<4>Journal of Etcetera  
<3>by Barbalurina

Part 2:

The night after the Jellicle Ball: 

When I woke, I was a little sore, but none the worse
for what happened.  I tried to talk to Mungojerrie,
but he was distant, even cold.  

I didn't understand.  Had I done something wrong?
 Maybe I shouldn't have come to Victoria Grove with
him.  It hurt to think that he didn't care about me;
that maybe all he wanted was what Macavity had wanted,
too.  

Mungo accompanied me back to my box.  Electra was not
there, for which I was grateful.  I was not in the
mood to discuss where I'd been and what I'd done.

What I'd done!  I had taken a Mate without getting
Papa's approval, that's what!  Tradition was very
important to Papa, and there's no telling what he'd do
when he found out.  

Not to mention, I don't really know Mungojerrie.  I
mean, he'd saved me, and gave me shelter for a few
hours, given me my adulthood, but I really didn't know
him.  He presented a very different face at the
Jellicle Ball.  He seemed younger, then.  He smiled
more.  

I had smiled a lot, then, too.  I was a champion at
pasting a silly grin on my face and going about my
merry way, when I felt quite the opposite.  I hate for
cats to pry.  Perhaps Mungo felt the same.  

He left me with barely a word.  I didn't know when or
if I would see him again. 

I didn't feel like staying in my box, so I made my way
to the junkyard.  

It was empty.  

I was thankful, as I felt a need to dance.  Dancing
always took my mind off my troubles, and I frequently
felt better when I was done.   

It didn't work this time.  I was just out of breath,
and still troubled about Mungo and Papa.

I sank to the ground and wept.  

I didn't even hear when Munkustrap come up behind me.
 So much for my streetwise reflexes!

"What's wrong?  Are you hurt?" 

Oh no!  What am I supposed to say?  I can't lie to
him, he'd know if I did.  "I'm all right," I said, at
last.  I wasn't physically hurt, so I didn't really
feel like I was lying, but I could tell he wasn't
fooled.  

"All right?  Then why are you crying?  Is there
anything I can do to help?"

I was speechless.  I just couldn't go blurting out
what happened that day.  It was private.  I just
stared at him, miserably.  

Demeter came up beside him, silently.  

I was profoundly grateful to have Munkustrap's
attention diverted from me.   How could I have wanted
him so much?  It seemed totally absurd, now.  

"You can't force it out of her, Munk.  She'll talk
when she's ready.  Besides, you're a tom, and there
are some things that just have to be handled by
queens."  

He didn't look happy.  He was a cat of action, and he
couldn't do anything.  He grumbled something  I didn't
hear, then went away, leaving me alone with Demeter. 

"You've been in Macavity's Lair."  A simple statement,
not an accusation, nor a condemnation, just a simple
truth.

I looked at the ground, then nodded.  "How did you
know?"

A bitter sound escaped her. "You still have soot on
your ears.  It smells like the soot from his
hideout."  She leaned in close to me, trying to be
comforting.  "Did he hurt you?  You can tell me.  I've
been there."

I didn't know that I even wanted to tell her, but I
knew I had to tell someone that Macavity was on the
lookout for a mate.  

"He did take me to his hideout, but I made him angry
and he threw me against the wall."

Demeter winced, as if in memory.   "Is there anything
else?  How did you get out?"

I hesitated.  I didn't want to talk about Mungojerrie
just yet, but he was the sole reason for my escape.  

"A friend helped me.  I covered myself in soot and
followed him outside."  

She nodded.  "A friend?"

"Please don't make me tell you!"  I blurted out,
starting to cry again.  I don't think I've cried as
much in my whole life, as I did in the last day.

"All right, all right.  Calm down, Etcetera," she
tried to soothe me.  

I finally got myself under control.  "Macavity's
looking for a mate," I finally managed to say.

"I know.  That's why he tried to take me last night."
 I felt her shiver, and I couldn’t blame her.  Her
paranoia was well founded.
"And me, this morning," I added.

"You?  But you're just a - "

"Kitten?  I went into heat when the Jellicle Ball was
almost over.  I foolishly wanted to be alone to sleep,
and that's when he found me."  I shuddered at the
memory.

"Did he - ?" She stopped, seeming uncertain how to
proceed.

"He didn't mate with me.  I escaped."

"With your 'friend'."  

"Yes."  I hoped she wouldn't keep questioning me.  It
was easier to remain silent to Munkustrap's
questioning, than Demeter's.  

She looked thoughtful.  "Do you want to stay with us
tonight?"  Us, being she and Munkustrap, of course.

"No, thank you, Demeter.  I just need some time to
think."  Think about what the heck I'm going to do! 

"All right, Etcetera.  If you need to talk again, I'm
here."  She padded away as silently as she'd come.   

The silence was deafening.  Swirls of thoughts were
chasing themselves around my mind.

What if I'd conceived Mungo's kittens?  I'd hate to
think he'd have nothing to do with them, regardless of
what he thought of me.  

Maybe Rumpleteazer knew what was wrong with him.  I
would ask, the very next time I saw her.  Hopefully,
that would be soon.  I didn't want to go back to
Mungo's house if he didn't want me there.    

And Papa.  I'm sure he'd be disappointed in me.  Just
another one of my reckless acts, only this time, the
possible consequences were more serious.   

Could I keep my kittens’ father a secret?  Would I be
fortunate enough that they wouldn't look like him,
saving me from an explanation?  

No, Rumpleteazer had all but caught us in the act, and
kittens are traditionally celebrated in our tribe.
She's probably planning a party, just waiting for a
confirmation of pregnancy.  

It seemed I was living on borrowed time.  

Four days later: 

Things seemed to go back to normal.  Well, almost.  

Papa hadn't come back.  It was the longest train delay
I ever remembered him having.  I hoped he was all
right.

It also seemed that wherever I was, Demeter was
lurking around.  It was driving me crazy!  She never
approached me, but was always there.  

Mungojerrie didn't come by, either.  It didn't hurt
any less for being a few days ago.  Didn't I deserve
to know what, if anything,  I'd done wrong?  How could
I make it better, if he wouldn't let me?  

I was staying away from the Kitten's circle.  I knew I
wasn't a kitten anymore, but they didn't, and I still
didn't want to discuss it.  

Electra tried to get me to talk, but one hiss, and she
didn't ask again.  I felt bad for hurting her that
way, but sometimes she doesn't get a hint.  

I had terrible nightmares, all of them featuring one
cat or another facing off against Mungojerrie.
Sometimes it was Papa, sometimes it was Munkustrap.
One particularly horrible one featured Macavity, and
he killed Mungo for "taking what was his." 
 
All that over my First Mating?  That is really silly.
Wasn't it mine to give, anyway?  It's gone, and can't
be brought back.  And even though it's painful to
think about now, I'm not sorry I did it.   

I finally spotted Rumpleteazer with some strange,
shiny thing running through the junkyard.  She was
alone, so I ran to catch up with her, and yelled for
her to wait.

She stopped, dropping the shiny thing between her
front paws.  

I came up to her, ready to ask why Mungo had been so
cold when he brought me back here, when she jumped in
with a question of her own. 

"What didja do to Mungo?  'e's been in an awful mood
since.....you know."  

I was surprised that he was STILL in a mood.  "I don't
know.  I thought he might have told you.  It's like
after.....well, he changed.  He didn't seem to want me
around anymore.  What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing.  It's just not like 'im.  'e 'asn't come
with me to steal anything in days!"  

I was amazed.  I thought pinching things was his
life!  I shook my head. "What can we do?  I can't
force him to talk to me, and it's possible that I
could be having his kittens."

Her eyes widened.  "If you're 'aving kittens, then
I'll cuff 'im good, and make 'im see sense!"

I laughed, my first laugh in days.  Just the picture
of the petite Rumpleteazer cuffing the much larger
Mungojerrie had me rolling on the ground.  She
laughed, too.

"I think you needed that, Et." She winked at me.

"I think you're right," I agreed.  Wow!  I felt so
much better just talking to her.  Maybe things
wouldn't be such a disaster after all.  

She left, assuring me she would try to get Mungo to
talk to me.  

Demeter chose that time to leap in.  "You're having
KITTENS?"

Oh, no!  Now it would be all over the junkyard!  "SHH!
I don't know, yet, but it's possible."

"And from the conversation you had with Rumple, I take
it Mungo is the would-be father?"

I glared at her.  "Yes, all right?  Is that what you
want to hear?" I shouted.

She shrank back from me as if I'd hit her.

Munkustrap came over to us.  "What's going on?  Who's
having kittens?"

I gulped.  I didn't want to be found out this way.  "I-
I might be," I managed to stammer.  I couldn't look
him in the eye.  Other cats were starting to listen
in. 

"And the sire?"

"M-Mungojerrie." 

"When?"

"The day after the Jellicle Ball."  

He nodded, slowly.  "Does he know?"

I shrugged.  "No.  We haven't spoken since, but Rumple
says - "

He held up his paw to stop the long explanation.  "All
right.  Come with me.  We have to go talk to Old
Deuteronomy."

No!  Surely I wasn't being exiled!  If indiscriminate
mating were a crime, Bombalurina would have been gone
long ago, not to mention just about every tom in the
junkyard, even Papa!

He must have noticed my alarm, because he tried to
comfort me.  "Don't worry too much about it.  We just
don't want Mungo to shirk his responsibility to you."

I didn't like the idea that Mungo had to be forced
into 'caring' for me.  I'm sure he wouldn't like it,
either.

He went on, "It could be that you didn't conceive,
this time, but we need to make sure."

I felt like he was talking over my head to someone
else.  He went on like that, all the way to the
Vicarage Wall.

When we arrived, Munkustrap explained my situation to
Old Deuteronomy, while I looked at the ground.  

I hated this!  Everyone knowing my private business,
and just poking around further until nothing was mine
anymore.  

Old Deuteronomy told Munkustrap to go, that he would
talk to me.  

I stood meekly before the Jellicle Leader, wondering
what was going to happen.  

I could not be more surprised when he asked me, "Do
you know what Mungojerrie's function is in this tribe?"

"I thought he stole things from humans.....sir."

"He does that, yes, but I mean in the tribe itself."

"Well, I don't know, then."  Where was he going with
this?

He looked closely at me.  "Haven't you wondered why a
member of Macavity's gang was allowed to remain a
Jellicle?"

"No, sir."  

"Well, he's got a very important and dangerous job.
He keeps an eye on things there, and reports to me.
Macavity thinks that's his job here, too, so he must
be very careful.  In many ways, his job is a lot
harder than Munkustrap's."

"He's a spy, then?"    

"In short, but there's more to it than that.  I'm just
surprised he chose to take another Mate.  He swore it
would never happen again."

My ears stood up.  "Another Mate?"  

"It was about a year ago.  A nice young queen came of
age.  They danced at the Jellicle Ball.  Well,
Macavity found out his 'spy' was consorting with
the 'enemy.'  He killed her and their kittens.
Mungojerrie then swore to me that no queen would ever
catch his fancy again."

I was astonished.  I didn't know what to say.  Poor
Mungojerrie!

"My dear, I didn't tell you this to make you feel
bad.  I told you so you would know why he's acting the
way he is.  He probably thinks he's doing you a
favor.  Macavity would probably kill you, too, you
know."

"I hadn't really thought about it that way.  Still,
isn't it MY choice, too?  Macavity tried to get me
before I ever gave myself to Mungojerrie."

"He is trying to protect you, as well as himself.  He
doesn't want to be hurt again, and he doesn't want to
hurt you.  If you became known as Mungojerrie's Mate,
you would be a target, as well as any kittens you and
he might have."

"Doesn't just being a Jellicle make me a target?"
Being a target of Macavity was a fact of Jellicle
life, it wasn't anything new.  

"Yes, but you would be sought out specifically.  Is
that what you want for yourself?  For your kittens?"

"Are you telling me I shouldn't be his mate?"

"Not at all.  No one would be more overjoyed than I,
if he found happiness with you.  I'm only telling you
what it would mean to your life.  You need to know
what being with him would entail."

"Well, sir, if he won't let me be part of his life, I
won't be his Mate.  I won't be some vessel to be used
and tossed aside whenever he feels like it.  If he
doesn't want me, I will have to move on."  That was
the first time my pride finally asserted itself as far
as Mungo was concerned.

"Who said he didn't want you?"

That stopped me.

"My dear, he does want you, but he is afraid."

I never pictured Mungojerrie afraid of anything.  He
was in Macavity's gang!  He stole things from his
humans that no one thought possible!  It just seemed
so unlikely.  

"Is that a surprise to you, my dear?"

"Well, I don't guess I thought anything scared him."

"No, that he wants you.  A lot of queens tried, in the
last year, to bring him around.  It wasn't a lack of
opportunity."

"Well....." I stopped.  I wasn't going whine about my
lack of physical beauty to Old Deuteronomy.  

"Take heart.  He will be back.  In his own words, he
said he couldn't resist you."

This day was just full of surprises.  


Part1.3.4.5.6.7.8.

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