06-28-2004 | Orientation | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
I would change student ids to student IDs.
In the next paragraph, I would change the second sentence to “The building has two different styles of brickwork. These include the English bond and the more complex Flemish bond.” In the next sentence, in one instance you refer to the bond as “the English bond”, but right after that you speak of “Flemish bond”. I would keep the articles constant.
The settlers of the Middle Plantation were not used to seeing a permanent settlement, nevertheless, one of such magnitude.
Nervertheless doesn’t really make that much sense here. I would use a different word or change the sentence around.
The Wren Building, along with the State House at the other end of Colonial Williamsburg, forms part of the one mile axis between education and politics, the Chapel and the Governor’s Palace are at the center.
The latter part of this sentence doesn’t seem to fit. I would make a new sentence like “The Chapel and the Governor’s Palace are at the center of this axis” or something.
Other notable architectural features of the building include its water table.
You say “features” yet only mention a single feature of the building.
A Scottish minister, James Blair found himself as a clerk for the Bishop of London after refusing to take an oath recognizing King James II of England as the head of the Church in Scotland.
Comma after Blair would probably be appropriate.
He married the wealthy and socially well off Sarah Harrison, and though marriage, made a place for himself amongst the colonial big wigs.
I don’t see any particular error here, but BIG WIGS? NICE.
He felt that a college would better the moral upstanding of the colonies’ citizens; his proposal gained support and eventually (in 1693) the College of William and Mary was founded. .
You have an extra period here, and I would put a comma after support.
It had four schools: the Indian School, Grammarhouse
school, Divinity school, and Moral and Natural Philosophy.
You capitalized school in one instance but not in the others.
The school, like the rest of the college, was brick, and built in Flemish Bond.
I would personally change it to “was built”.
Also in brick, this house, rather than face Jamestown
(like the Indian school), faces the center of Williamsburg (reflecting a change
in the attitude of where the capital should be).
I would change “in brick”.
The Joys of Domesticity: Shopping and Cooking colonial style
07-14-2004 | Williamsburg Considered as a Shopping Mall | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
The description of Mrs. Byrd on out handout goes as follows:
I assume you meant our.
I dislike how your handout put that list… but if it was written like that, then I guess it’s ok.
I don’t understand that assumption about lodging, but I guess I’m just missing something.
3) Mrs. Byrd would have purchased fabric for her dresses at the milliner’s shop, or in this case, the Mary Dickinson Store.
I would put a comma after or.
4) Reading material could be found possibly at the Greenhouse store, but more likely at the book binder.
Well, I would put “possibly be found”.
The paper maker, the printer, and the book binder are all separate stores that contribute to the making of books and were not all open this morning, so we didn’t have the chance to go in the book binder or paper maker.
Seems like a run-on.
The Wilson article "Food for Fashionable Families: Fresh or Faux" talks about the food-way program at Williamsburg and how fake food for display is made with paper mache; the article did not really have a point.
Eh… I don’t like “the article did not really have a point.”
As social life became more complex, social rituals grew to accommodate it, meaning, as dinner became more than a meal taken for survival’s sake, its surrounding evolved to suit the changing meal.
That sentence is awkward.
Material Goods and Their Importance in Fueling the Revolution
07-12-2004 | Revolution, Consumer & Otherwise | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
Today we went to Colonial Williamsburg again and toured the Peyton Randolph house, the DeWitt Gallery, and on a tour called "Nicities, Necessities, & Leisure."
Maybe a comma after today?
The Peyton Randolph house was originally built in 1717 with an addition that tripled the overall size of the house added in 1750.
I don’t like that sentence.
I would stick some commas in there or make it two separate sentences.
For example, for the mayor, wallpaper with two colors was a nicitie, carpet was a luxury, a tall desk was a nicitie, a writing desk a luxury, a spice box a luxury, and a round tea table a necessity.
You change from saying “was a” to simply “a”. I’m not sure if that’s ok or not, but I would keep to one or the other.
While the article discussed the reasons for the war like "’Baubles of Britain’: The American and Consumer Revolutions of the Eighteenth Century", the role of consumer goods in the war, it also stressed Governor Dunmore’s threat of a slave emancipation and its relevance to the war.
Think it could be reworded.
The main idea of Kelly’s article however, was the war’s affect on Williamsburg.
Effect, not affect. Affect is the verb, effect is the noun. :]
As we have learned previously in this course, as the 18th century progresses and social mobility decreases the common people had increasingly less in common with the gentry.
The 18th century is in the past, so I would use the past tense.
07-13-2004 | The American Revolution Unfolds | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
Today, we went to the house.
I would be more specific.
An arm chair was placed at the east end of the table where the host sat. The hostess did not sit in an armchair, because with her hoops on, it would be too difficult for her to sit properly.
Well, I think it’s “armchair”, not “arm chair”.
While Steven, Megan, and Andrew, pretended to drink their tea, Mrs. Powell asked them questions about where they were from and how they arrived in WIlliamsburg.
You don’t need a comma after Andrew.
Apparently, Steven and Megan are brother and sister and they, while traveling to Williamsburg by boat, were attacked by pirates. Andrew however, traveling from Northern Virginia, had a far less adventurous trip.
Are brother and sister? I would change it to “were”.
A very popular instrument for wealthy girls to play is the harpsichord.
Change it to was the harpsichord maybe.
"Ba ba Black Sheep"
Capitalize ba.
Your liberty song is lacking punctuation at the majority of the end of the sentences.
Your next song also lacks some punctuation at places.
After the Powell House, we went to Yorktown to the encampment, museum, and the farm.
I personally don’t like “to Yorktown to”.
You spelled cannon wrong in the next sentence.
A Howetzer however is shot at a forty-five degree angle, and a mortar (which is on a stage) is shot at an eighty degree angle.
You should put commas after howetzer and however.
The museum was helpful because besides providing an extensive timeline of the war.
That’s a fragment.
This battle stuck out in my mind because the version of Yankey Doodle that I mentioned in Saturday’s journal is about this battle.
I think it’s spelled “Yankee”.
The house was two story, and its dimensions were sixteen feet by twenty.
Maybe say two stories tall?
The building’s architecture suggests that was built in the middle to late
eighteenth century.
It was built.
It was very similar to the one we saw at Saint Mary’s however, like the house, it was smaller and less elaborate.
Semi-colon after Mary’s.
07-08-2004 | Power Plays | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
Today we went to Colonial Williamsburg and visited a couple different sites including the Bruton Parish Church, the Courthouse, the powder magazine, and the Governor’s Palace.
Comma after today.
Renovations at times, especially after church attendance declined as a result of the Revolutionary War and the movement of the capitol to Richmond, included the replacement of the roof with a tin one, a wooden floor, the alter switched from its traditional eastern position to a position at the western end of the church, and the removal of the box pews.
Bleh, not good vibes from this sentence.
They are important to the service as they not only divide social classes, but the high backs force church goers to have a more auditory rather than visual experience.
Does that mean they’re STILL important to the service or they WERE important? I think you need to change that to past tense.
Pre-adolescence death rates were very high in the 18th century, and this was an additional precaution.
I don’t like “and this was”… I would change “and” to something else (personal taste).
The major dispute concerned debt.
I assume you meant major disputes?
Sadly, although Lydia was a witness to Wythe's murder, because she was black, she was unable to testify in court, and therefore, Mr. Sweney essentially got away with murder.
Well, I think this is grammatically correct, but I would split it up into two sentences somehow or something. I dunno, just personal taste.
07-09-2004 | People on the Margins of Georgian Society | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
Today we went to Colonial Williamsburg again;
Comma after today.
A major issue that we have focused on this past week has been the class structure and how it prevaids every aspect of one’s life in 18th century Virginia.
Prevaids isn’t a word.
Wealthier tavern guests were able to rent better accommodations and the same concept applies to the jail as well.
I personally prefer a comma before and.
Ms. Wager was one of the costumed interpurters who came to talk to us tonight.
Interpurter is not a word. Did you mean interpreter?
While Ms. Wager was an interesting guest, the other costumed interpurter was more fascinating.
It’s still not a word.
As i mentioned in yesterday's journal, Lydia witnessed Mr. Randolph's murder and was unable to testify in court due to her race.
Capitalize I.
Enough summerizing, time to talk about the reading and the discussion.
Summarizing. I don’t think that’s a good way of progressing from one paragraph to the next.
Cox's article "Bilboes, Brands, and Branks: Colonial Crimes and Punishments" was fairly staightfoward as its name suggests.
Straightforward.
The articles and sites were fairly staightfoward and left little room for interpertation.
Straightforward and interpretation.
I feel that for lack of primary sources from the lower class
I would say for a lack.
07-10-2004 | Digging for History: Optional Archaeology at Fairfield | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
Chorus: Yankey doodle keep it up,
Yankey doodle dandy,
You wanna put Yankee.
07-11-2004 | Rest! | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
Didn’t see any flagrant errors.
Jefferson and conflicting emotions concerning the institution of slavery
07-07-2004 | The Alumnus | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
Today we went to Monticello and Michie’s tavern.
Comma after today.
The doors to the parlor area were called double action doors which were controlled by a pulley.
The whole “doors which were controlled” thing… I would personally make it 2 sentences. Double action doors. These doors were controlled by a pulley. Or something.
Certain features that one would expect to find in such a lavishly built house would be a grand staircase;
A grand staircase is only a single feature.
Malone’s article "Thomas Jefferson: A brief Biography" discussed how Jefferson’s relationship with Sally Hemming did not happen, or if it did, it was rape.
I would put a comma after or.
The way that Jefferson, a man who publicly professed ideals of equality, described blacks’ emotional capacity makes me conclude that he viewed his slaves as creatures capable of the basest emotions and were very primitive and animalistic in nature.
Change it to “capable only of the basest emotions”.
Yet his relationship with Sally Hemming perplexes me.
Comma after yet I guess.
One student asked him a question concerning that topic, specifically, the about the opinions he expressed in the "Summery View of the Rights of British Americans."
Remove “the” in “the about”.
“Summery View of the Rights of British Americans."
I’m not one to argue with quotes, but shouldn’t it maybe be “summary” and not summery”?
One comment to make concerning Jefferson… after listening to Katherine Kerrison’s view of Jefferson and his ideas concerning education, it appears that he was not as
I don’t think the ellipses is used correctly here, and it appears you still have to finish. :]
Rosewell Plantation, Christ Church, and Corotoman: Material Culture and the Quest for Personal Honor
07-06-2004 | River Gods | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
Today we went to Rosewell Plantation, Christ Church, and Corotoman.
Comma after today?
18th century Virginia was an incredibly shallow society by our standards as it was material wealth rather than character that defined one’s social standing and therefore one’s “worth.”
Our standards? Who’s our? And if you’re comparing their society to ours, I’m gonna have to disagree with your statement… but that’s an argument for another time. :]
(Breen p250))
Don’t really think the p is necessary.
What prevented another Bacon’s Rebellion of sorts?
Don’t like the way this sentence is phrased.
Like the political machines of the Gilded Age, 18th century gentry men functioned as their own political machines, winning the votes of the common men by holding barbeques for them and running on platforms of improved roads and things like that.
Try to rephrase “things like that”.
The new ideals are honor and individualism, and they are achieved by wealth and power. However, in an attempt to achieve these lofty and highly competitive goals, the gentry gamble and waste away their fortunes and amass larger and larger debts. They are unable to curtail their spending to accommodate their finances because that would involve admitting defeat and losing personal honor. In short, it would be social suicide, and in 18th century society, social standing was everything.
I would change that to past tense.
Hierarchy and Order at Shirley and Westover
07-05-2004 | Pride & Prejudice | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
Put a comma after today again, or at least I prefer it that way.
Shirley Plantation was built in 1651 and has been home to the Carters for now eleven generations.
Change for now eleven generations.
The trend in this hierarchy goes from most important and convenient (kitchen and laundry need to be close to the house, the smokehouse can be farther away because of the smell and meat from there is not taken directly to the house anyway) to least, but it also goes from completely domestic to completely wild, almost as if the farther from the house one goes, the less control the master has over that sphere.
That sentence is kind of massive. Also, you might wanna say THE kitchen and THE laundry.
07-04-2004 | Celebration! | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
In the movie, which takes place during the French and Indian war (which we haven't studied to yet),
Studied to is kind of bleh.
07-03-2004 | Digging for History: Optional Archaeology at Fairfield | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
Comma after today if you like.
Looks good apart from that from these tired eyes.
07-01-2004 | The Other Side of the World | 2004 Pre-Collegiate Program, Session I
What is known however is that Blackbeard started his marauding career as a privateer for Queen Anne during Queen Anne’s War; however, after the war, he took over a former French built slave ship named the Concorde, and he transformed the ship into Queen Anne’s Revenge, a vessel capable of carrying a 250 ton load, and it had a 3.5 meter draft, between 20 to 40 cannons, and carried 150 men.
That is one huge ass sentence, and I would put a comma after known and however.
Also in 1718 (June 21), Blackbeard’s prize, Queen Anne’s Revenge wrecked while trying to enter Beaufort Inlet.
Comma after also and comma after Revenge.
The turret revolutionized warfare as the ship no longer had move to be able to fire at its enemy.
No longer had move should be fixed.
Spices drove sea exploration beginning with Marco Polo.
Comma after exploration.
They were a kind of a status symbol.
Too many a’s.
Well, that’s all you told me to look at. Hope I helped. :]