What do you call boobs on a girl scout?
Brownie Points.
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What is the speed limit for sex?
69 -- and then you turn around!
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What is the difference between cum and yoghurt?
Yoghurt doesn't hit your throat at 70mph!
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Before I was married my wife was oversexed.
But now she's married she's over sex.
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What's a flasher's theme song?
Whistle while you lurk.
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What's a flasher's motto?
Grin and bare it
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If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear?
A hole in it
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Did God invent computers before humans?
Yes (because Eve had an Apple and Adam had a Wang).
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What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A Mega-Sore-Ass
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Two condoms walk past a gay bar, one turns to the other and says:
"Hey, lets go in and get shit-faced!!"
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Why did Maria Schriver marry Arnold Schwartzenegger?
They're trying to breed a bullet-proof Kennedy.
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How can you tell the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo?
At a straight rodeo they yell "Ride them suckers!"
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How can you tell if a Valentine is from a leper?
The tongue's still in the envelope.
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What's small, green, and falls apart?
A leperchaun.
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What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
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What do your wife giving you a blowjob and a bus have in common?
They both stop just before you get off!
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes
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How are women and rocks alike?
You skip the flat ones.
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What's the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.?
It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.
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How do we know God is a man?
Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.
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What would you call a lesbian with thick fingers?
Well-hung.
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What's another term for lesbian?
"Vagitarian."
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What happened to the Polish rocket ship?
At 500 feet it ran out of coal.
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When was sex first mentioned in the Bible?
When Jesus went up to Mount Olive!
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How do you castrate a priest?
Hit the altar boy in the back of the head!
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How can you tell if you are a dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
You stay up all night wondering if there is a dog.
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What was Michael Jackson's latest disappointment?
He found out Boyz to Men wasn't a delivery service.
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How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck her!
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What is a Polish vibrator????
A mop handle and six relatives shaking the bed!!!
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