -How most of Karl's stories start
[Elena] "I was never a child."
*pause*
[Jen] "Ever???"
"Your porch smells like death." -Karl
[Jen] "Still hungry, Gabby? I think that cheeseburger weighed as much as you."
[Gabby] "It just might."
[Elena] "We're not playing pool...its loser pool and its a totally different game."
[Karl] "Yeah...Lena is an expert at all things loser."
"There she goes into the kitchen...to pee on something." -Sarah
"Share the world with someone you love...the world of crab." -An ad on the radio
"It's a bitch, but I can do everything from underneath." - Steph
[Jen] "I got two movies! C'mon Gabby! Let's bond!"
[Gabby] "Yeah...while Steph and Karl 'bond'."
*Jen's Sex and Relationship Advice...
"Ok...so we're going to get a dvd, and watch the movie and you're going to take that boy into the other room and rock his world." -Jen
*After examining a cd rack that Christa bought at work for security purposes...
"Can we say that Russ has felt Christa's rack?"
*Then he played with the knobs on top...
"And now he's playing with her knobs...this is so wrong." -Jen
[Elena] "I'm not really feeling South Street right now."
[Jen] "We're getting Thai food."
[Elena] "Ok...I'll go."
"Hello beeping friend...you're the only friend I have left..." -Elena
"Just because I coordinate my clothes, crochet and have long hair doesn't mean I'm gay." -Karl
"The dildo is prefered by some because there is no cumbersome man attached." -A book in the bookstore
"I like reaffirming people's statements; like, yeah, thats it, yeah, thats right and its true." -Elena
[Karl] "How come all your sentences to me begin with 'fuck you'?"
[Elena] "How come all your sentences begin with 'tractor'?"
[Jen] "You named your computer after Niehls Bohr?"
[Elena] "Hey, when you become a quantum physicist, I'll have a crush on you."
[Jen] "...is that a promise?"
"It's good that we live in an age where there's a token lesbian" --Elena
"Ow...I just stepped on my wrist." -John
"Wow...you have to be pretty slutty to be born with out your virginity." -Karl
"Scarlet Fever is Strep Throat gone terribly, terribly wrong" -Elena
*Steph and Lena on the whole Kissing the ceiling when going through a red/yellow light...
[Elena] "Yeah...I don't understand that."
[Steph] "You add 5 minutes to your sexlife for every yellow light, and 10 minutes for every red light"
[Elena] "Oh...maybe thats whats going on..."
*Which led to...
"Woohoo...I got a yellow light...thats five minutes...*sigh*...Thats all I'm gonna get..." -Elena
[Steph] "I don't know why he couldn't switch with me...I mean, he's a geek! He has no girlfriend and no friends. His day will probably consist of sleeping in late, masturbating and video games!."
[Jen] "Yeah...sounds like a normal day at our apartment too."
[Frank] "So Jen...you hooked up with Gabby yet?"
[Jen] "No."
[Frank] "Tiller?"
[Jen] "No."
[Frank] "So you wanna get with Shana?"
[Jen] "What?"
[Jen] "Steph is going to get naked and stab me."
[Elena] "Right...or rather, coding?"
[Jen] "No...thats literal."
[Elena] "I'm just going to cower in a corner and pretend this isn't happening."
"My computer needs to go to hell and come back working properly." -Gabby
"I am not a party in a box...I am more like, a box in a party." -Will Pett (will Pett what? will pet himself!)
"You are so bizarre...like a russian market place." -Elena
"What happened to you? I have clematis! Good for you." -Jen
"Why is there a giraffe in the living room? Because Steph wanted one." -Jen
*I just thought this was too cool to keep off the quote page...
"But I've got another idea. Fuck everyone you meet. Call the phone numbers on the back of toothpaste boxes and talk to the guy on the other end. Instead of gossiping to your hairstylist about the new guy at work, ask her about herself. Call that crazy uncle everyone hopes doesn't come to the reunions but always does only to get shitfaced in front of the children and puke on the couch and ask him his story. Something tells me he'd happily give it. We'd all happily give it. It's orgasmic. And we can all use a good fuck." -Elena
"I'm a handyman during the week...I get to wear boots and feel burley." -Andrew
*In reference to the Cisco (aptley renamed 'Crisco' wine purchased at the liquor store...
"Yeah...that stuff was pretty nasty. Its a good thing I passed out before I could drink anymore." -Bob
"She was a nice girl until she started stealing from me to buy crack." -Jen Weeks
"This is my friend Stephanie
She wants to learn to play guitar just like me
So that she can learn to write some songs
About Gabby's Technicolor thongs!
-Jen Weeks song
Gabby walks in to hear the last two lines]
Not again! You've been singing about my thongs all day! -Gabby Maglione
George Bush appears on TV.
[Jen Weeks] "There's a monkey!"
[Gabby] "Aw! I thought it was really a monkey! I was like, "I like monkeys."
[Elena] "I am hungry...I will be back in a moment"
[Jen] "Ok...get me something."
[Elena] "Okay, i'll fax it to you."
[Jen] "No...don't. Last time I faxed some matza I broke the fax machine. It wasn't pretty"
"So what are you going to say? Some guy came up from Georgia and turned your bed into a bondage toy?" -Bob
[Jen] "If I were restrianed I think I'd just gnaw through the ropes."
[Bob] "Well when it gets to that point, the game has gone too far."
"It is my experience that all people like that are evil and unhappy and I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be a cunty whore." -Steph
"My tits feel squishy..." -Steph
[Bob] "I don't remind anyone of Jesus."
[Jen] "You remind ME of Jesus."
[Bob] "Yeah thats because you're a sick, sick person."
[Steph] "Yeah...you'll like your parents more when you move out too."
[Jen] "No...he's a geek. He'll never really move out."
[Jackie] "Awww...Poor poison bugs..."
[Jen] "No...not really."
[Jacie] "But then, thats like saying, poor crazy russians."
[Jen] "What?"
"I have a psychic ass!" -Michelle
[Steph S.] "What?"
[Steph's Mom] "Is that a hickey on your neck?"
[Steph S.] *Startled* "What??"
[Steph's Mom] "You have a hickey on your neck!! Who were you making out with??"
[Steph S.] "No one!!! I assure you!!!"
[Steph's Mom] "Was it Paul?"
[Steph S.] *appaled stare* "I swear on my life it wasn't Paul."
[Steph's Mom] "Was it some stranger then?"
[Steph S.] "Mom, really, I have NO idea."
[Steph's Mom] " mmmmm hmmmm."
[Jen] "So wait...you 'popped one on that cat'...that means you fought him, right?"
[Eric] *shakes head in shame and discust*
[Jen] "Fine...wheres the hip-hop-tionary..."
*In reference to the new cd called POP MIX at work...
"You should buy that CD and listen to it over and over and over again, and then slit your throat." -Michelle
*A breakdancer came in and talked to my manager...he understood...I, did not.
[Large Black Man in Sam Goody] "We did the 'hooptie woo' and the 'laadiedaa' and the....
[Jen] "'hooptie woo?' 'Laadiedaa?' Wow...I am way to caucasion for this conversation."
"I'm a messy eater, thats why I'll never be a businessman .... err .... woman.. err" -Steph
[Karl] "I do have nice hair...and I got some khaki's that work with the hat. I love clearance racks...and female racks"
[Jen] "Racks of all kinds."
[Karl] "And Midieval torture racks..."
[Jen] "I like Midieval Torture..."
[Karl] "How about a chick with a big rack wearing clothes off a clearance rack while strapped to a medieval torture rack!"
[Jen] "That works."
"Any day is made better by engaging in illegal activity." -Gabby
[Jen] "Why not get one from your brother? You could offer him your soul...or your undying devotion."
[Gabby] "I don't think I'll offer him my soul...just in case."
"I don't remember your head being squishy when I met you..." -Jen
[Jen] "Hey Eric..."
[Rob] "He's busy helping someone find something that doesn't exist..."
*How to explain thing to your boss...according to Sarah
"Dear Boss, I lost the office key! Oh Well! Haha! Love Sarah. Dear Sarah, You lost your job! Haha! Oh well. Love, Your Boss." -Sarah
[Grace] "A goth jew?"
[Cheta] "He's not really goth...He works at Jcrew
[Grace] "I was gonna say. I dont think our people make that brand."
[Jen] "Do they have a separate section for stuff that's bad for you?"
[Eric] "Yeah...it's called favorites"
"I pay attention to anything that hits my tits." -Steph
"The difference between Stephie drunk and Stephie high is that Stephie went into the closet to change...further more, Stephie came out of the closet dressed..." -Steph
[Dr. Oliver] "Ok Band...turn towards that warehouse."
[Most of the Band] "Um...that's a School."
[Dr. Oliver] "Oh..well Welcome to Philadelphia."
"I don't drink, so I'll never get raped." -Kevin
[Emily] "These aren't very good."
[Jen] "They're trix"
[Emily] "Where's that rabbit? I don't want these."
[Jen] "Gabby is trying to teach one of my other roomates how to play perc...understand, though that my other roomate has no rythm at all"
[Amy] "She will learn, it does help to have rhythm though. We don't really have notes, just rythms."
[Jen] "No she won't...she's been trying to learn since she met us last year"
[Amy]"Oh a worthless cause, it is probably pretty funny to watch"
[The Announcer Man] "When you go to the football games, the band is there. When you go to the basketball games, the band is there..."
[Jen] "When you Sleep, the band is there...when you're in the bath room, when you're in the shower, the band is there."
*In reference to the guy playing drums on the Vic-Firth web page...
[Winston] "Awww...thats not fair...just go home."
[Adam] "No its ok because now Vic-Firth owns his soul."
"Those Longaburger baskets are like bling-bling for housewives." -Steph S.
"I'm glad my discomfort is bringing you entertainment..." -Jess
[Jackie] "Who the hell keeps dogs in their car?!?!?"
[Jen] "Um...People who don't have the club??"
*In reference to Beth sleeping on the sofa...
"We should try to wake her up, and then run out of the house." -Winston
*For all of your percussion challenged kids, the Steve Weiss catalog is a percussion catalog...
"I almost get an orgasm everytime I read the Steve Weiss catalog...it's like 'ooooo yarn...'" -Adam
"You'd be suprised what sex, drugs and Walt Disney can do to a person...I mean, just look at Britney Spears..." -Eric
"I say, Fuck Color!! Lets talk about Food!" -Adam
[Jen] "Well, what if John really IS dead?"
[Eric] "Well then he's REALLY fired."
"If I trip over your strap, I'll kill you using only my mallets, and you won't be saying 'oooo yarn...' you'll be saying 'owww felt'!" -Jen
[Jen] "I have faith..."
[Amy] "That makes one of us."
"I love it when singers talk in the middle of the song...its so cool! It's like, Wow...he's brainwashing me." -Adam
[Amy] "The title is 'Why am I an Owl'?"
[Jess] "You should put that you were a hooters waitress before and that it just seemed like a good place to go"
[Amy] "Yeah, we always have alot of food at thanksgiving."
[Jen] "Thats because you're amish and you feel the need to give."
[Amy] "Um, thats the pilgrims friend."
"A ho-down is an amish gathering, while a mo-down is a mennonite gathering." -Amy
"I'm black, man....I can't handle the cold!" -Winston
[Some random Girl] "Yo boy don't be lying to me."
[The new guy at Dunkin Donuts] "Yo girl, I ain't lying...Look! I'm wearin' a doo-rag!"
*A black colored pigeon walks by.
"Hey, now thats a brother pigeon right there! Yo, wassup!" -Winston
"I'm still not going cow tipping with you guys. I'll stand there and watch, but I'm not tipping any cows." -Gabby
[Beth] "Hanson sucks!"
[Jen] "Yeah well so does your mom, but atleast Hanson gets paid."
[Jen] "Yo...go get me some chineese food."
[Beth] "If you can find a place open at 1:30..."
[Jen] "Its your fault you didn't pick any up on the way home, so you gotta drive to another time zone."
[Winston] "Who's this Valeda S. Walker person?? Did they retire?"
[Beth] "She died."
[Winston] "Oh...so I guess she's really retired then."
*After stabbing herself in the foot with a pen...
[Jen] "Oww...it DOES hurt."
[Gabby] "Yeah...its not the same as walking across stones."
*pause*
[Jen] "What?"
*Walking through the woods and down a mountain road...
[Amy] "This sounds like my house. Like, if I walked outside, this is what I'd hear."
[Jackie] "Gravel?"
*while driving past the nabisco factory down the street, which always smells of yummy baked goods...
[Jen] "This is not cookies....this is grass! Oh wait....THATS COOKIES!"
[Gabby] "They smell slightly burned..."
[Steph] "What should I take off my key chain?"
[Jen] "Um...your car keys?"
[Steph] "No...I'd lose them."
[Jen] "'Museum is not responsible for lost or stolen articles left on coat rack.'"
[Gabby] "Like your coat."
[Jen] "Or your Grandma..."
[Gabby] "I'd like to check this coat please. It has an old woman in it. I'd like to check this coat please."
"I am multilingual...I speak English, butcher Spanish and completely slay French." -Jen
[Gabby] "...A flatbed with hay pulled by a tractor..."
[Jen] "Or a car as they call it in Lancaster..."
[Amy] "Hey! We don't use tractors!"
[Jen] "Cows?"
[Jen]"The American Association for the Study of the Feebleminded..."
[Steph] "That can't be politically correct..."
[Dave] "My girlfriend, who's a lesbian and a nympho, raped me last week. How does that sound?"
[Jen] "Strange...yet...not suprising."
[Jen] "Ahhhh...there's too many Amys in my life."
[Jackie] "There's only two."
[Jen] "Thats too many"
AlwaysLoveAmy: ok,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
AlwaysLoveAmy: i went comma happy
AlwaysLoveAmy: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
FhqwhgadsMom: sometimes is happy to be a little eccentric
FhqwhgadsMom: :-)
AlwaysLoveAmy: yeah, i press the commas in some kind of rhythm though
AlwaysLoveAmy: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
AlwaysLoveAmy: yeah, its william tell
FhqwhgadsMom: yooo
FhqwhgadsMom: i think that is cool
FhqwhgadsMom: and that makes me think i'm weird
*A Phone call between Amy and her Mom...
"Is it ok if I bring Adam and Jen in around 11:30? What? Huh....She wants to know if she should put the cow out..." -Amy
[Jen] "Guys, my tea is too sweet."
[Amy] "Is that possible?"
"I look at all these paintings, the trials and death of christ, and all I can think is 'Wow...Jesus had nice abs.'" -Jen
[Alessandra] "Can you imagine us in France?"
[Jen] "Well I'm sure we didnt' look like this then..."
[Michelle] "Yeah...we probably had long hair...and corsets."
[Alessandra] "I don't think they wore corsets..."
*grabs her boobs...
[Michelle] "Well I did."
In reference to the comment that a lesbian gets practice by masturbating...
"Yo friend...can you suck your own dick? Ok...can a lesbian eat herself out? Ok...well there ya go!" -Gabby
"Hector looks like the drug addict member of the Jackson 5 that got kicked out of the band." -Winston
"All I have with me are hard mallets for timpani and snare drum, and we're not working on that yet...and by yet, I mean Never." -Adam
"Dude, 911 has super caller id...like, with your address and shit. They'll call you back. And yell at you. Believe me...I know." -Gabby
LittleJewMouse: i HATE PITTSBURGH
FhqwhgadsMom: its evil
FhqwhgadsMom: its so evil, they added an h...
FhqwhgadsMom: for hell
[Jen] "I almost hung myself on that suitcase strap."
[Marissa] "Oh no...thats not good. I mean...What would Beth's mom do?"
"Look at this movie...Spy Kids...They're parents are spies, and they're kids and they're spies, and they get cool stuff and I'm not a spy so I hate them!" -Rob
At a Temple Basketball game...
"If you can't win, cheat. If you can't cheat, fight. If you can't fight, fake an injury." -Amy
[Gabby] "Where is Adam?"
[Jen] "Dead"
*5 minutes later*
[Gabby] "Yo, I think he really IS dead."
[Amy] "Oh what a shame...Let's go."
"She's takin' on grease, captain!" -Winston
"Do you want your customers to alright, or do you want your customers to be great??" -Lauren
"So how often do you not do this not drug?" -Jenna
FhqwhgadsMom : thanksgiving=fired
flutie5458 : can u actually fire a national holiday?
FhqwhgadsMom : obviously
FhqwhgadsMom : i mean
FhqwhgadsMom : i just did
flutie5458 : right...cause ur god
FhqwhgadsMom : was there a question?
FhqwhgadsMom : the amy wins most lovable character for the year
FhqwhgadsMom : *this is the part where u make a speech
AlwaysLoveAmy : thank you all so much ( the tears start) i appreciate this honor. i will always remember all of you and (pause) i really do want world peace
AlwaysLoveAmy : more tears
AlwaysLoveAmy : and applause
AlwaysLoveAmy : and i do that wave from the elbow
FhqwhgadsMom : nice touch with the tears
AlwaysLoveAmy : thanks
"Look...its a big ball of water...or sin." -Dave
"She was really really mean to me. And mean is not a trait I look for in friends. I mean, its like 'Mean...-5'" -Mills
[Jen] "Do you think that Courtney Love is on drugs again?"
[Dave] "She stopped?"
FhqwhgadsMom : i think she's off her meds again
JDG227 : oh great...the only person i know and she's off her fucking rocker! Shit...why doesn't god just come down here personally and stab me?
"I grew up in Florida, for God's sake! I mean, our state bird was an old man with a big nose who flapped his arms up and down!" -Jen
FhqwhgadsMom: souflees are like caseroles, but they are inflated, unless u do it wrong and then they deflate and burn
AlwaysLoveAmy: whoa, we need to try that
