September:
5-Wear White Shoes Day : umm...wear white shoes. Duh.
6-KINKY'S BIRTHDAY! : Give Kinky handcuffs and pasty
7-Republicans Suck Day : contemplate the ineffectiveness of our own swiss cheese and mock Dubya mercilessly
8-What Smells Day : what the hell is that smell?!?!?!
9-Green Binder Day : wander around asking people to guess how old you are
10-McDonalds Sucks Day : Tsk all those with the last name of McDonald
11-Rar, I Know I Can't Count Day : a day on which we mercilessly mock those who make mistakes
12-Socks Make Me Happy Day : wear those socks that just tickle you pink!
13-Football Should Die Day : A day on which we protest all organized athletics
14-My Bum Is Sore Day : a day on which we nurse our sore bums
15-Something Random Day : Pickles in rainbows make my dog say "Wowee!"
16-Little Old Man Day : Run through a field of daisies
17-Cowed Day : Wonder exactly what Dubya meant when saying that "America will not be cowed by terrorists"
18-Yo Quiero Taco Bell Day : Damn Mexicans for inspiring stupidity
19-Down with Disney Day : contemplate how meaningless all Disney programming has become
20-International Day of Tootsie Pops : sing a happy happy happy happy happy happy song
21-Booty Day : In the words of Janis Joplin, get it while you can
22-Thwart Day : run around screaming "thwart" and run into things
23-Killer Pigeons Day : attack any and all clowns with the zeal of kamikazee pigeons
24-Flaming Homo Day : a day on which everyone is a flaming homo
25-Alzheimers Day : a day on which you purposefully forget everything important and mutter quietly to the "hooligans" you meet
26-Bad Kitty! That's My Pot Pie! Day : cut footloose
27-Ow Ow! Day : the anual Michal Jacksonathon
28-Complain Gratuitously Day : bitch bitch bitch all the day long
29-Burn Baby Burn Day : burn any and all dresses you encounter
30-Limo! Day : laugh at poor
October:
1-Greek Gods Day : Wander aimlessly and mock the teletubbies and all that they stand for
2-I Hate Fig Newtons Day : mock everyone who claims Newton *discovered* gravity
3-Flag Day : let's mock all announcements we hear and dance to pretty music!
4-Dictators Day : ponder how stupid all school rules and authority figures are
5-My Head Hurts Day : Take lots of advil and say "Ow!" when trying to think
6-Wow, It's Cold Day : Eat an apple! It's good for you!
7-What's The Deal With Turtles? Day : a tribute to bunnies and their amazing reproductive habits
8-Ballons! Day : hahaha...well, balloons are fun, and the word "ball" is in it. hahaha
9-Orange Day : Throw little pumpkins at people and tell them they are stupid whores
10- PSYCHO'S BIRTHDAY! : Give Psycho explosives and firearms!
11-Hermaphrodite Day : shake yo ass. Watch yoself!
12-Donny and Marie Day : Shun incestuous brother/sister singing duos
13-Day Day : have a gay ol' time
14-New Testicle Day : kick some christian ass!
15-Stripperness Day : take it off, baby! Woo!
16-Onion Day : make onions feel guilty and give you chocolates for making you cry
17- Milkman Dan Day : torture the Karn's of the world
18-Elmac On Fire Day : run around like morons screaming random phrases
19-Destroy My Sweater Day : go on bitch. I dare ya ta try...
20-Happy Singing Sea Monkeys Day : dance with the seamonkey in your life. Dance! Scare the children!
21-The Devil Made Me Do It Day : be evil. Veeeery evil. Then say "The devil made me do it!" and pretend to cry
22-Pasty Rocks Day : Mmm...Pasty
23-Pep Boys Day : eat a jock
24-Anti-Jawa Day : a day on which we shoot jawas and drive like we're drunk...but not drive drunk. The DARE officers would be sad
25-Psycho Is Clumsy Day : Fall and hurt your Psycho!
26-Tummy Go Ow Day : hug a Pepto Bismol worker. Come on. No one's looking.
27-Damn It Janet Day : tell that special Janet in your life that, damn it, you love her
28-We're Slow Day : Make new holidays! And fast!
29-SUnshine Day : Everybody's happy!
30-Argyle Socks Day : milk cows and shear sheep
31-Haolloween! : There's already a holiday, and, damn it, we aren't gonna change it!
November:
1-@!º#* Day : @!º#*
2-In a Nut Shell Day : HELP HIM FOR GOD'S SAKE! HE'S IN A NUT SHELL!
3-Sexy's Mom Day : She's pretty hot, dude
4-Dirty Bathroom Day : punch anyone who stanks up YO bathroom, bitch
5-I See A Litte Sillouetto Of A Man : will you do the fandango?
6-Sweet Transvestite Day : contemplate how hard it is to believe we didn't already have this day. Ha...hard
7-Scare The Pilgrims Day : run around like injuns and um...kill a turkey. You vegitarians can just slap a turkey, because they're annoying. Damn turkeys.
8-River Styx Day : do the robot and sing "Mr. Roboto" incessantly until people throw bricks at you
9-Cartoons Day : talk like your favorite cartoon characters aaaaaaaallllllllll day long. Yay.
10-Mooses Rock My Party Day : talk like Boris or Natasha all day. Hahahaha....pretty!
11-Tibi Day : well, it means "your", but it just sounds cool. Um...talk in the third person
12-Arg Day : Scream insanely at all the talking the previous days have included
13-Hi, My Name Is Day : a day to pay tribute to the cross dressers of the world Don't be a crossdresser for the day, but they deserve a day of tribute, yo
14-God's A Bastard Day : think how we would kill him with a bazooka all over again...and CELEBRATE!! Explain this?
15-I Feel Pretty Day : a day on which we actually BE crossdressers
16-Legalize All Drugs Day : let the air out of a DARE officers tires. They deserve it!
17-Nazi Propaganda Day : have you kicked your Nazi in the balls today?
18-Gratuitous Violence Day : hug someone special!
19-Freey Willy! Day : laugh at the fact that someone nicknamed Shamu has the hots for Mary
20-Joe Day : ask people if they know your friend Joe...JOE MAMA!
21-Lifetime Movie Day : complain about your cheating husband impregnating your daughter and giving you breast cancer
22-Yaydiddlyumptious Day : add different suffixes to the word "yay"
23-Kinky Day : WORSHIP HER! MUAH HAHAHAHA!
24-I Have No Life Day : ponder our own pathetic little existences
25-Naked Midgets Day : hahaha...naked midgets are funny. Umm...don't do your math homework
26-The Viper Day : vipe your vindows
27-Hey Marrrio...Isa Me! Day : play video games and eat spaghetti
28-Sipadee Doo Da Day : sit yo' favorite bluebird on yo' shoulder and sing a happy happy song
29-I'm My Own Grandpa Day : ponder how one achieves this
30-Beef Log Day : be a jolly Beef Log Boy!
December:
1-Cheese Log Day : beg to disagree with jolly Beef Log Boys because cheese log is the log for you
2-Fucking Planners Day : beat up whoever writes the cheesy jokes in those sonsabitches
3-Sexin It Up Day : sings Disney songs! Dance! Hug birdies!
4-Hug Psycho Day : gee, I wonder what we do on hug Psycho Day...
5-Stalkers Day : beat the hell out of stalkers. What the hell.
6-Dancing Potatoes Day : get shit faced drunk and hallucinate
7-Jesus Is A Leprechaun Day : make fun of happy little leprechaun men and um...laugh at Jesus
8-WEEZER DAY! : listen to Rivers' sweet voice and be joyful
9-James Brown Day : feel good. you know that you would now
10-Stupid Blonde Kid Day : be glad yer brunette
11-When Freshmen Attaack Day : film episodes of violent freshmen
12-Bunny Bunny Day : shudder to think of what Hugh Hefner naked and vomit
13-Dancing Prune Day : the straightedgers 12/6! Just plain hallucinate!
14-Gay Fag Day : mock those who describe things with their synonyms
15-Moving Day : crush all hu-mans
16-Karen Day : Karen's mad as hell at Milkman Dan-AND SHE AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT NO MORE!
17-Self Esteem Day : Dish it out to everyone-God knows they need it
18-Gun In Your Pocket Day : ...or are you just happy to see me?
19-Be Still My Pants Day : check out the fly honies, yo
20-Ambiguously Gay Duo Day : wonder why they chose "ambiguous" to describe them
21-Drugs Are Bad Day : hump somthing Mr. Peepers Style!
22-Particle Man Day : kick Triangle Man's arse
23-Rock My Socks Off Day : kick Tenacious D for stealing *OUR* freakin catch phrase!
24-Wonderboy Day : take me far away from the mucky muck
25-Slutpuppy Day : exchange presents and worship the rulers of the world...*US*!
26-Kill the Rainforest Day : get more paper for pretty holidays
27-We're Behind Day : Ar! Must catch up!
28-Spanish Inquisition Day : expect the Spanish Inquisition. If you don't, who will?
29-Trained Flatulence Day : Fuck Beano, man! Fart up a storm!
30-Ernest Borgnine Day : make 'im take a paternity test and see if he is indeed Grandpa Borgnine
31-Drunkenly Scream and Make Out Day : sulk
January:
1-Ugly Children Day : oh God damn are they ugly! Quick! Burn them!
2-Sperm Day : think of what the world would be like without sperm
3-Michael Jackson Day : rape little boys
4-Succubus Day : rape grown men
5-SEXY'S BIRTHDAY! : Give Sexy sensual massages and lap dances
6-Love Machine Day : piss someone or something off more than usual
7-Celexa Day : ask your doctor about Lipitor today
8-Like A Rock Day : cheer up sad rocks!
9-Monty Python Planner Day : may the Monty Python planner have this dance?
10-Mary Is A Lesbian Day : christmas present my ass!
11-Baby Got Back Day : laugh at those in tight jeans with little or no butt
12-Sing A Song Day : sing it loud to last the whole day long
13-Chastity Bono Day : her an' Mary'd make a good couple
14-Boredom Day : DO SOMETHING, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
15-Barbara Walters Day : have sex with a high ranking official. Maybe you'll get on 20/20
16-Diffusion Day : have yourself a merry little christmas
17-Hunchback Fairy Day : chorus line! Everyone together now!
18-Feed The Fishies Day : hug your monkey. He's lonely.
19-Department of Funny Walks Day : walk funny all the damn day long
20-I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas Day : watch where those huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow
21-Ugly Sweaters Day : wonder how something that comes from the all holy sheep of the world can be used to make such unsightly eyesores
22-Et Tu, Brutus Day : kick a french person. They deserve it, damn it
23-*insert recycling sign* Day : wonder why the hell they don't recycle pigeons
24-Postscript Day : start a petition that they reinstate the pony express
25-Tractor Day : paint that puppy John Deere green
26-Silly Baboon, Good Deeds Are For Youth Councillors! : make up inane slogans for non-existent cereals
27-Bien Venidos Day : eat a taco. They have veggie tacos, you know
28-DIE SHAKESPEARE DIE! Day : have a good old fashioned book burning. But only of the books that deserve it. Like The Chosen. Psh...
29-Miss Cleo Day : talk in a fake Jamaican accent all day long. Hell yeah
30-Mulburry Bush Day : tie a yellow bow around your mulburry bush, and dance around it
31-Massive Day : laugh hysterically at adjectives that could easily be applied elsewhere
February:
1-INTERNATIONAL SLUTPUPPY DAY! : TELL EVERYONE JUST HOW HARD WE ROCK THE PARTY!
2-Cogio, Ergo Sum Day : laugh at overachievers who thinnk they're so cool
3-French Day : wonder exactly why everyone and their brother is in french
4-Proof Day : proove your own ass exists, and consider yourself a god for doing so
5-Una Rolexa Day : poke somebody. Not hard, just enough to make 'em giggle. Actually, poke lots of someones
6-I Hate You Day : beat the crap out of Barney the dinosaur. Free the children!
7-Cookies Day : don't eat your veggies. Push them over to the side of your plate and make your parents mad
8-Coo COo For Cocoa Puffs Day : ride a chocolate roller coaster. Did you know that 21 kilos of chocolate would be roughly equivilent to an ounce of cocaine?
9-Dick Day : a day to honor Richards around the world
10-All About the Benjamins, Baybee Day : steal candy from a baby. Like they need it.
11-Ouch, My Eyes Day : I wear my sunglesses at night. And on this day, so do you.
12-Mr. Wizard Day : Wonder if us Slutpuppys should celebrate Valentines Day
13-Hell No Day : not a snowballs chance in hell, do we!
14-Valentines Day : DON'T be lovey doveyand scorn those who are. Unless it's your significant other, in which case you may commence with the lovey-doveyness
15-Abacus Day : eat bad chocolates and tear the petals off roses. Self pity galore
16-Plaid Day : BURN IN HELL, YOU WHORES!
17-I'm A Lumberjack And That's Okay Day : sleep all night and work all day
18-I'm Better Than You Are Day : mock those who...aw, hell, just mock everybody
19-Get A Haircut, Hippie Day : pull someone's hair
20-That's Dumb Day : polly wolly doodle all the day
21-Psycho Day : WORHIP HER! MUAH HAHAHAHA
22-Let's Work Through These Problems Day : save your marriage...while you still can
23-I Feel Lonely Day : give someone a hug. They probably need it.
24-I feel Pretty Day : not only that, we feel pretty, and witty, AND wise! Wowee!
25-Oh My God! They Killed Kenny! Day : call someone a bastard. They probably are anyway
26-Lunchlady Day : have you hugged your lunch lady today?
27-Illegitimate Baby Day : lick the one you love
28-Macho Macho Man Day : sing songs from the golden days at the top of your lungs
March:
1-MST3K Day : watch it all day long...it deserves it's own day, you know
2-I Need Chapstick Day : tell Picaboo Street how dumb her name is
3-Moo Cow Day : wear a boa or some other object of clothing which will draw attention to yourself
4-Grinch Day : don't touch that with a 21 and a 1/2 foot pole
5-Triangle Day : not a pink one, mind you, just a triangle in general
6-*insert multiple dots here* Day : look for a snowman blinking in a blizzard
7-Good God, Get Me Out Of Here Day : wonder what kind of god would allow geometry to exist
8-Superstar Day : well maybe I'll just kick YO ass!
9-Nugget Day : the Cult of the Sheep is recruiting. Spread the word
10-I Smell Bacon And It Ain't The Special Day : play in the snow, if there is any. If not, poke your mothers brothers uncles grandmas dogs roommate with a stick.
11-Sex And Candy Day : have fanatical sex with at least one person in five different places
12-Porno And Pyros Day : climb a tree and throw candy to the masses
13-Arg, Matey Day : talk like a pirate! Fun!
14-Pumaman Day : fly like a moron
15-Pie A La Mode Day : eat a cookie. You deserve it. And kill Caesar. Little bastard.
16-Evil Piggies Day : play the drums with complete disregard of rhythm and tonality
17-Gatorball Day : beat up the little morons who came up with this asinine sport
18-Star Wars Day : clone yourself at least once. Hide your clones on some out-of-the-way planet until you have need for them
19-Baldwin Brothers Day : protest bad movies. Unless they would be fun on MST3K
20-March Twentieth Day : do a waltz through a public area
21-Seventies Disco Music Day : think about how icky it would feel to swim in a pool of chocolate pudding. Icky, but tasty nonetheless
22-Purple Overalls Day : paint a purdy picture
23-And I Forget Just Why I Taste Day : oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
24-Disinfo Day : tell people what the government doesn't want them to hear
25-Spadandas Day : make love to your tonic and gin and ask for that song you remember from when you wore a younger mans clothes
26-Amish Day : turn off the lights and yell at the heathens
27-Mayonnaise Day : run around putting sticky notes on people and screaming "They're the sticky notes of the appocolypse!"
28-Cabbage Patch Computer Day : plant a disk drive tree. Pretty. Talk about them too...like they're real!
29-Shaker Hos Day : talk about how Shaker ho-ish Kinky and Psycho are. And dance....poorly.
30-Yaksmas Eve : hang disposable diapers, fill dads rubber boots with coleslaw, and leave some hot lather by the sink. Bless you Ren and Stimpy, bless you
31-Madonna Is Over Forty Years Old Day : Fuck you, she is too
April
1-April Fools Day : beat a stupid person with a balloon dog
2-Filthy Gophers Day : do whatever the hell you want, what are we, your nanny?
3-Bloated Sac Day : slap the annoying side kick in you life and scream filthy names at him/her/it
4-Angry Beavers Day : during the day, he knocks down trees, he chews on...THE BARK! Get the beaver fever, yo
5-D'Artagnan Day : he's so adorable!
6-Pink Elephant Day : in the words of Will Leitch, "when [you] sit in a room, really sit in the room". Interpret as you may
7-Happy Happy Joy Joy Day : this is a song about a whale. NO! This is a song about being happy!
8-Spelling Bee Day : make me some coffee, three sugars and two creams, then throw it out, I HATE COFFEE!
9-Dirty Hourglass Day : drop on the deck and flop like a fish
10-Pretty Kitty Day : run around with a flashlight on. Why? Because I said so
11-Grand Canyon Day : throw stale dinner rolls at the heads of people you don't like
12-Dejected Tape Dispenser Day : being a jellyfish sure is fun
13-Flaming Eyebrows Day : light things on fire. But not animate things. You pyros
14-Ka-School Day : hypnotize some squirrels
15-Orange Hilighter Day : start conversations with people and sporadically break in with, "Did you hear that?" "What?" "Nevermind, it's gone now."
16-Black Box Day : wrap a spoon in tape and give it a tape turban. Just for kicks
17-Seashells Day : speak in pig latin
18-Orange Erasers Day : speak in regular good old latin
19-Royalty Day : swim around with deep sea leprechauns
20-Prophet of Doom Day : stand in front of a culdesac with a sign that says "The End is Over There!" and an arrow pointing to the end of the block
21-Teen Angst Day : ponder how you can't do anything right and tell your livejournal all about it
22-No Mrs. Pepper Day : beat the hell out of that stupid blue dog...and that Steve guy too
23-Visigoths and Ostragoths Day : sit around drinking coffee and writing stupid poetry about sailboats and basically being an unproductive member of society
24-Always Coca Cola Day : kick a stranger. they deserve it.
25-Fluffy Puppy Day : sleep in. And give your hard boiled egg to the funny soldier man
26-Red Light District Day : petition the government to give you back your consitutional rights...like the right to sell yourself for money, damn it! Kinky will love you forever if you do...
27-Blue Light Special Day : play with your stuffed tiger...he misses you
28-Aliens In Disguise Day : listen to Emo music all day long...ALL DAY LONG!
29-Trash Can Day : throw things...not away, just throw things
30-Box of Socks Day : give a present to someone....a really bad present...
May
1-Babbling Roommates Day : beat up everyone who even so much as mentions anything having to do with computers in your prsesnce...they deserve it, they're nerds
2-Tiger Day : look at pretty drawings and state quite obviously what they are drawings of
3-Emo Day : poke people who have emo haircuts...with whatever's handy. Be creative
4-Kill the Wabbit Day : strut around in your homemade helmet that goes all the way down to your knees
5-Pimp in a Spaceship Day : alien hookers! Look out!
6-Well, I'm Dashed Day : look for Audrey Hepburn....is that her over there?!?
7-Abraham Lincoln Day : crush things with a mallet....it's fun!
8-Yer Mom's a Whore : she is...he told me so *points*
9-Popemobile Day : eat the pope's babies!
10-Do I Make You Horny Day : well....do I? Punk?
11-Laser Blast Day : no one over the age of eleven should say pow....so don't!
12-Baby Barbeque Day : I should think this would be obvious...but if you must know, this is the day when you RUN AWAY FROM THE EVIL ALIEN COUCHES!
13-Incontinent Day : piss your pants...all the cool kids are doing it!
14-Innocent Day : Awwww! Look how cute she is!
15-Go To Hell Day : strut around in a fur coat and kick reporters
That's all the holidays for now little monkeys. Once we get to the end of the list, Psycho will be logging on every day to add a new holiday. You'll have to survive with these for now.
