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LAWYER JOKES
Funny Jokes

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Lawyer Jokes

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?". 

"Sure do," replied the bartender. 

"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator." 



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If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator ---- It would be a good 
idea to just leave them there. 



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A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. 
...Benjamin Franklin. 



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A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?" 

The housewife replies: "Four!". 

The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures 
through my spreadsheet one more time." 

The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want 
it to be?" 



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A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign remarking on the 
quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher: 

"How much for Engineer brain?" 

"3 dollars an ounce." 

"How much for doctor brain?" 

"4 dollars an ounce." 

"How much for lawyer brain?" 

"100 dollars an ounce." 

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?" 

"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?" 



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A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. 

"Tim, you be first," she said. 

"What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." 

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My 
father is a mailman." 

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up 
and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse." 

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went 
to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what 
his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. 
How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"