NIRVANA JOKES

How does Princess Di and Kurt Cobain collect their thoughts?
With a shovel.

Why did Kurt shoot himself?
Because he could no longer shoot up the charts.

Whats the difference between Kurt Cobain and a mug of beer?
A beer still looks good when you blow the head off.

Did you hear that Nirvana is planning to do another album?
If they can just find a lead singer who can keep his head together...

What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

What's red and gray and hanging on the wall behind the sofa?
Kurt Cobain's brain!

What's red and has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.

What was the last thing Kurt Cobain say to Courtney Love?
Hole's gonna be real big!

Why were there only two pallbearers at his funeral?
There's only two handles on a garbage can.

What's got six legs, six arms, and two heads?
Nirvana

What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind?
A bullet!

What did Kurt have to drink before he died?
A couple of shots.

What was the best thing that Kurt Cobain ever released?
The safety catch on that gun.

What color were Kurt's eyes?
Blue. One blew this way and one blew that way!

What does Kurt Cobain and hockey have in common?
Face-off in the corner.

What sound did Kurt's shotgun make?
Kurt-Kurt Cobain

What was the best cure for Kurt Cobain's depression?
10-gauge buckshot

You know... Kurt Cobain would have had a great career...
If he didn't go shooting off his mouth!

Why did Kurt Cobain use a shot gun?
Because anacin was too weak.

Kurt Cobain should have changed his name before he committed suicide?
Kurt Gobang!

Why won't they let Kurt Cobain drive convertibles?
His head whistles.

What's the difference between Kurt Cobain and John Bonham?
It took 42 shots to kill Bonham.

Why can't you tell any secrets to Kurt Cobain?
He'll go shooting off his mouth.

What does Cobain have in common with his record sales?
They've both gone through the roof.

Why is it so easy to read Kurt Cobain's mind?
You can see right through his head!

What was Kirt Cobain's last hit?
The Floor

Whats the new singer of Nirvana called ?
Kurt No-Brain

How many members of Nirvana does it take to change a lightbulb?
Hopefully, not more than two.

What's the newest Nirvana releases?
"Kurt Shaped Box"

Why did Courtney Love drive?
Because Kurt preferred riding shotgun.

What has 2 heads, 4 legs and works at McDonald's?
The rest of Nirvana.

How can you keep Pearl Jam together?
Break the lead singer's index finger.

What was the last thing to go through Cobain's mind?
His teeth

Did Cobain give up drugs?
No, he still likes getting blasted.

What did Courtney Love say when she came home?
"Who ordered the pizza?"

Did you know Kurt was practically an "overnight success?"
It only took him 3 days to be discovered.

Did Cobain really commit suicide?
No, he was just playing Polish Roulette.

What do Cobain and Roy Rodgers have in common?
Both were fond of their Trigger.

What do Courtney and Cobain have in common?
Both were shooting up on the same night.

What did Courtney Love name her band "Hole" after?
Kurt's throat

Have the police concluded their investigation?
They just need to mop up.

What did they find in Cobain's home?
Seattle grunge

How did they cremate Cobain?
By steaming him off the ceiling.

What do Kurt Cobain, Hand Gathers and Bobbitt's penis have in common?
They all took one shot before they died.

Why hasn't Nirvana released a new video?
They're still busy shooting.

What's the difference between Cobain and the Iraqi army?
Cobain has killed more Americans.

Why did the Toronto Maple Leafs try to sign Kurt Cobain?
They heard he was a killer on the face offs.

Did you hear that Nirvana is planning to do another album?
If they can just find a lead singer who can keep his head together...

Do you know the title of Kurt Cobain's first solo album?
Plugged

Kurt -- the first victim of the brady bill. that last week must have sucked, eh?
I heard that Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails) is going to re-release "Head Like A Hole" in memorial of Kurt Cobain.

What did Mrs. Cobain say when they couldn't identify Kurt's body?
Smells like Kurt's body (to me).

Why did Nirvana never let Kurt talk to the press?
He kept shooting his mouth off.

Why was Kurt Cobain so embarrassed?
He shot his mouth off once too often.

Why did Kurt stop doing drugs?
He needed them like a hole in his head!

Why is it so easy to read Kurt Cobain's mind?
You can see right through his head!

What color are Kurt Cobain's eyes?
Blue...one blew over there...and one blew...

What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind?
1)Molten Lead
2)His Teeth

What did Kurt Cobain say to the electrician when he arrived?
Not much

What's red and white and has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
His wall

What's got more brains than Kurt Cobain's bedroom wall?
The crash barrier at Imola. After Senna's fatal crash.

What method does Kurt Cobain use to collect his thoughts?
A spatula

And what will they bury Kurt in?
A heart-shaped box, har har har.

What did Kurt say whenever Nirvana went for a ride in a car?
"I ride shotgun!"

What do Kurt Cobain and W. Bobbit have in common?
They both got drunk and lost their heads!

What do you get when you cross Kurt Cobain with Richard Nixon?
John Kennedy

Anyone been for a curry lately?
Try the new Chicken Nirvana.... It'll blow your head off!!!!

How does Cobain feel about the NBA?
He think the Bullets have nowhere to go but up.

What did dead Kurdt say for the first time when he saw his clothes all messed up with blood?
Bleach

For the second time?
Nevermind...

The Kurt Cobain Smiley Collection :-)

O:-) @:-)

Top Ten Reasons Why Kurt Cobain Shot Himself:

10. Wanted to repaint wall a nice shade of "Hint of Brain".
9. Ran out of possible 3 chord combinations for songs.
8. Too many listeners beginning to understand lyrics.
7. If at first you don't succeed, try try again...
6. "Which is dangerous, the wooden end or the metal end?"
5. Tried to scratch pesky spot behind ear with shotgun.
4. Damn Fly!
3. "If I don't get this tuned right I'm gonna shoot myself".
2. Playing Solitaire Russian Roulette.

And the number one reason :
1. Couldn't figure out "Cinnamon Girl" Solo.

What does NIRVANA stand for?

Needed
Immediately
Reliable
Vocalist
Applications
Now
Accepted

Cobain suicide ad:

"Hi, I was Kurt Cobain.

You know, I found that when you try to kill yourself, drugs are just not a sure-SHOT method. That's why when I killed myself I used the new Remington SURE-KILL SUICIDER SHOTGUN. It has been specially designed for those of us who want to take our own lives. And, it's guaranteed to DO IT in a macho, gutsy manner that will leave your brain splattered all over for that really cool image. The SUICIDER features a short barrel, no stock to get in the way, a reversed trigger that's easy to operate, and a special soft foam rubber mouth grip attached to the barrel end. Not only is it comfortable (no more biting down on cold metal), BUT it also insures that gun will do the most damage possible while leaving your teeth and jaw intact so you will be a good-looking corpse!

Kurt is in the studio, decomposing his newest album. The title isn't finalized yet, but these are seriously under consideration:

1) I'm A Loser
2) The Return Of The Evil Dead
3) Suicide For Fun And Profit
4) Shotgun Special
5) Death Means Never Having To Say You're Sorry
6) Who's Crying Now
7) A Bullet To The Brain
8) Decomposing In Seattle
9) Someday You'll Be Dead Too
10) Postcards From Hell
11) Lifeless in Seattle
12) If you married you know who, you would of done what I did
13) Duets: Kurt sings with Dahmer, Hitler, Bundy and others
14) I don't need to bathe
15) I'm dead, what's your excuse
16) Those idiots will buy anything with my name on it
17) That hurts
18) Trigger finger
19) I got a tummy ache, pass the heroin
20) I dig the Devil
21) Friend Of The Devil
22) The Devil Made Me Do It
23) Sympathy For The Devil
23) A Hole In The Head
24) White Punks On Dope
25) Heroin, Cocaine And Courtney
26) Still Crazy After All These Years
27) Bring On The Clowns
28) Love And Death
29) Dancin' With Mr D
30) It's All Over Now, Baby Bean

Here's some more possible titles for Kurt's new album...

Holiday In Hell
Roman Holiday
My Aim Is True
The Joys Of Parenthood
I Hit Her And It Felt Like A Kiss
Meth Monster
I Fought The Establishment And The Establishment Won
Scuzz Ball
Manic Depression
Money Can't Buy Me Love
Grunge Rhymes With Munge
Goin To Hell In A Bucket
Johnny Ace Was Right
My Baby Lost Her Old Man And I Don't Care
Drug Withdrawl For Fun And Profit
The Joke Was On Me
Turn My Life Down
Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out, Kill Yourself
On A Slow Boat To Hell
Cocaine Is For Heroes
Cold As Ice
Baby Oh Baby
Nothing On My Mind
Buckshot Bliss
Suicidal Tendencies
The Dead Boys
Me And Elvis Get High Every Day in Hell
The Flannel Channel
Hepatitis Happiness
Still Crazy After All These Years
Only The Bad Die Young

Well, then, try these on for size:

Lil Orphan Frances
Widow Maker
I Feel Like I'm Fixin To Die Rag
Courtney Got a Nose Job
Highway To Hell
Saturday Night's All Right For Dying
I Hate Myself And Wish I Were Dead
Ashes To Ashes
Hole In One
Shotgun

NIRVANA'S QUIZ

1. Kurt NoBrain killed himself because?
a. He was a loser.
b. He had nothing better to do.
c. He thought the gun was a Q-Tip.

2. Some Cobain followers also killed themselves because?
a. They are losers.
b. They were playing follow the leader.
c. They also thought the gun was a Q-Tip.

3. Cobain fans dress like Kurt because?
a. He was a loser.
b. Stealing clothes from the Salvation Army bin is easy.
c. They have no thoughts of their own and need a leader.
d. They are practicing to be homeless bums.

4. Cobain fans like to call themselves Generation X because?
a. Kurt was a loser.
b. They can spell X.
c. They are losers.

5. Cobain fans say Kurt spoke for them because?
a. While they watch, love and believe in Barney, they are not sure if he is a real person.
b. They are losers.

6. Cobain knew that his fans thought he was cool because?
a. Kurt was a loser.
b. He didn't like to bath.
c. He was a poet. Even though they thought most poets were fags.

7. If you can understand everything Kurt is signing you?
a. Purchased a copy of the lyrics.
b. Are on some kind of drug and are imagine you understand the lyrics.
c. Kurt was a loser. (I know it doesn't go with the question but it is still a good answer.)

8. Kurt and his followers.
a. Are losers.
b. All of the above.

9. Kurt's last words were?
a. What happens if I pull this trigger?
b. I am a loser.
c. OUCH!!!!!!

10. Ms. Cocaine-Love(r) is?
a. A loser.
b. A widow.
c. An unfit mother.
d. Butt ugly.
e. A future lesbo.
f. A lousy singer.
g. All of the above.

11. Twenty years from now in a listing of great groups/singers Nirvana will be listed between __________________ and _______________?
a. ABBA and the Bay City Rollers.
b. Ann Murray and Neil Diamond.
c. All they will remember is that Kurt was a loser.

12. Kurt and Courtney used (in Courtney cases uses) drugs because?
a. They are both losers.
b. They wanted to be a good role model for their child.
c. They were upset that Mork from Ork was not a real person.

13. In 15 years Kurt and Courtney's child will claim?
a. Kurt was a loser.
b. She was abandoned at birth.
c. Never heard of Nirvana.
d. Kurt was a loser.
e. Both a and d.

14. A tree falls in the forest, no one is around............
a. It does not make a noise.
b. It makes a noise.
c. Kurt was a loser.

15. Nirvana fans get upset at everyone who posts to TASTELESS making fun of their god Kurt because
a. Kurt was a loser.
b. They are losers.
c. They don't understand the meaning of TASTELESS. They have no problem with gay, ethnic or even Susan Smith jokes. But make fun of poor, misunderstood Kurt and you get flamed.

Well the moral of this quiz is KURT IS A LOSER.

since September 2003