Settle Up These Sorrows

Part Five

(first of all, I want to thank everyone who’s read this fic. I was unsure about it but you all helped me. And second, I really have no idea how to write a eulogy(whatever)- so forgive whatever the heckers that is down there lol, tell me what you think? Latas JULIE)

“Which picture should we put on the table?” Benji asks holding two picture frames with pictures of Paul in each.

I go up behind Benji and wrap my arms around his waist, my chin resting on his shoulder. I point to the one of him, Alyssa and Daniel, “That one’s my favorite.”

Benji nods and we keep looking at the picture.

After a few seconds he leans back against me and sighs, “I miss him. Everyday.”

“I do too.” It’s been a year since his death and we’re getting ready for a party to honor him. “Every time I see Daniel.”

He shakes his head smiling slightly, “He looks so much like Paul.”

I nod and rest my head against his shoulder.

The doorbell rings and I tear my arms from him reluctantly and answer the door as people begin to arrive.

=-=

I stand up on the stairs a little way and face all the people. I clear my throat and tap the side of my glass, heh I’ve always wanted to do that, getting their attention.

“Well here we are again, this time in celebration,” I start off. “I really don’t know what I can say that would do Paul justice. He was a great man. He taught me a lot of things, like the brother I never had. He was there for me, and I know for all of you when ya needed it. He was never afraid to give himself, never reserved in helping someone out. Whether it was money, lodging, even just a hug or a smile- he was always ready to lend a hand,” I smile and look at the twins who are smiling back. “I know he’s proud of us all and I know we wouldn’t be who we are without him. He always supported everything we did and I…I know he’d be glad to see everything working out.” I turn to Alyssa, “Paul’s family was everything to him. My only hope is that Daniel can turn out just like him. The world will be a better place when that kid grows up- just because Paul was his father.” Alyssa smiles as the tears run down her face and I continue cuz I know mine aren’t far behind. “Paul appreciated everything given to him. He was truly blessed. And I know I appreciated Paul, we all did. So this is for Paul,” I raise my glass, “to Paul. You’ll be with us all forever bro.”

=-=

Everyone has left, its just Paul’s brother and sister, Alyssa and Daniel, Joel and Sam, the two boys, and Benji.

I sit down on the couch and lean forward resting my elbows on my knees and my head in my palms. I smile as I watch Daniel, now 1yr 9months, Jake, now 4, and Matt, now 6, playing together. Matt with his arm around Daniel, and Daniel just chatting away. That little boy hasn’t stopped talking since the day he said his first word. Jake and Matt are so protective of the youngest GC kid- they always make sure he’s with them and when Daniel does cry- they come tell us before we even hear him.

I look over at Alyssa and Samantha, both of them talking quietly.

This is how it was meant to be.

All of us together.

This is the way Paul wanted it to be- even after the band there’s still us.

Forgiven and mended.

I feel so blessed right now. I don’t even feel the tears that have run down my face until I notice my palms are all wet.

Benji sits down next to me and I turn to him smiling.

He reaches out and takes my hand, speaking quietly, “You okay?” I nod and he smiles nodding his head too.

He pulls me towards him and I scoot over, folding my legs underneath myself. He reaches up and wipes my chin then lifts his shirt and wipes away the rest of my tears.

I smile and rest my head on his chest, our fingers entwined and his hand on my back slowly rubbing.

We’re quiet for a minute or two and I listen to his heartbeat, comforting and permanent.

I hear him take a deep breath and he whispers in my ear, “Billy? I wanna tell you something…”

I sit up quickly and he shakes his head smiling, pulling me back into his chest, “No, it’s nothing bad.” I look up at him and he grins, his fingers running thru my hair.

“You’re right ya know,” he nods, “Paul would be proud of us. Of us. He always wanted us to be happy. Remember when he found out? He did everything he could to help us be together- switching rooms, making up excuses…whatever he could to help.” I smile and nod, sitting up and facing him. “Billy, I was never good to you when we were together, the first time. You gave me so much of yourself and I hardly gave you anything in return. I loved you, but I never showed you. And then you were gone…and I was so alone. I tried to fill the gap you left but…nothing compared. You were so good to me. The best thing that ever happened to me- and I threw it all away. The years I spent without you were so dark. And when…at Paul’s funeral…I didn’t want to see you because I knew I still loved you- and that I hurt you. But it was so good to see you again. And we’ve been together this past year. We both know it hasn’t been easy all the time but…”

He pauses and smiles, “But it’s been worth every second of every day just to be near you. I never want to leave, never want this to end. If I could take back all the stupid things I’ve done- I wouldn’t, because that might mean that I wouldn’t have you and I wouldn’t be here at this very second doing what I'm doing.”

What is he doing?

“So Billy? I'm asking you if you will spend forever with me?” he reaches into his pocket and pulls out…a ring.

He holds it up in front of me and I stare wide-eyed at it. It’s a thin platinum band with an inscription on the inside. I read it aloud “Together Again” and that’s when the whole thing begins to kick in. “Are you asking me to marry you?” I say, probably a little louder than I thought I would.

He smiles and nods, “As married as we can get- and if you’ll have me…”

The whole world around me stops. I don’t notice anything else except my heartbeat ringing in my ears, the warm metal loop in my hand, and the man sitting in front of me.

This man that I gave up everything for.

I slide the ring onto my finger and hold it out in front of me- Benji watching the whole time.

He knows my answer.

I hold my hand up and turn it around, watching the metal glinting in the light. It fits…perfectly.

Yes, I'm sure he knows my answer.

“How could I….”

The man I gave up everything for…. and would do it again in a second.

I stammer, my throat constricting and my eyes burning.

“How could I… not say yes?” I finally say through a shaky voice.

He grins and pulls me into him. I wrap my arms around his neck and press our cheeks together, squeezing my eyes tight and sighing.

He’s gripping me tightly and I feel so safe, so right, so...loved.

After what seems like forever I feel a slight tugging on the back of my shirt and turn around to see three curious young faces staring up at Benji and I. I look around the rest of the room to see 5 smiling faces all aimed our way waiting for an explanation.

Matt looks up at us, “Unnkle Billy? Are you gonna wear a dress?” and 7 voices giggle at us.

And I know that everything will be fine.

Paul would be proud and happy for everything we’ve accomplished.

Together Again.

All of us.

=-=

the end.


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