A pot-head walks up to a blind man and asks, "I got a joint!" The blind man pulls out his glasses and says, "Let me see!"

A stoner wants to learn about ice fishing. So he gathers all the necessary equipment and goes to the nearest frozen ice.
About 20 feet out he cuts a hole in the ice. "There's no fish there!" booms a voice.
"The stoner shrugs and moves out another 50 feet and starts to cut another hole.
"There's no fish there, either!" booms the voice. The stoner shouts, "Is that you God?
" "No," says the voice, "I own the fucking ice rink!"

Three stoners rob a 7-11.
They run out with the money.
The cops started to chase them.
They each jumped in a potato bag to try and hide.
The cops catch up and kicked the first potato bag.
"BARK!" says the first stoner.
The cops say, "Oh it's a dog, leave it alone."
They kicked the second potato bag.
"MEOW!" says the second stoner.
The cops say oh it's a cat leave it alone.
They then kicked the third potato bag.
They kicked it again.
And again.
And again.
The stoner could not think of something to say.
The cops kicked it again.
"POTATO!" said the stoner.

Q. Did you hear about the stoner that locked his keys in the car?

A. He couldn't get his family out for an hour!

Q. How many stoners does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. None. That's why they got a lighter.

Q. How many stoners COULD it take to screw in a light bulb? A. We don't know yet, we keep falling off the chair!

Q. How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Who cares, dude? It was too bright anyway, now pass the bong.

Q. Why did the pothead cross the road?

A: Because there was no other way to get back to where he came from... He couldn't even remember why he'd crossed the road in the first place. In fact, he didn't even remember, by the time he reached the center line, which direction he came from and which direction he was going, so he just stopped right there and sat down and smoked a bowl.

Q. What do you call a stoned epileptic?

A. Shake and bake.

You flip through ten channels on the TV before you realize you were just trying to turn up the volume.

You have the munchie food right in front of you and you forget to eat 'em

You light a cigarette and forget to smoke it.

You smoke a cigarette that's not lit. You stare at the clock waiting for 4:20 to come, then you snap out of it and realize it was 4:31.

You have a freshly packed bowl in your hand and half an hour later you realize... You forgot to smoke it

You're on the phone with your best friend and you forget who you're talking to.

You went to the Superbowl thinking you were gonna get smoked out!

You know you're a stoner when you start eating before your food comes!

You know you're stoned when you are looking for your cigarette and it is in your hand!

You might be a pothead if Freakazoid starts making sense.

You might be a pothead if pets are potheads too. You might be a pothead if you think Detroit Rock City is the coolest movie in the world.

You might be a pothead if you can't remember if you buy bread at the grocery store of the hardware store.

You might be a pothead if you think about things like who would win if Spiderman and Megaman fought.

You might be a pothead if you think cartoon characters are FINE (e.g. Jessica Rabbit, Ariel, Jodie and the Pussycats...)

You might be a pothead if "huh?" is a predominant part of your everyday language.

You might be a pothead if you laugh at Discovery Channel programming.

You might be a pothead if your TV is constantly tuned in to the cartoon network.

You might be a pothead if you like to suck your bottom lip into the vacuum.

You might be a pothead if the bath and body works hemp lotion intrigues.

You might be a pothead if you try to supersize every meal.

You might be a pothead if you laugh at head traumas.

You might be a pothead if everytime you cough, it sounds like the garbage disposal.

You might be a pothead if everything looks to you like those nickel movies at Disneyland.

You might be a pothead if you have this site bookmarked