1. A computer is a genie that can grant any wish. But it must be
expressed exactly and in binary. 

2. If cars followed the same developmental path as computers,
a Rolls Royce would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon,
and explode once a year, killing everyone inside

3. It's not a bug. It's an undocumented feature

4. a banker is a fellow who lends you an umbrella when the sun is 
shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain

5. Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest

6. Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is the better defense. 

7. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen

8. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view

9. Happiness is a belt-fed weapon

10. Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students! 

 11. Warning: Dates in the calendar are closer than they appear

12. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? 

13. To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be