Letter From JL to JB

Dear JB, Like I said, I promise I will not bother you anymore but I felt like I needed to explain why I am so upset because I get the feeling that you don't understand what I am feeling and I don't understand what you are feeling. And I feel very immature because I feel like I am saying the same things over and over but I can't let go without trying one more time, especially since I have been so confused and so hurt since Tuesday night and I hate that feeling. This whole thing between us has been so confusing and I need to get it out, then maybe you can/will explain it to me. I was so happy when we first said that we liked each other. You always seemed like the perfect guy for me, and then we started kissing and seeing each other at our houses, yet we couldn't/wouldn't date, and I remember telling you that and you always said it would happen sometime, so I let it go on. Then you came over to my house one of those nights and I wouldn't make out with you and you said "I just wanna make out with my girlfriend" and I knew you really didn't mean it like you said it, but I thought you were thinking more of a relationship at that point. Then we left for college and you said that you wanted to hang out and take it slow before we (if we) got in a relationship. And I completely agreed and understood that. Then you started talking about sex. And you said you were joking but I can't handle that. I alwys thought I would wait until marriage to lose my virginity but it kinda scares me because you are the one guy that I would have sex with before marriage. But one thing that remains the same is I want to be in a serious relationship when I lose my virginity and I really want to love the guy. Well I really love you, all that is missing is the relationship. And you said that you want a relationship but then I said it didn't seem like it and all you said was I know and didn't explain anymore. If I am not the girl that you want to have a relationship with, why do you let me think that I am? Or if you wanna take it slow, why do you keep mentioning sex, even if you are joking, you know how serious I am about having sex with you. So I just needed to get this off my mind. I've been thinking about you so much during the past few days. (More than I have for awhile, even though I think about you everyday.) And I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like I am running into a brick wall anytime we talk. But I won't do it anymore. If you wanna tell me what you want that's okay. I don't care. You know what I want to be, but if you just want to be friends then I understand, or if you never wanna talk to me I understand. Love you.