Favorite quotes

~"There are 3 kinds of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't."

~"All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand."

~"I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO."

~"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out"

~"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

~"Don't get mad, get coffee."

~"If it wasn't for boys, i'd quit school."

~"If you can't say something nice, make a web sight."

~"He who laughs last think slowest."

~"Change is enevitable, except from a vending machine."

~"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools."

~"It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you."

~"When you do a good deed, get a reciept, in case Heaven is like the IRS."

~"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."

~"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

~"Consciousness: that annoying time netween naps."

~"I soupourt publik edukashun."

~"Ever stop to think and forget to start again?"

~"To be or not to be........................that's really not a question."

~"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"

~"If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?"

~"What happens if you get scared half to death twice? "

~"If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? "

~"How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow sign? "

~"If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?"

~"Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?"

~"Why is the man who invests your money called a broker? "

~"When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? "

~"Why isn't 11 pronounced "onety-one"?"

~"If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it "FedUp"? "

~"Do Lipton tea employees take coffee breaks? "

~"What hair color do they put on the driveers licenses of bald men?"

~"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. "

~"1/4 of the population have mental problems. Get 4 of your friends together if there OK then who has the problem?"

~"Everyone sais to get in shape. I am a shape round."

~"Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts! "

~"If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?"

~"If aliens are in search of intelligent life, why do they abduct the stupidest people?"