But Cry I Cannot by Spazz

The Lights go down and my truths come out,
The constant spinning in my head ceases, as there's no more reason to hide.
I'm alone with my conscience and the things it knows, the things it's seen and the things it tries desperately to to convince itself it's never seen before.
Only when i'm alone does the maddening whirlwind of protection stop,
Only then is it quiet, only then I am allowed cry,
But cry I cannot.
I'm torn beyond repair, there's not much left with in me,
I'm too frayed to cry, too worn to care.
This pain is my own, no one else may see,
Of all that I loved, it's what's left, it's all I have, I will not share.
Even the good times are blurry,they no longer exist to me.
I thought I once was happy, but I'm not sure anymore, I used to want to be fixed; someone, anyone would do.
But I can't be, my worst nightmare has come true,
I can't be fixed, I'm beaten to the core.
Outside I stand strong, but inside I've surrenderd.
This shit is what's left of the goodness that once was,
The deafening silence consumes me, and we become one in the same.