How do blonde brain cells die?

Alone

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How do you drown a blonde?

Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

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What do you call a blond with two brain cells?

Pregnant!

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How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

Wave to her.

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A doctor tells a blonde, "You're pregnant!"

The blonde says, "Are you sure it's mine?"

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What's the mating call of the redhead?

"Next!"

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What is the definition of a blonde?

A brunette thats had the color fucked out of her.

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Did you hear about the two blondes that ran into the building?

You would have thought that one of them would have seen it!!!!

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A blonde doing a driving test was failed when the car stalled.

She got into the back seat from force of habit

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Did you hear about the new blonde paint?

It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

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Why did the blonde throw bread into the toilet?

To feed her toilet duck

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Why was the blonde so happy to finish the jigsaw puzzle in two days?

It said on the cover "3-6 years"

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Why do blondes make the guys they screw wear condoms?

So they have a doggie bag for afters.

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Why is a blonde at the end of a party like a selection of biscuits ?

They are both a box of assorted creams

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What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

Gifted!!!

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What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence.

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Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?

Because they can't even keep two calves together!

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What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?

Nothing. They've never met.

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Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

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What's a blonde's favourite w(h)ine?

"Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"

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Why do blondes drive BMWs?

Because they can spell it.

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Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?

Toes Go In First.

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Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?

Tits Go In Front.

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What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?

Data transfer.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaaddy!"

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What do you call a basement full of blondes?

A w(h)ine cellar.

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Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?

They're doing research on black holes.

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What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?

Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.

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What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?

They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

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What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?

The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

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What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?

They both wriggle when you eat them.

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Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?

To cover up the valve stem.

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What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

Spot.

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What's a blondes' favourite rock group?

Air Supply.

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Why did God create blondes?

Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

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Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?

She realized she'd given her last blowjob.

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Why are blondes like cornflakes?

Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

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How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?

The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

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What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?

Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

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What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?

"It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

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What's the disease that paralyses blondes below the waist?

Marriage.

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How is a blonde like a frying pan?

You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

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How do you confuse a blonde?

You don't. They're born that way.

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How did the blonde burn her nose?

Bobbing for french fries.

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How can you tell when a fax has been sent from a blonde?

There is a stamp on it.

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What's the difference between a pit bull terrier and a blonde with PMS?

Lipstick.

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Why do blondes like lightning?

They think someone is taking their picture.

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What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?

Air bubbles.

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What do you call a blonde lesbian?

A waste.

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What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?

An air mattress.

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What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?

'Divorcee'

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What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?

She turned it over and used the other side.

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How do you change a blonde's mind?

Blow in her ear.

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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

There are some things even a blonde won't do.

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What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

She moved.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!

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Why do blondes have square breasts?

Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!

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What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?

You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

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Why can't blondes count to 70?

Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

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What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?

Some traffic signs say stop.

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What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag?

"Mary... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

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Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

The noise gave her a headache.

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What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?

Not everyone has been in a 747.

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What do blondes say after sex?

"Thanks, guys!"

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