plaque1.jpg (3329 bytes)
Victoria's Revenge
By HSEnglish
skinnybluebar.gif (2167 bytes)

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. No infringement is intended in any part by the author, however, the ideas expressed within this story are copyrighted to the author.

skinnybluebar.gif (2167 bytes)

Victoria has a "down" day.

Victoria had a cold. When she woke up, she realized that her nose was stuffy, her eyes itched and burned, and her body ached. She rolled over, moaning. I don't want to get up; I don't want to take care of anyone or anything. I just want to lie here and fade away into a gentle decline.

The knock on the door dispelled her reverie of self-pitying thoughts.

"Yes?" she called nasally.

"Mrs. Barkley, there's someone down at the door wantin' to talk to Mr. Heath."

"Then call Mr. Heath!"

"I don't think it's someone he wants to meet."

"Then tell the person to go away. That's all, Silas."

Silas went back down to the door.

"I'm sorry, but Mrs. Barkley asks if you could come at a more convenient time."

The two gunmen looked at each other. The taller one nodded.

"Sure thing. We don't want to upset Mrs. Barkley, now do we?"

"No, Suh, we sure don't."

"All right, we'll be back next week. You have Heath waitin' for us, hear?"

"I hear." As Silas closed the door, he muttered, "And I won't be listenin' for your knock, either! Maybe by then you'll be lost in the desert or somethin'."

Audra was next. Knocking on her mother's door, she called out in her sweet voice, "Mother! Mother!"

"What is it, Audra?"

"Mother, I'm confused and I don't know what to do!"

"Audra, it's perfectly simple. You put the right boot on the right foot and pull; then, you put the left boot on the left foot and pull. Make sure your skirt is about two inches above the top of the boot so people will know how modern and daring you are."

"Thanks, Mother. I needed your help."

Victoria muttered something better left as a mutter and again rolled over. Finally! Quiet reigned; she could just lie in bed and think about how awful she felt.

"MOTHER! MOTHER! MOTHER, WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Nicholas, I'm in my room."

"MOTHER! MOTHER! MOTHER, WHY ARE YOU IN YOUR ROOM?"

"Because I like my room. Now go away and shout at the birds; they're driving me crazy. Maybe you'll scare them off."

Nick shook his head and muttered something best left to a mutter as he went downstairs. Slamming out the door, he failed to notice that Jarrod was coming in. Jarrod danced a jig of pain as he nursed his hand-all too unfortunately left in the door. As he danced and nursed the hand, he shouted something best left to a mutter, but Nick failed to notice.

Angrily, the lawyer followed his brother's path. He stood behind him, wondering just what Nick had in mind by climbing the trees outside his mother's window.

"SHOO, BIRDS! SHOO!"

"Nick, what are you doing?"

"WHAT?"

"Nick, what are you doing?"

"Well, Jarrod, it's perfectly obvious to me. I'm shouting at the birds."

"Why?"

"Why? Because Mother told me to."

"Mother told you to shout at birds?"

"Yes, Jarrod, Mother told me to shout at birds. Now, if you don't mind, I'm somewhat busy. If you haven't noticed, we have a lot of birds here in California."

As Nick climbed back up the tree, Jarrod forgot his painful hand. He turned and went inside the house. Climbing the stairs, he knocked on his mother's door.

"What now???"

"Mother? It's Jarrod."

Silence reigned as Victoria tried to figure out why, after all these years, her children still felt they had to introduce themselves to her daily. She could see, somewhat, why Heath would feel that need, but Jarrod had no excuse.

And, while she was thinking of things to complain about, she wondered just why she had all her children still at home. It wasn't as if they didn't have lives of their own; sometimes she thought that if just one of them brought any more trouble because of their personal lives to the ranch, she would resign motherhood and investigate the life of the convent.

"Mother? Mother, it's Jarrod!"

"I know that, Jarrod."

"Well, Mother, I just thought you'd want to know that Nick's gone crazy."

"Thank you, Jarrod. Go away and find someone to help you on a crusade now." As she turned over in bed, she muttered, "Preferably in Europe. A long, long crusade. Then maybe I'd forget his voice and need the introduction."

Jarrod turned and walked back downstairs. Heath entered as the lawyer arrived at the end of the staircase.

"Good mornin', Jarrod."

"Good morning, Heath. How is your day?"

"Well, it's not too bad. Did you know Nick's up in a tree, yellin' at birds?"

"Yes, Heath, I knew that."

"Has anyone told Mother?"

"Yes, I have."

"What did she say?"

"She said, 'Thank you. Now go away.'"

The two men looked at each other.

"Well, I'd mind her if'n I was you."

"You're right! I'll go pack! If you need me, I'll be crusading in Europe."

"Just as long as you leave me out. I've got no taste for crusades; they leave me speechless."

"Heath?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you come in?"

"Oh, I just forgot to say hello to Mother this mornin' and wanted to fix that."

Heath mounted the stairs and knocked on Victoria's door.

"Mother? Mother, it's Heath."

"I know that, Heath."

"Good mornin', Mother."

"Good morning, Heath. Now, go away."

"Yes, Ma'am. Knew it was too good to be true."

Heath went to his room and sadly packed his belongings. With a sigh of regret, he walked down the stairs. Audra met him at the bottom.

"Heath? Heath, where are you going?"

"Away, Little Sister. Mother has sent me away."

"Oh, Heath! What will we do? Nick is out in the tree shouting at birds, Jarrod has gone to Europe, you're going away, and I'm so confused! What should we do?"

"Well, Little Sister, I reckon you can figure that out for yourself. Bye now."

As Heath left the house, Audra ran upstairs. She knocked on Victoria's door.

"Mother? Mother, it's Audra! I'm having a dreadful day!"

"Go away, Audra."

"All right, Mother."

Audra asked Silas to carry down the first thirty trunks to hold the bare essentials of her wardrobe. Sadly, she walked out the door and gave the signal to the hands to start the wagon train off to town.

"Miss Audra, where you goin'?"

"I'm going to San Francisco to start a Dress Emporium for the orphans there."

"Well, Miss Audra, ain't that nice! Bye now."

With a smile, the girl was gone.

Victoria listened. Was it true? Were they all gone? Yes!

Delicately, she sneezed. With a quiver of her blue eyelids, she tried to open her eyes, but the false eyelashes kept her from succeeding. Shrugging her shoulders, victorious Victoria turned over and went back to sleep. She had a cold, and now she had a week to nurse it before they all returned to bring more episodes of stress to her life.

Return to the Library Catalog