ECW Wednesday Night Beatdown

April 17^th 2002

The Show starts off with Old school Lord Alfred Hayes and Bobby Heenan announcing.

ECW’s brand new owner Alex Clauson comes down to the ring and the fans cheer.

Alex Clauson: Hey thanks for that great ovation! For those of you who haven’t figured it out I am Alex Clauson and I have brought back ECW and I have HUGE plans for it. First of all I am not going to be ruining the whole federation like the WWF did in the Invasion crap. ECW is going back to its roots, with great wrestling. We are not going to be some Indy fed from Philly, because I am taking ECW up to the top of the entire wrestling scene! Now, I have brought back all of the great stars from the past. I have got Lance Storm, Justin Credible, Jerry Lynn, Taz…with one Z and not two! And you can also notice him not in the announcers booth because he is a wrestler! We have them and some more suprises for you…but as all of you know, ECW aint all about the talking and shit…so lets get to some QUALITY MATCHES!

The fan’s cheer for Alex as he leaves the ring.

Bobby ‘The Brian’ Heenan: I don’t know about this guy…the humanoids love him.

Lord Alfred Hayes: I love him also.

Bobby ‘The Brian’ Heenan: Exactly!

*~*Commercial Break*~*

Lord Alfred Hayes: Now its time for our very first card here in the new ECW…lets get to it.

Non-Title Match

The Great Muta vs Shawn Stasiak

(Great Muta defeats Shawn Stasiak with mist to the eyes. Mr Fuji and Sonny Ono both come to the ring and Sonny distracts the ref. Fuji throws salt into the eyes of Stasiak for Muta to spit the green mist. The three Japs celebrate in the ring after the match.)

Lord Alfred Hayes: I can’t believe this shocker!

Bobby ‘The Brian’ Heenan: Oh you are a humanoid! What a shocker this is, all the foreigners except you are in there Alf!

Lord Alfred Hayes: Alf eh? Get out of the eighties…

Bobby ‘The Brian’ Heenan: Oh you are one to talk.

Non-Title Match

Chris Candido w/ Tammy Lynn Sytch vs Lance Storm w/ Dawn Marie

(Lance Storm wins the match with outside assistance from Justin Credible. Credible comes down to the ring and hits a super kick for Storm to apply the half crab for the win. After the match Credible comes into the ring and hits That’s Incredible and Storm rolls Candido out of the ring. Dawn Marie shoves Tammy Sytch out of the way and grabs a mic without a catfight.)

Dawn Marie: Ladies and Gentlemen, you can all thank me, right here! Right now! For being the woman single handedly responsible for bringing back the Impact Players to ECW television!

Lance Storm: If I can be serious for a minute…it is about time that Justin and I are back together. The World Wrestling Federation does not know how to use wrestlers with talent. But Alex Clauson and the ECW are about entertaining people, even if you are all moronic dim-witted Americans. All of you pro wrestling marks, meet Justin Credible!

Justin Credible: That’s right, you might not know who I am, but I am Justin Credible. The world’s greatest tag team is back together in ECW, and for those of you that don’t know…that’s not just the coolest…that’s not just the best…that’s just

Voice (interrupting): That’s Justin Time for you to shut up. (camera shows Perry Saturn) You can talk about how you are the greatest tag team champion in the world…but one team won the right to be called that.

Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan: What is he talking about? Who, the British Bulldogs? The Demolition?

(John Kronus comes down to the ring and attacks Credible from behind. Perry comes down and attacks storm. The Eliminators eliminate the Impact Players from the ring and then hug in the ring. )

Lord Alfred Hayes: Bobby, I did some research and that team is made of John Kronus and Perry Saturn. They are the Eliminators.

Bobby ‘The Brian’ Heenan: How long did it take you to figure that out braniac?

Lord Alfred Hayes: I also learned that at ECW Presents: Barely Legal to see who was the best tag team in ECW.

Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan: Wow, you are quickly becoming a broadcast journalist.

*~*Commercial Break*~*

Bossman by Lucky Boys Confusion starts to play and Alex walks back down to the ring as the fans cheer. Alex stands alone in the ring with a microphone and the fans quiet to hear him speak…

Alex Clauson: Ladies and gentlemen, what do you think of ECW’s first card so far? (the fans cheer) Well if you like that so far I have a real treat for you right now. I am going to introduce you to ECW’s first ever World Champion…here he is…Kurt Angle!

“Medal” starts playing and Kurt Angle’s pyro goes off. He comes out from the entrance and does his spinny thing on the ramp as the fans boo him. Angle goes to the ring while the fans chant “you suck!”

Kurt Angle: Woooooo! Thank you Alex, and might I add that it is certainly a real pleasure to be doing business with you here in ECW. I mean sure I kissed a certain Vince’s ass in WWF…but this is different, you are really a good guy. I would like to thank you right now for announcing me as your first ever ECW World Heavywieght Champion. I am an Olympic Gold Medalist and now I am going to be the ECW World Champion!

Bobby ‘The Brian’ Heenan: Man I love this guy!

Lord Alfred Hayes: This is a travesty, shouldn’t Kurt have to beat someone or at least earn the title?

Alex Clauson: That’s right folks, Kurt is going to be representing the new ECW as the World Champ for months to come! (fans boo) Just like I am going to be running 100% of this show for ever! (fans boo) And that means that I call the shots and tonight you are going to be in action Kurt. You are going to face a man that screams ECW…his name is synonymous with hardcore, and getting his ass kicked…Terry Funk!

The fans give a huge pop for Terry Funk!

Kurt Angle: Funk him! (fans give no response at all) I am a gold medallist and the new ECW world champ…I am going to break that old bastards legs tonight in front of all my loyal fans!

Bossman plays again and Alex and Kurt leave

Non-Title Match

Eliminators vs Chuck and Billy w/ Rico

(The match ends up a no decision when the Impact Players break up the match)

Lance Storm attacks PerrySaturn and ends up getting him in the half crab.

Credible hits That’s Incredible to John Kronus.

Chuck and Billy then attack the Impact Players.

Lord Alfred Hayes: We have a real 6 man battle going on right now!

Bobby ‘The Brian’ Heenan: Get those guys out of here, this is between the Implact Players and the Eliminators.

Chuck and Billy clean house and celebrate in the ring with Rico.

Dawn Marie is left alone in the ring.

She tries to seduce Rico, but he just shoves Dawn Marie out of the ring.

Lord Alfred Hayes: Looks like we have yet another team that thinks they are the best tag team in the world.

Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan: Why do the humanoids back these guys, they don’t compare to the impact players!

Non-Title Match

Jeff Hardy w/ Matt Hardy vs Jerry Lynn

(Jeff Hardy hits Jerry Lynn with a swan ton bomb after a great match and beats Jerry Lynn.)

Matt Hardy rolls into the ring with a mic in his hand and Jeff tosses Lynn outside of the ring.

Matt Hardy: Ugh…just a little bit ago we saw a few teams battling in this very ummm

Jeff Hardy: We saw three teams in here battling to see who was the best tag team in ECW. Impact Players and the Eliminators are ECW’s past…and that’s where they belong. Chuck and Suck! never were good and thus that makes that scuffle futile. Everyone knows that the Hardyz…Team Xtreme is where it is at. We are the best tag team in ECW now, or ever! If the Players, Eliminators, or Billy and Chuck have anything to say about it…you know where to find us…

Matt Hardy: In our locker room!

*~*Commercial Break*~*

The camera comes back and ‘The Manager of Champions’ Bill Alfonso is in the ring with a microphone getting ready to talk.

Bill Alfonso: Earlier my boss Alex Clauson was talking about how Kurt Angle is the next world champion and how Terry Funk IS ECW…well he is dead wrong. The man who I am about to introduce you to is the next World Champion…and he is the man who IS ECW! Ladies and Gentlemen…‘The Human Suplex Machine’ Taz!

Taz’s music plays and he comes to the ring.

Bill Alfonso: Take not wrestlers of ECW, here is the man who you should fear, here is Taz. This is a bad mother fucker! I am the manager of champions (blows whistle) and he is going to be the next champion, whether Clauson likes it or not! Now, just to prove a little point, is there anyone in back stupid enough to come out here and fight Taz?

“Medal” starts to play and the fans get up to see if we are going to see a huge matchup between Kurt Angle and Taz.

Angle steps out and the cans boo.

ERIC Angle walks down to the ring.

Lord Alfred Hayes: What is Kurt Angles brother doing?

Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan: Defending the family name!

The two men start an impromptu match and Fonzie claims to be the ref.

Unofficial Impromptu Non-Title Match

Taz vs Eric Angle

(Taz destroys Eric Angle with tons of suplexes. Angle does no moves and Taz eventually chokes out Angle and still holds on the hold)

Lord Alfred Hayes: Break the bloody hold Taz!

Kurt Angle comes running down from the back with a chair.

He slides into the ring and cracks Taz with the chair.

Angle reaches back again and Fonzie takes the chair.

Alex Clauson gets in the ring and dropkicks the chair into Fonzie’s face.

Bobby ‘The Brian’ Heenan: Wow! I love our new boss!

Angle slaps on the Ankle Lock and screams at Taz.

*~*Commercial Break*~*

Taz is in the back with a microphone.

Taz: Hey Angle, I hope you liked my little message. I hope you realize that I am going to beat you for the world title. I just beat the piss out of your little brother. He couldn’t beat me, he barely survived. Then you came down and attacked me. You think you can hit me in the back of the head with the steel chair? Do you know who I am, I am Taz. I survived the mean streets of Brooklyn. Can you survive? We will see. Right now I am challenging you for a World Title Match next week on Beatdown…Angle! Beat me if you can, survive if I let you!

Bobby ‘The Brian’ Heenan: Is that little man asking to get demolished by Angle?

Lord Alfred Hayes: Taz is a former ECW World Champ, I think he can hold his own.

Bobby ‘The Brian’ Heenan: Angle is a former WWF Champ, take your pick…

Non–Title Match

Edge vs Booker T

(Edge wins a hard fought match with the Edge-O-Matic. Booker T went for the spin a rooni but when he got up Edge countered with the E-O-M)

Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan: What a travesty, I love the spinarooni!

Lord Alfred Hayes: It looks like Edge has something to say after that hard match up.

Edge: Booker T (catches breath) looks like again you come up just a little bit short. You now know that you are not in my league, and you shouldn’t have you eyes on the World Title prize that I do. Taz, Kurt Angle…you two are forgetting one pe…(gets cut off)

Angle runs up from behind Edge and clotheslines him down.

Angle picks up Edge and German Suplexes him down hard and Alex Clauson rolls Edge out of the ring.

Kurt Angle: Taz you won, Edge you won…you both think that makes you World Title Material, but it doesn’t. I have not had a match yet, and just to prove to all of my trillions…(pauses for fans to say “and trillions!”)…of fans, that I am without a shadow of a doubt the best wrestler for the title…Alex…I want a match!

Alex Clauson: Hmmmm, you want a match eh?

Lord Alfred Hayes: What gave him that idea?

Alex Clauson: Well, since you want to prove yourself to all the loyal ECW fans…you will face an ECW legend, and former ECW World Heavyweight Champion. (fans erupt) You are going to face…Terry Funk!

Terry comes walking down to the ring.

Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan: He is older than I am and I haven’t wrestled in over ten years!

Terry gets into the ring with a ref not far behind him.

Non-Title Match

Terry Funk vs Kurt Angle w/ Alex Clauson

(Good match with some spots taken by the old Terry Funk. Angle went “Olympic” on funk and busted him open. Match mostly dominated by Funk as we join in mid match)

Angle picks up Funk and German Suplexes him.

He rolls through and does another.

Funk stands up and staggers around with blood pouring from his face.

Angle catches him and Olympic Slams him down hard.

He goes for the cover but Edge dives into the ring and breaks the count.

Lord Alfred Hayes: Bloody Hell its Edge! Look out!

Taz runs to the ring and slides in as does the Fonz.

Taz shoves Edge out of the way and locks the Tazmission on Angle.

Edge then grabs Angle’s legs and hooks in the Edge-ecuttion!

The Fonz then tackles Alex from behind.

The fonz starts punching Alex in the face while the fans erupt.

Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan: Someone has to help him.

Lord Alfred Hayes: Piss off wanker, why don’t you help him?

Then Lance Storm and Justin Credible slide into the ring.

Fonzie turns around and Storm and Credible hit a double super kick.

Edge and Taz get off Angle and go at the tag team.

Storm back body drops Edge up and out of the ring.

Credible ducks the Taz clothesline and then dropkicks him over the top rope.

Both men stay on the outside of the ring with the Impact Players taunting them.

They then help up Kurt Angle while Alex comes to.

Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan: Oh no! They want a piece of Kurt for themselves!

Alex gets up and picks up the Fonzie.

He punches him hard in the chest and fonzie backs up.

Alex shoves the fonz and he falls out of the ring and Alex walks to the three wrestlers.

The Impact Players get to their feet and raise the hands of Kurt Angle.

Alex just looks at the three men in the middle of the ring and smiles…

Lord Alfred Hayes: Oh my god what a lethal three some. We are all out of time, we will have to see you next week. Then we will know if Angle accepts Taz’s challenge!

*~*Camera Fades*~*