The Under Theory

Author: Karen

Rating: Pg-12

Disclaimer: All hail Joss.

Feedback: Please.

Dedicated to Mediancats who helped me with the plot.

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Buffy leaned back on her sofa. The house was finally empty. Well, empty

except for Willow and a table full of sweets. "Mm. Total fat."

"In thirty types of nonfood flavors." Willow lifted a brownie. "Do we dare? There's enough fat and artificial preservatives on this table to practically embalm ourselves."

"Icky metaphor, but I'm saying dare. Oh well at least we won't decay. I like to maintain a coifed coffin look." Buffy bit into a twinkie. "Mm."

"Oh, like Angel? He's totally coifed. He's like GQ vampire. If he could be photographed they'd make him an underwear model." Willow blushed then giggled.

"No way. How's he gonna look all intensely dark and handsome in his tighty whiteys?" Buffy grabbed a glass of milk as Willow's face got very intense.

"Angel wears tightys?" It came out as half whispered awe.

Buffy laughed. "Well, I only saw him the one time and . . ." Buffy started to blush. "Yes."

"No wonder he's so intense. Oz wears these cute little boxers and I think that's why he's so calm. Freedom of movement and all. . ." Willow trailed off, realizing what she had just said. Blushing furiously, she stuffed her mouth with a hand full of popcorn as Buffy choked on her second twinkie.

"Now there's a theory." Buffy managed. "Anyway, no more guy talk. We're here to veg and stuff ourselves silly. I want to enjoy being calorie intensive. Hand me that bag of marshmallows." Impaling one on a fork, Buffy pulled out a can of hairspray. "Light me." She handed Willow a lighter.

Willow frowned. "Not good. Here." She waved her hands and the marshmallow began to toast on it's own. "Wicca girl strikes again."

Buffy leaned back and Willow grabbed a cupcake. "When's Xander going to get here?" She asked biting into the marshmallow. "Perfect." Then Buffy grinned darkly. "Hey, you've known Xander forever. What kind of undies are we talking here?"

Willow tried to avoid eye contact. "The last time I say Xander in his underwear it was Batman themed. And I thought you were done talking about guys?"

Buffy maintained her evil glimmer. "So that was last year right?" Willow laughed. "Aren't you curious?"

"No, I am not." Willow replied.

"C'mon. Giles is so uptight he must have the permanent wedgies briefs specially flown in. Obviously the tweed variety. Angel is in the tighty's. Both of them are very uptight or majorly intense. Then there's Oz. Your boy is ultra cool and unfazed. Also he's the boxer boy. So do Xander's undies add up to his personality? Is he still sporting spideroos?"

Willow frowned. "I'm sorry I thought up the stupid theory."

"No, you're not."

"What theory?" Xander strolled in with a box of little Debbie's. "Something about sugar? Sorry I'm late." He stared down at the goodies. "I can't believe you started eating without me!" Xander pouted. "You ate the twinkies?"

Buffy stood up casually, winking at Willow. "Relax, there's a whole box in the kitchen." She walked past him and Willow breathed a sigh of relief until Buffy turned back. "Hey Xand, wanna test out Willow's theory?"

Xander shrugged. "Sure. What theory?"

Buffy slid her hands around Xander's waste and pulled his pants straight down. Willow closed her eyes in embarrassed anticipation. Opening one eye she blearily saw and heard Buffy gasp. Opening her eyes, Willow stared in shock.

Xander was standing in the center of the room with his cords down around his ankles and absolutely no underwear. No boxers, no briefs, not even a thong. Xander was as God made him, free and clear and hanging in the . . . Willow shut her eyes tightly and threw her hands over them in complete humiliation.

He calmly placed a hand on his hip as he faced the two girls. Buffy turned scarlet and burst out laughing. "Well, that blows that theory!"

Xander squinted. "What theory?"

Buffy backpedaled, "Tha-That one out of every three guys is easily embarrassed, which you obviously are not. Embarrassed because look at you. I mean *look* at you. No forget I said that."

"No." Xander mustered. "Go ahead and ah, look if you want. Look all you

want." He tried to sound suave but then it fell apart. "Unless you're going to mock."

"Mock, why would I when you. . ." Buffy's eyes snapped up to meet his. "Um."

"Pants!" Willow squeaked.

"Right!" Buffy knelt down and pulled Xander's pants up. Xander was pleasantly surprised as she patted his pants back into place nervously. "Okay. Right. Yeah."

Xander was a little shocked. Okay he was mostly shocked but also there was the shock. Right, only having one feeling right now. "So," Xander asked casually. "Got any other theories, Will?"