Keep the Faith
The most influential people in my life spiritually speaking have been my grandfather and my late-grandmother. They practically raised me. I did live with them for a while. She was my "mother" more than my natural mother was, and my best friend. I grew up attending a small church locally, but the congregation was made up of people who were always bickering, gossiping, and basically not displaying any of the characteristics that were being taught to me. As I got older I thought of Christians as hypocrites. Around this time we had the incidents of some televangelists who were caught in scandals, thus adding to my disillusionment. Little did I know that my grandmother had planted a seed in me. She and I used to talk freely and openly about anything, including God. She was a strong, devoted Christian woman, my grandfather a preacher. In them I saw the Word being lived out in daily life.
At 17, Grandma had an attack in the middle of the night. I had just spent the day with her prior to that, and she seemed fine. But I was awakened in the middle of the night to my mom crying saying Grandpa had just called and said there was something worng with her and he hung up. My father went to see what was going on. When he pulled up at our house my mom ran out to him, and I heard her let out the loudest cry I had ever heard. She told me Grandma was gone. I ran to her, then collapsed. Soon we got a call, her heart had started thanks to paramedics. They were Lifelining her to the hospital an hour away. My parents went right away but would not allow me to. The next day I finally got to go.....she was in a coma. When I saw her in there, I again collapsed. We had a private waiting room there, and we had 20+ family members there. My aunt (Grandma's sister) has a bad heart, and she had a mild attack so they admitted her. This was a tough time for a 17 year old who felt like God was not what people thought Him to be. I was so upset, to put it mildly. But somehow, I found myself in the chapel praying. This somehow made me feel better. I asked if I could go in Grandma's room with some of the family and pray around her bed. They said it was a great idea. We all held hands in the room and they had me to hold her hand as we prayed. The next couple of days, the family was really there for each other. It was a great comfort. Eventually the doctor said there was no hope and she would have to be taken off life support. They had me to go tell her sister, probably because they thought Grandma would be gone when I got back and id not want me there when it happened. But she was not. That night I did not sleep, I just lay there on a make shift bed on the floor, looking out the big windows. I was just about to go back to see her while everyone else was sleeping but first, there was something I needed to do.....I finally prayed to God and told Him whatever He decided to do, I would accept, that I trusted His will. Not 2 minutes later, the women who were in there with her came into the room to wake Grandpa up. I grabbed one and asked what was going on. She looked at me and said she was sorry, it was over. And hugged me as I cried. Immediately I ran to her room to say goodbye. The next day I sat in my mother's car and wrote a poem for Grandma. I have never been able to write poetry, but this flowed from me. The family insisted it be read at the funeral. After this, my father, who for years drank, smoke, swore, and on occassion hit us, went to church, and he got SAVED! Years later, my aunt had a dream she was talking to Grandma. She asked her what Heaven was like. Grandma told her it was strange, but she had a photo of her 4 grandchildren and as she enetered Heaven they disappeared. No one knew that Mom had placed photos of us in the coffin just as they were about to close it. No one but the funeral director. When my aunt told the dream, it was like God allowed this to strengthen my faith. The years after her death were a struggle for me, but for 2 years now I have been back in church, back with God. And not because I felt I had to like I did as a child, but because I choose to. While I am by no means a strong Christian, I am saved, and I am "working out my salvation with fear and trembling." I found a church that is like a close family, no gossips, no arguments, just love, and support. God led me to this church, and yesterday was my 2 year anniversary at the church! :) He is working in my life, and I am thankful to Him that He brought me back to Him. And that He gave me that awesome experience of His peace at the most difficult time of my life. I love Him, and someday I will be able to look on His face, into His eyes, and tell Him I love Him! And embrace Him! What a joyful moment that is going to be!!!!!!!!!!!
