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Resurrection Cookies
Teeny Little Baby
Full Moon
Twenty-third Psalm
They tell a story too!
What a special miracle!
When is the next one?
Personalized with your name!



"Candle in the Wind"

I talked to Cup right after you went offline today. We talked for nearly an hour and got a lot said. Once we both understood where the conversation was going things were much easier that I had feared they would be. As I had suspected, the me2/cup relationship isn't working for him either. Let me be honest and say that I didn't tell him I want him out of my life. He is my friend and I don't want that part to change and neither does he. He and I will stay in touch, but our relationship has undergone an overhaul and we are both comfortable with the changes. He doesn't know you have anything to do with this. I didn't want it to be about you and me. It needed to be about me and cup, so I didn't mention you at all. He was in total agreement that the NC fantasy isn't working for us. He seemed to be honest in sharing his thoughts with me. He even seemed relieved to be freed from the obligation of showing up at certain times and behaving a certain way. We usually meet at NC for a few minutes each night to say goodnight and he is happy that we won't be doing that anymore because he has felt obligated to show up even when he is exhausted. Me2happy won't be going to NC anymore except maybe once in awhile to visit with friends and cup knows that. I don't think he will be going much either, but I could be wrong about that. If he goes and anyone asks him what's going on with me and him, he can tell them whatever he wants, I don't really care. If any of my friends from there e-mail me, I will tell them that circumstances in my life have changed and going to NC is not in my best interest and that cupala and I are not an item there anymore. That is the truth. Me2happy has no place at NC anymore because people will always associate me2 with cup. I am Unspoken now. If I feel like going there at times when you can't be there it will be as Unspoken (unless I see someone that me2 needs to say Hi to.) I know that having to share me has been hard for you. When you first mentioned that a few weeks ago I was more than a little surprised. I had been feeling that way about you, fighting it the best I could, and hating how it made me feel inside, but I didn't know you were feeling that way too. The day we got into it over smartgirl...you asked me why I didn't act that way when Terri flirted with you and I said it was because she didn't get so disgusting. I was hiding my true feelings about the whole thing because I didn't want you or cup to know how I really felt. I was really just upset with her and it didn't have anything to do with her being gross. Other people are disgusting sometimes and it's not that big a deal usually. But I was so jealous and felt helpless because I knew I had no right to say anything...I just lost it, plain and simple. The reason I never acted that way when T flirted with you is because I had better control of myself all but that one time with smartgirl. I told you that the song 'Playing to Win' scared me. That's not all it did. It made me feel ashamed of myself. And your question about 'how important am I to you' made it hit me even more. I have been taking stupid chances, hoping that you would always be there while I figured out what to do about my mess. I know you have assured me that you would stick it out with me, but you shouldn't have to put up with the kind of stuff. I felt frustrated and helpless when smartgirl was spewing because I knew I had no right to get in the way. I want that right. I want the right to let women know that I don't want to share you. As long as I make you share me with cup I will never have that right. As long as I make you share me with cup I will always feel that I don't deserve you. I don't want to feel ashamed of myself anymore for how I have treated you. I don't want to see you unhappy ever, but especially not when I know that I am the cause. You said you backed away from Terri and purplelace because you needed to do it for you. That's why I am doing this too. I need to know in my heart that I am treating you the way you deserve. I need to know that I am not giving you reasons to doubt me. I need to know that I am doing my share to nourish what we have. There is a singer named Mary Black who has a song called The Thorn Upon the Rose. Maybe you have heard it, but in case you haven't I want to share the last part of it with you. Win or lose it's just the same, tears of joy, tears of pain They're hand in hand, they come as one You never see the moon with out the promise of the sun. For all the bruises, for all the blows I'd rather feel the thorn than to never see the rose So when you pick the handsome flower, don't forget the thorn upon the rose It's cut is deep and it's scar lasts forever, it follows love wherever love goes. The reason I wanted to share that with you is because it really hits home for me. There is a kind of pain involved in loving someone you can't touch or see. I feel that pain every time we are together. But the time I spend with you, the way you make me feel, the happiness you bring me makes it worth the pain. With you, I really would rather feel the thorn than to never see the rose. As much as I want to feel your touch and to taste your sweet kiss I can live without those because I have so much to be thankful for just by having you in my life. Dave, please forgive me for taking so long to resolve the situation with cup. In my own mind and heart I have known for awhile that you are all I want and need. It shouldn't have taken me so long to do something about it. I love you more than I know how to express so I hope I can show you by my actions that you mean the world to me. Have a safe and happy weekend my sweetheart. I love you, Brenda