controll

Standing in the rain
Contemplating my whole being
Who I am,
Why I'm here,
When I'm going.
I seem so out of controll
My whole life
In someone else's hands.
I don't even know them.
It seems so out of controll
Everything
Time, space, life
Everything.
I have no controll over anything,
Nothing.
Someone else
Or something else
Has allways controlled 
Every aspect of my
So-called life.
Nothing.
No controll.
Never leading,
Allways following.
I have some controll
That's some consolation
I can controll weather I jump
Or not.
Weather I live
Or not.
I'm so high up
I've been pushed so far down
For so long.
I could fly, free
For a moment
And then all suffering ends.
I'm in controll.

-Alison