HOME.HO!

.summer 2002. credos: dorothy parker: guys seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses i'll rest when i'm dead profile: here goes the trivial stuff. my name is joan lee. i like to leave things uncapitalized. i was born in lutheran general hospital in park ridge, illinois on december 28, 1984. i am rapidly approaching the most anticipated and greatest year of my life, senior year of high school. that sounds juvenile, and i am. i learned how to weave through crowds at james b. conant high school in illinois. i live in a mundane town around chicago. if i could choose three words to describe me, they would be: bitter, short, and resigned. because i am resigned to be someone that i did not wish to become. i stand towering at five feet, zero inches tall. mY AzNaLiTy iSh KoReAn fO shO. wow, someone should shoot me. i am an intelligent girl. my merits are few, and modesty is not one of them. i figure that i should show what little i have. i have coffee-colored hair and eyes, and i like to romanticize everything. i talk in third person some of the time. i attend harper college for the summer semester. i am currently looking for a job. i would appreciate job referrals. i drive a mitsubishi galant year 1999. i wear glasses after my brief interlude with contacts. i can't get them in because my eyes are too sensitive now. physically, i'm short and fat like mrs. potts and i enjoy it. it'll serve me well when i need to acquire a large, matronly figure? i'm a die-hard conservative republican on social issues. i believe very much in equality of opportunity, not equality of results. i have a heart though. i think i would tend to be liberal in monetary and fiscal or welfare policy. just socially conservative. but i think the last thing this country needs is to become a welfare state. i'm very ambitious and am often disliked for my extreme competitiveness. i never grudge people's successes though. on this website: people wonder why i "bare my soul" on this website. i wonder too. i have a tough time conveying what i feel verbally to people. i feel stupid and selfish when i tell people how i feel. this is just a journal, i wouldn't post anything that i wouldn't want people to know. in fact, it is sort of a daily planner where i try to write down what i have done and how i felt about it. well, it's semi-daily because i'd like to live it and enjoy to the utmost. milk it baby. milk life for all it's worth. after i have enjoyed it thoroughly, i then record what has happened. i try not to get caught up in writing things down because one might, in trying to step back and analyze everything, lose the chance to really live. HA, priceless. look at me, i'm telling people how to live. how the media has influenced my life: damn paparazzi is always following me around. it's made me more of a recluse than mariah carey after she's eaten a gallon of rocky road in her sunday morning scrubs. music has really influenced my life. i don't understand when people don't like music. or only prefer instrumental music. the lyrics get me every time. i listen to emo, punk, ska, rock, very little metal, retro and nineties, acoustic pop, some trance and pop, classical, and new age. i don't understand the whole rivalry between people who classify themselves based on what type of music they listen to. recently my hot obsessions have been bad religion, jon bon jovi, beatles, ben folds, dashboard, further seems forever [basically dashboard? ish], five iron frenzy, enrique iglesias, incubus, goo goo dolls, gin blossoms, jimmy eat world, john mayer, saves the day, showoff, at the drive in, the ataris, juliana theory, alkaline trio, U2, yellowcard, the weakerthans, the vandals, sugarcult, switchfoot, the clash, sublime, something corporate, pete yorn, list some other really obscure band that you can't possibly be cool enough to know about. i go through phases where i become obsessed with one band or artist. yes, right now seems to be the time for saves the day for no reason at all. i decided that i would become a free spirit that does things on impulse, yet thinks about it wisely? i have a large collection of self-help books all written by me, and i'm not lying. i've been trying to culture myself by reading books. so far this summer i am working on the portrait of a lady by henry james, nostromo by joseph conrad. i will read that ya-ya sisterhood book, and numerous war books that have been made into movies just because. i will read go tell it on the mountain by james baldwin. i will read little women by louisa may alcott and anne of green gables by l.m. montgomery again to rehash my childhood. i will read the oh-so familiar william shakespeare, even though i've read most of the comedies. that leaves the tragedies and will most likely leave me feeling down. i will also finish and relish my epic fantasy fictions by robert jordan. the whole twelve? book series. by god i will be cultured. i don't really watch tv because it's no good. and i've been watching too many movies this summer. my favorite is little women starring winona ryder and i also love epic fantasy films and war movies. other than that, i don't really enjoy thrillers. i love musicals, and will watch a show in chicago soon. the school factor, some jerk calls it the joan factor: i go to school. nod. i'm involved now. freshman year i did relatively little. i managed the girls volleyball team on a whim and was in asia club and the international fair. sophomore year i was not involved at school, but more at church, which i regret to some extent. junior year i became an editor on the crier staff, a member of the wyse team which ended up placing sixth at state, sae, student council, math team, and the scholastic bowl team. this senior year i am planning on being involved with drama, forensics, crier, wyse, student council, scholastic bowl team, sae, and math team. SO HELP ME GOD, i will do it. oh yeah, on the side i'll do nhs if i make it. my school schedule during high school has gone like this.. freshman year i had art, spanish, gifted.weighted, world history, biology.weighted, algebra 2.weighted, and english.weighted. the summer before sophomore year i took health. sophomore year i took english.weighted, chemistry.weighted, trig/ap calc a.weighted, ap us history.weighted, gifted.weighted, and spanish. the summer before junior year, i took consumer ed independently. technically i finished in february. junior year i took ap macroecon/government us.weighted, ap calc bc.weighted, ap physics b.weighted, english.weighted, ap statistics.weighted, and spanish. this summer i am taking multivariable calc at harper. why you ask? i ask myself also. maybe it was the hope of having a summer fling with some hot college guy. senior year i signed up for ap human geography.weighted, ap chem.weighted, ap euro.weighted, ap lit.weighted, ap spanish.weighted, ap c++.weighted, and at night diffeq and linear algebra. then the summer after that, i will take microecon at harper. i don't know why i'm crazy. i just do it. religion?: i am currently affiliated with the christian church, yet still searching. i'm searching right now, not for a religion but for a philosophy. maybe religion will come afterwards. i fooled myself though, into believing i was a christian. i got so deep into it too. summer 2000 i went to guatemala on missions and then since then i got recruited to be on the praise team. wow, what a hoax. i suck at everything anyway. and sophomore year i was the fellowship officer. this year, i absconded from church. right now at church, i'm sort of a spiritual leper. all the holier-than-thous won't touch me or talk to me. i just want to know that whatever i'm doing. be it "being a true christian" or a rampant capitalist pagan.. i want to know that i'm not doing it all in vain. that sounds horribly selfish. the future?: as i said, i got my first college application. it's quite frightening. it's the key to freedom, yet all this responsibility about handling your own life. frankly, i'm afraid. i'm applying to five colleges ranked in order.. upenn, u of i, stanford, yale, harvard. yes, my parents are making me apply to hah-bulde. even if i were accepted, i wouldn't go. basically at this point in my life, i have no direction in my life. i just have certain preferences regarding college. i have no scope regarding career. i'll be cold and ruthless. that's the kind of profession i'm bound to end up in. regarding marriage and relationships. i don't know. regarding drinking and partying and maybe even going to church, i don't know. do i go somewhere where everyone knows your name? or somewhere where i would have to start all over? not knowing scares me. deeper and deeper: i don't even know myself.