APA Newsletter April 2002

Editress: Ginger Strivelli

The Appalachian Pagan Alliance's agenda of world domination is well underway. We have agents infiltrating every government in the world, (with the exception of Liechtenstein, where our agent is missing in Action.)

Once our agents have completed their missions of taking over these governments around the world, we will be creating a new world-wide state called Planet APA, and crowning Ginger as Her Most Regal and Magical, Empress of Planet APA. Then the first order of business is to redecorate the international space station in purple velvet, and green silk trappings. The second order of business is to deport all Yankees to the new Moon Biosphere we will be building (we think their bad manners and lack of breeding will actually prove useful traits in the harsh lunar environment, and we'll be rid of them to boot.) The next project will be to contact the governments of other worlds and negotiate for an exchange of diplomats and cookie recipes…a planet can never have too many ways to bake cookies…

FROM OUR BOOK OF SHADOWS (compiled by Ginger especially for this month's 'theme' Newsletter)

--------To bring inanimate objects to life spell from Disney's Bedknobs and Broomsticks:

"Substitutiary Locomotion Treguna...Mekoites...Tracorum...Satis...Dee

Substitutiary Locomotion Mystic power that's far Beyond the wildest notion It's so weird, So feared, Yet wonderful to see Substitutiary Locomotion come to me

Treguna, Mekoites, Tracorum, Satis Dee

Treguna, Mekoites, Tracorum, Satis Dee

I don't want Locomotiary Substitution Or remote Intransecory Convolution Only one precise solution is the key Substitutiary Locomotion it must be Treguna, Mekoites, Tracorum, Satis Dee

Substitutiary Locomotion Lovely Substitutiary Locomotion You've made substitutiary history With Treguna, Mekoites, and a little help from me With Treguna, Mekoites, and Tracorum Satis Dee "

------To banish all obstacles: (the Sci Fi/Fantasy hero Spell) (Various variations noted.)

The Andromeda variation- Dylan Hunt: "Gee they don't seem to want to negotiate…" Tyr: "Can I blow them up now?"

The Highlander variation; "There can be only one…shooosh!"

Kirk, Janeway, other Starfleet personnel variation; "Evasive maneuvers, and fire at will!"

Xena variation: "eee--eee--eee" (screeched while pitching a serious butt-kicking hissy fit)

-------From the Bart Simpson Book of Shadows: Zombie spell:

Colin, Raebers, Knarrs, Trebek! Savar, Kresge, Caldor, Walmart!

Reversal spell:

Kojack, Mannix, Vanacheck, Danno! Trojan, Ramses, Magnum, Sheik!

-------Willow's "My Will Be Done" Spell (From Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV show)(For use when one's werewolf has left them broken hearted)

Hearken well ye elements.
I summon thee now!
Control the outside;
Control within.
Land and sea, fire and wind.
Out of my passions,
a web be spun.
From this eve forth,
my will be done.
So mote it be.

(the new pantheon prescribed for Planet APA's state religion…an exhausting but non-exhaustive list)

Cobin and Sean- APA's twin deities of self-confidence and self-promotion. (Sean is also the God of annoying music, bad jokes, and long stories.) (Corbin is also the God of Sword fighting and gaming.)

Beth- APA's resident Goddess of changes…Address changes, email address changes, religion changes, changing clothes, etc.

Paula- APA's Goddess of toys.

The Witchlings Circle- the APA's Godlings of the OTHER kind of toys.

Kevin- The APA God of Pigs and Poles

Nessa and Bill- The APA Goddess and God of Airport security

Lioness-APA Goddess of being missing in action. (Yes, Lioness is the one lost in Liechtenstein.)

Shanney- APA Goddess of the GOP. (By the way one of Planet- APA 2nd phase of projects is to relocate Shanney and Her GOP devotees to the right wing of the new Mars biosphere, once it is built.)

Marcia - APA Goddess of White Light and fluffy Bunnies. (To be relocated with Her followers to the left wing of the Mars biosphere ASAP!)

Atropos- APA Goddess of Vacuum cleaners (will man the center of the Mars Biosphere armed with her Hoover to keep Shanney's followers and Marcia's in their proper wings.)

Roxanne- APA Goddess of PUC matters (In other words she is in charge of pissing off the Religious right and the "Left-handed path" Pagans all at the same time, and trying to accomplish something in the Pagan Rights Movement all the while.)(Of course Paula and Ginger are also Goddesses of this realm, but being busy taking over the world, and redecorating the space station, they are 'giving Roxanne the con' briefly.)

Dara Luz- APA minor Goddess of Ebay (because Her Highness the most Regal and Magical Empress Ginger is of course the major Goddess of all shopping.)

Diotima- the APA Goddess of martial arts and cheap fire water.

Frank- APA God of HTML coding nonsense. (One of the Gods of Chaos.)

Thomas- The APA God of flattening outhouses, Flatulence, and flirting (the other god of Chaos)

Queenie- APA Goddess of the Internet, Yahoo particularly. (One of the Goddesses of Chaos)

Her Most Regal and Magical Empress Ginger- APA Goddess of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. (Obsessions with Dangerous Men, shopping, debating Politics, creative writing and poetry, arts and crafts, Witchcraft and all other pointless, perplexing, persistent, peculiar and perilous past-times.)(The Other Goddess of Chaos)

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