LIMERICKS


Limericks

There once was a man named Dave, 
who kept a dead whore in a cave, 
she had only one tit, 
and smelled worse than shit, 
but think of the money Dave saved. 



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There once was a man from Kubot 
who lived off of toe jam and snot, 
when he had none of these, 
he lived off the cheese, 
from the tip of his grungy old cock. 



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There once was a man from Kent, 
whose cock was so long it bent, 
to save himself trouble, 
he put it in double, 
and instead of cumming he went. 



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There once was a man from Nantucket, 
whose cock was so long he could suck it, 
while licking his chin, 
he said with a grin, 
if my ear was a pussy I'd fuck it. 



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Little Willie Winkle 
with a thirst for gore 
stapled his sister to the door, 
"Now Willie", his mother said with humor quaint, 
"Don't do that, you'll scratch the paint" 



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There once was a man named Ken 
who banged a girl in his den, 
he knew something's wrong 
when a wart grew on his shlong 
and now he's in his den with Ben. 



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There once was a woman from Timbuktu 
who was still a virgin at twenty two 
till her boyfriend came along 
and pumped her all night long 
now she's at home with a baby named lulu. 



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There once was this guy called Mike, 
who met this chick he really liked, 
He tried to get near, 
and she gave him a sneer, 
cause the chick was a full-fledged dyke. 



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There once was a man from Peru 
Who had a lot of growing up to do, 
He'd ring a doorbell, 
then run like hell, 
Until the owner shot him with a .22 



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There once was a man from York 
who picked his nose with a fork 
when it got stuck 
he cried "I don't give a fuck" 
and walked around looking like a dork. 



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There was a farting contest coming to town 
and people came from miles around 
the first fart was extremely loud 
the second fart pleased the crowd 
the third fart, the judges cried 
"He shit his pants, he's disqualified!" 



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There once was a man from kanass 
Who's nuts were made out of brass 
in stormy weather 
he'd clack them together 
and lightning shot out of his ass 



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There once was a security guard 
Who had some troubles keeping it hard 
He jerked it off nightly 
And squeezed it tightly 
while looking at his identification card. 



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There once was a man from Peru 
who fell asleep in a canoe 
while dreaming of Venus 
he played with his penis 
and woke up all covered with goo 



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Gorgey Porgey puddin and Pie. 
Jerked off in his girlfriends eye. 
When her eye was good and shut, 
Gorgey Fucked that one eyed slut. 



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I once new a person named Burl 
Whose looks would make you hurl 
why do I say it? 
I'm not full of shit 
this thing was half boy and half girl 



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There was a young gypsy girl Rose 
With obsessions for gentlemen's' hose 
Up her pussy, her rear, 
In her mouth and each ear 
And her cute little freckle-tipped nose. 



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There was an old lady from Wheeling, 
who had a funny feeling 
she laid on her back, 
and tickled her crack 
and pissed all over the ceiling 



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Hickery Dickery Dock 
The bitch was suckin my cock 
The clock struck two 
I dropped my goo 
And dropped the bitch off at the next block! 



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Jack be nimble 
Jack be quick 
Jack burnt off his little Dick! 



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Old mother hubbard went to the cubbard 
to fetch her poor dog a bone. 
But when she bent over, 
Rover took over 
And the bitch got a bone of her own! 



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There once was this guy named Stan 
Who had some trouble being a man 
He wore a dress and high heels 
And drove a Chevrolet with pink wheels 
And soon Stan became a tran 



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There once was a man from Monclair 
Who screwed his wife on the stair, 
The banister broke, 
He quickened his stroke 
And finished her off in the air. 



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There once was this guy named Gored 
Whose girlfriend was as flat as a board 
He'd suck as hard as he could 
And pulled them more then he should 
But soon even Gored got bored. 



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Mary had a little sheep, 
And with this sheep 
She went to sleep. 
The sheep turned out 
To be a ram 
And Mary had a little lamb! 



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A sexy young maiden named Jill 
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill 
They found her vagina 
In North Carolina 
And bits of her tits in Brazil 



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There once was a man from St.Paul 
Who swore he had but one ball 
Two dirty young bitches 
Tore down his breeches 
And found he had none at all. 



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There was a young man from St. Rose, 
Whose love life was so full of woes, 
He loved sixty-nine, 
He'd do it all the time, 
But always got shit on his nose. 



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There was an old hag named Van Cleef, 
Who was constantly passing a queef. 
One day while visiting the farm, 
She passed one meaning no harm, 
But killed the whole herd of beef. 



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There once was a man from Moline 
who made a jack off machine 
at thirty-two strokes 
the cock sucker broke 
and turned his balls into cream!