Some Comments on
False Memory Syndrome

 

 

 

Introduction

Most of this file makes use of examples of early childhood abuse which are discussed in detail in another file. If you want to gain a greater understanding of the abuse I experienced, go to the bottom of the entrance page where you will find a link to a detailed summary of my early childhood emotional abuse.

 

 

Why My Memories

of Early Childhood Abuse

Are Valid.

 

Two key reasons why I recall so much
from my first three years:

My belief is that after the key abuse when I was about 2 years of age, I became a numb and fearful child. So instead of having an interesting and eventful life like most children, my childhood was bland. This made it easier to remember the things that stood out in my life, and most of what stood out was the abuse I underwent.

In addition, in the first few years of my life I had no one to turn to, so I had to struggle with the disturbing experiences on my own. I recalled them many times as I tried to figure things out and to find a way to live without getting hurt. This behavior pattern continued through both my childhood and adulthood. The recalling process substantially improves long term memory.

 

Change in immune system:

There is an indication in my Baby Book that my immune system probably changed after the abuse. At the time, my mother recorded that in my first year, I was "not sick at all. Strong, big and healthy." After that my vague memories and recovery experiences suggest serious abuse. My immune system then probably changed, because I had a different childhood sickness every year. My baby book states that I had German Measles at 2 years, Chicken Pox, Measles, mumps (on both sides), pink eye, and then scarlet fever at 6 years 4 months.

 

A fear of walking alone:
(This memory is consistent from ages 3, 6, 12, 15, and 50.)
(Also, the memory from 3 years of age fits the cure.)

As an adult, at 50 years of age, walking alone in a mall triggered strong feelings of shame, of feeling creepy. My memories told me that the origins of this problem were from a very disturbing experience that happened when I was 3 years of age. I heard my mother tell the coffee ladies that I had taken my clothes off at an inappropriate time, and I also recall them laughing. As a vulnerable child, I experienced powerful damaging feelings of embarrassment and shame. (I believe I was 3 at the time because part of the memory includes my brother leaving and going to school for the first time.)
[For a more detailed description of these babyhood memories and other abusive experiences, go to the bottom of the entrance page and use the link to childhood abuse.]

My memory of embarrassment and shame at 3 years of age is consistent with other memories that I have had throughout my life. The feelings I had walking alone in a mall at age 50 were similar to the strong feelings of shame I recall experiencing while walking to school alone in Grade 10, and this was similar to the memories I have of walking alone in Grades 7, 3, and 1.   In Grade 1, I felt that walking alone to school was proof that I was a shameful person that other children avoided, a weird child that didn't have friends, that had to walk alone. The only source I can find for these strong feelings of shame is the memory I have from 3 years of age.

The effectiveness of the treatment I received for this problem says something about what caused it. One counselor preferred easy, surface explanations so she wanted a surface cure. She asked me to redefine the feelings I experienced when walking down the mall, to say that I felt "not well" instead of saying I felt "creepy." But this had no impact. Another counselor convinced me that I really didn't know what the coffee ladies were laughing about, so I didn't have to feel my symptoms. I believed him and he assumed that he had fixed me. It seemed to be a quick and easy solution, but not long after that I noticed that my symptoms continued. Neither of these attempts to cure dealt with the source of my problem, the buried feelings, the feelings I had experienced at that time.

I didn't notice a real change in my symptoms until I was able to tune into my abusive memories and thoroughly grieve the early childhood feelings of fear and loneliness that came up. I also had to talk to others to verify that there was nothing at all to be ashamed of. For this my own opinion didn't count (as long as I felt shame, my inner feelings were that my own opinion was worthless), so I needed to hear the opinion of others in order to stop feeling like I was a rotten person. So, my memory of the cause from 3 years of age is consistent with the long term symptoms, with the feelings I uncovered, and with the process that led to recovery.

 

Babyhood hair wash abuse is consistent
with other memories:

As an adult, I struggled with a major reaction every time I had a bath or hair wash, a reaction that numbed me out for a full day. For that day my numb mind operated at about 50%. In an effort to deal with the problem, I uncovered vague memories and strong emotions from babyhood baths. As a baby, when I was leaned back on my back to get my hair washed, I feared falling into the water, and feared getting water in my eyes and nose. As I struggled in fear during each bath, I felt terrorized. These vague memories from my babyhood are the only things I can find to explain the numbed out reaction I experienced as an adult after a bath or hair wash.

I have a few completely separate memories which seem to confirm that I was traumatized while getting my hair washed.

My memory is that Mom was telling me, when I was a young child, that she would be careful bathing me, and she explained that the water was nice and warm. This memory seemed to be unimportant until recent years. It now suggests to me that she had found out that I was having a major, serious struggle with the bath experience.

Also, when I was maybe between 3 and 6 years of age, after Mom talked to the doctor about a scab on my scalp, she told me that in order to make it go away, she had to be more vigorous when washing my hair. This suggests that she had been using extra care after I had complained about the hair wash.

Finally, when learning to swim, I recall a major struggle that started early (maybe when I was about 5) and lasted for years, mainly due to a fear of water that was far greater than the fears I noticed in other children.

 

Buried memories were connected
to buried feelings:

No doubt some readers will struggle with some of the early childhood details in my childhood abuse file. They will decide the story was just made up to suit the childhood photos posted there, or that I imagined the abuse after analyzing the photos. But, most of the abusive experiences were uncovered before I paid much attention to the photos. Also, after I had done decades of recovery, I still found that my childhood photos were difficult to look at, so if I looked at them during this time, it would have been just a superficial forgettable experience. It would not have had an impact on all the memories and feelings that came later.

About 1992, when I found that my symptoms were still messing up my life and that they could not be avoided, I became more serious about recovery. I used everything that might be helpful in unlocking the key to the symptoms which were preventing me from living the type of life most adults experience.

At that point, in response to instructions in a book that my counselor had recommended to me: "Healing The Child Within" by Charles L. Whitfield M.D., I carefully analyzed photos of me as a child. With some photos I had hints of memories, and after closely examining my face in a photo, I could sense the feelings I experienced at the time. I thought about the hints of memories and gave my mind time. I reassured my mind that it was okay to recall more, so after awhile I recalled a few more little bits of memory, and I was then able to feel more of the painful parts. The various pieces gradually fit together.

At other times in my recovery, after feeling extra tense for a few days, I found time to sit down and focus on the soreness that was inside my head. Then I would search my memory to find what the soreness was connected to. Although there were times when I had to tune into a number of memories, usually the memory I connected with was near the surface. I was then able to turn the sore feeling into real emotions and grieve. The process and memories were real because the connection was required, and the feelings that surfaced fit the memory.

 
[There are many approaches to recovery. Other people may find a different process is far more effective, or may find solutions with the help of the new drugs. The approach that I described here just happens to be the one I used and found effective.]
 

The key is that in my mind, the details of the memories that I came up with were not what was important for me. The important thing was the buried emotions that I found in those memories. Those painful emotions were linked to my adult emotional problems and limitations. So as I brought up those painful childhood feelings and felt them again, I was able to diffuse them and change them through a grieving type process. After this, my adult emotional problems decreased and in some cases disappeared.

From my point of view, the process would not have worked if I would have come up with false details, a false memory. For the most part they would not have linked to my buried emotions and adult symptoms. Anyway, my perception is that the process was genuine, and what is more important, the process worked.

 

 

More Comments on

False Memory Syndrome

 

from the perspective of one with loads of experience with

early childhood memories and recovery

 

I am not an expert, and not well read on this topic.
I am just speaking from my experience,
from my unique perspective.

 

I doubt if it is possible to feel pain and to grieve a memory of something that never happened. Try it some day. Dream up an incident that never happened and see if you can get truly upset over it, and really cry. I know I can't.
(If you can, check and see if the incident you dreamed up is similar to a different disturbing experience that really happened in your life. Then you will know that it is not the false memory that is making you cry.)

If for some reason a person gets emotions from a false memory, I would think that that person can sense that the emotions are incomplete or inconsistent with the false memory. After working with a false memory for awhile, I would think it would leave the person feeling uncertain and irritated. With time, dealing with a real memory seems to bring a sense of truthfulness, of completion, a sense that things are all fitting together, and a genuine feeling that one is getting better.

Potentially, I see three general sources of false memory syndrome.

(1)   When a victim feels confused and uncertain about why they are feeling powerful feelings, an incompetent or aggressive therapist might unintentionally create a false memory. The therapist and victim could find reasons for why unexplained emotions could have come from a type of abuse, and then come up with false ideas of what actually happened. After dealing with the false ideas a few times, they would start to seem real. The memory could fit with one particular victimizer and give a false sense of completion. After the therapist and victim deal with the false information for a number of sessions, it could start to feel like a real memory. Then, the client could start to feel better as they focus blame on someone they have learned to dislike. (But this would only bring temporary, superficial relief.)

(2)   Another source of false memories is a victim with a mixed up mind who confuses who the victimizer is. If the victim hates two people, maybe a surface hatred for the first one will allow the victim to find the memory of a seriously abusive experience that the victim had with the second one, and apply it to the hated first person. In this way, the first one would be falsely accused, and the victim could recall real experiences and feelings to verify that that particular experience really happened.

(3)   Since writing this file I listened to a radio program about studies done on memory errors. It convinced me that memories of many people can become confused for a variety of reasons. Faint memories are hard to tune into, and if a victim of abuse has a mind full of other stuff, or a mind that is restless and confused, it could be that it becomes easy for them to get their memories mixed up.

So, to find false memory syndrome, look for an incompetent or aggressive therapist and/or a victim who was really feeling confused and/or a vulnerable child. Keep in mind that it is irritating and "crazy making" for a victim to be told that what they truly remember is false. When you are already a troubled person, you can start to really lose it if a person in authority tells you that the painful abuse you recall happening to you didn't happen. This can be tremendously disturbing to someone who has spent decades of suffering, and who is already feeling unstable, uncertain, and unsupported.

 

Here are three types of people who will tend to believe in false memory syndrome:

  • some people in our world find it easier to accuse rather than to understand. Gaining an understanding can be difficult and time consuming. Since they like to accuse, they will prefer to dismiss memories and claim they are looking at a syndrome. As well, abuse isn't a popular topic, some find it irritating, so it is easy to feel negative and dismiss the memories.
  • some people find abuse stories conflict with their view of reality, so they find them irritating. They prefer to believe children are tough, or children need to be toughened up in preparation for adulthood. If their beliefs are in conflict with the memory of an abused person, it is easier for them to assume that the memories of a troubled person are false than to believe their own views are wrong.
    •
  • some people find that abuse stories bring up feelings from their past. This can be a problem if the way they adjust to life is to ignore their own past negative feelings. Rather than being reminded of their own buried feelings, they would find it easier to maintain their adjustment by dismissing abuse stories as just false memories.

An abused person has low status and seems less believable. It is difficult for a healthy person to believe that a person with emotional problems can actually be more right than them. If a healthy person believes that spankings are good for children and they hear a victim describe how an early childhood spanking was harmful, they will tend to discount it. They tend to make the easy decision, to believe that the victim has things twisted or has a false memory.

While the visibly handicapped in this world get a lot of sympathy (and support), the emotionally handicapped tend to be an irritating type of person. It is often hard for them to get the help and support they need. Since the problems of victimized people make them irritating, victimized people tend to continue to be victimized.

The average person who struggles with their own weaknesses by using will power, will find it distressing to see a person with similar but more serious weaknesses getting special treatment. It seems obvious to the average person that the weaker person just needs to work harder, use more will power, make an effort to apply themselves, stop being lazy, and stop making bad decisions. It is easy to blame people who aren't doing well, to say it is all their fault, to say they are twisting things, that they have false memories.

We are lucky that this simple view of human behavior is not heavily supported in the media. Society is starting to believe that there really is such a thing as mental problems, and that most people have some. A more positive attitude towards mental problems will tend to increase the tendency for people to feel accepting of the validity of early childhood memories.

 

 

A more detailed description of the abusive experiences

plus photos can be found in the file

on child abuse.

 

to entrance page and file on early childhood emotional abuse.

Since November 1, 2001 you are visitor