At Last! Rugby League's very own Gypsy Fortune Teller! Direct from a caravan in the darkest parts of Transylvania, Madam Zelda brings her remarkable ancestral skills to predict the future. An expert at astrology, numerology, tarot cards, crystal ball gazing and tea leaf reading, she will unlock the future of your destiny. Madam Zelda sees all! Click here to see Madam Zelda's predictions for the 2001 NRL season!
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Dear Madam Zelda There have been rumblings coming out of our heartland that apparently the governing body wants to sign up as many dead or blind people as possible and turn them into referees and run 10 referees in a game at once.I'm a little worried that with so many referees we might see some real lunatics get in and stuff up what we are already in trouble with.I mean,I can't begin to imagine what life will be like with 3 white canes,4 guide dogs,a mobile hairdresser,a country music concert and a middle east war going on the one field as well as a game of football.What do we do? |
Dear Puzzled, It seems to me that you are worrying about the wrong things.We don't really care about white canes on the field.I know one guy on there who carries one and has a head which you could put some thread through and start sewing.My thoughts?Give them ALL white canes and Guide Dogs.No-one will know the difference! |
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Dear Madam Zelda I recently decided that instead of earning $750,000,000 a year playing football i'd earn $750,000,000.05 a year and I signed with a club down south.Now my coach(Recently seen on big brother walking around waiting for my teammates blowup doll to arrive) thinks i'm a loser and has sacked me in the interests of the club.What do I do? |
Dear Saddened, I think what you have done is admirable.Even though you have taken the extra cash,it seems as though you have moved out of a really nasty club.I think the problem is that you might not have bought your coach the right toy when he asked for it.Instead of buying a VCR next time,try buying him a gun and a set of steak knives so he can rape and pillage your state.In lieu of that,a smile should do! |
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Dear Madam Zelda I run a club in the north.We were told that after a media man with a vitamin D deficiency gave us $900 trillion to spend on players we're now in debt by 5 cents.Apparently we spent so much at the casino and on umbrellas and toilet paper and then it was all wasted when the players left to go to some Hippie artistic commune.What should we do?
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Dear Scared You'll be ok.Just think-the last time a club was in debt and told it would die,it fought on and won!It then lived for anotehr 4 days before folding voluntarily.Your future popularity is assured because I see a former scumbag club about to be rolled by an innocent bystander who lost all their money because a man with a big bald patch hired painters to paint a grandstand badly.Just remember that when you do make money,you can sell all that toilet paper back to the clubs in first division and the umbrellas could be donated to the Redfern Homeless cause! |
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Dear Madam Zelda A lot of convicts are laughing at me.They think i'm lying when I tell them that i've convinced some poverty-ridden league clubs to join the nice people of union!It's all true though.What should I do to prove that I am telling the truth? |
Dear Confused Knobby Toff, GET YOUR FRIGGIN UNION TEAM TO SHUT UP AND TACKLE! |
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Dear Madam Zelda My dreams have been realised.The NRL have allowed us rodents back into the competition and now all the players are coming to us trying to get a start.The only problem is people think we have a lot of money to spend on good players,but we don't.What should we do? |
Dear Disappointed, Sign up a whole lot of rejects to big contracts and say you'll win a trophy in your first season.Then when you do win the prize,donate it to the Redfern Salvos kitchen.They need a spoon! |
| COMING SOON MADAM ZELDA SPEAKS TO THE DEAD! Want to communicate with those in the spirit world? Then let Madam Zelda help! Hear what those on the other side have to say through her special NRL ouija board! So if you want to speak to the Bears, Rams, Reds, Chargers, Magpies, Crushers, Steelers or Jets, STAY TUNED TO OFFICIAL CLAIRVOYANT OF THE NRL!!! |
