|
That's right, your hopes and dreams have come true, the official Son of Alf lyrics are here! So you may bask in their glory, if you are willing to read them.
First of all, let me say this page needs some revamping. I want it to look aesthetically pleasing, but right now it's more along the lines of ah...aesthetically filthy. As my laziness decreases, I may eventually change this. But, I digress:
I put all of our songs here even the terrible ones which we will never ever play again except when we're bored and want to have something to laugh at. The songs are in chonological order so scroll down to the bottom if you want to be slightly amused, and read what is right below this if you also want to be slightly amused (but because of how bad the lyrics are, not that they're in any way clever). I will put a witty and clever comment for each one.
|
Ahh, our first song! I'll admit the lyrics aren't pretty but the song was pretty good, especially considering it was our first. My keyboard part consisted of me making honking sounds for the opening. YEE HA! This is also our only song that ever had any horns. It had a terrible breakdown/bridge which was the abomination of mankind. The explanation for the song is pretty self-explanatory, Cole had checkered suspenders, and he used them to make a jack-ass of himself in his classes, but he didn't care. And he didn't make any friends for it.
I got checkered suspenders, aren't I a cool guy? (Hell no!)
Ref:
Ref |
|
What Jamball lacks musically, it makes up for by being a terrible song. This is one of the two songs where I wrote the lyrics, so naturally they're a masterpiece. The story behind jamball is interesting, so check the real history to get the real scoop on jamball. I didn't have a keyboard part for this, but there was a skit before it where Bob says, "That was no foul, this is jamball!" in an unneccessarily disturbing voice.
Ref:
Jamball is a game where there aren't any rules
Ref
When the game is played Bob humps Justin till he falls
Ref
Jamball is a game where no one ever wins
Ref
|
| If our lyrics haven't made an atheist of you yet, then relax, the worst is over. Slacktor is a cool song. It's slow and pleasant, and I actually got to play here. The story: Slacktor is the god of laziness. And, by the way, when Son of Alf goes on tour for the first time it will be known as the Slack Tour. Our other gods include Amptor, Kyle's giganto bass amp that is hefty and unwieldy; Zaptor, Bob's guitar amp that is large, but lighter and more fun to be around; Junior Amptor or Gramptor, the home-made amp my dad made for my keyboard; and, last but not least, Mr. T. Enough of this jibberjabber.
Slacktor is my god, I worship him a lot
Ref:
Ref
|
| The answer I usually get to this question is "because you're hideous", but Cole has a more complicated answer. This song is awesome! The organ rocks hard ass, and Adam has a neat drum solo at the beginning. This song was track number 3 on our demo, and is neat. I think the song's background is pretty obvious, but this song is uses some profanity so cover your virgin eyes.
Ref:
All my friends who are girls tell me I am funny and nice
Ref
|
| Oops, er...uh when I collaborated with Cole to get all the lyrics I forgot about Cookin' With Alf. Don't worry, eventually I'll get the lyrics, but for now you'll have to do with some adlibbed crap from Justin that will only slightly resemble actual lyrics. As for background, it's about Alf. The title of the song was gotten from a patch Cole made out of the apron an Alf doll was wearing.
Cookin' with Alf is our way of life
Ref:
Ref
|
|
Blank Slate is the only full punk song we've ever done (punk rock! anarchy in the UK!). It was actually really good (at the time). If you have a copy of our old old demo, because we won't let anyone who doesn't have one to get one, then you should know it's the first song on our demo. This song was about Cole's inability to remember anything (except for an amount of Simpson's quotes that will boggle your mind). And here it is.
Ref:
Ref
|
|
Adam, our drummer, shows off his mastery of the written language with this set o lyrics which are his master work. This song is really cool and is usually the song we use to open our set. It was the second track on our demo. This song is all about how impossible it is to have any idea what's going on in class, especially when you have Alzheimer's. Adam doesn't have Alzheimer's, or at least that's what he says. This was the 2nd song on our demo.
So many things that get in my way
Ref:
Look out the window, see what's going on
Ref
|
|
It's getting late, and I'm running out of witty comments. From here on, fortunately, the songs are well written enough to be humorous enough to stand on their own. Or I think. Um...this one is a true story about playing Megaman 2 and getting beaten by Air Man. During the breakdown there is a little skit, and if you wanna know exactly what I say you'll have to see us live. This was the fourth song on our demo.
Ref:
Going through where most wouldn't dare
Ref
|
|
Because this song was such a blatant rip-off of the Suicide Machine's New Girl, it has become blocked out by our subconcious and neither Cole or I could remember the second verse. This song was about Cole at the end of freshman year dressing up like a hobo (harmonica and all), but only being a wannabe.
Wandering the school in my untorn sweat pants
Ref:
|
|
Ref:
Everyday I get up at 2
Ref
Sick of work and I don't wanna do it
|
|
I remember back when I was just a little kid
Ref:
Megaman and mario were always there for me
Ref
Ref
|
|
Another indepth look at the life of that social gargantuan, Cole Morris. Blaster master is mentioned again in here so this is already a Son of Alf classic. This song is awesome and it lets you know the story behind the man.
Ref:
Ref
|
|
Since I'm typing this intro up several weeks after I put up the other lyrics don't expect this to be clever. Mainly because it's not. I was in the zone that night. But anyway, this song is strangely enough about how although we care about issues of society we're more concerned with ourselves than writing about them, trying to make things better. In other words we're selfish bastards. Ok, enough said, before I make even more people hates us than already do. The line about Rad Racer makes an extremely small amount of sense. And we open our shows with this little number, usually.
Ref:
Ref
|
|
This song is based on America's most traditional past time, even more traditional than sponge eating contests and banana rodeos. Magic Night. Friday's in Lumberton at comic plus playing Magic Cards and being harassed by the owner. It's a time of wonder, a time of mystery, and a time of not putting your feet on the seat lest you enjoy pain beyong imagination. The song has no structure, meaning that there isn't a refrain, which is kind of a neat thing to do. Anywhere, here are the lyrics.
|
|
This song sees Son of Alf showing their lyrical prowess in a new and somewhat unexpected direction. The lyrics are much more mature than many of our latest works, but don't worry, we still enjoy humor and videogames. It's just that a band shouldn't limit itself to a certain style of music or message, and allow for musical growth and spark new interest in a band. So here they are.
|
|
Yes, we're well aware these look like stolen Aquabats lyrics. But looks can be deceiving. This is actually a ridiculously complex equation that by some amazing coincidence looks like stolen Aquabats lyrics. What's it an equation for? Converting stolen Aquabats lyrics into Son of Alf lyrics. It's also full of inside jokes that anyone not in the band would have a hard time understand. For example, Bagu is the crazy hermit that allows link to pass the bridge in Zelda 2. Sigh. Well, at least musically this is one crazy song.
On the Year of the Hobo, on the Eve of St. Splangy's Feast
Ref:
This robot went on to become a hero amongst kings Refrain
|
|
Adam once asked me, "If the pigeon created the pickle box then why is the milky way next to that peanut?" I don't know, and I don't want to know...and in order to ensure that I never ever find out I've been growing blindness gremlins in my brain, and things have been going smashingly ever since. Some people say blindness gremlins aren't real, like eskimos. Y'know, how your Mommy would always tell you stories about eskimos to scare you, and as an excuse to perform horrible sensual eskimo kisses all over your body every night for seven years? And how one day she went too far and you snapped? I hate you mother. I hate you sooo much.
I’ve been kidnapped by the pirates of love and, baby, this time the ransom is you
You are so sweet to me, girl, I think I have adult diabetes
|
|
This song was probably called "The New Song" for far longer than any of our songs to date. Of course, to be fair we've spent far more time on it then any song to date, and as a result, it's very very good. The lyrics are also unusual as they are far more 'emotional' and 'pregnant' than any lyrics we've done. They're also the only ones that actually make sense. Anyhoo, the song itself is more genre bending than our other songs, as it combines ska, punk, hardcore, metal, reggae/funk, and Magus's theme from Chronotrigger all into one song. Pretty bad ass.
Fall has passed me by, like a floating head from Castlevania
I know the time is coming when I can't write stupid songs about when I was young
|