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June.5th / 03
A song. A real song. With me. The real me. DOWNLOAD IT!
Let me, for the record, restate the emphasis of this web-page, if I may (which I may, because around these parts, unlike the rest of the world, I set the rules):
Essentially, what I'm trying to say is, I don't necessarily believe everything I write here. Sure, at some point or another, I think it, but there is difference between thought and belief, and I wish for that difference to make itself apparent here. What do I mean? I mean that I will say things here that are ideas, and ideas should not be censored, they should not be ignored, they should be... made widely accessable. And that is what I try to do. Make ideas accessable. At the same time, I manage to write a lot of crap about myself that you don't care about. I know you don't care, so you don't have to pretend to. No, don't give me that, please. It's ok.
what have we learned after a year? Very little I guess.
what can we do with the next year? As much as we want.
And wanting is an important first step for anything.
I wanted to do something special for our grand one-year anniversary, but instead it just looks like I'm going to finish up here and go to sleep, because I need sleep, because I'm doing so much tomorrow. So, so much. Nothing important, but a lot of nothing important.
maybe i'll change the background black.
I am really glad i managed to, if only momentarily, sit down and make this page real. I think it really helped me collect my sanity, if only briefly. My space-bar is all sticky. I haven't updated because I really haven't thought of anything worthwhile to write about. I've just been thinking about myself lately and that's not what this page is for. It's for you. Just you. Maybe you can learn something, maybe you can teach me something. All I can ask of you, if you wish this page to fulfill it's expected purpose (which you really have no reason to, after I've been so horrible to you), but if you want to, I'mnot asking you to, I'm saying if you want to, then the only steps to take are to identify people who could possibly take something from this page, and give this page to them. I'm not just going to say, 'tell your friends', because this page isn't for everybody. It's nothing. I think it's important that you know that I know that this is nothing, but it is just all in my intended purposes that this page get seen by those who might want anything from it. Do you understand? Seriously, the discretion is yours. If you yourself don't like this page, then of course you will just scoff and not tell anyone. That is fine too. That is wonderful. I-- I always feel as though I'm missing my point, you know, like I'm failing to get across the message that I intended to get across. I wish humans could communicate telepathically in pure ideas, because words really muck up ideas. Change them into something different. You know? No matter. Sorry. I'll tell you the truth, because I feel it's appropriate, the reason I ask to spread the page around is because I am unable really to communicate well with people, and I'm afraid I-- look, I know everyone feels misunderstood, alright, I don't think I deserve a chance to be understood more than anybody else, I'm just attempting to take lengths in the direction of correcting this problem for me. I'm not saying I deserve this more than you, or that I'm misunderstood more so than you. I'm not saying that. I'm, just having a lot of trouble holding onto my mind, and so I type here, for me. It's for me. I didn't invite you here, I just want you to know that it's a-- if you want-- it's a chance to see what I'm thinking-- if you want. Only if you want. Please, you can leave now if you don't want it. You don't have to, but I make no requests of you. This page is for my own reference. I'm sorry.
I wish I had something to offer you. Some art or something. Maybe that would make your visit more pleasant. I'll try. Really. I wish I were an artist.
This is not a page of opinions. This is a page of ideas. Ideas, like opinions, cannot be wrong. They exist and you cannot stop them from existing. People do not make ideas: ideas make people.
First, put on some music. Do it. Nothing with words, and if there's words, because you have to have words, make sure that it's repetitive words, so that it doesn't require you to focus too much on it. Play something with violins, or timpanis in it. If you don't know what a timpani is, then go to the music store, and ask. Once you get an answer, you should probably go to another music store and ask again, because it never hurts to get a second opinion. I'll give you a hint anyway, a timpani is percussion. At least I think it is, but I could just be saying that to throw you off. That's the thing about me, I'm just that crazy....
Second, read it all, or whatever you want to read, and don't assosciate the words with me, as much as you assosciate them with yourself, you know? Don't imagine me sitting here typing it all, imagine you sitting here thinking it all. You dig? Of course you do. Don't assosciate the words and/or ideas of this page with me, that is key. The key. The key to understanding this. This is not 'what I do', this page. It's not my thing. Ok, this has got nothing to do with me. I am just the messenger. Not even. The messengers messenger.
Three, want it. I will say in this site, that to believe something, you have to want to believe it. This is true. You will not like the things you don't want to like and you will not believe the things you don't want to believe by nature. It's sort a reverse-psychology thing, only not really. So want it. If you want to believe it all, it will be easier. How will I make you want to believe it, by telling you that you should not believe it. That is my master plan. That is my trickery. That is the reverse-psychology thing.
Once these three demands are met, you may read this page, then forget it all. Seriously, make a conscious effort to forget everything you read here. Only then can you genuinely be sub-consciously affected by the things that will naturally sub-consciously affect you anyway, but none of the messy thinking will get in the way. Have fun my pet.
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New melody Added(June.16/2002)
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There's too many webpages out there. I shouldn't have made one.
Let me clear something up; I don't talk to people much anymore. I'm afraid people think I don't want to talk to them. I want very much to talk to people. I just can't bring myself to impose on their freedom. That's me; inert.
