What do you call boobs on a girl scout?

Brownie Points.

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What is the speed limit for sex?

69 -- and then you turn around!

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What is the difference between cum and yoghurt?

Yoghurt doesn't hit your throat at 70mph!

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Before I was married my wife was oversexed.

But now she's married she's over sex.

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What's a flasher's theme song?

Whistle while you lurk.

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What's a flasher's motto?

Grin and bare it

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If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear?

A hole in it

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Did God invent computers before humans?

Yes (because Eve had an Apple and Adam had a Wang).

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What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A Mega-Sore-Ass

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Two condoms walk past a gay bar, one turns to the other and says:

"Hey, lets go in and get shit-faced!!"

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Why did Maria Schriver marry Arnold Schwartzenegger?

They're trying to breed a bullet-proof Kennedy.

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How can you tell the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo?

At a straight rodeo they yell "Ride them suckers!"

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How can you tell if a Valentine is from a leper?

The tongue's still in the envelope.

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What's small, green, and falls apart?

A leperchaun.

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What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

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What do your wife giving you a blowjob and a bus have in common?

They both stop just before you get off!

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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

45 lbs.

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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

45 minutes

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How are women and rocks alike?

You skip the flat ones.

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What's the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.?

It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.

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How do we know God is a man?

Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.

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What would you call a lesbian with thick fingers?

Well-hung.

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What's another term for lesbian?

"Vagitarian."

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What happened to the Polish rocket ship?

At 500 feet it ran out of coal.

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When was sex first mentioned in the Bible?

When Jesus went up to Mount Olive!

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How do you castrate a priest?

Hit the altar boy in the back of the head!

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How can you tell if you are a dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

You stay up all night wondering if there is a dog.

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What was Michael Jackson's latest disappointment?

He found out Boyz to Men wasn't a delivery service.

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck her!

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What is a Polish vibrator????

A mop handle and six relatives shaking the bed!!!

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