Aspirin Free

(A/n: 14816 times my stories have been read and only 354 reviews = that doesn’t add up! come on people- review please? I write this stuff for you, tell me what you think, please? Okay I'm supposed to be doing homework oh well! Okay on with the story- luv everyone who does review! latas Lonely Stars!) sorry its about to get all hetero up in this mug! Oh and when its says like him it means Benji.)

Ch 2 – Because He Has To

::dream::

He’s sitting on a blue striped couch. The TV is on and he’s watching it, trying not to think of either one of two things. Him being the first and the woman nestled in his arms being the second.

He’s been there for a while now- not because he wants to but because he has to.

She gets up to do something, he doesn’t know what or why. He’s been thinking about Him. Not the woman. Not the TV.

She comes back with a smile on her face. He smiles back believably- not because he wants to but because he has to.

She sits on his lap and raises her hand to his face. He doesn’t flinch, he’s played this game enough times not to now. It’s all in the game. He smiles again. All in the way it has to be. Or at least has to seem.

She’s kissing him now and he tells himself he has to kiss back- not because he wants to but because he has to.

She stands up and takes his hand, beckoning him to follow.

This is the worst part. He knows what she is aiming for; suggesting. And he can’t say no- not because he wants to but because he has to.

She leads him to the bedroom. He hates this room. He hates it’s white curtains and ivory silk duvet, its clean floor and everything that will in happen here.

Her fingers are at the hem of his shirt. He lifts his arms as she pulls it over his head. He swallows as she kisses his neck. She pulls away and smiles, “You want me to strip for you?” It registers what she’s asked and he nods with a plastered smile.

Her beautiful body all to their own would instantly turn on any man. He’s not any man. And he’s repulsed.

She’s smiling at him now, standing before him naked. He tells himself he has to take off his pants. He doesn’t want to but he does it anyways.

He slips his belt off and his pants go next. There’s no carnal shed of clothing the way it is with Him, with her its always like this. He just stands and hopefully she takes his responses as wonderment at her body.

They’re on the bed now and he has to follow through. He kisses her. He tries to fake himself out that its Him but it doesn’t work. Its not Him.

She’s kissing down his chest now and it throws him off, she never does this. She’s doing something new.

His mind snaps into focus and he realizes she’s going to do what is only reserved for Him.

He looks down at her and she smiles back up.

His mind is screaming “No!” but he can’t speak it- he doesn’t want to let it happen but he has to.

He wants to push her off when his body begins to betray him.

Once again he tries to imagine its Him and not her.

But she’s not doing it the same, its not the way He does it.

He wants it to be over but she doesn’t complete it, instead she stops and slides back up onto his body.

She sees the tears in his eyes. She thinks she done good. But she doesn’t know.

She’s expecting something in return. He can’t bring himself to do it. He smiles and sugars up his voice, “How about next time.” He promises but he never does it.

Now he really wants it to be over with.

When he’s with Him it lasts an hour, with her its twenty minutes.

She thinks he’s just a bad lover, that’s not what He knows.

He forces himself to kiss her and work her so he can be done.

He most dreads the next part. He hates the feel of her body, its nothing like His.

He can’t stand the way her nails feel against his skin or her thin hips or even her breasts.

She disgusts him. He keeps his hands gripping at the bed beside her. He doesn’t want to touch her.

He misses the built biceps and colorful arms.

He misses the smooth metal adorning His face.

He misses the smooth lips that are never hidden beneath makeup.

He misses the masculine voice calling his name.

But all he sees is her repulsive perfection and all he hears are feminine moans infiltrating his ears.

He can’t bring himself to look at her as she comes, knowing he’s done his part to bring it on.

He shuts his eyes tight as his body has fully betrayed his heart, soul and mind. He wants to scream and cry and he barely sobs- making it come out more as a moan.

She kisses and cuddles into him. He kisses her one last time and hums until she falls asleep.

He wants nothing more than to leave but knows that he has to stay. He begins to get up and she stirs.

“I'm just taking a shower. I’ll be back,” he finishes with a kiss on her forehead and she falls back asleep.

He makes it to the toilet just in time to wretch.

His whole body feels dirty and sick, inside and out. He’s shaking as he steps into the shower turning it as hot as it will go.

It makes him sick to smell her soap and her on his skin. He uses the soap he has brought over to her house.

He scrubs until his skin is tinged red.

Laying back down on the bed as far from her as he can, he’ll just kiss her in the morning and leave.

Go back to Him. Go back to the one he loves. Not her. He does it because he has to, not because he wants to.


Joel sits up straight in bed. The motion waking Benji and he reaches out to Joel pulling him close. His body is trembling in a cold sweat.

Joel clings onto Benji, his breath ragged and shallow from a nightmare all too familiar.

Benji knows the only way to calm Joel is to put him in the shower. Where he can wash the memory of her off his body.

“We’re going to go in the shower, okay?” Benji says reassuringly to his shaking brother.

Joel nods and lets Benji practically carry him to the adjoining bathroom. He holds Joel up with one arm as he turns on the water and pulls the knob for the shower.

The spray hits Joel as he squeezes Benji tightly- as if to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.

Kissing Joel’s temple and whispering, “I’m right here. I'm not leaving.”

Joel’s grip loosens slightly and he reaches for the soap. Benji softly speaks, “I’m taking off your boxers,” as he slides the wet fabric off Joel.

He can hardly stand to see his twin break down like this, Benji has moved out of the shower and is sitting on the toilet, his knees to his chest. Watching Joel.

Lathering up his hands, Joel proceeds to wash his entire body. He scrubs until his skin is once again pink and rinses only to repeat it again.

After the second time Benji watches as Joel’s hand reaches out to the opposite side of the shower, expecting to find Benji. When he doesn’t find him, he opens his eyes and whispers out Benji’s name.

In less than a second he is in Benji’s arms again. His whispered yelling has quit but he is gasping for air now.

Benji slowly rubs his hands up and down Joel’s back. “Shhh. I'm right here. It’s okay, she’s gone.”

Joel buries his head in Benji’s neck and lets the first sob break.

All Benji can do is support Joel’s shaking body. He pulls him ever closer and holds him tighter.

After what seems like an eternity Joel’s sobs quiet but don’t die and Benji shuts off the water. He lifts Joel out of the shower and dries him off then takes him back to the bedroom. He dresses him and lays him back into the bed.

Benji pulls him closer and whispers soothing words. Joel finally falls silent because he has cried himself to sleep. Right before its too late, “I Love You, Joel.” Benji says into his ear.


Long after Joel is asleep Benji is not. He’s worried about Joel and they haven’t brought up the baby in over two weeks.

Joel avoids any mention of Jadie or the baby. To the outside he looks fine but Benji knows Joel’s soul.

Joel is afraid. Benji can see the fear in his eyes.

He knows he doesn’t want to be a father. He doesn’t want to be responsible for a child that he could ultimately ruin the life of. They’ve been victims of circumstance but to Joel that means that he is doomed to repeat the past he learned through his father.

His tears are full of hate and fear, for now.


(A/n: ugh! I liked everything but the last section. That was soo much crap! Tell me what you think- I guess this will be a long story after all. Remember any reviews are welcomed and given in exchange for sexual favors- so bring em on! latas Julie. More tomorrow or later Monday night if you review!)

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