At least for me, Tuesday used to be the most insignificant day of the week. Monday is an excuse for exaggerated sighs; Wednesday is the halfway point, and Thursday is the opening act to the awesomeness of Friday. But thanks to a maverick classic rock station that plays by its own rules and spits in the overfed mugs of corporate fat cats, Tuesdays in Buffalo have a serious ‘tude.
As I sit in my fascist cubicle on a typical Tuesday, helping to foster the underhanded fascist agendas that serve to perpetuate the fascist lie of the 9-to-5 workweek, I flip on “Two For Tuesday” on 97 Rock. “Breakin’ the law/Breakin’ the law!” screams Rob Halford of Judas Priest, over surging guitars that swagger and thrust with heterosexual bravado. I’m sated for the moment, but when the song begins to fade out, I begin to yearn for more Priest. Then I remember: It’s Tuesday. “You’ve got another thing comin’!” Halford sneers with womanizing force on the back half, making the tightwads shake in their $5,000 suits. Thanks to Two For Tuesday, we get twice as much axe-wielding majesty of a pedestrian day, plus it teaches us all that alliteration rocks.
And if you want to make an even bigger bustle in the Tuesday hedgerow, you can play a game that has the potential to enrapture your office. The rules are simple, yet full of wonder. First, hold a draft the Monday prior, during which each player chooses five acts: You get five points if 97 Rock plays all of your picks on Tuesday. Second, once the Tuesday magic begins, players must predict the back half of each double shot – i.e. if “That Smell” by Lynyrd Skynyrd is playing, a good pick would be “Saturday Night Special,” because it’s a hard rocker and a smooth transition from the more ethereal and introspective “Smell.” If you get the back half correct, award yourself five pointeroos.
Sometimes, rock jocks like Professor JP or Carl Russo will put their cards on the table, saying, “A double shot of Rawush (sp.) is coming up next.” In these instances, players must pick BOTH songs of the Rush two-fer. And if you get ‘em both, you get 25 points and the respect of your peers. At the end of the day, whoever has compiled the most points is the winner. I’ve won my share of Two For Tuesdays, and it makes graduating from college seem like a meaningless accomplishment.
On this particular Tuesday, my boss comes over and pats me on the back, interrupting the rock onslaught by asking me if I was happy with my recent raise. I turn around with righteous anger and yell, “You don’t own me! Go back to the shadow from whence you came!” And as if in response to my Arthurian inflections, Carl Russo busts out a two-fer of Jethro Tull. As the mystical piping of “Thick As A Brick” pussyfoots through my speakers, I forget my troubles and try to pick “Bungle In The Jungle” before anybody else knows what hit ‘em. Like Foghat or Vincent Van Gogh, Tuesday came out of obscurity to change our lives. Whether you’re a street fightin’ man or a witchy woman, Two For Tuesday will rock you, in the manner befitting of a hurricane.
Appeared in the March 2006 issue of Buffalo Spree.