How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone
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How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
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What do you call a blond with two brain cells?
Pregnant!
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How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
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A doctor tells a blonde, "You're pregnant!"
The blonde says, "Are you sure it's mine?"
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What's the mating call of the redhead?
"Next!"
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What is the definition of a blonde?
A brunette thats had the color fucked out of her.
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Did you hear about the two blondes that ran into the building?
You would have thought that one of them would have seen it!!!!
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A blonde doing a driving test was failed when the car stalled.
She got into the back seat from force of habit
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Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.
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Why did the blonde throw bread into the toilet?
To feed her toilet duck
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Why was the blonde so happy to finish the jigsaw puzzle in two days?
It said on the cover "3-6 years"
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Why do blondes make the guys they screw wear condoms?
So they have a doggie bag for afters.
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Why is a blonde at the end of a party like a selection of biscuits ?
They are both a box of assorted creams
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What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!!!
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What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
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Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!
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What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing. They've never met.
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Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
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What's a blonde's favourite w(h)ine?
"Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
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Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
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Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
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Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits Go In Front.
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What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
Data transfer.
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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaaddy!"
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What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A w(h)ine cellar.
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Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
They're doing research on black holes.
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What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
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What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
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What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
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What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
They both wriggle when you eat them.
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Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
To cover up the valve stem.
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What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.
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What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
Air Supply.
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Why did God create blondes?
Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
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Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
She realized she'd given her last blowjob.
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Why are blondes like cornflakes?
Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
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How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
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What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
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What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
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What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
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What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
"It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
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What's the disease that paralyses blondes below the waist?
Marriage.
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How is a blonde like a frying pan?
You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
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How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't. They're born that way.
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How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for french fries.
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How can you tell when a fax has been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
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What's the difference between a pit bull terrier and a blonde with PMS?
Lipstick.
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Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
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What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
Air bubbles.
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What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A waste.
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What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
An air mattress.
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What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
'Divorcee'
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What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.
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How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.
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What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!
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Why do blondes have square breasts?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!
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What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
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Why can't blondes count to 70?
Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
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What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop.
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What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag?
"Mary... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
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Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.
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What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.
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What do blondes say after sex?
"Thanks, guys!"
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