Funny Jokes
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Famous Quotes!
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study
Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
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"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
- Popular Mechanics, 1949
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"The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live"
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the President."
- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents
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"When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results."
- Former U.S. President Calvin Coolidge
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"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the San Francisco earthquake
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do
it."
- A congressional candidate in Texas
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"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A.,
my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame.
Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the Los Angeles Riots
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"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
- Samuel Goldwyn
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"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. "
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on Republican family values
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"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers
of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
- John Wayne
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water
that are doing it."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
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"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true
that is."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle at a fundraising event for a College Fund--he was
attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste."
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"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
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"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943
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"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I
can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
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"But what ... is it good for?"
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip
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"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
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"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of
communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
- Western Union internal memo, 1876
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The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea
must be feasible."
- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable
overnight delivery service, (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
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"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
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"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre
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"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
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"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives."
- Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project
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"Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances."
- Dr. Lee De Forest, inventor of the vacuum tube and father of television
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"If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a
minor one."
- Dr. W.C. Heuper of the National Cancer Institute, as quoted in the New York Times on April 14,
1954
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"For the majority of people, smoking has a beneficial effect."
- Dr. Ian G. Macdonald, Los Angeles surgeon, quoted in "Newsweek," November 8, 1963
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