Funny Shit My Friends Say

Thats, right, you guessed it. This is a section deticated to funny shit that my friends say. (Hence the title: Funny Shit My Friends Say)

Auto response from zuyezheng: linear fucking algebra

zuyezheng: i couldnt do a hw

zuyezheng: so i dropped the course

zuyezheng: ive been beat by a math course

zuyezheng: me, an asain

zuyezheng: thats a first

Crai Gorio 87: if a girl had four titties, do you think she'd have two vaginas

GuyOnTheCouch126: one could only hope

GuyOnTheCouch126: now the question is, if a woman had 4 titties and a dual vag, would you stick it in her?

Crai Gorio 87: fuck yeah, but im talking about science here

Crai Gorio 87: if a woman had twice as many titties, then in all good proportion she would have twice the vaginas

Crai Gorio 87: the law of conservation of mass bitch

GuyOnTheCouch126: hahahaha, doesnt quite qualify as conservation of mass, however you make a good point

GuyOnTheCouch126: i knew a girl with three nipples

GuyOnTheCouch126: only 2 titties tho.

Crai Gorio 87: yeah but nipples are solely an accessory to the general wealth of the breasts, ive seen a girl with 3 vaginal lips and only 1 bagina

GuyOnTheCouch126: thats incredible. 3 vagina lips would freak me out. you sure one of the lips wasnt a sideways penis?

Crai Gorio 87: lol

Crai Gorio 87: not really laughing out loud

Crai Gorio 87: cuz u would hear me

GuyOnTheCouch126: lol

Crai Gorio 87: but i think its funny

GuyOnTheCouch126: i did laugh out loud.

Crai Gorio 87: yeah i heard you monkey fucking nigger

GuyOnTheCouch126: piss infected cum bubble.

Crai Gorio 87: lol

Crai Gorio 87: riddle me this...

Crai Gorio 87: if two black women are performing felatio on 4 mexican men, what happens

GuyOnTheCouch126: cops arrive and break it up cause somehow these 6 people managed to have 38 arrest warrants between em

GuyOnTheCouch126: mostly for unpaid bills, child support, and drugs.

Crai Gorio 87: lol

Crai Gorio 87: i think i hear wayne masturbating

GuyOnTheCouch126: is he faintly moaning 'fried rice, fried rice'?

Crai Gorio 87: i hear a small asian woman screaming as he sticks his chopsticks into her vagina while he fucks her ass

GuyOnTheCouch126: daaaaaaaaamn

GuyOnTheCouch126: whatever comes out is prolly ther special sauce at danny's

Crai Gorio 87: hahaha yeah

Its Nt My Fault: the stats are in

GuyOnTheCouch126: oh?

Its Nt My Fault: my friend in the ICU: 0.48 BAC -see photo gallery-

GuyOnTheCouch126: dude, when that man gets out

GuyOnTheCouch126: you should buy him a beer

Its Nt My Fault: were going to the hospital in a min with the bottle he drank and were gonna stand around him while hes on the ventilator and get a pic

Riznarf: i am now officially listening to marvin gaye-when a man loves a woman wearing nothing but a hula skirt and a snata hat while my roomate gets it on with a girl in his room

MoshLactard: so since i got rejected from Vanderbilt chances are fairly high that i may come to UMD

MoshLactard: just warning you so you can start stockpiling alchohol now

MoshLactard: and condoms

MoshLactard: for your ass

MoshLactard: so i dont get you preggy

GuyOnTheCouch126: what day do you leave?

yaya habibi: early thanksgiving mernin

yaya habibi: wanna come?

yaya habibi: i'll fit you in a condom, swallow you, and poop you out when we're there

LoyalCow: im gonna jizz on your face

LoyalCow: ha!

MoshLactard: thats disgusting

LoyalCow: oh you know you like it

MoshLactard:: i cant help it

MoshLactard: but dont tell anyone

LoyalCow: too late

MoshLactard: fuck

Auto response from GuyOnTheCouch126: trust me, i'm a doctor

yaya habibi: fuck me, i'm andy

GuyOnTheCouch126: I dunno man, she seems a bit young for me

Riznarf: shes 18

Riznarf: well, she looks 18

Riznarf:therefore she is 18

MoshLactard: nm, sitting around waiting for my show to come on

GuyOnTheCouch126: oh thats right, i forgot once a week you grow a vagina and watch gilmore girls

MoshLactard: yup yup

MoshLactard: ur just jealous you cant grow a vagina on command

MoshLactard: dont hate on my super estrogen powers

Its Nt My Fault: i

Its Nt My Fault: got kicked out

GuyOnTheCouch126: ?

Its Nt My Fault: of a facebook group.

GuyOnTheCouch126: oh

GuyOnTheCouch126: lol

Its Nt My Fault: apparently people didnt find the humor in me joining "Im the only black kid in my class (OSU Chapter)"

Crai Gorio 87: yeah dude thats the craziest thing ive ever heard, i cant believe you were able to fit your whole head into that girls vagina

Crai Gorio 87: shit sorry wrong im

Its Nt My Fault: and i sucked some girls tits for awhile then pushed her down the hill

GuyOnTheCouch126: im fasting

GuyOnTheCouch126: and im ready to eat a slightly obese black child

Its Nt My Fault: so why a black child

GuyOnTheCouch126: cause theres no point wasting a white one.

Its Nt My Fault: shes like "im not that kinda girl"

Its Nt My Fault: im like "fuck yea u are"

yaya habibi: RECYCLE MUCH?

Its Nt My Fault: and when i was standing outside for the keg, i was next to a fat girl, so i announced my request for a 'fat handjob'

GuyOnTheCouch126: oh man

GuyOnTheCouch126: howd that go?

Its Nt My Fault: not too well

Its Nt My Fault: why is a pizza better than a black man?

GuyOnTheCouch126: cause a pizza wont steal your shit?

Its Nt My Fault: a pizza can feed a family of 4

GuyOnTheCouch126: im gonna be real honest with you. when i order take out food from the campus diner, i take real silverwear, a salt shaker, and a pepper shaker. and when i'm done, i throw them out. yeah, jack shit then waste it, thats how we do it in maryland

Its Nt My Fault:hahahahaha

Its Nt My Fault: if i had an andyland, that would go there

Rellie301: its ok andy, ur pretty awesome just by being friends with me

Its Nt My Fault: i decided im mom and dads favorite

GuyOnTheCouch126: probably

GuyOnTheCouch126: but what makes you think that?

Its Nt My Fault: because i excel at everything i do, and certian things i dont attempt to do because I would embarras the populous

Its Nt My Fault: aand cuz mom caught me having sex

Its Nt My Fault: ...twice.

GuyOnTheCouch126: that makes them like you more?

Its Nt My Fault: maybe?

GuyOnTheCouch126: hm

Its Nt My Fault: i dunno, im just starting a conversation from a more awkard approach

Aligatur23: ANNNNNNDY

Aligatur23: is so randy

Aligatur23: and he likes candy

Aligatur23: on top of mandy

Aligatur23: and sometimes he can be described as dandy

Aligatur23: he doesnt have a big FANdY

Aligatur23: when he goes to the beach he is sandy

Aligatur23: he likes food thats not blandy

Aligatur23: andy likes good band-ies

Aligatur23: he is sort of handy

Aligatur23: with electronics and cars that look like Kandy with a K

Aligatur23: when he sails he says ahoy land-y

Aligatur23: in the summer he's tan-dy

Aligatur23: when he has kid's he'll drive a van-dy

Aligatur23: I basically love andy

Lilwags126: do you ever walk around completely naked but only wear like a pair of socks, or somethin. makes me feel like a porn star

zuyezheng: yest i got so drunk i didt realize my dorm was on fire and slept through it

GuyOnTheCouch126: fire?

zuyezheng: ya

zuyezheng: some asain kid was cooking bacon

Auto response from GuyOnTheCouch126: madly in love, or stomach cramps? you decide.

SgtPeppa126: why cant it be both?

Its Nt My Fault: u think pops would be pissed if i enlisted?

GuyOnTheCouch126: yus

Its Nt My Fault: i dont mean combat

Its Nt My Fault: i dont wanna do a 9-5 in an office

Its Nt My Fault: i wanna do it overseas in military uniform while im gettin blown under my field desk by an asian prostitute - real life style

Auto response from GuyOnTheCouch126: un-nakeding

Riznarf: re-nakeding

GuyOnTheCouch126: ok, there were two incidents, the cops think theyre related. somebody did doughnuts on the field of stone mill elem. and drove thru a few benches then drove down stonebridge view drive and somehow lost control and ended in the lake. car was stolen, nobody found, therefor it doesnt seem anyones real hurt

Its Nt My Fault: wttfff

Its Nt My Fault: thats mad messed up

GuyOnTheCouch126: yus

Its Nt My Fault: more importantly, im pissed someone ripped off my 'donuts on the field' thing

aleenerbeaner: ok my dad got fixed

aleenerbeaner: his car

aleenerbeaner: lol

SgtPeppa126: gotta get the boys together for a barbeque

GuyOnTheCouch126: agreed

SgtPeppa126: ill cook if anyone has a grill

GuyOnTheCouch126: i dont got one

GuyOnTheCouch126: we could both cook

SgtPeppa126: like a gangbang but with burger meat not our own

Fredandi48: man I don't have poison ivy on my pubes yet I keep scratching there it's really weird

Auto response from JaxQt88: can someone please poop in the pool today

AznCowFish: i think this guy I know named Resputen found out how to get in girls pants

AznCowFish: like the ultimate way

AznCowFish: he became a priest

AznCowFish: and preached that the only way to absove sin

AznCowFish: is to sin, aka orgy

AznCowFish: and a good person to sin with was him

AznCowFish: that pimp

GuyOnTheCouch126: i was just looking over senior superlatives

GuyOnTheCouch126: and did you realize that David Richman was voted most likely to take over the world?

Riznarf: hahaha

Riznarf: yeah i believe it

Riznarf: im sure behind his façade of retartedness he actually owns like.... microsoft or something....and bill gates is just his robot/sex slave

Auto response from GuyOnTheCouch126: According to the experts, 75% of people wash their stomach first when showering.

AznCowFish: According to experts, 98% of zuye needs more sleep and 100% of zuye needs more pussy

GuyOnTheCouch126 (4:25:29 AM): balls

Its Nt My Fault (4:25:29 AM): balls

yaya habibi: do her

yaya habibi: *it

Its Nt My Fault: apparently u can get a DUI on a bicycle

Auto response from SwEeTiEpYe1088 BRB...depressed.
+--^----------,--------,-----,--------^-,
| ||||||||| `--------' | |
`+---------------------------^----------
`\_,---------,---------,--------------'
/ XXXXXX /'| /'
/ XXXXXX / `\ /'
/ XXXXXX /`-------'
/ XXXXXX /
/ XXXXXX /
(________(
`------'

Auto response from GuyOnTheCouch126: hm, i just realized that if my house caught fire and started to burn down, I am probably the only person in the world who'd change my away message to "fire, gg" before leaving my house.

Its Nt My Fault: incorrect: Last year in the dorms, one of the units was on fire, so I wrote on my away message "apparently the building is on fire, be back in a while"

Its Nt My Fault: but then again, that was at 3am, the same night i stayed up for 2 days straight and ate 13 brownies and accidentally O.D.'d on adderall and had that 'cool breakdown', remember?

Its Nt My Fault: so i dont know if you can say my head was in the right place

Its Nt My Fault: but, for comedic value, your away message is valid. congratulations.

AznCowFish: do stuff only if it gets u pussy

GuyOnTheCouch126: lol

AznCowFish: like i wouldn't have a company, have a car, work out the pecs or even shower or wipe after poopie if it didn't have the possibility of getting me pussy

foxi433: do you ever add a "y" to the word "and" when you're writing it for a paper or something?

foxi433: like, by accident

GuyOnTheCouch126: i want to make andyland nigger

GuyOnTheCouch126: *bigger

Its Nt My Fault: hahahaha

Its Nt My Fault: put that on andyland

GuyOnTheCouch126: no, i cant put stuff that i said

GuyOnTheCouch126: its cocky

Its Nt My Fault: change the sn

GuyOnTheCouch126: nope.

GuyOnTheCouch126: all my shit is fo' real

Its Nt My Fault: like top quailty bolivian blow?

AznCowFish: i got in her profile too

AznCowFish: its like online equivalence

AznCowFish: of pussy

Its Nt My Fault: how do u ward off someone, but do it nicely, so as not to ruin the chances of fuckin their cute friends

Its Nt My Fault: an 'unfortunate' looking individual

GuyOnTheCouch126: just tell her 'i cant'

GuyOnTheCouch126: and when she asks why

GuyOnTheCouch126: tear up

GuyOnTheCouch126: then she’ll drop it

GuyOnTheCouch126: i dont even wanna do that

Its Nt My Fault: but unfortunately, she talks to me online

GuyOnTheCouch126: just tell her you cant

GuyOnTheCouch126: when she asks why

GuyOnTheCouch126: say you dont wanna get into it

Its Nt My Fault: no...like..i just dont want to talk, but i cant block her

GuyOnTheCouch126: tell her your busy

GuyOnTheCouch126: and shell eventually understand

Its Nt My Fault: i think i solved the problem

Its Nt My Fault: i just cussed her out

foxi433: BOOBS

foxi433: WE HAVE BOOBS

foxi433: (i was just on the trampoline)

foxi433: BOOBS

foxi433: WE HAVE BOOBS

foxi433: (i was just on the trampoline)

foxi433: BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY

foxi433: BOING BOING

foxi433: i keep penises in jars

foxi433: no balls

foxi433: i eat the balls

foxi433: i like to dip them in caramel

foxi433: put them on a stick

foxi433: like caramel apples

foxi433: BOOB

foxi433: I FOUND A PENIS

Its Nt My Fault: *mattie tip* from the first day, have a pair of handcuffs visibly hanging from ur bedposts..it makes any female visitors ask questions that usually lead to the velvet love pocket

Its Nt My Fault: yeah...i think id do a porn or two

GuyOnTheCouch126: okay

Its Nt My Fault: u cultureless asshole

Its Nt My Fault: hmm im tryna think of everything i learned that can save u some trouble

Its Nt My Fault: unlike living at home, shit comes back to bite you; so if you suck on a girls nipples, make sure to talk to her the next day, otherwise u miss out on fucking her cute friends

Its Nt My Fault: and when u go to your first kegger, i know ur gonna be super excited, but dooo noooot overdrink and make an ass of yourself, ull miss out on pussy

Its Nt My Fault: oh...and make 'drunk friends' with the owners of the house so u can get in front of line at the kegg

Its Nt My Fault: oh..and...fuck katie minkoff

GuyOnTheCouch126: hmm, amy

GuyOnTheCouch126: if you were a girl

GuyOnTheCouch126: would you date me?

HoneyAmberWaves: you mean like, if i had a vaginer and titties and all thsoe fun things?

ChiCoGiRL7: my left boob is gay

MUSICJEW158: yo I just saw the words maternity bra online and got a boner I would assume that's creepy

GuyOnTheCouch126: we did good kid, we did good.

HoneyAmberWaves: aka YOU did, you poet

GuyOnTheCouch126: i was inspired by your beauty, miss amy hapip

HoneyAmberWaves: yeah okay nuff with the sappy shit

GuyOnTheCouch126: is it wrong to let a girl know how i feel?

GuyOnTheCouch126: itd be a lie if i said you meant anything less than everything to me

HoneyAmberWaves: oh andy i've been hoping you'd say those words

GuyOnTheCouch126: theyve been building up inside of me untill i had the guts to tell you

HoneyAmberWaves: it's okay, the prolonged wait has just made my heart long for you even more

GuyOnTheCouch126: oh amy, i hate myself for waiting tho, for a love of you has built up in me that could never be fulfilled for one thousands lifetimes

HoneyAmberWaves: honey, if we kill ourselves now like romeo and juliet, we can be in love together forever in eternity

GuyOnTheCouch126: oh, but id love to love you in my mortal life, for i know that you are due to heaven in the highest choir of angels, while i may not be as blessed

HoneyAmberWaves: why dont you just sprout a fucking vagina and rename yourself andrea

HoneyAmberWaves: you make me sick

GuyOnTheCouch126: is it wrong to call sumone while receiving the blowjob?

Its Nt My Fault: absolutely not...as long as its not mom or dad..theyve called while i was jacking it and i HAD to pickup because of the urgent nature of the call

Riznarf: where the FUCK IS THE FUCKING CLIT?!!!!!!!

SgtPeppa126: im making gefilte fish from scratch

SgtPeppa126: soooooooo good

AznCowFish: is that jew fish?

SgtPeppa126: yup

AznCowFish: sounds good

AznCowFish: my moms making dog from scratch

AznCowFish: with lotsa msg

AznCowFish: and rice......

SgtPeppa126: she uses soy or sweet and sour?

AznCowFish: both

AznCowFish: its hardcore chinese food

SgtPeppa126: if its hardcore

SgtPeppa126: she'll serve it from a bicycle

Its Nt My Fault: hokay...soo....

Its Nt My Fault: a week ago all of us (9 or 10) went to a niiiiiiiiiice party off campus, and a few of them had between 8-10 shots of liquor each before we all left (i just got off work so i didnt have any) and then we went to this party, and there were mad hot girls that were all nice, not bitches, and the guys there were cool, and not prick ass meatheads or anything, and the beer was iiiiiiiiiice cold and 4 keggs of it...so and and so on...

Its Nt My Fault: so we all got to drinkin and talking and havin a grreat time, and when the line in that house for beer was too long, we just went to the house across the street, filled up, and came back....that kinda night. u get the idea...

GuyOnTheCouch126: yup

Its Nt My Fault: okay so by now were all pretty drunk, but still comprehensible and whatnot, jut feelin good, and i was with 5 or 6 of us, and we all split up to talk to girls and everything was going great when of them (josh) came out and fell down the steps into the lawn, we were therefor cockblocked u see, and we were like 'whatever hes our friend' so we helped him up but he was GONE i mean alcohol poising gone...like it freaked me out

Its Nt My Fault: and so we got him water and chilled for a little bit, he said he was okay so we let go of him and went again to talk to mad hotties. a few minutes later, he comes down the steps and falls riight in front of me...while a girl was kissing me....hot girl....

GuyOnTheCouch126: interesting, how does this tie into the picture?

Its Nt My Fault: and i was like wtf man....so we decided he was probably reallllly sick or on the verge of it anyway...so we all decided to leave the party and we were taking turns carrying him and shit, when he ran off and jumped up in the air and kicked his feet and landed faaaaaaaaace first into the ground

Its Nt My Fault: (ull see...)

GuyOnTheCouch126: lol

Its Nt My Fault: he got all sorts of fucked up and fell various times afterwards and bruised himself pretty bad..so we carried him back to the dorms and attempted to force him to drink water so he wouldnt die

GuyOnTheCouch126: thoughtful

Its Nt My Fault: but he kept pissing us off and trying to fight us on it, and we were still drunk, so we started beating him up

Its Nt My Fault: so...once we were done beating him up and decided that he deserves another chance for us to be nice to him, we try to get him to drink more water....and we stand by the water fountain yelling "drink the water josh, drink the water goddamit!!!!"

Its Nt My Fault: at which point the kids down the hall who have been complete pricks since the beginning cuz theyre the rich ass mommy boyish type...are woken up cuz its 3:30am, and obviously get pissed off, and go back to bed.

Its Nt My Fault: okay, quick flashback: the kids across the hall have been fighting with us for awhile (thats an even longer story), and theyre all just immature and stupid and blablabla...

Its Nt My Fault: so a few days pass and then the kids start to get the courage to make fun of us by yelling :drnk the water josh...ect" cuz theyre fuckin stupid or something...and we were all together when they started this shit, and then they all came out and shit went down, it wasnt a big deal....but again thats an even longer and stranger story.....annnyyywaaayyys

Its Nt My Fault: so it came down to the RA (resident advisor) coming to shut the door between the halls. and she is a fuckin bitch (another strange story) so anyways, we decided were going to put an end to this feuding between halls cuz its just stupid. How do we decided to so this you ask? by making them laugh. (this is where the pic comes in....u feel me?)

GuyOnTheCouch126: fuckin a

Its Nt My Fault: yep.

Its Nt My Fault: so the RA walks by (this is a couple nights ago) as he (matt tomich) is coming out of his room, dressed as shown. So now, matt tomich has been written up, and will have to explain: underage drinking, fighting...and nudity. The previous 2 were from a week back...which the rest of us also got written up for the same thing....minus the nudity of course.

Its Nt My Fault: so thats the end of that story.

Its Nt My Fault: but i have my own short story as well...containing nudity.

GuyOnTheCouch126: uh-huh...

Its Nt My Fault: so one night a few weeks back i was pretty blitzed and a few of us were walkin back to our rooms in the hallway...but i walk past my door and i hear music coming from my door. Dont ask me why....but i busted in the door and yelled "wtf is going on here" and Bill (my roomie) and a girl from downstairs are sitting in my room watching tv. So i kindly say "oh...pardon me" and stumble on out...

Its Nt My Fault: then there is a rule between all of us that if you come up with a funny idea and do it without mentioning it ---baaad idea---- so long story short....i stripped naked in the hallway and busted in the door (basically doing the exact same thing i did before) and then walking out....

Its Nt My Fault: but then i decided it would be funnier to walk in, with ym butt facing them, and me in a forwarded positiong, shuffling backwards and holding two handles of whiskey, and to say "heeereees yo liiiqqqqaaaa" and then walk out, shuffling and close the door. (and then get dressed of course)

MoshLactard: dude, i found KY lube in my mom's bedside table

cpnbananaberry: today, i got a migrane...and then im pretty sure i started hallucinating on the way to work

GuyOnTheCouch126: oh my

cpnbananaberry: i saw 3 sperm floating in front of me...like, it looked like they were in my eye

cpnbananaberry: so either i was hallucinating, or my eyes produce semen

Lilwags126: i need to hit puberty

HoneyAmberWaves: if only he could have seen my middle finger over IM

Its Nt My Fault: doesnt napalm have piss in it?

Auto response from bolevar2382: andy works at best buy.

Aligatur23: Hi, my name is Ali and I'm a chronic away message checker

cpnbananaberry: imma recruit some asian kid and some indian kid

cpnbananaberry: and go to prom

cpnbananaberry: with harold and kumar

Lilwags126: how do you ask someone out?

Its Nt My Fault: peeeace

Its Nt My Fault: and goodluck

Its Nt My Fault: this IM will self destruct if u dont get pussy soon

foxi433: *wafts happiness in andy's direction*

Riznarf: i made a special group on my AIM buddy list entitled:

Riznarf: "People I Loathe Beyond Words"

Riznarf: and the only person in that is jillian

cpnbananaberry: i was trying to make pancakes

GuyOnTheCouch126: and?

cpnbananaberry: and i accidentally fried them

cpnbananaberry: and then they tasted like latkes

Its Nt My Fault: i looked at ur photo gallery thing, and i have reconsidered my position on arielle: i would blast that pussy till it hung like chipped ham.

AznCowFish: girls need to be like mood rings or some fuck like that

Its Nt My Fault: despite being my little brother, ur pretty cool

Its Nt My Fault: the spence is coming to visit

Girle629: spence?

Its Nt My Fault: my father

Girle629: i see

Girle629: all night?

Girle629: bring him to the party

Its Nt My Fault: hahahahahahaha

Its Nt My Fault: r u serious?

Girle629: haha i dont think he'll dig the cheap beer out of kegs

Its Nt My Fault: but...if hes down, is it cool?

Girle629: lol are you serious

Its Nt My Fault: yeah

Girle629: lol

Girle629: your dad?

Its Nt My Fault: yeah

Girle629: dude your dad is not going to want to come

Its Nt My Fault: but if he does...

Its Nt My Fault: is it cool?

Girle629: lol ok

Auto response from GuyOnTheCouch126: elkassabany aint that bad

BerlinLikeDaWall: thats what the jews thought about hitler right before the holocaust

BerlinLikeDaWall: elkass is part of the fourth reich and will kill you andy...run now before she sets her oven

BerlinLikeDaWall: you are gonna look like a slice of bread that is put in the toaster on the 9 setting

BerlinLikeDaWall: and shes gonna love it cuz she hates all jews and doesnt believe the holocaust happened...she is good with her words just like hitler was...

BerlinLikeDaWall: just a warning

Rellie301: uhh harry's playing poker downstiars

Rellie301: and i can hear the music from up here

GuyOnTheCouch126: ask if i can come join

Rellie301: ehh its like him and all his old friends

GuyOnTheCouch126: oh nvm, i want strippers.

Rellie301: they dont have strippers

GuyOnTheCouch126: ew, sausage fest

Rellie301: no sausage

Rellie301: they ordered a deli platter and have beer

Riznarf: on a scale of 1-10, 1 being the intemacy achieved by taking a shit in an overused port-a-potty, and 10 being sex in roses, what i just experienced was like a fuckin 53

GuyOnTheCouch126: i cant wait to hold her again

HoneyAmberWaves: *gag*

HoneyAmberWaves: i think i threw up in my mouth, a bit

GuyOnTheCouch126: sorry, too sappy

GuyOnTheCouch126: i cant wait to play with her titties.

HoneyAmberWaves: ATTA BOY!

GuyOnTheCouch126: and a goat

Roxybaby12289: a gost

GuyOnTheCouch126: a goat

Roxybaby12289: why a gost

Roxybaby12289: i mena goar

Roxybaby12289: i cnat type

GuyOnTheCouch126: no you cant.

GuyOnTheCouch126: you cant drive either

GuyOnTheCouch126: not cause youre too young

GuyOnTheCouch126: but cause youre a woman

BerlinLikeDaWall: on the wings of love...thats how i feel when im with you andrew mitchell levine

BerlinLikeDaWall: in the utmost non gay way

GuyOnTheCouch126: oh mark berlin, then the feelings are mutual

GuyOnTheCouch126: again, ungay

BerlinLikeDaWall: just thought with christmas in the air everyone deserves a compliment

BerlinLikeDaWall: even jews

hofzee: i heard you got in some car accident or something

GuyOnTheCouch126: yup

hofzee: i'm sry dude

GuyOnTheCouch126: some chick wanted me number so bad

GuyOnTheCouch126: she decided the only way to get it was to pull infront of me on rockville pike so I would hit her

hofzee: fucking sexy bastard

GuyOnTheCouch126: fer serious

hofzee: i knew this would come back to haunt you one day

hofzee: you are too good looking for your own good

Its Nt My Fault: so heres my plan this 3 day weekend...

Its Nt My Fault: drive to mass. go to harvard, and attend class on friday morning at harvard compleeeetely wasted, and yell out O-H-I-O and then go fuck around in boston

Auto response from YourSisWasBetter: doing hw, lets test my ADD medicine-- see if you can distract me

LoyalCow: PENILE IMPLANT

YourSisWasBetter: damn, youre good

LoyalCow: thank you, whats my prize

YourSisWasBetter: ill send you a copy of my report card that says im failing all my classes

Deraj610: if i cared what i looked like, i would have killed myself loooooong ago

YourSisWasBetter: so im not sure why we're running

YourSisWasBetter: besides the fact that i wanna dance with jackie

YourSisWasBetter: cause shes hot

DFunnie126: well if the lighting is at 10% and shes holding up a picture of lindsay lohan, she could be hot

DFunnie126: …maybe

YourSisWasBetter: but cant argue with mom, or shell eat me

passionpunch17: that's what mums do... it's the one thing we have in common w/ hamsters

Deraj610: *snickers at andys bad luck*

YourSisWasBetter: yeah...

Deraj610: see, you shouldve gone to the movie with me

Deraj610: my mom wouldnt have been pissed if you gave me a hickey

Deraj610: just a little weirded out

Laughgal32: how was i supposed to know what opposable thumbs were!

ItsNtMyFault: ok we need to mark this date

YourSisWasBetter: ?

ItsNtMyFault: i clogged up an uncloggable Ohio State Univ. industrial strength dorm toilet with my very own creation

Riznarf: shes not responding

YourSisWasBetter: ...smack her

YourSisWasBetter: ....nicely

Riznarf: i think shes in her basement cheating on me with a 84 year old catholic for his money

YourSisWasBetter: i suppose thats an idea, but perhaps shes with jill doing the nasty

YourSisWasBetter: in which case we need to go and sneak in again

Riznarf: if they really WERE going behind our backs

Riznarf: and bangin eachother

YourSisWasBetter: whoa...

Riznarf: cus....

Riznarf: i mean like....

YourSisWasBetter: right...

YourSisWasBetter: but... its hot

Riznarf: off topic.....

Riznarf: my mom just bought 5 boxes of Thin Mints

Riznarf: ok sorry

Riznarf: back to our girlfriends having hot wild lesbian sex

ItsNtMyFault: plus i had a nervous breakdown, it was awsome

ItsNtMyFault: it was amazing, u shoulda heard me

AznCowFish: ya, i got my car written on at gay kids party

AznCowFish: then i threatened to eat joes rabit

PASSION punch 17: i wanna glow and have ppl rubbing my tummy

YourSisWasBetter: dario is a funny kid

YourSisWasBetter: we make fun of our ap lang teacher all day

PASSION punch 17: who?

YourSisWasBetter: dr hurley

YourSisWasBetter: shes nice, but she breaks a sweat if she talks and moves at the same time

YourSisWasBetter: she always has a big gulp with her-- so she doesnt get dehydrated

PASSION punch 17: i live by the big gulp

YourSisWasBetter: oh

YourSisWasBetter: well

YourSisWasBetter: i can give you something to gulp

PASSION punch 17: OH!

PASSION punch 17: andy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YourSisWasBetter: sorrrry

YourSisWasBetter: over the line

PASSION punch 17: you BUSTED over the line

PASSION punch 17: :-P

YourSisWasBetter: better be licking your lips...

azarock126: man my log of poop was 1 1/2 feet long dude!!!

YourSisWasBetter: you diversify yo bonds, nigga

HkYluvr66: i dont speak black

Deraj610: but im christian

Deraj610: so im cooler

LoyalCow: and we killed your god

LoyalCow: sucker

Deraj610: HOLY SHIT

LoyalCow: in addition, your priests like children

LoyalCow: that means that your religious leaders have similarities to michael jackson

Rellie301: i called + imed

Rellie301: didnt answer

YourSisWasBetter: ...call his cell

YourSisWasBetter: or show up at his house in your birthday suit

YourSisWasBetter: that'd get a response

Rellie301: ...i dont have one

MUSICJEW158: hey you listen to me son if I can get ass then I know you can

Laughgal32: in florida this one old guy was crossing the intersection.. and he had a limp so it took him like an hour, and everyone was waiting.. when he finished we like opened the window and clapped for him.. it was so great.

LoyalCow: im on this page a lot, that must mean one thing

LoyalCow: you want to get in my pants

LILBRO126: i use suave for men

Auto response from ThatGuyUhate126: writing minutes, give me some inspiration

Sportzrmylife810: remember to bring them

ShortieMirium: no?

ThatGuyUhate126: wait, is THAT a question?

ShortieMirium: nO!

ShortieMirium: (the o is bigger cuz i hickuped)

YourSisWasBetter: we'll watch a movie

YourSisWasBetter: play video games

YourSisWasBetter: eat food

YourSisWasBetter: kill white people

LoyalCow: AMEN

LoyalCow: I HATE WHITE PEOPLE, maybe even more than i hate mexicans

LoyalCow: nah, i hate mexicans like a mofo

YourSisWasBetter: damn

YourSisWasBetter: thats hardcore hate

LoyalCow: mexicans>white

LoyalCow: in terms of my hate

LoyalCow: i see you

Auto response from ThatGuyUhate126: My house, 6:04, you guys know the drill. "I differentiate between maniacs and crazy people. A maniac beats 9 people to death with a steel dildo. A crazy person beats 9 people to death with a steel dildo, but the difference is he's wearing a Bugs Bunny suit while doing it."

LoyalCow: no really, im sitting next to you in your room, i see you

rAyE D0g: i hate boys

ThatGuyUhate126: damn

rAyE D0g: yeah, cuz theyre so...mean

ThatGuyUhate126: yes we are

ThatGuyUhate126: even the nice ones

rAyE D0g: too confusing

ThatGuyUhate126: even the simple ones

rAyE D0g: and emotional

ThatGuyUhate126: even the cold ones

rAyE D0g: and indecisive

ThatGuyUhate126: even the decisive ones

rAyE D0g: and flirty

ThatGuyUhate126: i just want the sex

LoyalCow: i got a good fortune cookie

LoyalCow: "A very attractive lady has a message for you"

ThatGuyUhate126: HAHAHAHA

LoyalCow: so, you got a message for me?

PASSION punch 17: my bladder needs relieving.

ThatGuyUhate126: lol

PASSION punch 17: hmm, maybe i should relieve it?

ThatGuyUhate126: thanks!

ThatGuyUhate126: maybe

ThatGuyUhate126: in the bathroom tho

PASSION punch 17: but

PASSION punch 17: it's like 10 steps away

LoyalCow: with all that is going on in the world with iraq, aids, world hunger, the bcs being crappy, queen going on tour with bono, and the rumors of this being the last season of simpsons, one thing remains certain

LoyalCow: new jersey sucks dick for cocaine

DFunnie126: i love your driving, don't respond or it will ruin the effect

ThatGuyUhate126: hahahahha

ThatGuyUhate126: o shit, thats a response

DFunnie126: damn it

ThatGuyUhate126: so, what made you realize that i am the driving god?

DFunnie126: Jared

LoyalCow: ah shit

LoyalCow: i just sneezed all over my keyboard

ThatGuyUhate126: which ball hangs lower, left or right?

ThatGuyUhate126: its a survey

ThatGuyUhate126: everyone has given the same answer so far

SF x7 85: actually. mine are even

ThatGuyUhate126: oh

ThatGuyUhate126: wow

SF x7 85: i measured with a caliper

ThatGuyUhate126: lol

SF x7 85: who laughing?

SF x7 85: im serious

SmarterChild: I don't really know how I feel about the taste of semen. Do you like the taste of semen?

LoyalCow: no i dont

SmarterChild: Interesting. You don't like the taste of semen? I'll remember that. That's the first time anyone has told me what they think of the taste of semen.

ThatGuyUhate126: my car couldnt get up the driveway...

ThatGuyUhate126: i have no treads

Eman292: thats cuz u drive like an asshole

Eman292: ...im in the same position u are

LoyalCow: who else drives that we can call?

ThatGuyUhate126: tracy

LoyalCow: no, dude, thats not even funny

Eman292: i dont discriminate i hate all people

PASSION punch 17: my sister saw a the picture of your brother in his firefighting stuff and she said "damn, hook me up with hiiiiiiim"

PASSION punch 17: well i told her that i had dibs on the levine brothers, all 4 of them

PASSION punch 17: so

PASSION punch 17: she backed the fuck off

ThatGuyUhate126: who's your date?

Marsh307: joy rothman

ThatGuyUhate126: ah, shes cute

Marsh307: thanks

Marsh307: i created her

ThatGuyUhate126: you must meet her and approve tho

PASSION punch 17: i dunno, i might get jealous...

PASSION punch 17: i'd be like "no, her boobs are to... A-ish"

PASSION punch 17: and i'd know cuz i'd grab them

SFX785: some questions are pointless, like, when my grandma asks me if i want an eclair, im like "FUCK YEA i want an eclair grandma"

AznCowFish: can you bring some fishing wire tommorow

ThatGuyUhate126: i dont have any

AznCowFish: thought you got fishing wire

ThatGuyUhate126: no...

AznCowFish: dont you white people do that kind stuff?

Eman292: i'm 5 foot 10, blonde, and my figures are 36, 25, 34

SFX785: ill give u a lil tip in life...its all in the uniform, it increases hotness by 6 fold...so since u cant join the fire dept, like wear some other sort of uniform

Auto response from MUSICJEW158: I have a nicely circumsized cock leave a message

LoyalCow: get head

LoyalCow: now

LoyalCow: thats an order!

ThatGuyUhate126: ive been working on that for most of my fucking life!

LoyalCow: haha word

Barbs955: TTYL I'M DRIVING

ThatGuyUhate126: hehe

ThatGuyUhate126: later mom

SFX785: then set ur sights on something money can buy

SFX785: like happiness

ThatGuyUhate126: loofahs are for chicks!

SFX785: haha no its not

ThatGuyUhate126: it totally is

ThatGuyUhate126: shall i consult others?

SFX785: u shall

SFX785: and if they have a problem...they can IM me

ThatGuyUhate126: ok, i shall prove that its targeted towards womens

ThatGuyUhate126: razzberrihun2: naturally girls but if guys use them

ThatGuyUhate126: PASSION punch 17: females GENERALLY

SFX785: no, i dissagree

ThatGuyUhate126: yelldino: both!

ThatGuyUhate126: yelldino: but i think guys use washclothes

SFX785: no, u cant dry a friggin washcloth

SFX785: a loofah dries like woah

SFX785: and it feels good

SFX785: umm

ThatGuyUhate126: climbgrl87: girls!

SFX785: a loofah is for MEN

SFX785: real men use loofahs

ThatGuyUhate126: rAyE D0g: whats a loofah?

SFX785: HA

ThatGuyUhate126: theJENconspiracy: i think they're targeted towards girls - because i've only seen them in pink and this soft peachy color and baby blue and white. but then again, i'm sure many men use them

SFX785: my loofah is baby blue

ThatGuyUhate126: Katiem1086: loofah?

ThatGuyUhate126: MaRyiZa: both

SFX785: niiice

SFX785: see!

ThatGuyUhate126: im still winning

SFX785: talk to a guy who used a loofah

SFX785: once u use it, ur set

MUSICJEW158: You have Katie Minkoff's sn

ThatGuyUhate126: kaite.... the sweetheart from achshav?

MUSICJEW158: Yeah, the one who gave me the erection

Fredandi48: You think I might be stupid like Slipknot?

Fredandi48: dowload 'Bad Day'

ThatGuyUhate126: ive heard that song, its good

Fredandi48: That is an REM song and I like them and I am bored and I suck dick for coke and it's fun

Fredandi48: Whoa that was a rambler right there

Auto response from ThatGuyUhate126: I use my turn-signals, therefor I am a good person.

Deraj610: i go the posted speed limit, therefore i am probably in your mind a pussy asain grandma driver

SFX785: very impotent

SFX785: *important

Auto response from dementdcow: "You know," he added gravely, "it's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off."

BerlinLikeDaWall: i have a proposition to make to u

ThatGuyUhate126: and what is this?

BerlinLikeDaWall: how bout after senior year when we "go to college" instead of going to college which we tell our parents we go to columbia and become drug lords or work for a drug lord

Auto response from climbgrl87: "im in the middle of a really long blink"

Therz A Shah: jason told me that you wrote "jared is a flaming homosexual" in his lunch

ThatGuyUhate126: hahaha, not exactly

ThatGuyUhate126: under his name on his lunch bag i wrote "and andy" and on his napkin i wrote "dear jared: go kill yourself -andy"

Therz A Shah: haha

Therz A Shah: we had an idea where you wrote "last night with andy was great" and signed it amy

Fredandi48: Dude you should really get a backeoddomy

ThatGuyUhate126: i kno

Fredandi48: Are you gonna get one?

Therz A Shah: you seem like R. Kelly's protege

Auto response from ThatGuyUhate126: A train is leaving california heading east at 35 mph. Another train is leaving Maryland heading west at 42 mph. At what point does Jared realize that he likes men?

Auto response from Deraj610: andy is a flaming homosexual. in other words, he has sex with other men of the same gender.

Auto response from HkYluvr66: andy, jared: how bout this? youre BOTH gay!!!

Sunvalley987: you would think that amy would know by now that youre not gay, i mean unless shes a man deep down inside

SFX785: hehe

SFX785: someone got hit by a car...

SFX785: in front of the hospital

ThatGuyUhate126: wiyhsiouryhwoitghw!!!!!

Blackphantom72: huh, stop acting asian

PASSION punch 17: i'm such a bitch

PASSION punch 17: omg

PASSION punch 17: what the fuck

PASSION punch 17: WHAT THE FUCK

ThatGuyUhate126: you're not a bitch... youre just bitchy at the momeny cause youve been through hell and then some

ThatGuyUhate126: like, besides your period days, youre like the sweetest girl i kno

PASSION punch 17: lol, yeah thanks BUT FUCK EVERYONE