The Wife has the heat OFF and the windows OPEN and the fan ON and I am freezing and getting VERY ANGRY. It was BAD ENOUGH when we first got here to the very LEFT WEST COAST, (The Heating Story) she is like some FURRY BEAST that would be happiest sleeping outside. She insists on having the heat COMPLETELY OFF, even in the middle of a COLD Canadian winter, but now she has MENOPAUSE HOT FLASHES, so I have to also now contend with a FAN in the middle of a DAMP CHILLING CLIMATE and to top it off it's FREEZING on our balcony, and I can't sit there and smoke, cause we are close to Stanley Park, and it is AT LEAST 4 degrees COLDER down here in the most FRIGID corner of the west end of Vancouver and with the wind HOWLING up on the 10th floor, it is another 5 degrees cooler on our balcony so I scream at the wife "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE, I AM GOING OUT TO FIND A CO-RESPONDENT but she just LAUGHS AT ME and says "GOOD LUCK" so I take the elevator outside and walk up 2 blocks and it is already MUCH warmer just 2 measly blocks away from that HOWLING WIND and the DAMP CHILL from Stanley Park, and I sit down on this bench they have there, situated right by a gargage can which at least tonight doesn't smell so bad. I take out my cigarettes, light one up and begin to relax when this guy comes over and puts a NEW coke by my side and says "Are you hungry? I'll get you something to eat." I am kinda shocked at this and say "I'm not homeless, I live around here." I see he has a kind face, and thinks I am destitute. I look down and say to myself "Oh I get it" cause I am wearing pants that have many food stains - I haven't washed them in MONTHS, and I am wearing what was once a very nice London Fog winter coat, but with all the wear and tear over 10 years it DOES look VERY SHABBY, what with all those buttons missing, and tears in the cloth, and of course MANY MORE FOOD STAINS. My hat is an OLD WINTER HAT, and it too has got lots of STAINS, and my face don't look too good neither, I got a bunch of self-harm sores (man at least I am past THAT bad cycle), and I say to myself this joker thinks I got DRUG SORES, he thinks I AM VERY POOR. So I say as politely as I can "Thank you very MUCHLY but I am NOT HUNGRY and I CANNOT ACCEPT this free coke." Well, he looks at me with compassion and sadness, reaches into his coat, takes out a loonie and a toonie (Those are 1 dollar and 2 dollar Canadian coins) and says " Here buy yourself a coffee or something" and I get a wee bit annoyed at this and I holler at him "I SAID I AM NOT HOMELESS, I LIVE AROUND HERE", but that is not enough for me as my FOOLISH PRIDE is just A BURNING so I add "I GOT 2 JOBS and I PROBABLY TAKE HOME MORE MONEY THAN YOU DO", which is probably true cause I am working as an emulation engineer for this video game company ( Midway Arcade Treasures 2 and 3) AND I am still getting that fat monthly maintenance fee from the travel consolidator for my VERY ORIGINAL software and I am TAKING HOME over 4000 THOUSAND DOLLARS a month, and even in this outrageously expensive dump of a city that is still plenty of money to put a roof over my head, pay the rent, and buy that FURRY BEAST OF A WIFE the odd trinket or two. Well this joker gives me ANOTHER look of pity and I can see right away he is telling himself "NOT ONLY IS THIS POOR OLD MAN HOMELESS, HE IS DELUSIONAL AS WELL", and he reaches again into his pockets and takes out a 20 DOLLAR BILL, and says "PLEASE TAKE THIS I KNOW YOU NEED IT", which is the FINAL STRAW and I say I CANNOT TAKE YOUR HANDOUTS I TOLD YOU I GOT 2 JOBS I AM NOT HOMELESS I LIVE AROUND HERE I GOT 2 JOBS ONE OF THEM AS AN ENGINEER." I am REALLY ANGRY NOW, so this joker puts his money away, picks up the coke and shuffles off shaking his head and muttering " ALL THESE CRAZIES TOO PROUD TO TAKE MONEY FROM STRANGERS."
I go home to The Wife and she says "Any takers dear, any sexy women want to be your co-respondent?" but she can't stop giggling when she says this, it is all a BIG JOKE to her, so I GET REALLY STEAMED, two JOKERS in 1 night is 2 JOKERS TOO MANY. I proceed to tell her the story of this guy offering me a coke and money, and I feel good inside when I finish off "SO OF COURSE I don't take his money, how could I take his money?" But instead of laughing with me or agreeing with the way I handled this situation WITH FINESSE, she starts screaming at me "YOU IDIOT YOU FOOL YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN HIS MONEY", which is not what I want to hear at all and I scream back at her "ARE YOU CRAZY? Why would I take his money I don't need his money WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" She gets REAL NASTY and bellows out at the top of her lungs "HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID? This kind man will now NEVER give any money to a homeless person. You have ruined the experience for him. Now all those homeless people who NEED his handouts will never get them, YOU FOOL!@!!" So I think about what she has just said and I gotta admit this wolverine furry beast IS RIGHT."
So now I gotta always keep spare change on me and GIVE IT OUT to ALL and sundry HOMELESS people to make up for all the money they are not getting from that JOKER I so ruthlessly BLEW OFF. But I don't got much money, I quit that video game job, and I just made a down payment on some more gear and JEEZ I still gotta look after those HOMELESS people on account of REFUSING TO ACCEPT THAT JOKERS HANDOUT because EVERY NIGHT when The Wife comes home for work she always asks me "HOW MUCH DID YOU GIVE TODAY TO HOMELESS PEOPLE?" and I cannot lie to her so I am CURSED AGAIN for being SUCH A FOOL!!
