I walk into your store, full of expectation, afraid of rejection. I don't want to loose you, it's been over a week since I talked to you. I see you, you see me and say hello. You look startled, yes I am here, I allways visit you. I hold up my film to show why I am there, I'm no stalker, I just want to get some film developed. You're excited, your friend is coming down from Edmonton, she's staying at your house. I can feel the jealousy welling up inside of me. You say that you have to go straight home after work to clean up your house for her, you say that you won't be here in an hour when I come to pick up my pictures. I shrug, and say that I'm just going to do homework all night tonight because I'm working all weekend. I walk away. I walk half way across the mall before sitting down, I have to get away from here. I pull out my math book, maybe if I distract myself it will all go away. I finish my math homework and put it away, and the feelings return. Why couldn't I have more homework to do? at a time like this I could maybe concentrate for once. I don't want to be jealuos, I don't want to feel like this. I hate jealousy, I hate it so much. I wonder if you looked for me as you left work, maybe at a glace. I pick up my photos and leave the mall, my eyes are burning with fresh tears, I won't let myself cry, I hold them in. I walk to the train station in a daze, trying not to think, to just melt into my surroundings, I don't want to be anywhere right now. I get to my station and call my old best friend, she meets me there and we spend the night hanging out, she knows nothing of how I'm feeling, she's just another distraction. Her and I are at my house, she's watching a movie and I'm thinking about you. It's eight O'clock, she'll be at your house any moment now if she isn't there allready. You're probably catching up on old times, you're probably forgetting all about me. My friend leaves and I go to bed. I can't sleep, I keep seeing you two together, I can't belive your parent's are letting her stay at your house... in your room. My entire body is burning, shaking, out of control, but I refuse to cry over you. I look at your picture and hug the stuffed animal I named after our faveorite meal to share, I turn off the light and I dream of nothing, it's the best dream I've had in a long time.
