CB's Wall Next To The Tracks

(Photo from Pearl of Pearl’s Domain)

“Hello! My name is CB, but those who know what I’m all about frequently address me as ‘that despicable Red Caboose.’ So what am I all about? I wreck trains. Heh Heh Heh. I know, I know. That’s a bad thing. And don’t get me wrong, I LOVE trains! It’s just a *smirk* bad, bad habit. Besides, I’ve got plenty of coaches and trucks and *gulp* big engines keeping me in line, so don’t sweat it. Turn down the juice and relax! But keep those eyes in the back of your head open. As soon as all my supervision is busy, brakes have a tendency to loose their function…”

Hey kids! This adventure is a little different from the others, so if you can't handle the thought of old Rusty attempting to romance some coach in a dingy motel room, move along to the Train Tot Yard! Believe me...I would if I wasn't a part of it. Heh heh...sheesh.

July 22, 2002

At the Santa Fe Cafe and Motel things are noisy and we like it that way just fine. The dregs of the train world gather here to drink, smoke, gamble, and be their rowdy selves. It is a regular hotspot for Sleepers, Engines, Conrails, and of course Cabooses...

Hey Sister! How about a beer over here?

*From under the table comes Flat Top's voice* A beer?

Yup.

What kind? I want some. *He pops out*

*He gives him a look* It's a ROOTbeer. What'd you think it was? I'm a child for Starlight's sake.

Oh. Righ'. 'How old are you, anyway? I mean, really.

Who knows? 12? 200? Somewhere in there. All I know is that in people height I'm about 4'5. Is that very short?

*He smothers giggles* Uh...no?

Shaddup!

You oughta be able to 'ave a real beer by now. You've been around well before that big ol' war we 'ad. You know, th' war with th' number 2 in it?

*Sweatdrop* Uh...could you possibly mean World War II?

Yeah! Tha's it!!

Riiiiiight....

You remember th' past then?

I remember Nixon...

*Snort* You would. But didn't you do somethin' real bad to that Kwai bridge?

SHHHHH! *He dives under the table* Interpol's still lookin' for me!

Oooo! I'm gonna tell Poppa that you finally admitted to killin' th' bridge! Ooooo!

You'd better not, see! *He jumps on Flat Top, but bounces off again having done no damage* Ow. If you don't talk I'll give you some of my Rootbeer.

Yeah, okay! *The two happily sit down to guzzle*

Later...

*CB lifts his head from the table where he's starting to doze off* FT, wake up. I think I see Rusty.

Huh? Where?

Over there. But what's he doing in a place like this? Now that he's the "Fastest Locomotive In The World" he's too good for the Santa Fe Cafe and Motel.

*Shrugs* Maybe 'e's slummin'.

But what about Pearl? This could be good! Let's follow him.

They track the steamer through the dark, dingy cafe until they see him stop next to a coach with flaming red hair.

*He narrows his eyes suspiciously* Hey, what's he doing with her?

But I thought you didn't even like Pearl.

I don't! I mean, she's okay. And she sure doesn't deserve to be cheated on by the likes of Bucket of Bolts Rusty over there. Now let's be quiet and see what the hell he thinks he's doing.

*They are immediately on their hands and knees, crawling under tables between multiple pairs of engine wheels. It's easy for CB since he's so tiny, but Flat Top has a harder time of it.. Eventually, they come to a rest on their stomachs underneath the table nearest to the couple*

*He shifts slightly to avoid lying on a suspiciously blue Conrail-looking foot* What now?

Listen. Let's hear what Rusty says.

*Rusty beams at the coach* Hey good looking. Do you have the time?

*He stifles laughter* He's such a dork! Don't worry. The coach will be too smart to fall for that.

*The coach giggles in response* Oh, you! *She brushes Rusty's arm with a slender gloved hand*

Or maybe she's a total bimbo who likes goofy engines.

*He tries to look cool* So...what do you say we find a room in the motel so I can show you my shiny new pistons?

HEY!! I thought this was a KIDS show!

Since when? You're just jealous 'cause you lack th' apparatus.

*Grumble* Oh, wait, there they go! We gotta follow 'em!

*The kids gallop along behind the pair as they enter the Santa Fe Motel and order a room. They are led down a dark hallway and enter an equally dark, dingy room. The Santa Fe Motel is not known for glamour. You want show? Go to the Holiday Inn and quit bugging us! By some miracle, mainly that it's so dark, the kids manage to get in the door and dive under the bed while Rusty is groping the poor dumb coach. Once under the bed, the talk is in the most silent of whispers*

Ewww...did you see 'ow 'e's kissin' 'er? Gross. If I ever do that to a coach or somethin', 'ave me scrapped, will ya?

Sure. Me too...unless it's Dinah.

*Rusty proceeds to open up his power pack and pull out several roses. He hands one to the coach.* A rose for a rose.

*They mutter together* Barf.

*He yanks out a pile of rose petals and throws them all over the bed*

What is this? Days of Our Lives?

Worse. This is our RUSTY! Not Austin, or Bo, or John, or...

We are definitely in the wrong place at the wrong time... Awwwwwwwwk!! Don't look, Flat Top! Rusty's doing some sort of strip tease out here!

Indeed, Rusty is now down to his boxers and an undershirt...and his headband, of course. What, you thought he would take that off?

This is just wrong. I hope all those little trainlets got outta here when I told 'em to. Yuck.

We gotta stop 'im some'ow. Poor Pearl and all. An' we should get outta 'ere. You really wanna witness this?

I like being under the bed. But got any ideas?

Can you do Pearl's voice?

My voice still has that little boy squeak sometimes. I can probably do it. Why?

If we pretend we're Pearl, 'e'll get so scared 'e'll run right outta 'ere an' then we can escape.

That'll never work!

Yeah it will. If you 'eard your jealous lover somewhere in th' room with you, you'd run, wouldn't you?

Well, I guess so. Fine, I'll do it. It outta be good for a laugh, at least. *He rises to his knees and opens his mouth wide. This delightful squeaky voice rings out into the room, echoing off the walls* RUSTY!! HOW DARE YOU! IT'S ME, PEARL, YOUR COACH, AND YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER!!!

*Out in the room, Rusty and the coach nearly jump a mile* What the hell...

Ow, my ears!

I think it came from under the bed...

But who would want to hide under our bed?

Beats me...*He moves to the bed where there's a good deal of snickering drifting out. He pulls aside the bedding...and screams.* AHHHHHH!!!

AHHHHHHHH!!!

Oops.

YOU! I should have guessed! What are you doing here!? He reaches in and pulls CB out by his arms. He holds him off the ground so he can look him in the face*

*He tries to plummet Rusty with his fists* Put me down! We're here 'cause of what you tried to do to Pearl! You sneaky rotten playboy! *He manages to give Rusty a decent kick in the general groin area*

*He blanches from the sheer pain of it and drops the kid. Once he recovers he looks at him* Pearl? What do you mean? Ohhh....*He looks at the coach* That IS Pearl.

*The coach pulls off her red hair and her pink locks spill down, slightly mussed from being under the wig. She glowers at the boys*

*Blank faced* I don't get it...

Haven't you ever heard of 'roll playing'? Honestly!

What? You mean...it's Pearl, but you pretend she's someone else? What a stupid idea!

It's supposed to be exciting. *He gives the angry Pearl a helpless look* At least he seemed to be concerned about you. That's uncharacteristic.

Hello! I'm in the room!

Look, I'm gonna take the boys home. I'll be back. *He reaches under the bed and takes Flat Top's hand and then CB's* Come on, boys. Move it.

On the walk home...

What are you doing out here, anyway? It's like two in the morning. Does Poppa know you're here?

Nope. We do what we want. *He smiles up at Rusty gleefully*

No one knows you're here? What are you, like, 8 years old?

*He sighs and looks at Flat Top* You know that expression that says, 'I'm not getting any younger'? Well, apparently that doesn't apply to me.

Come on...

As Rusty takes the boys home, the ruckus at the Santa Fe Motel and Cafe continues as it does every night, as a red haired Pearl waits the return of her much abused boyfriend....