You know you're a Techie when...

1. You have an insatiable need to coil all the cable in your house correctly.
   
2. The gaffer tape residue on your hands has become a second skin.
   
3. In the back pocket of all your black jeans, there is a faded area resembling a wrench.
   
4. Cherry Coke, Jolt Cola, Coffee, and Happy Tea are your new best friends.
   
5. Along with the vending machine.  And of course Lorenzo's (your local, non-franchised, Canadian & Italian restaurant).
   
6. Items on your birthday / holiday wish lists include: Tools, Sleep-in-a-Can, and InstaRespecta: Simply sprinkle liberally on actors and they will sudddenly feel indebted to you forever.
   
7. You find yourself waitng at the bus stop, in the summer, when it's 30°C in the shade, wearing black pants, a black "Production Crew" t-shirt, black boots / shoes, a black schoolbag, and black sunglasses.
   
8. You've read the Techie Gospel so many times, you start to question why God didn't use Techies.
   
9. "You use a gel cutter to open a bag of milk.
   
10. You give and / or recieve MagLites for special occasions (especially those mooshie romantic ones).
    
11. You eat, sleep, and breathe tech.
    
12. You only breathe tech. ;o)
    
13. You own promotional items from tech companies.
    
14. You keep a list of creative ways to impale actors.
    
15. You paint your room black.
    
16. Someone asks you the time and you reply with "14 minutes 'till places, please.
    
17. You've discovered many interesting uses for a MagLite (let's keep our mind out of the gutter please)
    
18. You build, furnish, and tear down at least 3 houses every 36 weeks.
    
19. You wear black for no reason.
    
20. You rearange your room in the dark.
    
21. You set the kitchen light so that it's just right.
    
22. You wake up and wonder if you have missed your cue.
    
23. You close all doors softly.
    
24. You remember events by which show it happend during.
    
25. You curse at inanimate objects.
    
26. You actually visit this web page and find it enjoyable.
    
27. You tell someone you're headed home, when you're actually going to the theatre.
    
28. You give up your summer to work on a musical, without pay.
    
29. You know the lines of the play better than the actors.
    
30. You've turned yellow cue stickers into sacred smiley faces.
    
31. The phrase 'head set sing-along' brings back fond memories.
    
32. You drag your friends into being a tech too.
    
33. You sometimes start talking, thinking you have a headset on.
    
34. You can never sit through a whole play without feeling you need to do something.
    
35. If you're missing, friends know where to find you - in the theater.
    

You Know Your a Stage Manager when...

1. you call cues in your sleep.
   
2. rest is a not a word in your vocabulary.
   
3. you've managed to be multiple people at once.
   
4. you feel like you are eternally wearing a head set.
   
5. you have friends on the crew and they have no choice but to listen to you.
   
6. the followspots leave offerings to the Almighty Stage Manager.
   
7. you have actors actually listening to what you say.

Stage Manager Jokes

Good News, Bad News
Two stage managers, nearing the ends of their careers, were discussing the likelihood of there being some form of theatrical endeavor in the hereafter. The first consulted a friendly medium. Later, the following exchange took place between the two stage managers:
SM1: I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there is a wonderful theatre in heaven - well equipped, spacious, plenty of wing space. In fact, there's a show opening tomorrow night.
SM2: That's wonderful! What's the bad news?
SM1: You're calling the show.

The Perfect Blackout
An old stage manager appeared at the Pearly Gates. As a reward for years of patience, discretion, and endeavor, St. Peter granted him a single wish.
"I've never seen a perfect blackout - can that be arranged?" he asked.
St. Peter snapped his fingers, and the darkness descended. there was not a hint of spill from work-lights or prompt corner. There was total silence, not a whisper, not a footstep, not a pin drop - just complete silence and total darkness. It lasted 18 seconds.
When the lights came up again, St. Peter was gone and the Pearly Gates had been struck.

Miscellaneous Actor Jokes

Q: How do actors traditionally greet one another?

A: "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm better than you."

Q: You're driving down a road and see your director and an actor crossing the street in front of you. Which one do you hit first, and why?

A: Your director--business before pleasure.

Sound Techs

Next to the stars, sound people are the biggest prima donnas in the business.

Q: Why do sound guys say "Check, one, two?"
A: If they could count higher, they'd be a lighting tech.

Q: What's the difference between a sound guy and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a sound guy.

Miscellaneous Techie Jokes

Q: What do you call someone who hangs out with techies?

A: A sound guy.

Q: Why are techie jokes so short?

A: So actors can understand them.

Wait! Don't go yet! We leave you with a final thought:

Q: How many actor and/or techie jokes are there, anyway?

A: Only one--all the rest of them are true!

Anyone who has a joke they want added email the webmaster.

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