October 16, 2003
And the curtain fell... again. I feel so bummed. Life is so stupid! Just the other day I got all worried about the college stuff and in result decided to go to Poland. Seriously, how can I afford anything else? So for a moment I was all happy, thinking of how I would be in my own country, where I feel comfortable talking to everybody, with mom and Natalie, in my own new polished room... But realized that this will keep me even further away from Neil. It made me so worried that I talked to him. And things aren't getting any closer like they were supposed to. The logical thing would be to give it up and go in our own seperate ways, but it would also be the saddest and most difficult thing to do! Life would have no meaning without him... In addition to that, teachers have been sadistic this week, and everyday I've been working my ass off until late night hours. Today I have a log portfolio to redo, and it's gonna be a killer. I've got too much stuff on my mind. Amazingly, my extened essay advisor says I'm on a really good track and well organized with my essay. That means I must be making a really good impression, cause organized is not my word. Katya, if you're reading this, perastika.
October 20, 2003
Hey, people, I am screwed. This is how my schedule for the next hew weeks looks:
Tuesday, October 21 – Katya’s party at Horseback riding club
Wednesday, October 22 – 2nd draft of Extended Essay due
Thursday, October 23 – Tobacco article for Blue & Gold
Friday, October 24 – Hip Hop dance on the roof
October 25 (Saturday) – 28 (Tuesday) – I’m in Bulgaria
Wednesday, October 29 – Talent Show Tryouts
Thursday, October 30 – Jamie’s Birthday
Friday, October 31 – Halloween Carnival (and probably Jamie’s gonna do something for her birthday)
Saturday, November 1 – SAT’s
Monday, November 3 – Final Draft of Extended Essay
Thursday, November 6 – My Birthday
Saturday, November 8 – Party at my house
Friday, November 14 – Talent Show
Oh, and I joined a Fitness Club today. It is cool.
October 22, 2003
Yesterday was crazy. I went after school to Katya's horseback riding club, cause we were going to go out afterwards. It was nice. Even though I had to read Song of Solomon I felt like I was home. It was incredible! We had champagne and sweets, cause people were celebrating Katya's first and second places she won last Sunday. Well, not everything was sweet, especially the part after we left the club, but for my best friend's sake I have to take the fifth, and say 'no comment'. Either way, I came home at one, which was not fun, especially the waking up part in the morning. Katya spilled a big glass of chocolate on the table, what else? Oh yeah, now I can't get the Durex advertisement out of my head! Well, anyway, I was supposed to go to the gym today and watched "Friends" instead! Aaaaaaaah! And I left all my homework stuff in my locker! Now all I'm left with is the Extended Essay. I'm starting to fear it the same way I feared the first draft. What am I to do?! I'm gonna shoot myself... Oh, and also I am really glad Daniel is willing to help me out with the Talent Show, he's such a sweetheart, he even asked Artemis if she can play the violin! (although she can't, but that's ok cause we're gonna ask Paul). The only problem is we have a very tight schedule. He doesn't have time for a practice tomorrow, so we're gonna try on Friday, but then we're both gonna be gone from Saurday until Oxi Day, right after which we have the Tryouts. But its ok, even if we suck I'm sure they'll give us a callback for a second chance. Oh... I really hope this works out...
October 28, 2003
Hey people, I just came back from Bulgaria, so excuse me for being brief, I am really tired... (for the last four days I've been on the road non-stop). It was absolutely amazing, we went to Sofia and met old friends whom we haven't seen for 15 years and stayed over at their place. Well anyway, last week was crappy, that's why I didn't write much - I didn't get almost any sleep but managed to get in my extended essay and news article on time, so that was good. Tomorrow I've got an SAT practice session, Telent Show Tryout, gym and Internal Assessment for History to do, so I'm gonna drop dead, but that's ok. And on Thursday I have a French Club bake sale at lunch, and I have to get a Halloween costume after school. Oh yeah, and it's Jamie's birthday. On Friday there's the Halloween Carnival coming up that I have to stay for, but it's all good. Oh man, I'm so tired I might be making spelling errors, so please be linient with me... Ok, I'll post some pictures from the trip as soon as possible, I promise. Ciao!
November 1, 2003
Kalo Mina! As a matter of fact, today is the Dead holiday in Poland, so I shouldn't be so cheerful about it, but what the hell! It's Jamie's Birthday! Well, it was on Thursday but we're celebrating it today. I have just spent the last hour reading Jamie's and Ryan's Dead Jornal entries. It's amazing how many things I missed out on, by not reading them regularly. Well, ok, I don't expect you people to be reading my entries everyday, that would be a complete waste of time. So anyway. I took Sora in for Wednesday and Thursday nights. It was great having someone to look after and help out in times of need. I kinda felt like a mother. I just hope she can go home soon without any conflicts. I registered for the SAT's, I tried out for the Talent Show (they loved it - woohoo!) and now all I gotta do is that damn Internal Assessment for history. I managed to finish Song of Solomon, that's great and yeah - my Extended Essay Advisor said that I'm way ahead of some other students so I should be proud of myself (which I am). I had the most fun with Katya at Halloween yesterday. We both had cool costumes and worked for the French club. Anyway, mom is coming next week and next Saturday I'm making a birthday party in my house. I need to make maps of Paleo Psychiko and buy all the stuff before Friday (my birthday's Thursday). I've heard some really good news about the Warsaw University - all I need is an exam from English Philology and an interview. I love them! And I am pretty sure Natalie is gonna stay in Warsaw. We will have the best college year together! Now I've really fallen nto the "Friends" mania - I watch like four episodes everyday (hm... - no wonder I don't have time for homework). But anyway - I know that to many this is gonna sound insane but I wish it was raining today. The sky is clear and the sunlight is bothering me. A perfect weather would be rain until about 4:00 PM and after that dery - for Jamie's b-day party.
P.S. One thing worries me - no news from Neil. I really don't know what's going on...
November 4, 2003
It's a rainy, rainy day. Actually I saw the biggest lightning today. It was fun. But apart from that I'm sick and I am wisely using this time to write my internal assessment for history. On Sunday Sora came to stay over again and we played Larry until late. But yesterday (Monday) she was very upset in school so I'm not gonna bother her now. Anyway, yesterday I got my first B on the biology test, so I am celebrating! I'm gonna have to go birthday-shopping tomorrow or the day after, cause mom is coming on Friday and stuff. I also have to print out maps for people who don't know how to get here. Oh yeah, and I'll also need treats for Thursday and I have to start telling people to come.
Ok... A bit later tonight... I have done the plan of the investigation and a little bit of summary of evidence for my internal assessment. How great... And it's 9:36 PM. I have a troubling cough and a little bit of a fever. I am screwed... Have I done any research on financial aids in Great Britain? Nope. Have I asked my teachers for any recommendation letters? Nope. Ok, now some of the good stuff. Have I ordered SAT's? Yes. But have I studied for them? Nope (but it's ok, they're in December, I still have time). Am I almost done with my Extended Essay? Now that's a question. Yes and no. I have written it, but I really haven't done a ding (don't make weird faces, please, I just swore not to swear on my website - a pun! haha!) about my graphics. Ah... Do I wanna go to school tomorrow? No. Am I screwed for my English presentation? Hell yes ("hell" is not a curse word so beep off!). Am I pathetic? yeah... (and "screw" is not swearing either, just think how useful screwdrivers can be sometimes!)
November 6, 2003
Happy Birthday to me!!!
Oh... How nice, almost nobody remebered... But that's ok. I had the happiest birthday in the last three years. Three years ago I was sick on my birthday. Two years ago I was home alone for my birthday (not in a good way - it was in the middle of the week in a strange place). Last year I got scolded my dad's boss on my birthday. Today it's perfect! Nothing bad happened, yay! Oh, I love birthday shopping. It's like which plates are we gonna choose; the ones with a smiley face on them or the ones with a "Happy Birthday" imprint?... which cups; the blue ones or the yellow ones? which napkins... Anyway, I am so worried that nobody will come... Oh, I just hope that Nasry comes! Oh damn, I forgot... I gotta call him. No, I can't. I'm gonna make Jamie do that for me. Ah, I'm such a wimp...
November 7, 2003
I can’t believe what I did
I feel so emotionally wrecked
Let my foolishness control my tongue
Words which were undesired
Escape through my lips
That words were more treacherous than actions
Yeah, as if I didn’t know…
I hadn’t done anything on purpose
Then why does it hurt so much?
It’s usually news to people
When somebody so quiet and shy
Suddenly bursts like a bomb
“Wow!” they say, “I didn’t expect her to do that!”
Well, let me tell you people
That my punishment has come
You might not get the point
But I do suffer for that
Guilt is what I carry in me
And believe me…
It takes a long time to make it go away
I don’t expect you to forgive me
As I do, too hastily
I just want to know
If I am allowed to make mistakes?
Cause if others are
Then why not I?
November 10, 2003
Yeah, I know I haven't written for a while. I was kinda depressed actually (great, I was depressed on my birthday weekend...). But apart from that the party was great! Of course the people who came were the ones whom I expected, and they are my truest, closest friends. Other friends couldn't come only because they were sick or their parents didn't let them (Aparna, Nicole and Sora). My mom came Saturday morning. That's so cool, I really missed her. I also got really awesome prezents. Talent Show is coming up together with the Extended Essay final draft deadline. At least I'm almost done with it. The Talent Show is going well too. I can almost say that at this point my life is perfect. Almost... Because with everything that I have I don't have one thing... I don't have anyone that could hold my hand, whisper sweetness into my ear, hold me close when I'm down... or up. Someone for whom it is worth to spend hours on the phone, somebody for whom I can get excited about the weekends again. I think I have found that someone. But (and I am not suprised, because after I screwed up two years ago God is still punishing me with loneliness) of course he wasn't meant for me. That's how it always ends.
November 16, 2003
I didn't make any improvement. I'm not gonna care anymore if somebody takes a quote from this entry and if it becomes the reason of a breakup between friends. I paid for that and the price was high. I chose to lose one of my best friends. I'm saying I chose because I cannot willingly hang on to anyone who makes me feel even worse than I already feel. I'm supposed to boost my self esteem, not stomp on it. And I know that it is because I am stubborn and have dificulty in explaining my reasoning in words, and I really don't have to agree with somebody just because everybody else does. Besides, it hurts me when people show no tolernace for others' ideas and keep insisting that they are right. I mean, what the hell, am I not allowed to have an opinion as well? If it doesn't make sense to anyone but me well then too bad for you, that's my webpage, and I'm gonna write how I feel whether it's reasonable to you or not. Just because I wrote how I felt about being lonely, suddenly everyone has to attack me by saying how dare I feel lonely when I have friends? Well, guess what? Maybe my loneliness is just sexual frustration. Didn't think of that, did you? If I had any idea that people are gonna make such a big deal out of it, I would have just not been honest and not have written anything. But what the hell, it's so much easier to take advantage of someone who is weak and has low self-esteem... Whatever. I just want to thank the people who went to the Cardigans concert on Saturday for wanting me to come, even though I didn't get the ticket... Just this little sign showed me that you still care. Anyway, I guess I'm just writing this for myself cause I doubt that anyone wants to be my friend anymore after how I treated them on Jamie's page. You will always be my friends in my heart though, even if you don't want to talk to me on Tuesday when we get back to school... Oh, and I am also aware that you might not believe in any of the stuff that I say, because I may have portrayed some contradiction between my words and my actions (I really don't remember honestly, but I am writing this in case I did). Anyway, now I can say that I will be punished. Only not by God, nor by fate, but by the result of my stupid actions.
November 17, 2003
That's crazy, but in a way I feel relieved. I seriously do. After being rightly crushed by Jamie and Ryan I feel like this is exactly what I needed. I needed somebody to be brutal to my face. Well, not exactly to my face, cause we're on the internet here, but still. I think that it's good that it ended that way. I seriously need to spend some time alone. I'm not talking just about "some" time. I'm probably gonna be until the end of the year. But for the first time I honestly think that that's what I needed. All this tension, arguments, contradictions and finally me getting everybody pissed off was something that was sitting in me for a long time, and finally it got out. It was inevitable. I am not fit for having friends. I simply cannot live i harmony with others, I cannot. Ever since I came to Greece I had fights with people and was changing friends all the time. I am just a loner, and what is ironic (thank you for bringing that up Jamie, now I see it) is that all of this was not because I was lonely only I needed to be lonely! I needed to see how it really is to have absolutely no one. Then I will appreciate having had someone. And I also might know the reason why the bomb exploded in the first place. I can't be too happy. And I was. Since September I was the happiest person on Earth, and that never happened before. Since I was too happy, I had to make up fictitious reasons to make myself unhappy and that's how it all started. I don't care if anyone finds this ridiculous (I kind of do). Like I said previously I have no problem if people take this entry apart, analyze every piece of it and find a thousand contradictions (and even if I did you'd still do that). I live for myself now. But enough of that. The day started good, only I have to do the stupid Dictator Paper 2 for history, that sucks... Nothing new. I'm looking for an interesting piece of literature to read, so I can fill in my weekends now, since I'm not gonna be going out anymore.
A little later that day
I am tired of everything. Tired of checking every two minutes if somebody posted a new comment on Jamie's Deajournal, and tired of getting anxious and nervous over what it is going to be. So I'm gonna blame the internet (and yet I won't stop using it - yes, I am a hypocrite, no discovery here). If I never found out about Angelfire then I wouldn't have had a website, and if I didn't feel the way I felt on November 10, I wouldn't have written that "God is punishing me with loneliness" and then Jamie wouldn't have posted it on her webpage and Ryan wouldn't have replied to it, and I wouldn't get pissed off at his reply...etc. You want a quick procedure for losing your friends? Do what I did. Haha, but I no longer want to care. All I did was look for some understanding, not disdain. And yes, I am an attention freak, so sue me. Now all I want is apathy. I don't want to freak out anymore over what sombody else says or the fact that they all hate me. I don't want to care! I don't want to! So why do I? It's obviously difficult to suddenly forget all the people that were a part of your life still a week ago, but I have to, there's no other way. This is gonna be totally out of the blue, but Evanescence rocks. And I eat too much. Not like anybody cares, but this site is no longer for anyone but myself.
November 18, 2003
Today is... my mom's birthday! Too bad she had to leave. With all this mess having been going on I forgot to mention that I rocked on the Talent Show last Friday (people were kind enough to congratulate me today), and yeah, that's basically it. It looks like I'll have to pass the Polish Philology exam as well to get into the Warsaw University, but that's just grammar and spelling. I might see Matrix Revolutions today, so yay! Not like I don't have any work to do, I seriously have to finish my graphics for the Extended Essay, but it's such a boring thing to do... I am really glad about my grades this quarter. I might actually make it without any C's, that'll be a progress since I entered the IB, woohoo. Nothing new, got really tired of this whole "friend" business, I think I'm even too bored to get offended anymore, or even care...
November 19, 2003
"Trinity dies?! And I thought they were gonna have kids..."
..yeah, so I was sitting in TOK ignoring Ms. Allison's usual mumbling and thinking about why Trinity dies. Maybe they wanna show that it's impossible to have a happy ending without a sacrifice. I mean, Neo sacrifies his eyes as well... Or not really. Cause how was he supposed to know that Smith is gonna be hiding in the ship... whatever... The library computer blasted my disk with the Extended Essay. And I am unsatisfactory, cause I have 25 CAS hours, not 30! They are really nuts sometimes... I so feel like watching "Friends" but I have to study for psychology... sucks. I'll see what I'll do.
November 20, 2003
Ok... So everything started great... I woke up early, finished biology test review, left early, wore my cool new cap to school, was on time to study for psychology, rocked on the test... and suddenly Ms. Allison tells me that my average for this quarter is a D because I haven't turned in 3 statistics assignements. WTF??? Of course, I did turn them in, only she forgot to write the grades in. I mean, what if I lost them? A teacher has no right to put me in a situation where I have to prove that something of mine has been already graded. It's the teacher's responsibility to put the grade in, right after it's done. And that's bad news as well, cause even if I find them (I've found two of the three so far), I mean, how far can three stupid assignments raise my grade? From a D I'll go to like a C, and then my dad is gonna kill me. They better count a lot, or I'll be grounded till Christmas. I was supposed to have my yearbook picture taken today, but I think I'll go on Saturday cause I'm bored... And tomorrow is my last chance to turn in my final draft of the Extended Essay, which I was fixing all day yesterday after the computer in the library destroyed it. Hm... What else? Oh yeah, and today was the weird dream day (or shall I say the weird dream night). Ms. Mcloughlin had one, Katya had one and so did I. I'll leave the suspense, without revealing it because it's too sick to put it on display.
November 22, 2003
Getting drunk in your own house is a cool thing to do, cause you can go directly to sleep, without having to worry that anybody is gonna smell you or question your consciousness, and then when you wake up you can take a shower, make some coffee, and you're all fresh and new. Only it's not as fun to get drunk by yourself. When you seize the moment that it is. Cause the next day I usually regret the things I said, even though I don't remember half of them.
Today I had a memory day. Basically it started off from wanting to clean up my room (I hadn't cleaned it since my birthday and I'm a pedant), but then I realized that since I'm gonna be moving in two months and I have to take things back to Poland, why not start packing the "unnecessary ones" now? So I did, and on the way found many things which I associate with some of my most beautiful memories from Greece. Eventually it came to thinking about all my ex-boyfriends, and for the first time in my life I counted them up. It was 8. A nice, round number. I also read some of my old diaries; I can't believe how some things that I was really dramatic about back then seem so ridiculous now.
I guess I've realized that life isn't so very different in Poland, as it is in other countries. Culture is something that we should preserve, because it makes the world more varied and intersting. But in the end we're all humans and we want the same thing. So I might be just as happy in Poland as somewhere else. I am a traveler, I know, but blame my parents for that. They're the ones who took me to China when I was three and a half, and to Greece when I was thirteen. I love living in different places, but I can't stick to one place for too long. I've never lived in one country for more than six years. And I want to continue doing that throughout my life. Cause I love that kind of life! I don't know what I'm gonna become yet, but I'm gonna make sure that I get to live in a lot of different places. I know that having a family is one of my top priorities, and if my future family is not ok with that then I'll stop and settle in one place. But it's worth trying, isn't it? I mean, my parents didn't pre-plan my life before I was born, and yet it turned out they gave me the life of my dreams! I'll never stop pursuing my dream, if I have to I'll conquer the world! (don't take my words literally, read the first paragraph). Either way, I'm gonna go to college half in Poland, half in England, all the while trying to get a green card, and if (when) I do, I'm off to America to catch up with my American dream!
November 24, 2003
...Listening to Felix Da Housecat's "Madame Hollywood"... Christmas Eve is exactly in one month and the third Lord of the Rings comes out on Neil's birthday. I made Christmas ornaments 2day.
November 28, 2003
Yesterday I started the diet. So far so good. I manage. Only when I'm eating a hard-boiled egg I have to imagine that it's a bar of chocolate. I know it sounds pahtetic, but when I think of returning to school on Monday I get excited, because this means that I will be able to go back to normal eating habits again. Normal, not abusive. Naturally, it will be a waste to gain back all the kilos so quickly, so I am not gonna let go off healthy eating habits, just not starve myself. So I have to come up with a plan of what I am gonna eat daily. Honestly, the most difficult part won't be what to eat, bot not to eat after 8 o' clock PM. Bad, Greek, lifestyle... Speaking of making plans, I have to make a plan how to make the rest of my Thanksgiving break more productive. I just cannot spend the whole day in front of the computer, like I did for the past two days. well, not on Wednesday actually. We went for Aparna's birthday to Starbuck's and it was really cool. As a matter of fact I made a new discovery about myself. I really enjoy candle light. That's because I got so many pretty candles for my birthday. Oh, man... I can't stop thinking about food though. thank god I'm not American. Otherwise I would be watching people eating turkey and brownies, while I would be sipping tomato juice. I was thinking and starting the gym all over, but then I decided that instead of paying 12 Euros for their equipment, which gives me sores all over the body anyway, I can just come up with a set of exercises I can practice at home, which are good for me and painless. Ok... So now I just have to start doing my homework, and read the SAT practice book that Domina lent me. I also have a money problem. I have to figure out how to buy Christmas prezents for 9 people with the amount of 45 Eruos. I feel like jogging. Maybe I should do that!
December 11, 2003
I feel weird. I haven’t updated since almost two weeks. Right now I’m sick and home, so I’m taking advantage of the extra time. But I don’t feel the anxiety to do this anymore. I don’t know why. I had to practically force myself to decorate the house with Christmas ornaments. How could I not care about Christmas? I don’t know, maybe it’s just now… My body feels weak from the antibiotic, my mind… I have no idea. Maybe finally I’ve reached apathy. Or it’s just a result of that stupid medicine. I am addicted. I know how stupid and ridiculous this sounds, but I think I really am. And it’s gonna sound even more stupid when I say that I’m addicted to a TV series. I rent and watch at least four episodes per day. In school, all I can think about is when I’ll get home and watch the next one. I have difficulty falling asleep, and in my dreams I create new episodes, and… I’m afraid of aliens. Ok, so back to reality. The only image that I associate with happiness is Poland, my mom, and Natalie… I have to wait patiently until the 20th. I’ve had so much work in school now, deadline after deadline. I’m sick of it. They expect me to be fascinated with John Donne. Sorry, I find the pursuit of finding extraterrestrial life more interesting. Even if it is done from in front of your TV set. My dad thinks I’m faking my sickness. Well, my thermometer’s not lying. Even if I do exhaust myself. Well, guess what I’m gonna do now? Go down to Video Blue, to rent another tape of X Files.
P.S. That diet thing I talked about… It worked. I lost four kilos and my waist finally looks slim. Ironically, it got so cold, I have to wear double layers and nobody can notice.
December 17, 2003
Merry, merry Christmas to me. I'm gonna need it. Ooh, I'm gonna need it bad. It's a miserbale time, really. I brought in a progress report from math. Nothing big, the teacher's mean and likes to screw over parent's minds, making them believe that their kids are actual failures. I don't really give a damn if not for the fact that my dad is extremely gullible and sensitive. Sense the irony? I hate to have his genes. But I still love him. So anyway, we screamed at each other for a long time. Now I am supposed to write this horrible essay for English, which I simply cannot. I started TOK, at least I am allowed to write on a topic that interests me. But the things with my dad... He is really hurt if not pissed off, I am pissed off, cause I made a bet that I am gonna finish the goddamn homework by nine, and I have 20 minutes left. But why should I bother if he's gonna be watching "Friends"? I am so pissed off. Depriving me of watching the X Files is a crime now. I need to get over that but whenever I start crying I just put on another episode and I believe I am happy again. Two days ago I thought I was cured, that life interested me again. I thought I sitll cared about Christmas shopping and seeing my mom and Natalie and getting my work done on time (believe me, things like that make nerds like me happy) and going to Poland. Now I dread the thought of packing. I am so insane, I lost all interest in life. Well, not if it's looking outside my window at night and looking for UFO's, but I hadn't had any luck so far. I am so f***ing miserable that I am in tears now, just because my dad won't let me watch the X Files to later than eleven. And yet I call myself an adult... Did November 6th have any significance at all? I don't think so, cause I am just a f***ing child. And I cry like a child cause I want my X Files and that's it. I even almost forgot about my sweetheart's birthday which is today. I gotta send him an e-mail. And gotta send those goddman cards to Poland, better late than have my aunt scream her lungs at me later when she finds out I didn't send her one like I promised. If I ever said I hated myself I probably didn't mean it until now. I really do. Or better. I loathe myself. I am such a loser that if I could get into another skin and see myself right now I would beat the shit out me. Oh fucking hell, forget about the stupid rule. *No cursing on my website* Who the hell did I think I was making up stupid rules which I knew I would break anyway? I bet I made some poeple very happy reading this and finally seeing how I got to break myself. Congratulations, but I'd rather whine about being a loser than try to win. Oh, let's celebreate this glorifying moment of breakdown. I think I even have a ciggie hidden somewhere, but I am too much of a chicken to sneak out of the house for one and then have my dad smell me and get into an even bigger fight. Plus it's freezing. I've had enough of this shit. And whoever you are and if you're reading this, keep in mind that I am having so much fun right now thinking every and exact opposite of what I am writing. I love me.
Ha
ha.
Now where are those goddamn cards?
December 18, 2003
Oh God... What on Earth am I doing? Am I crazy? I had another "fight" with my dad yesterday cause he didn't let me watch X Files after eleven, so I told him I'm gonna get up at six today and watch it. And I am awake! Aaah! I washed my hair, send Neil an email, and I'm actually looking forward to doing normal stuff. That's what worries me. Well, I should be glad, but what is "normal"? I can't believe that sleep really affected me. Now when I woke up I showed so many symptoms of "Ola's normality"... I was hungry, I enjoyed the body lotion, I was thinking about that new sweater I'm gonna get for Christmas, I actually wanted to pursue my work on the vector portfolio and I starting thinking of packing up! That's actually good, I don't know why should I be worried? I also need to print out my senior caption and finally have those Christmas cards sent. But guess what I am gonna do now? Watch the X Files. Why?! Why?! Why?! It's still dark! I never knew it could that scary in the morning!
***
18:22 PM. Yeah, I did watch X Files in the morning. But I also behaved normally today. I worked my ass off all day, without a lunch break, that's why I started eating everything that I could get hold of when I got home (and also cause there was a bus strike and I got home at five). And then of course I watched another episode of the X Files. But I am cured. I am doing my homework now, I gave in my senior caption and photo, I started packing stuff and writing addresses on the X-mas cards. And I am thinking of Christmas. I just needed to realize that. It's hard to realize that when there is no snow (though it sure is freezing). I also made a list of Christmas prezents for my family, and yeah - I'm still thinking about clothes and makeup. OS basically I am back to normal. Except that nothing makes me happy. A month ago I would have said that that's because I am single, but somebody tried to convince me that that wouldn't make me happy if I am not happy already. I'm still not sure about this. What if a boyfriend is the one last thing that I need in order to complete the cirlce of happiness? I guess I won't know until I find out. And that surely won't happen soon, cause somebody told me that I scare guys away. Yeah, that's true actually, but honestly, if they can't love me the way I am then screw them. Why should I put up with their imperfections if they can't accept mine? I am not checking this entry for spelling errors cause I'm too bored, so forgive me. And plus, I don't know if anyone is reading this shit anyway...
December 25, 2003
Hey, haven't updated for a while (well, not really... I've been neglecting my page for longer than that before but whatever). I'm in Poland, I'm in my cousin's house, cause I was too bored to go to the internet cafe... There's plenty to say but I do not have time for that right now... But I've been keeping diaries since I came so I'm just gonna post them in January when I come back. I wouldn't exactly say that I am cured but things look better. At least I've been deprived of the X Files for the past five days and I'm doing fine, so I guess that's good. I've also started reading Wuthering Heights so I guess that's progress as well. My mom is freaking out over my exams to the University. Honestly, I couldn't give a damn, so that's not good. But I really don't have time for that now. The day before I left I had a huge downfall and somebody very close told me to think about something during my trip to Poland. I think I figured that out as I was walking to my cousin's grandparents' house yesterday for the Christmas Eve dinner. It was June 2001. Yep, that was it. That's when I for the first time in my life really knew what I wanted. Thank you Neil. At least I made this one thing clear, but what's next? What do I do now? ...
Hey, actually I posted a really long entry on December 19, but now I just realized it didn't show up. sucks. Or maybe not. IT portrayed my biggest downfall. It was nothing more than cursing my existence in limitless ways, but with a note of hope in the end. So maybe it's better that it didn't show up. Sometimes I really freak myself out.
January 5, 2004
I love life! I love myself, I love my family and I love my friends! I know what love is! There is a difference between "being in love" and "loving." I'm not in love. There's no time for that. I love my parents, I love Natalie, I love Neil, and I love my friends in Greece. When I was in Poland, I was around poeple who showed me love and so I remembered! I'm back! I'm still crazy about sweaters, body lotions and candles, but it's like a rebirth! I had the best New Year's Eve in my life, and the day after I realized that in order to see the beauty in life you have to pay attention to the details and aprreciate the little things. Even the fact that my cousin hugged me and kissed my cheek for the first time in his life counts as a detail. So what if he was drunk? He's a good kid, I always knew it, only for the first time he showed some affection. I am so full of life, I wanna fly! It's like that time I was running on the beach during sunset last summer. I wanna scream and sing and jump, cause I am so happy! I've wasted so many tears on nothing, and now that my eyes are dry I'm gonna catch up with life. Happy New Year to everyone, and whatever you do, please, please, please, try to enjoy even the smallest things that might seem stupid, but later when they become a memory you have tears of joy just remembering them...
January 6, 2004
Oh... I have to get out of here. Get out of the house... It makes you sleepy. How come it seems so cold? In Poland I never feel cold even when it's freezing. It must be the humidity here. It's a lot warmer in reality, but when you add the humidity you feel tons colder. On the other hand in Poland, the air is so dry that I keep getting nosebleeds. Why do my parents insist that my passion is a disease? I don't get it. As long as it's not hurting me... well, at least I'll keep denying that it's hurting me. But it's not like an addiction. Ok, I do have difficulty with control, and yes, sometimes I just can't stop, but once the school starts and the importnat things come into play, it's gonna be gone. At least so I hope. I've learned some really stupid stuff from Polish grammar 2day, and I don't even know why. I've learnt it like ages ago. I should be thinking about my psychology experiment or Blue and Gold topic or something instead. There we go. We have winter again. I make myself believe that the past repeats itself, but it doesn't. Every winter is different. I feel like this one has elements of all of them. Winter '99 - "Crossmen", "With Fire and Sword", "Morejonng" and "All about the money." Winter 2000 - New England Colonies, "Hound of the Baskervilles" and emotional unstability. Winter 2001 - "Board Games", skiing, All Saints and Herbal Essences. Winter 2002 - metro, roaring 20's, even bigger emotional unstability, craving for revenge. Winter 2003 - yeah... What the hell did I do last year? Oh! I know! I got engaged! That was crazy! And listening to Avril Lavigne like crazy, and for the first time I really enjoyed the Valentine's day. Ok, so what does that have to do with this year? Nothing - absolutely nothing, I'm delirious again... I'll start living tomorrow... Just think about Traffic club, think about Traffic club... Ah...
January 8, 2004
Here comes the showdown... what goes around comes around... Yes, it's 21st century and we have freedom of speech (oh really? DO WE?!). Therefore I am not ashamed to say that I still listen to Britney Spears. And I am not interested in your opinion. It's pretty obvious anyway. Freedom, ecstasy, the energy to live, that's what I'm talking about. It's sitting inside me and bursting out everyday. I wouldn't be myself if I didn't get stressed out once in a while. So I had to take the pleasure of stressing out over the mock exams today. Well, my teachers made a pretty good job of getting me a little nervous. I never thought I would thank Mr. Pearson for making us analyze poetry. Now it turns out I need it for my exam to the Polish university. The poem was a bit weird, it was about death but sort of like a satire and I thought I did really well, but in the end I got only 8/14 questions correct. Damn poetry... Anyway, I've been a good girl these days, I've been studying and reading literature, so I deserved a nice, long episode of X Files for today. The stupid Video Blue didn't have the next one from 5th series, which I'm currently watching, only from the 7th, so I got a bit pissed at first, but then I ended up watching the best episode I've seen so far, so I am satisfied. The teachers are really lazy, hope they keep up this way, tomorrow's Friday, yay.
January 9, 2004
My teachers did a really good job yesterday and today at freaking me out about the mock exams. Especially Ms. Daley and Ms. Gournaris. But that's ok, I just need to review. And if I finish "Wuthering Heights" by this weekend I'm gonna be more than fine. I'll just use that and "Song of Solomon" as my novels on Paper 2, and for the real exam in May I'm gonna read "100 years of solitude" and "Portrait of the artist as a young man." Oh, I am in such a merry mood! I am a real domestic creature. I wanna stay home and play boardgames, watch movies and surf the net. It's too cold to go outside (though I really wouldn't mind hanging out with somebody in Kiffisia...). I noticed a really cool and weird thing today. I don't feel like watching X Files today! It's amazing! I'd rather play computer games, surf for cool clothes on the net or play Scrabble. Which means, that the old me is almost back. Oh, I have so much energy right now! I wanna go to the gym, or swimming, or horseback riding or ice-skating! But I'm too lazy to move my ass outside of the warm and cozy home... I wish they had places like "Traffic club" in Athens. That would be a great place to hang out.
January 10, 2004
I was going to say something but I've changed my mind. So I'll say something else. My energy is gone. I sank in too deep. I'm trying to get out. I really want to move to the new place now. As fast as possible. I wanna go out, meet new people, not stay at home and watch TV. Real life, not artificial one. Why worry about problems of TV characters? This is insane. For the lack of my own problems? This is even more insane. So there I go again. Provided all the answers. Only what's to force mw to act upon them? Nobody can do it. Only myself. Nothing easier, "just do it." It's so easy to say that to yourself, and even easier to ignore it. What I need is not a parent but a partner, a peer, a friend, to take me out and show me the world. The real world. I don't care if the real world is full of murderers, thiefs, liars, cruel people, poor and dying people whose misery is a result of the ones that are in power... as long as it's real. Well, the real world from outside of my window doesn't look very inviting. It's cold and it's raining. And damn I wish I was in a cafe sitting with someone sipping coffee and laughing my ass off at the coldness outside while I am in warmth with a company.
January 12, 2004
The SAT scores came back! I'm so happy! I didn't do bad at all! Ha! Now I can stand in front of the mirror and tell myself "You are not stupid." Also Milena came back from the States with lots of pictures, stories and candy. Lucky her. If my parents weren't so cheap and made reservations early enough last year I could've went to Argentina as well, like Milena went to NY. Well, it's too late. My exam tomorrow is supposedly gonna be "easy." Yeah right. I am SO proud of myself. Yesterday I went to give back the DVD's and I saw a whole row of returned X Files that I hadn't seen yet, and I didn't rent ANY of them! I just know that this week if I don't study I am screwed. My crazy teacher changed the date of Psychology Paper 2 to Thursday the 15th. What the hell? Like it's so difficult to write two papers in one day... Anyway, I gotta come on that day anyway for the French oral. And Mcloughlin cancelled our Group 4 Project again and told us we could do it in class instead! Yay! I'm crazy - it's Monday, tomorrow's my first mock and I am happy (?!) Anyway... I decided to get a tutor for my Polish language skills... My old Polish teacher... I know she's a bit weird but at least she will guide me somehow. People are really pushing my buttons to send the UCAS form anyway. I guess they're right, after all I've got nothing to lose (excpet for time spent on filling it out). Tired... (from reading books by flashlight until 3:00 AM last night)
January 14, 2004
Musings of an Ola...
I came up with a new procedure how to prevent a word clash: "Stop right here. If you say anything else you might change my mind, which I don't want to. Yes, I'm stubborn. I have a closed mind which doesn't want to let your ideas in. I'd like to stick with mine. So let's change the subject and we'll avoid a fight."
Oh dear... That could cause an even bigger fight. Well, I probably still should have done the above two months ago. I really like to "what if...". I gotta get rid of that habit. For those who did not visit my website earlier today, "too late!" You missed an evil Ola/nice Ola entry, which featured a sophomore and senior picture. You can see them on the front page now. I debated putting a slogan "this entry expires on January 14, 23:00 PM" about which I completely forgot. Which is good cause it expired just now and that's approximately one and a half hour ahead of time. Wait, it actually still exists as I am writing now so the last minutes!!! Nah, I had to destroy it cause my dad showed interest in my website 2day, and God forbid he sees that entry! Well anyway, I have to get back to math, yuck! And yes, I did sneak around 6:00 AM this morning, but for what reasons remains a mystery...
January 15, 2004
Today I've adopted seven episodes. The ones I love. I mean I'm still on the 5th series although I have seen 8 episodes of the 7th series. I like the weird ones, like I usually like weird songs. For one thing, it's ironic cause in reality I have a bugophobia, whereas I like the episodes with bugs the most. Except for "War of Corporhages"... What the hell was that? A doctor named Bambi? No thanks... But like I said, I like all that's weird. So this is my adoption certificate for my all-time favorite episode, which involves...? Worms! My second-favorite involves green alien bugs, third cows... well, ok - that's about all as for the kingdom of animalia, vertebrates and non-vertebrates. What the hell am I doing? Tomorrow I have a French exam! Yeah, OF COURSE I am studying as I am typing this, what did ya think? I don't know how I did it, but I didn't screw up on the math exam. Miracle. I forced myself to get up at six and study. Seriously, study, and it's not like I had anything hiding under my pillow anymore, cause I'm done watching it. That part comes a little later 2day, when I got home at four instead of two, oh sorry, 4:30... and in result had no time to conspire... Ah... For some reason my brain refuses to remember how you say "washing machine" in French.
January 15, 2004
Ah... Yet another Friday afternoon spent at my computer... HOW PATHETIC AM I? I guess this darn machine is now substituting for social life. Anyway, not like I have one, and not like I'm allowed to have one. "No social life until your second year of college." Yep mom, I'll keep that in mind. And yes, now that I think about it I didn't have any social life until tenth grade anyway. That was the only time in my life when I had true fun. In 11th grade I was really freaked out over IB, but I still managed to go out. This year it's nothing! Ok, I know that I can only blame myself for screwing up and not making up, but I'll still complain. And now my mom calls every now and then checking on me, and dare I not study! That's why I'm feeding myself with this bullshit, either TV or the net, and make believe this is working. I hate winter. And those stupid horoscope people tell me that my month is January. What the hell do they know? I'm a summer person, that's for sure. I could have summer all year long, wheatherwise. I grew up in hot weather and I like it. Damn, I feel like swimming. I'm supposed to go to a swimming pool with Katya next weekend. Yep, needless to say how that's gonna turn out to be... NOT. Life is cruel...
January 18, 2004
Life's a bitch. I'm really pissed off. Don't mess with me.
2 hours later: mellow, sleepy, angry... yet indifferent to my father's outbursts. Praying that he won't tell on me or my mom would give me hell. Songs good for today: "Yesterday" and "Riders on the storm" (I don't even know if I spelled that last one correctly or if in fact that is the real name of the song, I don't care...)
January 20, 2004
7:00 AM. I slam the alarm clock. Why the hell does it always have to get in the way when I'm dreaming? I go back to sleep. Amazingly, I find myself in Washington. How the hell did my dream get me there if I've never been there? But I'm sure that's it, cause I see the big white thingy sticking out, it's too characteristic. (any Americans reading this, don't kill me for not knowing the name) 7:08 I hit the snooze button. It's so warm and cozy in my bed, and I can feel the cold, uninviting air coming from outside the window, I dread having to get up. I do and I experience thermal shock, especially that later I take a hot hot shower that runs short of warm water, cause there's too many people in the building taking a shower right now. Why the hell do they have to shower at the same time?! I need to make a water reservation for this hour, honestly... Then a dilemma - I am so not hungry, I simply cannot eat, but I know that if I don't then I'm probably gonna faint on the way to school. I finally decide on a cappucino. The buses are really with me today, I get to school at 8:50, yay! I walk into the library and I see "Milica stupide" written in Aparna's handwriting on the sign-in sheet. So I know where to find them. For the next 10 minutes I review and Milena keeps shushing me. We get in, Katya cames in late, but on time to start, and we get our Paper 1. Of course none of the questions that I studied yesterday are there, but I make sense of some of them. I'd say, like 30% of them I'm sure of. Then we have a 15 minute break (why so short?!) when I find out that I have to turn in my CAS binder today. "Screw them" I think, but Katya starts panically filling out hers. I set the sheets aside for a while and turn to Miller and Urey. But then she freaks me out so I start filling mine out too, but the time is over and I have neither studied the Big Bang theory nor finished my CAS sheets. Thank God Paper 2 is only graphs... Yeah, but I ran out of time and didn't even SEE there was a last page with essay questions. So I totally screwed up. But now... tada! Ladies and gentlemen, here comes Paper 3 that I was supposed to be the most comfortable with and they ask me about stuff like other theories of evolution than Darwin's and some ino sapa and exo sapa! WTF?! Seriously, I skim through the whole test and I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. Well, I manage to do both. So then they tell us we have like 2 hours to do it, but everyone turns their stuff in after 50 minutes, more than half not done. So we're gonna be pretty mad when we get back to bio class next week. The only valuable thing today was Sami's entertainment. And I announced that my CAS binder will be brought with me when I come on Thursday. Oh, two surprising pieces of information: I thought I did really bad on Psychology Paper 1, and it turns out I got a 6 or a 7. I thought I did really well on the French exam, and it turns out I got a 4! Predictions can be really misleading... I just hope I did well on the English exam, that's the only thing that really matters to me. So today I am celebrating not having an exam tomorrow, by watching... guess guess guess??? That's right! The flying saucers! Wohoo!
January 22, 2004
I'm in need of tips how to quickly un-stink a living room. Well anyway... Yesterday as I went to sleep I got into thinking... very weird thinking. I think I even cried, cause I was so happy with my life. Filled with energy, ready to face anything, willing to accept whatever... I still feel that way today, only not as enthusiastically. That's probably cause I was a little bit tipsy the other night... Yeah, what the hell was I thinking to drink in the middle of the week? Well, I'm currently enjoying the freedom of being home alone for two days, and that martini in the bar was just too tempting to resist. Oh well. It's been snowing since early morning, and the stupid-ass snow won't stick to the ground. Again, I wanna go swimming. Great timing. Katya is talking me into skipping school on Monday to go skiing. Like she couldn't use the three-day weekend, honestly. I'm thinking, I don't have any plans for the weekend. I made a frightening observation. X Files are starting to bore me. Well, in a way I should be jumping up and down and screaming in joy, but I at least wanna finish this thing. I left Friends totally unfinished and without the slightest interest on how it's gonna end in November, now I wanna finish at least one thing that I started... Oh shit! I think the snow is starting to stay! Yay to the zero degrees! Wait a minute... Why did I ever leave Friends anyway? Shit. Because I innocently started the X Files. Just to see what it's like. And then the addiction came. Ah, addiction-my ass. Whatever, even if, then it was temporary. The only thing that I am really addicted to is hand creme.
January 23, 2004
Well, finally I broke the habit of writing exactly every two days, it started getting annoying. So there we go again... nothing familiar? Yes - it's Friday, and guess where I'm at? My computer... again. But that's ok, it's not that bad... I'm surfing for winter clothes and makeup, while pretending to be somewhere out with people drinking, talking, laughing, flirting... ah... Having fun seems so far away. Well, it's not that bad. To cheer myself up, the pathetic me rented four DVD's (not X Files!). Ok, two points off, cause two of them are Friends and Sex and the City, but the other two... Well, actually one more point off, cause one of them is Evolution... Shit. I just spilled coffee over my keyboard. And that exact thing caused a flashback. Spilling half a glass of juice on my keyboard last year, while chatting online with my friends. May 2003... That was a weird time. Really crazy, but apart from all the stress I had so much fun. I clearly remember all my friends supporting me at that time. When the problems with the Polish embassy occurred, and my parents wouldn't let me go to Spetses or the prom... They were there for me. These are beautiful memories. Yes, I know that it's me who screwed it up, and that stays in my conscience everyday. Anyway, now I practically don't chat, except today I really accidentally met this starnger online, who seemed really nice but when I went on his website and saw his picture... he looks kinda old. But it's not like I'm ever gonna meet him. He's not from Greece. I so wish it was summer. Summer is seriously my time. I could even go to school during summer just as long as it's summer. Oh well... Today was my last day of home-alone freedom, and I used it wisely. I've never trashed my room so much in my life, I swear. Of course, I had to clean it up before six, but at least it was worth looking at. The work of evil Ola, beware ;)
January 26, 2004
It's another one of those days... Monday. Woke up at 5:30 for God knows what reason (to do the CAS sheets and my newspaper article, but my conscience would not admit to it), went back to sleep only to get the stupid-dream attack again (this time starring Kylie Mingoue). Woken up again this time by the stupid alarm clock, my dad left early and I felt so bummed I seriously considered skipping... but went anyway being the chicken I am. I was late for the first time this year, had the most boring, least productive classes that made me wanna puke. On the way to school I slipped on the grass and got the back of my new white coat green, and on the way back I saw a viper. Nicole saved my ass today by telling me that I can't use Wuthering Heights for my world lit. paper. I got kinda pissed though cause we're allowed to use 100 years of solitude, and so I should've read that during Christmas instead. But that's ok, that assignement's a little easier cause we can write stuff like the diary of one of the characters or alternative ending and stuff, just as long as it's between 1000 and 1500 words. I finally used the Doll's house. Fate has been against me for the past five days. The seventh season of X Files still isn't back, only the first 8 episodes which I've already seen and my mom is not coming this Wednesday like she was supposed to only on Saturday. And they gave me the wrong tape of Friends. I love Mondays. Have a pleasant evening.
January 26, 2004
Oh... It's the most perfect Friday... I actually can't believe I'm saying this, but it is! It's not that I didn't go to the party, it's that I was invited to it! It's really a missed opportunity, but I can't halep it... my mom's coming tomorrow, so the standard of the house kinda depends on me. And anyway, I was home quickly, got food from KFC and found the last two Season 7 X Files! I've been waiting an exact whole week for them! Ok, except for three things today being that no. 1 someone called me "Olga", no. 2 someone noticed that I gained weight and mentioned it twice today, and no. 3 the irony that for the whole week I've been hiding from Papatassos and today that I needed him he wasn't in school, everything was soooooo cool! And plus, my mom is coming tomorrow so it's gonna be "fun"... Oh, and I wrote the most beautiful song... It kind of reminds me of my first song, "Thanks to you". It also just came to me and was put on paper in an instant without hesitation. And also, I stopped worrying about spending weekends at home cause it's really nothing new... It's just the "January-February" phase. Normally the "going-out phase" starts somewhere in the middle of March. Only, and only in 10th grade I went out the whole round year, but back then I got two guys and a friend interested in me, so that was different. 9th and 11th grade post-fall whereabouts usually started early spring. So it's nothing to worry about. It's a beautiful life...
February 1, 2004
Mom came. Was forced to do homework all day yesterday. Got three new sweaters. In the evening watched some comedy with Woody Allen. Went on a trip to Loutraki. Walked and ate. Watched X Files in the evening. Screwed for English. Screwed big time. Tomorrow's the French oral. Aaaaah!
February 2, 2004
Did not eat for exactly 12 hours. Woke up in sweat at 5:00 AM. Was convinced that there was a spirit in my room, cause I felt the chills right through me every time I closed my eyes. Turned in my CAS binder, Blue & Gold article, World Lit. 2 paper, did my French oral (sucked really bad), stayed over for the rehearsal for the musical, and after coming home did the math portfolio, internal assessment for psychology and option G for biology. Tough day.
February 3, 2004
Again, tough but happy day. Parents left to Finikounda. Turned everything in. Get to speak to some people I haven't spoken to in a while. Stayed for another music rehearsal. Watched all the X Files and gave them back. Irritated about not having enough time not only to work on this website, but also to have to write like this and not in detail, cause I am so fucking tired (hint, it's 00:35 AM). And to check grammar. zzzzzzz...
February 4, 2004
Lately I've been thinking about the past... a lot. And as always throughout my life it's because of music. Music has always kept me alive. I listen to stuff I've been listening to in fifth grade, which reminds me of my first boyfriend. Then again, I switched to seventh grade when I came to Greece and I used to watch MTV for long hours after school simply because I never had MTV before and I felt like I needed to make it up for the years when I missed it. Then in eight grade for the first time I stared collecting CD's and I remember all the guys I had a crush on and how each of them fitted a different song. Then I remember long bumming autumn afternoons of my freshman year when I was all depressed, and then the winter when for the first time I got interested in skiing. Then of course the crazy 10th grade and a thousand significant songs. Then the stupid and boring first half of 11th grade, January and then the lovely spring when I started hanging out with people and Mundian To Bach Ke. Then the summer starting with Spetses and In da club. So many things... 4rth grade and Radio Zet when I used to take exra English classes and listened to it on the way there. Yeah, at that time I was crazy about Cranberries and Garbage. Oh man... back to the present. Anyway, my mom says it all started because of my dad. Because he was the first one who introduced me to a microphone and was recording me singing songs as early as three. Already then I knew I could not live without music. Anyway, now All Saints remind me of winter of my freshman year. Cool. Valentine's day in 10 days. Hate that day. I'm always alone. Not once was there a V-day that I would have someone. I always managed to break up even as close as a week before it. Well, around January 20th was an exact year that I've been boyfriendless. Not mentioning that it was the second anniversary of something else. Oh, whatever. I've got work to do. Seriously, I need to take advantage of what I have now, cause once I move in three weeks all my spare time will be gone.
February 7, 2004
I'm burning with hate. Hate towards my weak organism. I was working my ass off for the whole week - with the musical, homework and IB. And so for the Saturday I was planning to go to the movies with Tess and Doaa. But guess what? I wake up today with a 38.3 fever. Everything hurts, my head the most. And once I start coughing I can't feel my bones. Ok, maybe it's gonna be even more fun next week cause it's gonna be the Valentine's Day and going out with friends on that day could help me forget about being single again, but I'm still pissed! I was supposed to start the new me today! I was supposed to start working out, eat less, study at least 4 hours of Polish a day, and now what? This sucks... And I don't even have any more X Files to watch cause I'm done with everything that Video Blue had to offer. Aahhhh... Honestly, I complain about how life sucks so many times, but only when you're sick you realize that you should appreciate every moment when you're healthy, cause at least you don't feel physical pain. I've always been abale to cope with mental pain so much better than with physical. Anyway, my room is packed and half-empty. For the first time it hit me that we are leaving. I mean I've known it for almost a year now, but for the first time I'm like "Oh shit, we ARE actually moving." I am moving. And my dad is leaving. Anyway, gotta figure out what to do today, since my day is spoiled. And the weather is so beautiful! It's like 24 degrees!
February 11, 2004
I just could not be more sentimental. The final stages of packing did it. Every single memory packed in schoolnotes, prose, poems, drawings and comic books. Every single moment. I guess the most vivd memory is meeting Sora for the first time. I will just never forget walking into that ESL classroom so mortified and then realizing that everyone is so chilled, compared to the order we have in Poland. I found my frankenstein from 7th grade, my 9-page essay from 8th grade, my "hornifying" poem from 9th grade. Two full Combo binders full of laughs and tears. Well, and stuff from last year I gotta keep cause it's IB and I might need it for the exams. But anyway, all the sentimental stuff is only up to 10th grade. I guess the only thing I would've kept from last year is my poster from the Valentine's Day (which by the way is coming up and I don't care that I just went through flu, I gotta go out) but that's so stupid... I don't even like the guy anymore. So anyway, I'm so disgusted with staying in bed for three days that I just gotta get out! I'm so desperate for fresh air that I even wanna go to school!
February 13, 2004
Today's Friday 13th. Spooky... And could life be more ironic? I stay home for four days sick and coughing, get a phonecall from school yesterday complaining that I am missing days, and when I set out to go today it snows us down and the school is closed! Ha! But geez, the view is so beautiful. I could stare outside my window for hours. Too bad I'm still too sick to go out. Though I'd really love to go out somewhere tomorrow, but I know what that's gonna be like; meaning it's not gonna happen at all, cause all my friends have boyfriends and I'd be just a finger sticking in the triangle. Ok, so what now? I've been thinking lately: does my life revolve around some never ending TV series? Is that why I had all the addictions? I mean, I'm done with the X Files, and still all I can think about is that. Then I go back to watching Friends and Sex and the City... What is wrong with me?! Don't I have a life? And I think that's just it. I don't. I don't have a life and that's why I engage in the "lives" of some TV characters, which is the bottom line of pathetic, delicately speaking, but I seem to have drowned. Now once I start imagining that things that I see on the TV happen to me and my friends and create my own episodes, that's a sign of insanity. I am insane and unashamed of it. So what's the cure? I gotta go to the movies tomorrow! Baaaaaaaad! And if I don't meet some cute guy who's worthwhile in Flocafe, I am gonna shoot myself. I guess I was destined to be alone.
February 14, 2004
Ode to the 14th of February
Every year you come overannounced
Overcommercialized
Lofty
And mighty
Every year you strike
And hit the most sensitive spots
Leaving them reopened
They take another one whole year to heal
But guess what?
Then you come again
You wonder why I hate you
Cause all you do is give reason
To celebrate love
Well guess what?
In some places there’s no love
You are so careful to circle the Earth
But you don’t keep in mind
That some people aren’t loved
Let those people be in peace
Without reminding them
It’s not like they were not good enough
That’s why they’re not loved
Love is very picky you know?
It’s tough for it to be mutual
And yet to give those who find it
Reason to believe that in some ways they are better than those who don’t have it
Is madness and injustice
So like every year
I go on mission to kill all the cute couples
Let them know what suffering loneliness is
Or laugh at them for being trapped and unfree
Unlike me
February 16, 2004
Watched Pirates of the Carribean yesterday. Nothing else is new. Oh, no school today cause the roads are slipperry. Haven't been to school for ten days. It's nice but kinda weird. So much work to do it's not even funny. Bored, bored, bored...
February 22, 2004
What could a very sleepy person have on her mind? Well, I've got a couple of things. # 1 - I am screwed. I am happy but I am screwed. Does that make any sense? Nope. I am happy that I still got one more day off, but I am definitely screwed with the number of assignements that I am too depressed to count. # 2 - I just almost lost my contact. # 3 - This was the first weekend that I wasn't sick, after-sick or snowed in and I didn't do shit! (that last one kind of had nothing to do with doing work, but it just sounded cool in that context). # 3 - who am I lying to? That thing did not cound cool at all in that context! I am crazy! # 4 - I do not know what the HELL I am talking about, I better go to sleep... As of Sunday, February 22nd, 23:22:41 I declare that I am going to sleep, and I am fat again and... zzzzz Oh, and that I haven't written for like a week. School was hell by the way. I'll explain more tomorrow. In case ANYBODY is interested.
February 23, 2004
Ok, I am in the middle of packing now. I am tired as hell. First of all, I cannot look at psychology anymore or I'm gonna puke. My Internal Assessment for history is still in the process of rewriting, haven't even looked at my TOK essay or the "making ethical decisinos" essay (which by the way was done a long time ago but I guess she forgot to write the grade in again). Biology and math are next in line, as is my second world lit. paper, but that's gonna be tomorrow. I'm seriously freaking out about the moving thing. I talked to Katya today and when I told her that I'm moving on Wednesday she was like "What?". I guess nobody really believed it's gonna happen in the end. I mean from the beginning they were extending it and extending it so we thought that they are probaby gonna let us stay till the end. But it's true. In two days I am physically moving out of here. I sort of can't believe it myself. On one hand I am really excited but on the other I am screaming inside. I've lived in this house for five years. It's imperfect but I grew to love it cause I kinda didn't have a choice. It's been rebuilt for us. And now we're leaving it. Oh well... It's gonna be ok, cause I'm gonna be so absorbed in studying from now on that I probably won't even notice the difference. Until now it's just been a warm-up but once I move in to the new place it's gonna be serious hard-studying. the funniest thing is that I'm not used to living with women. I lived with my dad for the last five years and now I am gonna be living with two women. We are gonna fight for the same stuff like the bathroom, telephone and stuff... I'm probably just freaking out. Ok, back to packing.
February 28, 2004
I've been living with Ms. Electra and Joanna for three days now. My last day in my old home was difficult. I went everywhere and I cried. Especially the roof. God knows what I didn't do on that roof... It was my refuge. And all my firends who came over, all the boyfirends that came and went... Sigh. But I love this new place so much, I honestly could not have asked for better hospitality. Joanna is really wonderfuland has great friends who are really kind and sociable. Maybe we are gonna go out tonight. Yesterday they came over and we watched "Ghost Ship". My dad is leaving on Sunday. I'm erally gonna miss him. He's coming over today to make Chinese. My new way to school is a bit f a pain in the ass, cause in the morning 403 comes every half an hour so if I miss it I better walk or I'm gonna be in school past nine. But generally it's closer. My room is really cool but it's still a mess cause I'm in the process of unpacking. I am still planning to study really hard, only at the moment it's difficult cause I just moved in and stuff. I'll try to study 4 hours of Polish today before we go. And I still got internal assessments to fix, but that I'll leave for tomorrow. Oh, and the most important! I got letters from the Franklin College in Switzerland and Fairleigh Dickinson University in New Jersey! I gotta reply as soon as I can so they can put me on the wall in school as well!
February 29, 2004
I had sooooo much fun yesterday. In the evening Joanna and Fani took me to Monastiraki to meet those two guys that they met at the carnival in Patra. We went downtown for some drinks and man did I get tipsy! It's really been a while since I drank and I was so grateful to them! The guys were really fun. I am attempting to learn Greek, but all I can remember from yesterday is only two sentences. My dad left for good. He called me today from the ferry, he's on his way to Venice. Oh well... I have so much homework to do today it's not even funny. I am still stuck on stupid psychology, I hate it! And I have to get a new month ticket, probably not gonna happen today considering it's almost 6:30 and I haven't even started fixing my internal assessment for history. I am doomed...
Tuesday, June 1st, 2004 11:49 am Kalo Mina!
So yeah, now I'm sort of abandoning my webpage, cause in here people can at least comment, although once I thought that the reason my webpage didn't allow comments was because I didn't want them, but now I do! I'm gonna add Katya and Aparna in a sec, oh, and Jamie of course! So anyway, now when I go back to Poalnd at least people can know what's going on... It will be cool.
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004 8:11 am Oh... My... God... (I woke up)
Ok, so it's 8:11, my legs are not shaved and I'm going to the beach today, but I can't shave them until I get those mosquito bites off, cause then I'm gonna bleed... argh... a girl's life... So now I'm completely not hungry and I'm just having water, which means I'm gonna feel sick in about an hour, but I seriously can't chew on anything at the moment, except maybe for that cigarette, which DOES NOT substitute for breakfast, although it wakes me up... Shit... what am I doing... I can't smoke before singing... So anyway, like this choir rehearsal could not be any earlier and then anyway I'm gonna have to beg Mrs. Kris to let me out... Oh, and the worst thing is that I got kinda drunk and emotional yesterday after the IB Reception and I sent this really stupid message to my mom at about 2:00 AM and hopefully she's not gonna think I'm nuts. I must get over that oral exam thing, it's ruing the bits and pieces of fun that I have left to have here. Anyway, today should be fun. I think I'm gonna be late. And I gotta pay a goddamn phone bill. Like there could not be any BETTER day to do that... And I got tons of dishwashing to do... great...
Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
12:09 pm
I messed up the keyboard
Well, maybe it wasn't me, but it still takes much longer to write stuff.
Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
10:46 pm The last concert in this school...
Well, it turned out it was the water. I mean in the keyboard. I spilled it yesterday. I know this is not the place to write embarrassing things but what the hell. Yesterday I saw a phonecall coming from Poland but I didn't see the whole number so I thought it was my parents. I heard this guy and I thought it was my dad so I'm like "Daddy?" and then I hear "No...". So then I went to wake up my guardian and I didn't knock and I caught her in her underwear, and then when she was coming to the phone I accidentally spilled water on the keyboard, which is why it wasn't working for the whole day today. So much for the embarrassing stories... I was at the concert, it was AMAZING. It was in the new theater and besides the usual choir and band stuff there were the Blues Boys again, an elementary school play and high school jazz band. It reminded me so much of the times I used to play in the band... Good times... Ah... Probably because the played Handel's Fugue and In The Hall Of The Mountain King. I keep thinking about the Redhead, I don't know why. Oh damn. Well, whatever, I'm gonna head to the Middle Ages now, gotta finish this topic or Polish. Actually I was supposed to be done with the Renesans by the end of today, but I had such a good day that who cares?
Friday, June 4th, 2004
9:18 am YEARBOOK!
I gotta be in school n one hour and 10 minutes. Damn... But it's an assembly, I guess I can walk in late... I have to stop eating at night, I'm getting fat again. Oh, I looked so good right after I left the hospital... I bet I haven't been so skinny even in my childhood, and now? Ok Ola, what do like better? Skinny and throwing up every two seconds or mildly fat but feeling great? Aaaaaah! Neither! Well, there is this funny thing that Joey said on Friends, when Chandler asked "A really hot girl or a jar of jam?" and Joey said "Put your hands together." Whateva... I have to go take a bath... What is up with me and taking a shower three times a day now anyway? It's probably the weather... Makes you sweaty.
Saturday, June 5th, 2004 1:48 am Down with banners
Was so long
Never knew
All the things I imagined would come true
Was a dream
Dreamt all time
Not occured I could wake up anytime
All so fresh
Small and pure
Grew up to finally feel secure
Till this day
Kept putting away
Fact that this day would arrive someday
And now... eberybody's here
Just as scared as on that first winter day
Nothing changed
Not really, I can't say
But why... Oh why is this joyful day filled with pain?
Down with banners
All the stuff that weighs you down
Cause this ain't what we are inside
Melting away
Not like we've ever been stuck
But somehow always deep inside
It kept us together
No matter who we are
And life has somehow placed us now
Moving on
Far away
From the things that made you be yourself
On and on
Fairytale
Oh it sounds so great when it's just in your head
Empty room
But spirit's there
It's not easy for it to just go away
Sky is still
Still the same
Moon and stars that brightened my pathways
Goddbyes... sorry I still don't believe
I don't think we're quite there.. yet
No, don't... tell me it's ok
Just give me one more minute to breathe this air
Down with banners
All the stuff that weighs you down
Cause this ain't what we are inside
Melting away
Not like we've ever been stuck
But somehow always deep inside
It kept us together
No matter who we are
And life has somehow placed us now
2:00 am
Yeah, ok, I didn't realize it would post this twice, it was just supposed to post the second, final version, but what the hell. It sounds a lot better with a melody but I guess the words could do it.
I rented the last episodes of Friends. Like the last last ones. I mean I knew they would eventually come to an end, but I guess I was trying to block it out, like when I first moved here. Well, in the end I cried, just like with the last X Files.
No... I guess this isn't just it. We got the yearbooks today. Apart from the fact that I look fat in all the pictures and they cut the text from my caption into something that doesn't make sense but post three sentences of Andrew's twice(!) and thus cutting space from mine (he's right after me), I got really emotional. Oh, I blame Doaa! She infected me with this sadness virus. If I behave like that today, then what am I gonna be on the graduation? A crying machine? I need some anti-emotion pills. I've been way too emotional for a too long time, and finally that I've learned to control my feelings, things have been so much better for me. Which still doesn't mean that I can't transform them into songs. That's always a way. Well, either this, or a combination of Friends, beer and cigarettes inspired me to write this song.
Monday, June 7th, 2004
9:09 am Life is beautiful
I woke up, I'm going to the beach with Doaa, I'm gonna study and translate some texts, which by the way are not boring but really fun cause they're literature and the studying is really cool, come home, eat, go to Doaa's house and watch this movie with Gwyneth Paltrow. Isn't life beautiful? I still have two weeks to prom, graduation and exams. And I am getting better and better at Polish. I need to take out money from the bank, but that's ok, cause my parents let me. Well, for future reference, and 18-year-old shouldn't be happy that her parents 'let' her take out her own money from the bank, cause I mean what does that say about her freedom? But I will be much happier when it will be the money that I made myself that's sitting in the bank, and then nobody will tell me what to do with it. I did something bad last night. I'm still feeling guilty. It's like my whole childhood I was cursing my mom and now I became like her. I've created what I hated the most. I hit the dog. But she was being so spoiled and wouldn't let me sleep! I felt like I had to. But then again, I must have been spoiled as a child too, and yet I hated my mom for hitting me. Oh well...
Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
11:18 am It's a little early for waking up
Either way, yesterday was great. I went with Doaa to the beach and we sat there for three hours, I got burnt, which is not good, I look like a beetroot, but hopefully by the prom it will become brown. Oh, and in front of us were sitting three girls from High Five, and everybody kept coming to them for autographs, we didn't get any though. I keep thinking about Friday. We're supposed to go to the Evansecence concert with Doaa, Daniel, Andrew and Schichian, I think it will be really cool. I was so upset that I was gonna miss the concert from my favorite band, but now I'm just gonna see them from long distance. Except the guys are probably gonna bring booze so Doaa and I will be pretty much left to ourselves. Oh, yeah, and also, I'm so excited, but I don't know for sure if I can come, cause Doaa hasn't asked Daniel yet if they mind that I come (originally Daniel invited Doaa, but she said she won't go if I don't). So anyway, I've got this chinese food pamphlet in front of me and it makes me hungry. Which reminds me that I was supposed to make salmon salad.
Wednesday, June 9th, 2004
2:51 pm I'm so lazy
I've got so many things to do and I'm too lazy to do them... Studying is a piece of cake, I'd rather do JUST that... But I have to clean up after the dog, take a shower, wash the dishes, clean up my room... aaaaaaaaah! all that before I can go for coffee with Katya and Milena. I really wanna talk to Doaa, but her mom has her cell phone and I guess she's not gonna be home before 4, so aaaaaaaaah again. I went to Milena's house yesterday, it was fun, but the two of us can never choose a video, cause she's seen so many things... and then when she hasn't I have. Yep, we were supposed to go to the beach today, but 90% of the time when Katya says we'll go somewhere she can't. The only time she actually went which was a HUGE surprise for me was to that stupid movie with Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet (blame goes to me, cause I chose it). I really hope we are gonna go for coffee though. And I wish I could get a hold of Doaa! She should come too! Oh! And Aparna! Yeah, that would be great.
Thursday, June 10th, 2004
11:03 pm NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Oh my God! Today was the weirdest day ever! So I talked to Daniel about tomorrow, and Jamie had a brilliant idea that since Daniel can't come to the concert cause he's got an Athletic Banquet they should come over to my house (like a party) to watch it on TV. Except they don't play it on TV! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! So now I can't reach Daniel cause he switched off his phone, and aaaaah! I don't know what to do. Cause if there is no concert on the TV it's better to actually go there, but if Daniel's not coming, nobody else really wants to go... So, another two weird things that happened today is that I talked to Steven, and... (the most unbelievable thing of all)... John called me! I can't believe it! We're going out on Sunday! I wanted to invite Andrew personally, but finally when I had the guts to do it, he got up and left... So now it looks weird. It's like I talked to John but I didn't talk to him. Aaaah! I wanna call Andrew but that would be too weird. David Schwimmer is sooooooo cute when he laughs. I gotta take some chill pills.
Friday, June 11th, 2004
7:06 pm All Alone
All alone
How could I be so spoiled?
All alone
Now I know how others feel
I want too much
And can't have what I want
I'm so ashamed
I seem so desperate
Sunday, June 13th, 2004
7:45 pm I'm starting to lose it. 12 days to my exam. And I'm still on Romanticism.
I know how to use the grammar but I don't know the names of stuff. And I'm sure it's gonna turn out that I studied Polish like crazy, but then I'm gonna fail the English exam. Well, not really. I even think I did well on the English IB exam, but they're not asking you for names of elements of speech and stuff. The anti-drug play yesterday was amazing. The best play I've ever seen so far. Except Chicago, but I haven't really seen it live. I'm pissed at the guys cause in the end they went to the concert. We were in a cafe close by but we didn't walk up to Likavitos. So stupid... In a way, I think that Polish lifestyle is gonna be something new and interesting, cause I'm kind of tired of the Greek lifestyle. I had my share of fun in here, maybe it's time to move on... I think I'm more of a home person. Like I like parties, but homemade parties, not so much clubs. And that's what they do in Poland. A bar is fine from time to time, but in Poland you really have to be careful in a bar. Oh, I am so ready for this... I'm ready to go, but I'm not ready to leave. I want to be there but I don't want to not be here. It's complicated.
P.S. I'm making a cover of two songs about my life in Greece. One is rock and one is rap.
Monday, June 14th, 2004
8:46 am
I woke up at 8. I was supposed to leave now but then thank God I turned on my cell phone cause Doaa messaged me that we're not going today. People are going on a trip to Mykonos. Redhead too. He will be there and I won't. Not that I think he will hook up with somebody... Or be come gay for that matter... But just won't be with me. And then I'm sure he won't go to the prom, cause he's too cheap for that... So yeah, Milena and Doaa are right that I should stop thinking about him. I can't believe I spent half an hour yesterday trying to tie a cherry knot with my tongue.
Tuesday, June 15th, 2004
11:29 am Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
I have to be in school in half an hour and I am just eating my breakfast! Meaning, I have to leave in 15 minutes, which means I'm screwed!!!
Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
1:39 pm I'm so pissed!
The stupid bank won't give me money! I put my card in, give the pin code, choose the quality and then it's all fine until it spits out my card and doesn't give me cash! And I need money... desperately... I have like 30 cents. Either way, my mom found that I can't take out more than 200 zl, which is about 40 Euros per day. she said I should probably take out 20 each day. Except they don't have a 20... But then (when it was too late of course) I realized that they had a 40 only I didn't choose it cause I need more for the prom! Now I'm all sweaty and disgusting but I'll go in the afternoon and try to take out a 40. If that can't happen, I am doomed. I am probably gonna have to borrow money from my guardian. Oh! And people are going to Mykonos today. Lucky bastards! But I'm gonna have fun cause Ulysses and Perry are here! Only I need the money first... GODDAMN CARD!
10:19 am Something stupid
I don't know what the hell is going on. Katya is calling Aparna. I haven't got anymore money. I have to go to the bank. My parents will kill me. Yesterday I did something really stupid. But the day before yesterday was really cool cause I went with Daniel and Schichian to Starbucks. And then yesterday until I did the stupid thing everything was cool too, cause I went to school to practice the graduation song and we rocked it, and then Daniel walked me home and then we were sitting on my balcony and talking for two hours. I'm gonna so miss him when I leave. Oh, and Dr. Wolfgang gave me some really good advice yesterday. He is actually the best music teacher I had. Cause Mr. Noce was a little not so serious, Mr. Smith was serious but didn't know how to teach, and this guy, I mean he let us develop our own individual talents and helped each of us show the best of us.
Friday, June 18th, 2004
2:36 pm I accidentally mixed sugar with coffee. Crap
Anyway, I've done all the things in school, meaning I got all the signatures and I paid for the prom. I also got my cap and gown yesterday for the graduation and I was so excited I was wearing it for the whole day. Katya was just left my house. She got acquainted to our dog. We are going out tonight and my parents are coming tomorrow afternoon, so yay! After all it's not so bad that I didn't go to Mykonos. And also, at graduation I'm planning to tell Redhead how I feel about him, cause I've got nothing to lose. I mean, I'm never gonna see him again so I might as well make a fool of myself. And the afterprom is gonna rock! I might actually go to a club and then go to the beach with guys. Oh, I am so gonna miss this place. Change of subject: I'm looking for a job. Preferably one that involves translation but being a waitress will do fine as well. And I'm signing up for flamenco classes. I think that the driver's test must wait till next year cause my parents don't have money for it at the moment. What else? I'm in ecstasy...
Saturday, June 19th, 2004
10:11 am Time machine
I've heard this amazing quote: "Let's hurry to love people. They pass away so fast." And Toni Morrison: "I wish I'd known more people. I would've loved more." Anyway, here goes. No relationship can work if both sides don't work hard at it. Whether it's romantic, platonic, based on respect, bla, bla, bla... IT's enough that one side refuses to work on it that it starts falling apart. Cause "it takes two to tango." Another thing I believe is that there are always exceptions to accepted beliefs. Even if the probability is very small, I still believe they can happen. Like just because my long-distance relationship didn't work I still believe it can work for someone else. This is when the sceptic mind pulls away and opens for the possibility of fate. I believe that all the choices we make happen for a reason. We don't wait for things to happen, we make them happen. Like I did everything that was in my power to go to Argentina. But the thing that didn't let me go was beyond my possibilities. Some may argue that I could have escaped, made money, taken a ship instead. And when I assess all the other possibilities I still believe it wouldn't have happened. For example if I escaped I would be caught, I wouldn't have made enough money on time (with my money-making capabilities that is, someone else maybe may have), and if I took a ship it would arrive too late. So this is why I believe that this particular incident was work of fate. It simply wasn't meant to be. Watch "Time machine" No matter how many times the dude goes back in time and changes things, his girlfriend still gets killed. He can't figure out why and in the end he gets an answer. If she didn't get killed, he wouldn't have invented that time machine.
9:57 am We are evil
These are some thoughts gathered from many conversations I had with my friends this year. If we adopted at least one child from a third world country we would make humankind better. We prefer to have our own children but the other ones miss the opportunity to education and a life where they are not constantly hungry. We give ourselves excuses that "Well, they actually don't know how it is to live a life with food, clothes, shelter and education so how would they know that we're doing them bad?" Exactly by depriving them of that knowledge! I know that if my parents make enough money to support me and I leave now they will still have enough to raise another child. They may feel old and tired to raise a child now but all they could do was give it financial support until I am able to make enough money to raise it and I can do the raising. Yeah, I believe I would be a good mother. So how's this? When I am financially stable, regardless of whether I am married or not, I want to adopt a child. This is a sacrifice on my part too, because then I will not want to have a child of my own which I want to. Why not? Because I believe that once they're grown my child would always feel that he/she is better than the adopted child because he/she is "mine" and take it out on the toher one. What shall I do?
12:35 am I had a really nice day...
...and night. I went to school in the morning, got everything done. After that Katya came to my house. In the afternoon I went with Milena, Jamie and Doaa to Sintagma to meet Ulysses and Peri and I also met Jamie's brother who went with us. We had a great time and then we went to Sussex, Glyfada. Haven't been there for a while. Last time was Jamie's birthday actually, the first of November though her actual birthday was the day before. No, sorry, two days before. Either way in 2002 I was at Redhead;s house on Nov. 1st and in 2003 I was in Andros on Nov. 1st and last year I was in Sussex on Nov. 1st. Always somewhere. Either way, I'm doing the laundry now (Doaa will know why) though it's crazy. My parents are gonna come tomorrow. I'm gonna go over three eras an a half until four. Good luck to me.
Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004
12:37 pm Inevitable but still unbelievable
I am graduating today.
----------------------
Shit, really?
----------------------
Yeah, really.
Oh
My
God.
Yeah, I was at the prom yesterday. One of the better proms. I'm singing at the graduation. Shit, this is weird. I'm not gonna see any of the places or friends for at least a year now. I know I've been saying goodbye to them for two weeks now but even that's not enough. My room is almost empty. Again. Again it had to hit me. It's so unbelievable though I knew perfectly well that one day this day would come.
August 18, 2004
I'm back to my old page!
Yeah, so I guess only when ujournal went down I came back to my old page. You can't put comments here, but it's better than nothing. Plus, here you guys can see pictures and on the ujournal you couldn't. I am extremely happy that our representative won a gold medal in butterfly swimming. I am still sad though that I am not there to celebrate with my friends, nor that I am not coming back there for at least half a year. I don't want to rewrite everything that I wrote on my ujournal so to shrink it a little: I got into University of Lodz, am gonna live there for a year and then probably move back to Warsaw. I start in October. Actually, it's kind of shocking, even to myself, that I chose Lodz. Cause now it was only up to me. I used to always choose the easier way. Cause Warsaw would have been easier to bear (unless the kids here were as snobby as I hear they are). Because, I could have stayed here and paid for the university. Then I would've continued living with my parents, which would make the living itself easier. In Lodz, I am not gonna pay for the university, but I am gonna pay for the room and food. So financially it evens out, only... am I capable to be on my own
August 20, 2004
It's so damn hot it reminds me of Athens. Yesterday was 32 degrees. Ok, ok, I know it's 35 in Athens but whatever, still close. I'm bored out of my mind. Nat is leaving for Germany today, she's gonna work there as a babysitter for five weeks, and I... I have NO IDEA what I will do. I still have September ahead of me. Of course the best thing to do would be go to Athens cause I still have a ticket, meet my friends and watch the end of the Olympics. But that can't happen cause I have nowhere to stay and most of my friends will start college at the beginning of September so I would only be able to see them on the weekends and that would be... twice. So no. And I would get sick of going to the beach five days a week (although I would get a pretty cool tan). But no, no, no! I would probably unfortuantely meet some stupid Greek guys who already at the end of June were after my ass, so nooooooo! But I miss Greece so much! Why can't there be a 13th year at ACS? Oh why, why, why??? I know, Katya, if you're reading this you're probably considering having me see a psychiatrist. So is probably Milena. Goddamit, I can't even read what you guys wrote lately cause the stupid ujournal isn't working, aaaaaargh!
August 28, 2004
I just came back from the village. It was fun but I had hell lot of work to do babysitting my niece. It's way different from what I did usually. Then, I was exhausted anyway; it was either delivering the hay, picking raspberries or milking the cows. But now I think that taking care of a 1-year old child is even harder. Cause I have no idea what her next move is gonna be. Is she gonna try to fall on her head or spit on me when I try to feed her... or wet her diapers again? Anyway, she's cute but a real brat. My cousin is pregnant again, and it's already her ninth month. They're assuming she's give birth on September 10, and they want me to be around to help out. Great. I'm not complaining, it might be fun, at least I still have vacation in September. Only, it's so weird around them, cause you know, they're village people, they want me to already get married and have kids instead of going to college. Yeah, there's only one flaw in their thesis: where would I get money from? They think it's the husband who's supposed to make the money and the wife to stay home and take care of kids. Honestly, are they in the Middle Ages or something? And they're surprised we entered the EU so late. Whatever. My future plans however weren't what shocked them the most. It was the fact that I haven't been to the chruch for the last three years. Yeah, I'm not hiding it. I don't wanna be Catholic. I want to be able to use condoms and make abortion if necessary. The reason why this country is so backwards with everything is because the stupid church dictates us how to live. And they're such hypocrites! (I don't know if I spelled that right). But anyway... Still scared of college, I was recently sick again. Nothing new. Oh yeah, and my dad was in Seul and Ulan Bator last week.
September 3, 2004
A couple of things to say. Ranging all the way from three days ago up to now. Musing no. 1: Perhaps it's not life that sucks, we just suck. Yeah, but what are we but life? Antithesis then. I really miss school. Yes, I love being a nerd and I don't care what all of you antinerds think. When I went shopping on the first of September and saw all the kids dressed in black and white I felt sad. Why isn't there a 13th grade?! Whatever, I still got a month to go. Then last week I started cleaning up my room and organizing all the things from Greece. This is where I found all these papers and letters we wrote during classes with my friends ranging all the way back to 7th grade. Another nostalgic moment. Then I realized that if I had a choice I would go back in time and restart everything from 7th grade. Because that was the time when I finally found happiness. Well, no, actually that's a lie. I found happiness in 9th grade, but in 7th grade was the first time in my life when I loved school. So then I thought that I could go on and repeat any grade except 12th. That was a horror. Socially, it was fine, but workwise - only a horror. Oh, and yesterday I stopped being scared of frequent dejavus, cause my mom told me that when she was young she had them all the time, and she didn't die. Plus, if Jamie saw in the cards that I was gonna die this year, she would've told me (hopefully), and she didn't. So I think I'm gonna live for now. Lately I am paranoid that I will be a victim of a terrorist attack. But then again, most people doubt it, cause Poland is really not that attractive to the terrorists. That's mean to say, but it's true. Oh, and for a moment yesterday I thought that all of my hard drive was gone. Yep, four years of writing songs, diaries and collecting pictures. Then a miracle happpened and it got fixed by itself. But now it freaked me out so much that I am saving all my stuff on discs from now on. What else? Oh yeah, when will my mom stop blaming everything on the X Files? She thinks I'm mentally disturbed because of that. Yeah right... And I haven't seen those for two weeks now by the way. Hm... Speaking of records... I haven't smoked for two months now! Something to be proud of I guess.
September 5, 2004
There are no words that could express my anger and frustration cause of helplessness. It isn't only about the kids in Russia, it could just as well be about my other cousin who has just recently been assaulted in her own house, beaten up as well as has her one-year-old son. On a Sunday, noon. Ok, it's bad enough that they beat her up, but a one-year old? Who was sleeping in his baby-bed? No, that is just SICK. Even the thought of possessing some magical kung-fu powers, beating the shit out of the people who did that, oh sorry, I meant to say beasts which did that, and torturing them sadistically till they plead for death, does not seem enough. A friend of mine once quoted a line from one of my favorite movies, "The next time you want to save the world, find somebody who likes it the way it is", to which I was ready to say "But I wanna save it FROM being the way it is", which now I realize totally doesn't make sense. Cause the world can never be different than it is. The world is hell. You don't even need somebody who knows how it is to be assaulted in her own home to know how it feels to be scared. Security is an abstarct, and illusion. I have no more words.
September 9, 2004
I got a Jojo CD. It's funny cause I normally don't like R&B and I like this one. My mother is getting madder and madder with each day, so thank God tomorrow's Friday. Still no news from Nat, bored out of my mind. Except that my dad bought the first season of Friends so I watch that all days long. Well, ok, that makes me sound like a spoiled princess, but the truth is that I almost got my room finished with all the unpacking and organizing and I'm doing a big part of the chores (cause my mom won't let me do some things, like dusting the shelves where all our china is - and no wonder). I got a sleeping problem, I can't sleep. I guess I'm not tired enough cause during the schoolyear all I needed is some homework and I was immediately sleepy. But that will be taken care of soon. Then again, I think I'm in college now so I should be much different from the way I was last year and I really don't think that's true. I mean, I care less about some things that I cared about last year, I don't get pissed off so easily as I did last year, but I'm still stressed out about everything. It's just me. When I ask myself "What's wrong with me?", well, the answer is "I'm Ola." That's what was always wrong with me. Being myself. But you know what? I love this wrongness.
September 19, 2004
Alice DJ reminds me a lot of 8th grade. I just heard her on the radio, that's why. Now I wanna go to Greece during Christmas. Still freaking out over who my rommate's gonna be. I spent this weekend at my cousin's house. Friday I went to a concert with my dad cause there was this opening of "Autumn in Warsaw" and a Taiwan orchestra (which had a Finnish conductor who looked like Santa) and they played this really weird modern music. Well, all of their pieces sounded kinda like movie music when there is this moment when something scary is about to happen so in a way it was cool. Nothing interesting happened. I went to the smaller lakes yesterday with my family, and we ate this amazing fish. Anyway, autumn in Poland is so, so, so beautiful! Just wish the college thing would start already.
September 22, 2004
On September 11 this year I went to an auction for the first time in my life. It was really cool and not as snobby as I thought. I'm saying this cause we're trying to sell a painting that miraculously survived WWII in the hands of our family. But it wasn't there yet cause we've just given it in the day before the 11th and it needs renewing, so it's gonna be on October 23rd. Either way, we went there to see how the whole thing looks, and it was nice. Either way, we got free wine and cookies. Afterwards we went to the movies to see "Garfield". Oh, yeah, and last week, I saw "I, robot" as well. I really liked it. So yesterday was the first day of autumn. Well, actually some say it's today but yesterday was the first time the weather got really bad so I guess it was yesterday. And yesterday for the first time the mall was decorated with brown leaves and stuff. Oh, yeah, cause since a month or so I go to take walks with my dad around the naighborhood cause they're building this new shopping center that's huge. They started it last December I think, but for the first time I saw it on January 1st. 2 days ago they put a welcoming poster that it's gonna be open on October 20th. I sort of can't believe it. If it was Greece, it wouldn't get finished for another year, considering how big it is. I know that my approximations are almost always wrong, but it looks to me almost as big as the airport. So surely I am wrong. Can't wait till college starts. I mean, the closer it gets the more scared I am but also the more excited. I just realized I don't have any P.E. clothes (cause I hadn't had P.E. in 2 years). What else? Autumn is beautiful (but cold).
September 27, 2004
Yup, so the old Ola is back. The rush, the stress and anxiety are back into play. Seriously, how could I be relaxed for so long? It should be punishable. Now I'm all happy again. New poeple, new teachers, new enivironment, yoohoo! Lodz, here I come! Oh, and also, we decided with my parents that I'm not gonna move to Warsaw after the first year. I think it's for the better. Well, I still have to tell Nat... But oh well. Tomorrow I'm going there to pick up my ID, and I'll find out when the introduction ceremony is (probably Friday cause it's the 1st of October) and the classes will probably start in a week from now. I can't wait!
September 28, 2004
8:00 AM - I wake up. I was supposed to be dreading waking up today because I have to go to Lodz and pick up my student ID. But I'm unbelievably glad that I am awake, because it means that the alien abduction was only a bad dream. I leave the house at 9:10 in a big rush, leaving a huge mess and I almost miss the train. In the train I am so nervous about meeting my professors that I start thinking about my apendix and once I remember how I felt minutes before the surgery I immediately stop being stressed. Once I arrive there is a huge queue to the deanery (don't make faces, I found that word in the dictionary, cause I only knew it in Polish) so I wait for about 40 minutes in the English section just to get these stupid papers that I'm supposed to fill in and go pay for them (one of them was insurance) at the post office. Ok, soI fill it in like the example shows, but I realize that I've filled in the same serial number as everybody else has, so I'm like: "Great, we're all idiots. How can we all have the same serial number?". Well, it turned out to be the university's serial number, so I go to te post office, and there's an even bigger line of students, cause although there were three windows which were supposed to be taking care of this, only one was open. I waited for my turn over an hour. Then the lady told me that the third copy isn't dark enough (they were tracing papers) - I thought I would have go through that line all over again, but thank God she let me stand on the side and trace it once more. It's good that my mom thought of giving me some money the day before, and that I had extra change, cause the ripped me off 57 zl! Anyway, then I return to the uni, stand in another line for half an hour, get all the papers in, get my ID and they tell me nothing that I wanted to know. I only know when the inauguration is, but the wall which was supposed to have our schedules is empty, so I guess I'll find out Saturday (that's when it is). But that's not the end of my painful journey, noooooo... I go to the dorm and I get lost on the way (don't you just love to get lost in a city you don't know?) and in the dorm I find out that I won't have my own keys, they're not heating yet and that the girl whom they found for me may take my bed. Great, just wondering where that bookstand will go. Then I go back to the main street cause I'm hungry and I didn't pee all day, but I remember that I am broke! So I search for an ATM that would accept my card, but of course that's the fifth one I find. Well, ok, important thing is I get the money, go to McDonald's and when I'm finally about to take the first bite my dad calls. He wants to talk, and I'm hungry, I tell him I had a rough day. He's says that I am mean and he hangs up. I finish eating, I go to the train station, I ask about weekend tickets and I find out that I still get the biggest discount by having a student ID... so I get on the train and I leave. By the way, I WALKED everywhere today so I must have made about a few kilometers and my legs are two large conainers of condensated milk. I cough constantly cause in the morning the train was greatly overheated so I was sweating but now there's no heat at all and I am shivering. Anyway, I get home sick, reveal the news, and... yeah, we're going to Lodz Saturday morning.
October 1, 2004
And so I am leaving home again. It's the second time this year. As if once wasn't enough. I am building a new home from scratch all over again. It's dramatic.
October 8, 2004
I love my univeristy, I love my dorm and my new friends are very nice. However, I am damn tired so I will write the rest tomorrow.
October 9, 2004
So... Time for a bigger update, huh? First of all, from now on, I will be updating every week or two weeks, because I don't have internet in Lodz. As to that... My classes are generally interesting, the professors are really nice, not like typical Polish teachers. Some lectures are incredibly boring, but I can cope with that. This is my schedule:
Monday:
9:00-10:00 - English poetry up to 20th century
10:00-11:30 - Phonetics
17:00-18:30 - Methodology (lecture)
Tuesday:
8:30-10:00 - Practical grammar
Somewhere between 10:00 & 16:00 - P.E.
(lecture) 16:00-17:00 - Introduction to literature (lecture)
18:00-19:00 - English poetry up to 20th century (lecture)
Wednesday:
8:30-10:00 - Oral speech
10:00-11:30 - English poetry up to 20th century
13:00-14:00 - Introduction to linguistics (lecture)
14:30-16:00 - Understanding speech (lecture)
16:00-17:00 - Descriptive grammar (lecture)
Thursday: Day off (muahahahaha!)
Friday:
8:30-10:00 - Descriptive grammar
10:30-11:10 - Introduction to linguistics
11:30-13:00 - Written speech
So... the classes are interesting, huh? Very good firt step in becoming a writer I must say, though most poeple say it's a good first step in becoming an English teacher. Oh well... I wouldn't mind teaching actually... As long as I wouldn't lose my nerve. So far I've met three girls who've become close friends (one of them is my roommate) and a bunch of other people that I hope will become close friends. My roommate's name is Caroline and she is so sweet, cute and innocent that I feel like I'm the devil there. My college friends: Natalia (not to confuse with Natka) and Margaret are also really cool. As a matter of fact I've been out to a club already with Natalia and we had lots of fun. Well, my room is as it was, a little small, but we manage not to bump into things. What else? The weather is really bad and they're not heating in Lodz yet, so we're using our own, electric heater. I miss my friends in Greece really a lot... In here everybody makes fun of my American accent and tries to convert it to British (especially my phonetics teacher). Only my Friday morning class of desriptive grammar is a relief, cause the teacher is Canadian. One of the minuses of the city is that it's the most dangerous city in Poland. Moving anywhere at night after ten, if it's not with a cab, is suicide. There are gangs which try to kill everything that gets in their way. But so far I'm alive. Anyway, right now I really don't care what happens to me, as long as nothing bad happens to my friends. I can't emphasize this enough, and I know I've said it many times, but nothing means more to me than they do.
October 15, 2004
I must say, my new college life is better than I ever imagined. My new friends are great, more than great - they're amazing! Which does not mean that I forgot my friends from Greece, I still miss them. But my group at the uni is really fantastic. On Monday we're all probably gonna go to this club that supposedly has discount on beer if you're a uni student. Anyway, I already have to study quite a bit, but I love all my subjects even though I fall asleep on some of the lectures (they're pretty late in the evening). The bad thing this week was that I was pretty sick. Not only do I have a cold, I started coughing pretty bad too. That's why today I'm seeing a doctor. Also, I have to take P.E and after my last class it really started hurting me in the place where my appendix used to be. But apart from that, everything's great... Plus, I think I'm in love... It's pretty funny cause I haven't been in love for at least a year and a half now. Forgot how amazing that feeling is. Of course, with my luck, in a month he's gonna turn out to be gay, but right now nothing can spoil my mood. I'm drifting in the clouds... I have absolutely no problem with the fact that the object of my affection shows absolutely no interest in me, as he doesn't show any interest in anything either. He is so quiet and shy that it almost intimidates me! I'm the one who was always quiet! Next to him I'm the devil. Actually, next to most people here I am... That's weird. I got the impression that Poland was spicy, but it's not. Oh well, maybe it's time to spice it up a bit. Oh, by the way - again lots of attempts to convert me to Catholicism, but I'm still as a stone. I've got my own beliefs, and I'm still a good person. God bless to all.
October 23, 2004
Life is flowing as always. This time if the year is different than last year. I clearly remember my trivial depression. But it's not like that this year. I am sitting in front of my dad's laptop, looking for the most beautiful fall music, Carol sitting next to me and giving me new titles every minute... It's wonderful. This week was the best. First of all - I'm in the best and coolest group in my whole year. We really all like each other. This Monday we went all together to a pub and it was really nice. I'm still in love, which makes me really lose touch with reality sometimes, but it's all good. One bad thing - we have a thief in the dorm, several people complained that their food is gone - so was ours, so we decided to put it next to the window (for as long as there is no frost). So anyway, today was the auction, our painting of course didn't sell, oh well, too bad... Ooh! And yesterday I went to Arcadia! Finally! I thought they would never finish it! Anyway, this weekend is great... I honestly could't have asked for a better one...
October 30, 2004
Home... That's a concept. I don't have a home. Well, the closest thing to a home is my apartment in Poland, but when we came back from China I hated it. Then when we came to Greece I hated the apartment there. I don't hate the room in Lodz, but it's not my home. But neither is Warsaw. Although, it is the place where I feel safest. Lately I feel a lot safer walking on the streets of Warsaw than I do anywhere in Lodz. I am like a ticking alarm clock that is ready fire back with a warning as in "Warning! Danger! Attacker behind you!" then, in my mind, I would jump on that person and fight for my life. It's not like I'm constantly walking around with these thoughts. I just wanna be ready for anything, that's all. I am enjoying every single moment of my beautiful life, and because of that I wanna survive. I'm too young to die. I realize that it sounds as if I'm expecting that every killer of the world is particualrly interested in my death... no, I don't think that. It's just that now I realize that it CAN happen, and I just don't want it to happen. At least prevent it from happening. Carrying a box of condoms around to tell the potential raper that I have AIDS (for the less bright ones - I don't!). Anyway, linguistics is my thing. I love it so far. Social life is great, still in love, but hope to fall out of it soon - I just don't see this going anywhere, especially that my heart is still taken by the one whom I haven't seen for almost four years now. Even less satisfying, but then again that is me. I don't feel like changing, cause I enjoy being myself too much. But if my personality really annoys others I can make a small sacrifice, as long as it's worth it. So far, no one complained. So peace.
November 2, 2004
I am... SICK. Right... So what else is new? I'm frequently sick when my birthday's coming up. Especially when I planned a big party with people coming over to Lodz... Don't even know for sure if I'm gonna be back this weekend... though I have to leave on Thursday cause we promised our poetry teacher we would be there for the presentation on Friday... But oh well. Plans change. It's not like I wished to be sick on the first weekend I was supposed to stay in Lodz. But I still think I'm gonna go on Thursday (cause my dad would drive me). Lately I miss Greece a lot. I have a lot of dreams where my friends appear. Like yesterday I had this really weird dream that I stayed in Athens and went to Deree with eveybody. Anyway, I don't have a fever, but a really annoying cough. I can't breathe most of the time. And I sleep for like three hours every night cause that's the time I mostly cough. Anyway, I want Christmas already... I know, this Sunday it was Halloween. First Halloween in five years I didn't celebrate. There were a few parties available, but nobody would go with me. Maybe that's why I remembered last year so vividly. I gotta do something with myself. Cut my hair or pierce my nose or something. I already changed myself spiritually and I love myself, now I gotta make a change with physical appearance, cause I'm bored with it. For the past four years I've looked the same. I'm glad I already lost weight (I knew I would, I mean it's POLAND...). Wish I had some news from my friends from Greece. I really miss ya guys if you're still reading this.
November 3, 2004
I feel like all my life I've been creating art just to rediscover it now. My drawings, my short stories, my poems, my songs... Even my collection of photos and brochures of old metro and movie tickets... At the moment when I was making them I thought I might as well throw them away with trash... except they were not trash. But I could have. And I didn't. Now I know why. I am so unbelievably glad that I didn't - cause now it's just a big box... a time capsule with all the memories... both the ugly ones and the pretty ones. You open it - and there's my whole life inside. People say that the most beautiful memories are the ones we keep. But I think the objects, the dead material is not so dead after all. Because just today when I looked at an old brochure I made when I lived in Papagou in October 2001 made tears roll down my cheeks. Again, that's the time I thought I was the happiest. And it's true - when I was 16, I was a walking sparkle of joy, because I thought there could be no wrong... even though the wrong came shortly after that, I still knew how to love, and I KNEW I was loved. In a week I'm gonna be 19. Still a teen, but the last year of being a teen (technically). Still I think that only a month of living on my own made me so aware... opened my eyes so wide from being tight shut, that lately I sound more like my mother than like myself. And you know what? I laugh at myself in that role, but I love it. Cause I love everything that's new. New means a lot of times "scary", but I like scary, and while becoming it, I am having fun. Cause besides survival, the human nature seeks fun - no matter how much some of us try to deny it. Nat finds fun in solving nuclear formulas, and I find fun in writing rubbish like this that in three years I will read with tears in my eyes. And by the way, though I read everything I've created in my life, thinking probably that I created memories just to look back at them in college... uh-uh - I'm still creating new art. So far the first longest novel I ever wrote, and secondly - 7 new songs. Not like they're ever gonna be hits, but when the right time comes I will sing them and feel touched [?!], that a 19-year-old could have wrote such sentimental trash.
November 4, 2004
...And the show starts over again. They stopped the transmission of the X Files in Polish TV for now, so as usual I am searching the net for fanfic. Carol thinks I'm crazy. As far as I remember Katya and Milena thought that too back in Greece. So yup, there I go again. But actually now it's not that intensive. Just rememebering good old times. Well, actually... they weren't always that good. But at least at that time I thought television helped me get through it, escape reality... which is to say, wasn't good at all... it's just that at the time thought it was. But anyway... I'm thinking of totally renewing and polishing this website. I still have all the entries from last year - I just need to organize stuff - especially update some pages like the friends and pictures pages. Now I remember - how could I have fallen into such a stupid depression out of the stupidest reason which wasn't even a reason? I wasted sooo much time... Time that I'm never getting back. Oh well.
November 5, 2004
I've actually tried writing fanfic. But it sucks, I can't... I just can't. When the characters aren't mine it just all seems so wrong, so... "un-mine". But on the other hand now I have the urge to continue MY novel again. I get this urge about once a month. So if it goes that way, hopefully I'll finish it within five years. No... I'm kidding. Hopefully I'll finish it earlier. My mom is like "You don't wanna join the choir, so how do you expect to become a singer? You never finish your novels, so how do you expect to become a novelist?". Which I all ignore, because she doesn't know that it takes time to create something really worthy. Oh yeah - yesterday I came up with something crazy. I mean - I feel like I knew it all way long but it just hit me: I wanna be a lawyer. No kidding, I really do. I mean, my whole life I wanted to defend the innocent ones and accuse the guilty ones. Lately I wanna put the whole world on trial for being the way it is. I know that one person (moi) can't change the world, but I could always be one more person who at least struggles to stand in the name of justice (I would actually like to change the law a bit, cause I don't always agree with it, but I know that's never gonna happen cause the majority would have to vote for it and then the department of justice would have to approve of it too...) Anyway, what am I talking about? I am too weak to be a lawyer. So I may start studying the law in two years like I'm planning, to double major... But I don't know if I'm gonna be strong enough to deal with it. Anyway, right now let's focus on my presentation on Middle English romances which I am having in two weeks. Wow, back in Greece I would've NEVER prepared a presentation two weeks ahead, like I did today. I guess I have grown up a bit. I wanna go to Greece during Christmas. But that's not gonna happen unless I have somewhere to stay. So anyway, TGIF...
November 14, 2004
Right... I know I was supposed to update and stuff, but things kinda got out of hand lately. But it's ok. For most part. Tuesday was shitty - some drunks tried to get into our room, even though we locked it, and we wanted to call the police, but they finally gave up. Still, Carol and I are scared to even go to the bahtroom now or sleep. So maybe we're gonna look for an apartment to rent. On Tuesday I also skipped P.E. again, great... But anyway. I am so in love right now that it almost hurts. What else is new? Yup, I'm kinda walking in the clouds, but even though that's not good, I can't help it. My first test was a blast - the second one was cancelled. We also had this safety training on Monday, and out of 120 people I was the only one who forgot my index. Oh well... I'm extremely happy cause I think I'm gonna go to Athens for New Year. Doaa said I can stay in her house, so yay! Oh, and I also won a basket of cosmetics in this competition I took part in. That was nice. What else? What else? Our teachers are perverted - last Wednesday we watched Canterbury Tales on video and one of the tales was like a pron movie. Oh well... I'm kinda in a hurry, so this is really brief... Anyway, just wanted to say hi...
Sometime between November 21st and December 17
Yes, I know - I was supposed to update by rewriting from a diary I keep on my computer in Lodz. And I did keep it - for a whole week. But I forgot to bring it here. Sorry. But nobody's reading this anyway. So yeah, bye.
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