Egyptian
Neighborhood
Blond
Jokes
No, Over There
There were two blondes
driving to disney land in Los Angeles. The were looking for signs
that would lead them there. One of them finally saw a sign. It
said "Disney, Left .... so they turned around and went back
home
They Are Getting Smarter
A blonde
was very upset at all the dumb blonde jokes she was constantly
hearing. She decided that she would learn all the state capitals
in an effort to defend blondes everywhere. She went home and
spent the entire evening learning them all.
The next day, someone at her office told a dumb blonde joke and
she immediately retorted, "Hey ... I bet I know something
that ALL of you don't know. I know ALL of the state capitals
which proves that not all blondes are dumb."
The people in her office were somewhat dubious. One of her
co-workers finally asked, "Ok ... what's the capital of Texas?"
To which she smugly replied, "T."
Row Your Boat
There's a blonde in a
rowboat in the middle of a field, just rowing and rowing her
heart out. Another blonde comes down the road, looks into the
field, and stares at the first blonde.
"What do you think you're doing?!" she asks.
"I'm rowing, and I'd better hurry up! I'm going to be
late!" says the first girl.
The second girl gets mad. "What?! You know, it's blondes
like you that give us all a bad name! And if I could swim, I'd
come out there and slap you silly!"
Blonde One Liners and Riddles
- How
do you hit a blonde and she will never know it....with a
thought!
- How can you tell a
smart blonde from a dumb blonde....the smart blondes have
dark roots.
- Why don't blondes
eat pickles...because they get their heads stuck in the
jar.
- Why did the blonde
get fired from the M & M factory...she threw out all
of the W's.
- How do you make a
blonde laugh on Monday...tell her a joke on Friday.
- What do you call a
zit on a blonde's butt...brain tumor.
- Why don't blondes
make kool-aid...can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
packages.
- What do you call a
blonde with half a brain...gifted.
- Why do blondes have
T.G.I.F. printed on their shoes...stands for Toes G o In First.
- How many blondes
does it take to change a tire .... 5--2 to get sodas, 2
to cry and 1 to call daddy.
- How do you give a
blonde a brain transplant .... blow in her ear.
- What do blondes and
beer bottles have in common .... they're both empty from
the neck up.
- What does a blonde
say when you blow in her ear .... thanks for the refill.
- What's the mating
call of a brunette .... Is that darn blonde gone yet?
- Why do blondes wash
their hair in the kitchen sink .... that's where you wash
vegetables.
- How do you get a
blonde's eyes to sparkle .... shine a light in her ear.
- What's the
advantage of being married to a blonde .... you can park
in handicapped zones.
- What do you do when
a blonde throws a grenade at you .... pull the pin and
throw it back.
- Why did the blonde
climb over the glass wall .... to see what was on the
other side.
- How many blondes
does it take to change a light bulb .... 6 - 2 to read
the instructions, 1 to find the switch, 2 to stand on, 1
to screw the bulb.
- How many blondes
does it take to change a lightbulb .... two .... one to
hold the diet pepsi and one to call daaaady.
- The blonde stayed
up all night to see where the sun went .... it finally
dawned on her.
- Brunette to the
blonde .... Awww, look at the dead birdie .... the blonde
stopped, looks up and says, "where"?
- How do you know a
blonde has been working at your computer .... there is
"white-out" all over the screen.
- How can you tell if
another blonde been using the computer .... there's
writing on the "white-out".
- Why do blondes wear
ear muffs? .... to avoid the draft.
- What did the blonde
visiting O.J. think this was .... spilled finger nail
polish.
- What is the blonde
doing when she hold her hands over her ears .... trying
to hold on to a thought.
- Why did the blonde
stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? ....
because it said "concentrate".
- Why did the blonde
snort Nutra-Sweet .... she thought it was diet
"coke".
- Why did the blonde
put her finger over the nail when she was hammering ....
the noise gave her a headache.
- Why did the blonde
have blisters on her lips .... from trying to blow out
lightbulbs.
- Why did the blonde
climb up to the roof of the bar .... she heard that the
drinks were on the house.
- Why don't blondes
have elevator jobs .... they don't know the route.
- Why does blondes
have elevator jobs .... they like going up and down.
- Why do blondes work
seven days a week .... so you don't have to retrain them
on Monday.
- How does a blond
know if she's on her way home or on her way to work ....
she opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it
- How did the blonde
die drinking milk.......the cow sat down
- Why don't blondes
make chocolate chip cookies .... it takes to long to get
the shells off the M & M's
- Why can't the
blonde keep a job at the M & M factory .... she keeps
throwing away the W's
- What do you get
when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts ....
change
- How many blondes
does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies .... 10 ....
one to mix the dough and nine to sort out the W's
- How many blondes
does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies .... 3 ....
one to make batter and two to peel the M & Ms.
- How can you tell if
a blonde has baked chocolate cookies .... there are M
& M hulls all over the floor
- How can you tell if
a blonde is going to back chocolate cookies .... she is
throwing out all of the W's
- What is written at
the bottom of a blonde's fishing pond .... bring your own
fish
- Have you heard what
my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming
pool .... no smoking
- what does a blond
do when someone says its chili outside .... she grabs a
bowl
- what do you call a
blonde with one brain cell .... gifted
- What do you call a
blonde with two brain cells .... pregnant
- What is a blond
with brunette died hair .... artificial intelligence
- Why did the blond
stare at the orange juice .... it said concentrate
- Why Can't Blondes
get "mad Cow Disease .... you can't get it twice
- How do you sink a
submarine full of blondes .... knock on the door
- What stops then
goes, stops then goes .... A blonde at a blinking red
light
- What do you call
two blondes in the freezer .... frosted flakes
- Pepsi came out with
a new can just for blondes .... It has "open other
end" printed on the bottom.
- Why do blondes
always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears ....
they're refuelling
- Why do blondes comb
their bangs strait up .... They don't want anything going
over their head
- How did the blonds
brain cell die .... alone
- What did the blonde
say when she opened a box of Cheerios .... Hey, Look!! A
bunch of doughnut seeds
- What do you call a
smart blond .... Labrador
- How many blonde
jokes are there? .... none, they're all true
- Why don't blonds
ever become pharmacists .... It's too hard to fit the
bottle in the typewriter
- Why did the blonde
purchase an AM radio .... she didn't want one for nights
- Did you hear about
the dead blonde in the closet .... she was last years
hide and seek winner
- Why are there
blonde jokes .... to make brunettes jealous
- Why doesn't a
blonde make Kool Aid .... couldn't get 8 glasses of water
in the little packet
- What's the
advantage of being married to a blonde .... you can park
in the handicapped zone
- What is dumber than
a brunette building a fire under water .... a blonde
trying to put it out
- What do you call a
blonde with a brand new P.C .... a dumb terminal
- How do you call a
blond .... you don't .... you whistle
- What does a blond
say when she see's a banana skin on the side walk .... am
going to fall again
- I'm a blonde and
still like blonde jokes .... must have been written by a
true blonde
- Why are blonde
jokes so easy to understand .... so brunettes can
understand them
- How did the blond
burn her ear .... the phone rang while she was ironing
- What's a blond
between 2 brunette .... a mental block
- Why do blondes wear
their hair up .... to catch anything that goes over their
heads
- Why does a blonde
smile when there is lightening.... she thinks she is
getting her picture taken
- There are 17 blonds
standing outside a disco but they could not get in ....
the sign said, "must be 18 to enter"
- How many blonds
does it take to change a light bulb .... only one ....
she holds it in the socket and waits for the world to
revolve around her
- What do you call 3
blondes that walk into a building .... beats me .... you
would think one of them would have seen it
- How do you drown a
blonde .... glue a penny to the bottom of a pool
- Why are there no
brunette jokes .... because blondes would have to think
them up
- How does a blonde
make instant pudding .... places the box in the
microwave, and looks for the "instant pudding
setting
- How do you confuse
a blonde, put three shovels against the wall and tell her
.... to take her "PICK"
- How do you drive a
blonde crazy .... put her in a round room and tell her to
stand in the corner
- Why did the blonde
put lipstick on her forehead .... trying to make up her
mind
- What do you call a
brunette standing between two blondes .... interpreter
- What do you call 24
blondes in a cardboard box .... a case of empties
- Why do blondes wash
their hair in the sink .... that is where you clean all
vegetables
- Why did it take the
blonde 7 days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago .... she
kept seeing signs that read .... stop clean bath room
- A blonde went to
the doctor's with burnt feet, "how did you do
it" asked the doctor" .... "cooking soup
.... the instructions said "open can .... stand in
boiling water for 7 minutes
- Why can't a blonde
make ice cubes .... Don't know the recipe
- How do you get rid
of blondes .... form a circle, give each a gun and tell
them they are a firing squad
- Why did the blonde
buy a brown cow .... to get chocolate milk
........................................................................................................
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