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buttah ([info]buttahmellow) wrote,
@ 2005-02-22 09:29:00
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Current mood: relaxed

yeah.
I've decided it's not a hiatus, it's an 'I don't need to post everyday because who really cares anyway' aka 'Less is More'. So a recap of...well the past four days or something:

Everwood owned. Majorly. Except we have to wait until April or some shit to find out all the details. DAMN YOU SUMMERLAND!!!!!!!!!

I helped dad put up the fence and let Pika run free. Pika is confused, but loving it.

Mom made me drive the car out of the garage and up the hill. Twice. Needless to say, I ruled. Haha, not really. But I didn't kill anyone, so that's good, right?

Aunt and I went to the mall, I bought three thongs, two regular underwears, pair of wornout jeans at AE, neem face mask from Bath and Body, two birthday cards.

Today is my second year on LJ.

And we finally took down the Christmas tree. RIP: December 24, 2004 - February 21st, 2005. You will be missed.

Now I know what you're saying to yourself. But does she have pictures? Hell yes, I have pictures.




Can you guess what this is? No seriously, guess!


I like it when the flash comes on. Aha.


That's supposed to be one of those things where you put hot stuff on top of it. But it's on our wall. Yeah.


My dog is thrilled.


Wait for it....*sniffs air*


Wait for it.....*prepares*


ZOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Two kittehs on the window cil. Cill. Sil. Whatever.


Dramatique. Ooh.


VINCHENZO!


LMFAO.


Ok, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad.


HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


HAHHAHAHAHA


KITTEH!


Mm, my valentines chocolate from my mom. Hehe.


RIP Christmas tree. :(


Yes, I still have my hamster. And yes, he's still stupid. HAH. Love him.


HAHA MY DAD!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA.


And I've been going through my flist (lots of pages). So far all I can comment on, is that I'm very disappointed in [info]acciofirebolt. I never expected you to treat someone like that. I always thought you were one of the good ones out of that group, but I've been proved wrong. How could you do something like that, to anyone, let alone a previous member of your group? I thought you all were a close tightknit family? The second someone differentiates from the group, they get a big 'eff you'? That's unbelievable. I'm not removing you, and I'm not going to fight with you or the group, or whatever, but I'm just surprised. Makes me wonder what you say about me behind my back...

And hugs to [info]stocco, obviously. :\

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[info]acciofirebolt
2005-02-22 15:43 (link) Delete
Are you joking me? You're disappointed in me? Well, oh well. I'll live. But really, maybe you should get your facts straight before jumping to conclusions. I am, for the most part, a very considerate person even though I make rash decisions, but when stuff is said about my friends (members of [info]tehelite in question here), I'm going to jump to their side because I know them and what they are capable of. I'm not saying I'm not disappointed in their actions for the journal deletion, but in all seriousness, it was a joke.

And while I can deal with change, some change is for the worse. I feel as though Stacie has changed, and I don't like the direction she's taking.

At least I have the balls to say it, unlike most.

Feel disappointed. It's not really a big deal to me. I don't really care. That may seem rude, but that's me. If there's something I don't like about you, you're going to hear about it one way or another. I'm not really too worried about it.

And by the way, if I ever said something about you behind your back, you'd know about it. Because I would tell you.

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[info]buttahmellow
2005-02-22 16:07 (link)
So regardless of other people, regardless of what's actually right and wrong, you'd side with tehelite? No matter what? I don't get that, at all. Yeah, I'd side with a friend too, but not if they did something they shouldn't have. And I'm not even talking about the journal deletion, I'm over that. But pile all the actions of your group, and it's pretty amazing. You don't give any thought to things, you just jump right in because the group's all doing it.

And no, I don't know all the details, but do you have any morality? You don't treat people like that. I don't care if you were doing it for the good of your group, or for peace in your own mind. It's not right. I considered you such a great and wonderful friend, so mature and sweet. But you're rather nasty under it all, aren't you? You were so thankful that I was there for you (the email), but then you turn around and get pissed with me, just because I don't play along with this stuff. You don't see the wrong in anything you do, you really don't. It's fine that you guys have fun, but you're hurting others when you do some things. But because you aren't the ones being hurt, it's not a problem.

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[info]acciofirebolt
2005-02-22 17:34 (link) Delete
Regardless of anything, I side with my friends because their beliefs are my beliefs. While I am very much my own person and capable of making my own decisions, if my friends feel as though they made the right decision in doing what they did, I'm going to stick by them because that's the type of person that I am.

Lol Buttah, I'm not pissed. I do have a temper, but I promise you, if I were pissed, you would know it. I am not the type of person to get offended easily. I try not to take things too much to heart, but right now, I am trying to see it from your side because you ARE my friend, and I do value what you have to say.

And please, you don't think I haven't been hurt? I considered Stacie one of my closest friends. She knows some things about me that I have never told anyone in real life (and I would never even dare of telling someone in real life). The way she has acted has hurt me, and I don't take being hurt lightly. I am a very passionate person - especially when it comes to my friends - so when I read or hear about some things, I'm going to do something about it.

I stand by what I did. Call me immature if you want to - I already know that, and each time someone calls me immature, it makes me want to be that much more. I am a stubborn person. Take from that what you will.

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[info]buttahmellow
2005-02-22 17:57 (link)
Well, I don't see the logic behind that at all. So if a group of your nontehelite friends did something that tehelite has done, you'd side with them? Not be angry, and happily chuckle along? I doubt it. And while you're not pissed, I am. Because I can't handle this drama. I'm not in the group. I want nothing to do with the group and it's drama. You don't know how badly I would love to never have to hear about 'lolz tehelite' again. In fact, I wrote an entry, private right now, about it. I cannot take this anymore. It may be exciting for you people, but it puts knots in my stomach, and gives me headaches. I feel like I'm in the group as much as you are, for what I go through. And what makes it even worse, is that none of you seem fazed by anything. If someone hurts your feelings, you don't try to hurt them back, because it just keeps going, in a cycle. Some of you find it highly amusing, to play tricks on people that are only funny to you people. It makes me sick.

I don't know what Stacie did. I am aware of what you did (concerning the anon meme). Maybe I'm a very mature person compared to you, but I think there are so many better ways to handle situations than to talk trash about them. Did you try talking it out? Did you try just moving on? Why must you continue the drama? Why can't anything ever be let go? Do you feel you must 'win'? Maybe it's something that can't be won.

I cannot take this anymore. I've kept telling myself, "Ok, they say they are sorry, maybe it'll be ok now" and then it is, for like two seconds and something else happens. I feel like I'm carrying a heavy piano by myself and you (tehelite) are just standing there, laughing, having a good time.

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[info]acciofirebolt
2005-02-22 18:14 (link) Delete
I don't really understand WHY you feel so involved with [info]tehelite, but I am sorry you feel that way. We don't mean to involve everyone or make anyone feel like you are feeling. We aim to please ourselves - many of us do what we want when we want without consideration of other people's feelings, which I admit. I try to consider most before doing things, but I am quick to jump into something without thinking. It's not like we peer pressure everyone into doing things. We do them because we feel it will be laughed at - we take things lightly and expect everyone else to feel the same because ...well, that's just what we expect. Maybe that's wrong of us, but that's how we are. I never pretended to be mature or a good person. I've always been straight up myself, and if you don't like that, there isn't anything I can really do about that. I've never held out for universal population - I would be waiting forever if that's what I expect.

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[info]buttahmellow
2005-02-22 18:22 (link)
I feel involved because I can't stand on the sidelines and watch people do the wrong thing and then don't feel sorry about it at all. Because if it happened to you, you'd get very upset and everyone would be all, 'Aw, I'm so sorry, hugs' and stuff. But because it's not happening to you, you see no wrong. I find that horrible. It's not the right way to be.

And from previous experience, don't you see that hardly anyone outside the group finds it funny? So why persist?

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[info]acciofirebolt
2005-02-22 18:28 (link) Delete
Because like I said before, we don't aim to please. We think we're funny, so we continue doing what we do. I don't know how else to explain that.

People do what they want to everyday. You, Stacie ...you're the same. You don't stop talking about ASOUE because some people don't like it, do you? You do what you want because you can; it's your journal, your life - that's you. I respect that; in fact, I love that.

That's what we're doing. Our own thing. If people don't like that, ...I can't change that. I can only change myself, and right now, I like how I am, so until I need to change, I'll act and be how I see fit.

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[info]buttahmellow
2005-02-22 18:45 (link)
That's nice. So what is your point? You aim to amuse yourselves and don't give a rats ass if you hurt others in the process? Lovely.

ASOUE is a book and a movie, it is an interest. I have many interests. It doesn't affect anyone to the point of ruining a friendship. Is playing jokes that hurt others an interest? I mean, what are you saying here?

I feel like I'm wasting my time, caring for people who would do something stupid in a heartbeat for their own amusement without thinking about anyone else but themselves and the group. That's what I feel like, like I'm wasting my time and energy on people who don't seem to give a shit about anyone outside tehelite.

I can't take this anymore. I'm serious. I refuse to disintegrate into pieces while you people are left untouched. I can't.

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[info]acciofirebolt
2005-02-22 18:56 (link) Delete
We don't intend to hurt others when we do the things we do. At least not me. I like cracking jokes; I like making others laugh. I don't think, "oh man, this is vindictive, let's play this trick on others and make them cry!!!" That is definitely NOT who I am. If that's how it comes off, I'm sorry. I do what I do because I think there will be some laugh out of it. I put myself on the line for laughter, and if it happens to go the other way, so be it. What's done is done - I can't change that.

I don't know what you're expecting from me, Buttah. If you expect an apology - I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I'm not going to apologize for saying things that I meant. That make come off as rude and arrogant, but you don't know the whole story or why I feel the way that I do. I don't judge people; I am not a close-minded person. It takes a lot for me to turn against one of my closest friends, but the things that have been said and done affect not only my friends, but they affect me because when someone insults [info]tehelite, it's insulting me. I don't like being insulted; nobody does. I am not the type of person who lets things by unnoticed; I stand up for myself and say/do what I need to in order to keep my pride.

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[info]buttahmellow
2005-02-22 19:13 (link)
Well, then I guess there is no more to say. I won't back down, and neither will you. How long have you and I been friends? A very long time. But you'd put that aside for a group? That's rather disheartening.

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[info]acciofirebolt
2005-02-22 19:16 (link) Delete
I don't know what you want me to do here. Apologizing for something I'm not sorry about isn't something I do. I mean, of course, I'm sorry that you're pulled into all of this because that's the last thing that should've happened, but I'm not going to apologize to Stacie for what I said or how I went about it. Sure, it may have been low and immature, but that's life. What's done is done; I can't change that, and neither can you.

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[info]buttahmellow
2005-02-22 19:28 (link)
I don't want an apology. Maybe at first I did, but I just want you to see what I'm saying. I don't like it when people do things wrong, over and over, and don't ever see that it was not the right thing to do. Regardless of tehelites existance, I'd still approach you about this.

Sure, it may have been low and immature, but that's life.

It might be life, but maybe that's not the way to go about things.

What's done is done; I can't change that, and neither can you.

I'm not trying to change things that are already done, I'm trying to see if you 'get it' and won't repeat your actions in the future. Don't you see that these negative things bring on negative reactions? Why keep doing it? Because you're not paying for it?

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[info]acciofirebolt
2005-02-22 19:35 (link) Delete
How can you think I'm not paying for this? I lost one of my closest friends; of course I am paying for this. Stacie wasn't the only one hurt. She's not the only victim. It's funny how everyone is so quick to jump to conclusions about tehelite as a whole, yet get angry when we do the same.

I don't think that I'm wrong here. Maybe I'm just too stubborn and blind to see that, but that's who I am.

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[info]buttahmellow
2005-02-22 19:45 (link)
Well then don't you see it? See that some of the things done in the group shouldn't be done? And though I still side with Stacie, yes, I don't know the whole story. I've been debating all day, 'should I ask the both of them to tell me their sides of the story'? I like to know everything before making judgements, but I have other things to pull up in the tehelite 'file' compared to Stacie (which, right now, is at 0) so I'm not jumping to conclusions. It's not as if this is the first time someone did something immature like this.

Yeah, I think that's it, stubborn and blind. I don't know how many times stuff like this has to happen before you (group) realizes, 'Oh...maybe we're the ones doing the wrong thing.'

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[info]acciofirebolt
2005-02-22 19:50 (link) Delete
Of course I think some things shouldn't have been done. But I cannot be held responsible for what everyone else does. Just because I am part of tehelite does NOT mean that I am their mother or their keeper. How can you hold that against me?

I'm so confused right now that I am talking outloud to myself. I don't even know what to say.

You can continue telling me that we're doing the wrong things, but I don't think that. Immature? Sure. Stupid? Most likely. Wrong? No. People take things and see things differently. Just because you think it's wrong doesn't mean that everyone else does.

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[info]buttahmellow
2005-02-22 19:57 (link)
Fine.

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[info]stocco
2005-02-22 23:12 (link)
In all honesty, I don't KNOW what I did wrong. Other than delete people from my journal. After that happened, I took a hiatus, and didn't talk to anyone. How would I have been able to do something wrong? I haven't talked about that since it happened. And if THAT is what ruined this friendship, I have NOTHING to say to Amy.

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[info]acciofirebolt
2005-02-22 18:35 (link) Delete
And I am commenting to your latest post right here since you disabled.

I don't WANT to cut you, Buttah. I think you are a great friend, and I value our friendship - and your opinions - a lot. If you want to defriend me, be my guest. You do as you see fit.

But I can assure you that I have never worn a mask. I have never tried to be anyone but myself. That's not how I run my life.

I don't know what you want me to do here.

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[info]buttahmellow
2005-02-22 18:54 (link)
I've always considered you a good friend, if not a very close one. But then you have to add in tehelite, which always fucks things up. You alone, great. I remember the great convos we had earlier, about Matt. But then you bring in the negativity of tehelite and it messes it all up.

And concerning the mask bit, I was refering to the journal deletion shit, how when you all came back, everyone got angry, not just you. Everyone took off 'their masks' and things got ugly.

I don't know either, but I cannot do this anymore. I refuse to be hurt again, and I especially refuse to be hurt by someone who never sees what they've done wrong (this time and many other times).

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[info]acciofirebolt
2005-02-22 18:58 (link) Delete
I am confused by what this means: But then you bring in the negativity of tehelite and it messes it all up.

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[info]buttahmellow
2005-02-22 19:05 (link)
Not you, as in YOU, Amy. I figured you'd misread that. Say it out loud, and casually, "But then ya bring the negativity of tehelite, and it messes it all up."

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[info]acciofirebolt
2005-02-22 19:11 (link) Delete
OHHHHHH. I get it. I was like, "wait what?" LOL. Okay.

I don't know what to say to that. That doesn't really help, but I ..don't know.

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Welcome, [info]acciofirebolt!