George and I spent a day roaming the fields of my home. We walked and he mostly did all the talking.
“So we got there and we got to meet the Queen,” he told me. George was explaining their gig at the London Palladium months ago.
“Oh right, I think I had watched it. That’s when John made that comment.” I said as I held a flower in my hand.
“Right, will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands, and the rest of you if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.” I laughed.
“John’s funny, I love him to death.”
“I know. Cyn misses you.”
“Does she really? I haven’t even seen Julian yet.”
“Oh he’s a keeper, a chubby little thing though.”
“Remember that time we were all at John’s and he was feeding her ice cream from the carton because she couldn’t do it herself.”
He laughed, “Yeah, all over here blouse. Poor dear.”
“So what’s this movie all about then?”
George lite up, “Oh just us having a good laugh. Dick Lester is filming it and someone else is writing the script.”
“Well, how do you know that what you’re saying is truthful then?”
“Oh here,” he said handing me a crumbled packet, “This is it.”
I looked over the sheets of paper he held in his hand as we sat under a tree.
“A Hard Day’s Night?” I asked seeing the title.
“Another of Ringo’s weird sayings. We recorded all the music for it in 2 or 3 days.”
I looked at him and shook my head, “You’re all mad! I remember the first album, that took a day!”
“Well, it’s not hard. Read on.”
I read and read until I was completely confused.
“George, what’s this thing about ‘dead grotty?’” I asked on the second sheet.
He blushed, “Something they want me to say about the shirt.”
“Oh you should though. You say it well. You and your Liverpullian speak.”
He laughed, “Liddypool and don’t you forget it!” I threw the paper back at him and leaned against the tree.
“I wish you didn’t have to go back. I love having company.”
“Come with me then,” he replied taking my hand. I looked at him dumb and stood up.
“No, the cottage and everything.”
“It’s been a year Em. You can’t live in the middle of Dublin forever. You need to fly, get out and do something.”
“Ok, pretend I did leave. Where am I going to stay?”
“With me,” he stood up and smiled.
“No, we’re mates.”
“I know I like to play with your mind. Then with John and Cyn or something, he won’t mind.”
I sighed, “Alright um, let’s go back.”
“And do what?”
“I don’t know! Apparently I’m packing, selling, and attending a movie set.” I unlocked the house and went up to pack. George followed.
“Oh are you? Well, you’re invited.”
“Thank you. When are we leaving?” I said grabbing a suitcase.
He looked at his watch, “How about half an hour?”
“How the hell am I going to pack my bags, clean a house, sell it and get a plane ticket in half a bloody hour!” I yelled in distress.
“Calm down luv. Pack first. I’ll call up the travel people. Then get hold of your Auntie to see if she can care for the house.”
I snapped my fingers, “Right! She needs a place! I’ll give it to her!”
“I’m packing me stuff now. Be peaceful!” I nodded and continued my packing.
By the time I finished this, I had two bags full of everything. My room was bare again, besides the bed sheets and shelves. I drug them out into the hall.
“Mum’s room’s clean! I mean the office,” George said. He was obviously done packing and had tidied up my place.
I hugged him, “You’re a savior!”
“And I’ve gotten your ticket! Now call your Aunt!”
I picked up the phone and in a 5-minute conversation, I had given the place to my Aunt and her family. I sighed in relief just as George pulled me out the door to the taxi. We called it to the airport and before I knew it, I was on my way to London. Somehow I felt happy. My life was taking a turn, and boy did l like it.

Chapter 22- Ding Dong, Ding Dong…

“John!” I screamed and bear hugged my brother when he opened the front door to his house. Cyn stood nearby holding Julian on her hip with a smile.
“Cyn, I hate to break it to you baby, but I’ve been unfaithful,” John joked and sent me into a dip.
“You’re a character Johnny, but I don’t do half brothers,” I replied pushing him away, “Is this the lovely Jules?” Cyn brought him over and placed him in my arms.
“He sure is,” she said. I placed him on my hip and looked at him.
“I knew these things were good for something,” I said. Cyn laughed and took Julian back because he began to cry.
“He’ll get used to you. Anyway, what brings you from Ireland? And with so many bags too!”
“I hope you’ll not mind but I’m moving in,” I replied finally taking my bags off George.
“Of course not, ours is yours!” Cyn said.
“Thanks, George finally got me out of S=Dublin. He said I can come to the movie set tomorrow too,” I explained looking towards John.
He lite up, “Oh of course you can come! Show off your Shakespearean acting!” he dramatically put his arm over his head and I giggled.
“Oh if this flesh would melt!” I said in a Hamlet sort of way. He had a laugh.
“Alright come on sis, I’ll show you upstairs and then George and I have to be off,” John said taking a bag and I followed. George came too hearing his name.
“What’s this about me and you?” George asked on our way up.
“Oh, it’s all over the place!” John joked and George rolled his eyes, “No, Brian needs us to get some things straight before filming tomorrow.”
“George sighed, “We always have something to do.”
“Yeah, that’s correct. Here’s your place Em.” I walked into the huge bedroom, furnished with everything you can possibly imagine. It had empty shelves, a dresser, a window overlooking the backyard, and my very own bath.
“Oh it’s lovely!” I exclaimed spinning around the room looking at everything.
“Glad you like it. Well, George and I have to be off. Keep Cyn company then,” John said and came over for a hug. I did so and then gave George a little kiss, which set John off, and I could hear him raving over it all through the house till they left.
I was so excited about having this big elegant room to myself, that it only too me 15 minutes to unpack. My books neatly in the shelves, my clothes in the drawers, I shoved the cases in the closet and then went out of the room. Looking, looking for Cyn, but I couldn’t find her. I finally got down to the backyard where there was a patio and pool and sure enough she and Julian were basking in the sun.
“Hey Em, I’m really glad you’re back,” she said sitting up on her lounge chair and tipping her sunglasses.
“Me too, I missed everyone,” I replied. I found Julian playing with a rock or two and picked him up onto my lap. He giggled when I pressed my nose against his and sat calmly with me.
“So Em, I’m dying to know, what happened in Ireland?” she asked.
I looked at her quickly, “My Mum died and I wallowed in self pity on haggis for months.”
“You know what I mean, when George came, did you get up to anything?”
My eyes widened, “No! We’re mates now remember.”
She shook her head, “Luvvy, let me tell you something. Get a boyfriend so he doesn’t get you. George is a tempting guy. Hell if I was younger and single I’d be on him.”
“Cyn, I just don’t know. He’s lovely, still. But he comes on to me all the time.”
“Then what’s there to be worried about?”
“I don’t love him anymore!”
“Then I suggest that tomorrow you find some movie star to go out with.”
I rolled me eyes and turned back to Julian, helping him to name his rocks.
Maybe I would meet some handsome British actor tomorrow. Deep inside, I could only hope.

Chapter 23- Apple Scruffs…

“And this is the big camera thingie where Dick films us,” George sarcastically told me pointing to the little camera sitting on the train’s table.
“I guess they use the bigger one at the studio then,” I replied. He nodded. George was so proud of the Beatles, making a big motion picture. It was on a budget, but still very well made. It was lunchtime and the boys and I were taking a break from shooting. I watched the filming of the early train scenes with Paul’s grandfather and now we were doing John’s ‘prisoners’ scene. George and I walked into the lunchroom to find the others eating, and John trying on some handcuffs.
I picked up a sandwich, “What’s that for John?”
“Handcuffs for me next scene remember.”
I shook my head, “Yeah, but Lester wants you to act like you’re wearing them.”
He shrugged, “Whatever you say dearest sis.”
“Hey it’s the talent,” Paul whispered to George pointing to the three schoolgirls from the scene before.
“I see,” George said eyeing the blonde with the flip. I wrinkled my nose at his reaction and decided my flipped hair was much better.
“Well, you’re all soft! I’m going to meet her,” I said and approached the group of giggling girls, “Hi, how are you?”
“Good, I guess you’re one of the Beatles girlfriends then,” the flipped blonde asked.
“Oh no, I only wish, I’m John Lennon’s sister.”
“That’s lovely, so you hang out at his house all the time and swim in his pool?” a brunette asked.
“Yes, I live with him and his wife and child.”
The other 2 gasped and ran off to, I assumed, try to talk Dick Lester into meeting my brother.
The blonde rolled her eyes, “Don’t mind them. They still act like little schoolgirls. My name’s Pattie Boyd.”
“Emma Lennon, pleasure,” I said.
“So you’re really John’s sister? That’s really neat. What are you doing here?”
“George invited me to come along. I’m having a good time. You’re in the next scene aren’t you?”
“Uh huh, Prisoners! That’s my only line,” she replied quietly.
I giggled, “Well have fun. I’ll be watching.” I was going to compliment her hair when I saw George motioning me over. I said goodbye and went to him.
“She’s nice, Pattie. What’s wrong?” I asked.
“John, he’s acting like a muffin. He says he’s gong to get Pattie in an uncomfortable position. Of course, that’s not what he said, he said-“
“Where is he?” I cut him off.
“Chatting her friends up over there,” he said and pointed across the room to Pattie’s supporting actresses. I waltzed over and grabbed John by the collar.
“Em, you’re choking me!” he exclaimed.
“Listen, Pattie’s a nice girl and you’re married, don’t you dare! I’ll tell Cyn!”
“Little teacher’s pet, fine,” he replied mumbling something else and walked away.
I went back over to find George but he had gone somewhere else, probably to start shooting again. I saw Pattie and went up to her. She was excited about something in her hands.
“Emma, George just talked to me and he signed an autograph! Look he made 7 kisses and everything!” she showed me the paper and sure enough it was full of them. I told her it was nice of him and she ran off to shoot her scene with John and Paul. I walked around the corner to the lunchroom to get another sandwich. I could just see George out of the corner of my eye watching the scene in action. He had his eyes glued to Pattie. I sighed. He’d be the one with the relationship, and I, well I would be the one with the jealousy.

Chapter 24- Dark Horse…

I felt like a detective for the 2 weeks I came to the movie set. I would hide in the shadows watching George and seeing what he did with Pattie. They would sit together during lunch and I would watch from the corner of the studio, pretending to chat with such people as Pattie sister Jenny and Dick Lester about the movie so far. But I would stare, and observe every little move he made and I would keep note of it in my selfish little mind. The horrible thing was if either of them got a hold of me at any given time, they would describe to how they’ve been feeling about each other. From George I would hear how pretty Pattie was and how they clicked so well. From Pattie I heard how handsome George was, which I obviously already knew myself, and that they got on well. She even once told me that he asked her back to his trailer, right before they started to date, and she refused him. I wanted to make her jealous and say that I had already done things even worse with him then being in his trailer, but none of that was true. I had just been the best friend, the ex-girlfriend, and now I was both of the their best friends, and I just couldn’t stand it anymore. “Come on Emma! I thought you were coming to the studio today!” John called through my bedroom door the morning of the 3rd week at 7 am and I wasn’t awake. “I’m not coming today John. I’m ill,” I told him. I rolled over in my bed and thought maybe he’d leave me alone now. Not a chance, the door opened and my brother was looking down on me. “You know it’s not polite to walk in on a lady without knocking,” I said groggily and turned over again. “What’s the matter Em? Is it George?” he asked turning me over to his side with all his force. I sat up, “No, it’s me! I’m the problem!” John looked at my confused and tucked under the covers again, “I don’t know John, just leave me alone!” “Alright, get some rest today. Read a good book. I’ll give my hellos to everyone,” he said on his way out. “Yes and tell Pattie and George I hope they’ll be very happy together!!” I yelled and he shut my door. I got up and went into my bathroom. I wasn’t wearing any makeup and my hair was a complete mess. I smiled almost drunkenly at my reflection and grabbed the bottle of aspirin for the reoccurring headache I had been getting for the past few days. I took 2 and then picked up my clock on the counter, which said 7:15. Great, I thought, I have plenty of time to sleep. Maybe I would never get up again, that would be nice. I crawled back into my pit and fell asleep. I woke up to a bird singing outside my window 4 hours later. I got out of bed and went to it, promptly shutting the window. “Damn birds think they can just sing whenever they want to,” I said as ripped the covers up onto my bed and neatly pressed them into the pillows so it looked like I hadn’t slept in it at all. I sat back down on the bed, looking out the window at the sunny day in London, one of not many, and I wished I could be like this day and never be like the rainy days we almost always have. “Well, I must stop thinking like this and do something,” I said aloud and I did do something as I had proposed. I picked out a long light blue dress with little daises on it. I remembered it well because my mother had given it to me when I was 16. She told me ‘you’re a young lady now and you deserve a nice dress.’ It had been hers and I treasured it forever. I put my hair up in a ponytail and put on the smallest amount of makeup I could so I wouldn’t look like someone painted on me. I was determined to look happy and yet not gagging for a boyfriend if I decided to go out. Besides I wasn’t really looking for one, I was just going into London to shop. “Where are you off to?” Cyn asked me when I came into the kitchen to say goodbye. Julian was clinging to her legs as she made lunch for the band when they came home. It was habit now, the food at the studio just wasn’t good enough for them, and plus Cyn had it out with John a day ago about not seeing his son enough. I should know; the walls are thin. “Into London, I’ve decided to do some shopping,” I replied as I bent down to pick Julian up for a quick kiss. “Men shopping is it? Or just shopping, you know the kind that I do,” she asked sarcastically. I could feel my cheeks get red and I shook my head putting Julian down again. “No, just shopping. I’m not looking for someone unless he’s looking for me,” I said, “Tell everyone I said hello when the come back. And not to come looking for me.” I made a stroll to the door and went out with my purse in hand. I just wasn’t going to put up with anyone’s crap today. Cyn came running out of the house just then. “Here,” she said throwing me the keys, “Take John’s Rolls-Royce.” I smiled as I caught them and looked at my brother’s only car at the moment, a shiny black Royce that I had been in love with for months. I got in and drove off, waving Cyn goodbye. I made my way into London and parked the car in one of those public parking lots, paying the meter money so I could keep it there while I walked around into the shops. I waltzed across the street and into the first shop I found of interest. It was a book and music store that sold records and was an outlet for cheap books. The store was quite empty, besides a few females hovering around the record collection. “Oh my god, John Lennon is so dreamy!” the one said to her friend and showed her the Please Please Me record. “No Paul McCartney is, he’s the one with the eyes!” the other replied. The other shook her head in disgust and then saw me behind them. “What do you think?” she asked. I pointed to myself and she nodded. “Well, I like George best, but my opinion doesn’t count,” I said. She raised an eyebrow, “It sure doesn’t, man is he ever a drag!” she turned back and looked at the records with her friends. I chuckled as I walked away from them and into the books. It felt real nice to be anonymous. I went to the section which held the older books from the 1800’s and picked up ‘Wuthering Heights’ by Emily Bronte. It was one of the only books of that generation that I really hadn’t read yet, besides 3 Jane Austen novels, ‘Persuasion,’ ‘Northanger Abbey, and ‘Mansfield Park.’ I looked through the pages and thought that since I love ‘Jane Eyre,’ by Bronte’s sister Charlotte, I would certainly love this. I sat down on a chair in the little reading room the store had and began the first chapter. Halfway through it, I could feel someone’s eyes on me. I looked over the top of the book and noticed and young man sitting across from me in another chair pretending to read ‘The Time Machine’ by H. G. Wells. I smiled at him and he finally looked up, showing his lovely straight smile. He had light brown hair and green eyes and was rather handsome. I went back to my book with that same smile on my face. Once I had read enough to decide on buying the book, and grabbed a few of the others I hadn’t yet read. I went to the cash register and just as I was about to hand the woman my money, I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Hello, I’m Ethan Fredrick, what’s yours?” I smiled, “Emma Lennon. Pleased.” “Well, would you like to…I don’t know, go for coffee or something?” “Sure,” I replied handing the woman my money and taking my bag. I waited for Ethan to pay for his book, and then we walked out of the place together. I felt truly good and questioned my feelings. I thought maybe I felt something. Chapter 25- Fish on the Sand… Ethan and I walked into the closest coffee shop and got a booth by the window to look out onto the London streets. “Emma is it? That’s a nice name,” Ethan said, “Where are you from?” “Oh, Ireland. Dublin actually,” I replied, “I just got back from there a few weeks ago.” “Lovely countryside that has. I was vacationing there some weeks back. The loveliest place was this cottage I passed with the guide. He said it was previously owned by a lady who died from cancer a few years ago and that her daughter held ground there now. I never did see the girl though, she must be a hermit,” he explained. My eyes widened, “Do you mean the Dutch cottage?” “Yes why do you ask?” “Well, that was my cottage! I lived there with my mother!” “Oh, that’s interesting! I never saw you there and I’m sure if I saw such a pretty girl as yourself in the fields I would have stopped,” he said with a smirk. I giggled, “Thank you. I’ve actually sold the cottage now to move back to England.” “Move back to England?” “Well, yes you see it’s a long story.” “Then let me get our coffees.” Ethan got up and ordered two coffees and then brought them back to the table, setting one in front of me, “So what’s the story?” “Well, you know my last name? Lennon? Right, well, I found out about 3 years ago that I’m John Lennon’s half sister. That was before he was famous but anyway, I moved to Liverpool to be with him and to get to know him. In the middle is a lot of things of unimportance…and then my mother got sick with her cancer and I left for home and I was there when she passed away. I continued to live in Dublin for a year and that must have been when you came by, but I can’t seem to remember anyone seeing my house. Then my friend who’s not important came by to visit me on his holiday and got me to come back to London and live with my brother and be with the band.” I said all in one breath. “So you’re friends with the Beatles then?” “Yes, though I hate to say is because they have caused me much heartbreak.” “Which one has?” “Hum? Oh not a one, just the band.” “Emma, I can see it. Who was it?” I gulped a little coffee, “George Harrison. We had dated and then broke up, but we’re still best friends and…oh that girl!” I rambled. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes and I put my head down on the table. “Emma, tell me you’re problems. I know we’ve not known each other too long but please tell me.” Ethan said and I looked up into his green eyes and right then and there I knew I couldn’t go wrong. I told Ethan everything. About how I had met George and how I had felt about him, about our breakup from a strained relationship and my jealousies and yet admiration of Pattie Boyd. “I love her to death, who can’t like her. She’s sweet, almost too sweet. But she stole him from me. I knew one day we would be together again and she ruined every hope I’d had,” I told him and now my tears were fee flowing, tarnishing my makeup. “She didn’t ruin anything and I know you know it. Don’t bring it all on yourself. They’re in love and it’s right, it fits. You need love yourself,” Ethan explained. “What ever are you saying?” I asked looking up at him. “Would you go out with me on a real date? A date where we can have small talk and not all this being upset?” he asked taking my hand and squeezing it. I managed a small smile and nodded, “Ok, let’s go. How about back to my brother’s house and I can change.” “No, you look beautiful. Let’s just go catch a movie or something,” he replied. I stood up with him thinking of something, “That reminds me. Let’s go to the movie set. Come on, you can meet the band and everything.” I took his hand lead Ethan out of the coffee shop, “Do you have car?” He shook his head, “Good we can take mine.” I lead him up to my brother’s Rolls Royce and we hopped in, on our way to the studio. “This is your car,” he asked looking at the inside. “Oh no, never. This is John’s car,” I replied putting my sunglasses on and staring straight. I could feel his eyes on me as I drove and finally he said something. “Do you know who you remind me of? Audrey Hepburn’s character in ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s.’ What was her name?” he asked snapping his fingers. “Holly Golightly. I love that movie,” I replied. “Me too. You like older books too I see.” Yes, Jane Austen is the queen,” I said and he smiled. We pulled up to the studio a few minutes later and I could see Paul talking with John outside, both of them smoking up a storm. Great, I thought, now to deal with John and the car. Chapter 26- Give Me Love (Give Me Peace on Earth)… John came sprinting up to his car right when I pulled up and opened the driver’s door. “What the bloody hell are you doing with my car?” he exclaimed, pulled me out by my wrist. “Ow!” I yelped, “Cyn said I could use it. Don’t blame me!” He nodded knowingly and let go of my wrist, to which I rubbed it lovely. Ethan came to the other side and joined me. John opened his eyes wide at the site. “What’s this? Your new boy toy is it?” John said eyeing Ethan’s finely tailored suit and neat haircut. I bit my lip looking at Ethan for a reaction. I had completely forgotten John’s dislike for certain London lads. “Nice to meet you, I’m Ethan Fredrick,” was all he said as he took my brother’s hand and shook it firmly. None of us could believe our eyes and didn’t say anything. “Paul McCartney and this is John Lennon,” Paul said replying to Ethan. He smiled heartily and then turned to me. “Well did you want to give me the tour?” he asked. I nodded and motioned him to follow me, grabbing his arm in the process. I showed Ethan the different parts of the set and the actors, but what I was really looking for was a person. You guess it, George. I couldn’t find him anywhere or Pattie for that matter, and I was beginning to get a little upset. Just as I turned the corner into the lunchroom, there stood Pattie and George drinking cokes and yapping about who knows what. I felt a twinge in my stomach as Pattie bounced to my side. “Hi Emma, good day to you,” she said giving me a little hug and jumping back her blonde flip bouncing, “Who’s your friend?” “This is Ethan, Ethan this is Pattie,” I replied and just as I introduced him he began asking Pattie about her modeling career since he had seen her in magazines. “Traitor,” I whispered as I walked over to George. Ethan laughed. “This is your boyfriend now is it? Or are you getting married? No! You’re pregnant!” George joked as I grabbed a scone off the counter. I hit his arm in disgust and smiled over at Ethan. “Well, if I plant this right that all might come true one day,” I replied. George frowned. “What about little old me?” “Little old you and little old Pattie are happy,” I said and grinned. He rolled his eyes. “And this must be the famous George Harrison,” Ethan said approaching we two giggling cake eaters. That’s me,” George said and shook Ethan’s hand. They began talking and I tried to get into the conversation but it wasn’t working. I was happy though. My ex-boyfriend and soon to be boyfriend were mates, that made me feel good. “Filming’s almost done you know,” Pattie told me. I turned to her, “Really? What are you going to do after that?” “Well,” she began, It’s a secret, but George and I are dating now We want to go to Ireland with John and Cynthia.” “Ireland? I’ve heard that’s nice,” she laughed at me. “No really, we might go somewhere else too but well,” she took me aside in the corridor, “Do you think I should go and be there all alone with George?” I wanted to tell her, ‘No, I’m supposed to be you!’ but all I could say was, “Yes it should be alright.” “Great! Well, better be going!” she said hugging me and then going and giving George a little kiss before turning out the door. I turned green with envy. Oh my god, I thought completely frozen, I’m turning into Scarlett O’ Hara! “Emma, come here!” John shouted taking me from my perilous ‘Gone With the Wind’ thoughts. “Yes,” I said going to him. “Look at this,” he said giving me a letter. “Who’s it from?” I asked beginning to read. “Our Dad,” he said and I felt faint. Chapter 27- Far East Man… John pulled a chair over for me to sit down in it and got a glass of water. I took a sip and then handed it back to him. “Is he here?” I asked looking and feeling clammy. “If you want him to be,” John replied, “All I think is he wants my money.” I felt a surge of anger go through me and I stood up, “He probably doesn’t even know I exist. That bastard!” “I don’t know what to do. He’s my father, ours, I want to see him but-“ John trailed off. I bit my finger and turned around in thought. Suddenly, the Beatles manager Brian Epstein who I had only known by face, came in the room holding a note. “John, your father Alfred Lennon just called. He’s coming down to the set to meet you.” Brian hesitated telling John. “It’s fine Brian,” he said pacing the lunchroom. I sunk down in my chair again and covered my face with my hands. My father and John’s finally got up enough courage to see him. It was about time. But he didn’t even know about me. I resolved in that moment I would not be talking to this Alfred Lennon unless John introduced me. “Miss, are you with the band?” Brian asked me and I smiled up at him for talking my father off my mind. “Emma Lennon, John’s sister. I’m sorry I never met you before.” I replied shaking his hand. “Oh,” he said surprised, “Do you want to meet your father? Or isn’t he yours, was it Julia?” “No you’re right and I really don’t want to meet him. But it’s ok, I always knew I’d have to do this some time.” Brian smirked a little and then took his leave and again I was left to my thinking. I wished my mother were alive so I could find comfort somewhere. But she wasn’t and neither was John’s; we were one in the same. George to the rescue; he appeared in the doorway. “What’s wrong luv?” he asked me putting an arm around my shoulders. I sighed, “Our Dad is paying a visit very soon.” George pointed to John and then me and finally got the understanding of my words. “I hope all is well,” he said and gently kissed the top of my head and then went back to filming. Minutes later Brian told us that an Alfred Lennon was here to see us. “It’s now or never Emma,” John said and took my hand into the next room. I sighed again and nodded. We stood a few feet from the middle-aged man in front of us before John made the first move and I retreated behind a camera. “It’s good to see you son,” Alfred told John and my brother forced a smirk as they hugged, “Oh um, Dad, this is my si-“ John began and turned around but found I had disappeared, “Emma?” “Yes?” I replied foolishly coming out from behind the equipment. “Dad, this is my half sister Emma. She’s your daughter,” John told him. Tears welled up as I looked at my long lost father. It was true what mother said, he looked like John and could have at one point been handsome. “Emma, wow. Who’s your mother?” was all Alfred could say. “Lisa Dutch,” I said coldly. “Ireland right? Listen I’m sorry I-I’ve been a total moron to my kids. Where is she?” I looked at the floor, “Mum died of cancer a little over a year ago.” Alfred ran his hand through his hair and let out a deep breathe, “I’m so sorry.” “It’s alright. I’m just- I’m so glad to see you.” I went and hugged him. As I did so, I could feel a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. Our visit went well enough for seeing a man we had never met and now both out mothers were dead. Before knew it, John and I were on our way home and I forgot all about my father when I saw Julian was starting to walk for the first time. Chapter 28- That’s What it Takes… Shooting wrapped on ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ and I was left with almost nothing to do with my life. I had gotten so used to coming and going to the movie set and the studio, that I’d forgotten what real life consisted of. I was horrified to learn that it meant I actually had to do something with myself. I had also forgotten getting a job. Even though I lived with my millionaire bother I still had to support myself. So I went into London a few days after the movie ended looking for a place to stick my foot in. I had already decided that I was not becoming a waitress a second time and I wanted to go to the book store I had been at those days earlier. It seemed to be my destiny to work with books. “Morning Miss, can I help you?” the lady behind the counter asked. “I’d like to apply here,” I replied. “Ok, you’ll have to talk to my manger. He’s in the back room there,” she explained and pointed behind her to the book storage area. I walked back and knew I was ready for a job here. I had dressed in my best interview dress before I left and knew everything I was about to say. Of course, if I had known they didn’t need a job at the moment, I wouldn’t have come. “I’m sorry Miss Lennon but our positions are filled at the moment. But if you come back in about 2 months we’ll have an opening because one of our ladies will be on maternity leave,” he explained. “Ok, I’ll be back then. Thank you for your time,” I replied and I left the bookstore. I left feeling defeated and began my not so determined walk back to John’s house. I got about halfway there, when a car stopped ahead of me in the road. I started getting very nervous and waited until someone came out of it. I sighed with relief when I saw Ethan appear. “Emma, what are you doing walking home?” he asked. “I tried to get a job at the book place but they don’t have one open yet. Can you give me a ride?” I asked approaching him. He took my in his arms and kissed my cheek, “Of course.” I got in and before I knew it, we had pulled up to my home. “Listen Ethan, do you want to come in for dinner?” I asked as I had gotten out of the car. “Oh alright, if your rock star brother doesn’t mind,” he said sarcastically climbing out of the car and following me in the house. “Cyn welcomed my boyfriend with open arms and I helped her finish cooking dinner. We all sat down and talked about many different things. “Oh, we’re going to Ireland for holiday in a few days. Would you like to come?” Cyn brought up just as we had finished. “No, I lived there. It’s nothing now,” I said, “Should I watch Julian then?” “That would be great Emma! Are you sure you want to? He can be a holy terror!” “Of course. I love my nephew.” So it was decided that I would housesit for the Lennon’s while they were gone and be a substitute Mum for Julian. Then I smacked my head and remembered that George and Pattie were going too. I was going to be completely bored. Chapter 29- Wah Wah… ~I want to thank my year old cousin Tommy for the inspirations in this chapter~ Boredom was not the right word for the month I spent looking after my nephew. John Charles Julian Lennon was not the perfect little angel I once thought he was. As a mother, I guess you get to know that having a baby isn’t just holding it and cooing and playing with it to make the child smile. It means caring for their needs in food, cleanliness, and so many other things I wasn’t aware of. It also meant hunting him down. “Jules? Where are you?” I called down the hallway at the top of the stairs. A soft giggle came from John and Cyn’s bedroom and I trudged there and look around the corner. There was my cute little nephew Julian covered in one of his mother’s special nightgowns. You know, the kind a wife gets out some time…you know what I mean! “You’re a naughty little thing! Come here,” I laughed and tried to pick him up. But of course being the little thing that he is, Julian crawled as fast as his little legs could carry him out of the room and into the bathroom, my bathroom in my room. He still had the nightgown over his head and I pulled it off. He grinned up at me so wide that I couldn’t help but melt. For a spilt second I thought he was innocent, and then he began to unroll the toilet paper. “No…. JOHN!” I yelled and finally picked him up. He squealed and squirmed until I put him down again and shut the bathroom door on us both while I rolled the paper up again. “Why do you have to be so bad John? Huh?” I asked him and he just stared at me. I forgot that they weren’t calling him that anymore because both my brother and his son would respond, so they just said Julian. I just called him John when I got peeved. “You’re something else kiddo,” I said and mussed his hair a little, to which he squealed. I finally finished with the toilet paper and then picked Julian up and headed down stairs. I looked up at the clock and it only said quarter of 12. Great, almost lunchtime and I haven’t gotten anything done. Not like I had too much to do though, especially with this kid on my arm all the time. He got me up at random times every morning since his parents had left for Tahiti, and it had only been 3 days. Yes I was suffering. Julian was on strict rules, to bed at 8 pm. But that didn’t mean I had to do the same. I would stay up till 11 or 12 and then wonder why I was so tired when Julian had a crying spell at 4 in the morning. Cyn had assured me before she left that he was totally over getting up during the night for anything but what did she know. I was half dead. “So what do you want to do?” I asked Julian as I sat him on my lap and I plopped down on John’s soft chair. It was his, all his, and now for a few weeks, it was mine. Julian pointed across the room to his box of toys I had put out from the upstairs room and I let him go over and play with them. I watched him go over and giggle as he picked up a toy car and for a fleeting moment I really loved him again. Ok, so I loved my nephew he was as cute as can be! But some times he was just a pain. I made sure that Julian was occupied enough and left the room to go use the phone. I tried to think whom I could call to come over and hang out for awhile with me. Well, Ethan was working, as I should be, John, George and their girls were off on a cruise. But there was always Paul and Ringo, they weren’t planning a vacation till after the other two came back so they could swap passports. I thought long and hard and finally decided I’d phone Paul, he admired Julian in the first place. “Hello?” “Hey Paulie it’s Emma.” “Hi! What’s going on?” “Well, I was wondering. You see, I’m all alone over here and Julian and I could use some company. What are you up to?” “Nothing much, a song is all. I can bring it along if you like and be there for lunch. How does that sound?” “You’re a life saver! See you soon?” “Uh huh. Cheers Em!” I hung up and was happy that I could get someone to be with. I’d have to call Ethan later though and arrange a date; we hadn’t been together for a few days. About half an hour later there was a knock at the door. I scooped up Julian and went over. Paul stood there was a notebook and something wrapped up. “Hi, Em. How are you?” Paul asked as I motioned him into door. “Good, and yourself?” “Fine, hey can you take this off my hands?” he pointed to the package and took it placed it on the coffee table, “Thanks. So you wanted some company today?” “Yes, I know how much you like Julian, not that I don’t like him because I do but-“ “I understand Emma. Listen, I’ll help you make some lunch and then we can hang out, catch up on old time,” Paul replied with a chuckle and picked up Julian who laughed, “For now, just open the package?” “What is it?” I asked taking it off the table and shaking it. “Just see,” he said. I sighed and opened it up…I couldn’t believe what it was. Chapter 30- Light that had Lighted the World… “I was supposed to give you this stuff a while ago, I never got around to it,” Paul told me with a smile as I took the box and sat down next to him on the couch. The entire thing was chockfull of past memories of my times in Liverpool. Directly on top were also more of Astrid’s photographs from Hamburg. These were more personal pictures of especially Stuart and Astrid, who had just been engaged. I could feel a tear or two welling up as I looked at Stu’s smile. “I miss Stu,” I said flipping through the numerous Hamburg pictures. Paul placed an arm around my shoulders. “I know Em. I’m so sorry,” he replied, “But look at what else is in the box.” I put the pictures on the coffee table and started digging through. The memories of Liverpool were overwhelming. A lot of it was pictures of the Beatles and me and the girls at clubs, especially the Cavern. I missed those simple days of going to gigs and dreaming of George. Not like that had ever stopped. One was even of George and I kissing. I smiled, that would never happen again. I saw Paul and Dot together and I wondered where she was now. Moving on with her life I suppose. Paul was too into this Jane Asher girl to care. Near the bottom of the box were things I wasn’t familiar with. “What’s all this?” I asked pulling out a white shirt. “Your deal of Stuart’s things,” Paul replied getting up, “I’m going to make us some lunch.” I nodded and turned back to the cloth as I heard Julian follow Paul into the kitchen. I brought the shirt to my nose. It smelled of aftershave and cigarette smoke, Stu. I loved that smell; they all had it. But Stu’s was different. Somehow it captured his artistic ability. There was a few other things- a small candid painting of me outside of Mimi’s, a pair of his sunglasses. But what confined my attention was on the very bottom. It was a framed picture of the two of us in the Cavern Club. It was dark, but somehow the photo was illuminated enough to see our faces. Stu had his arm around my shoulders and my head was resting on his shoulder. Our eyes were closed like we were both in a deep sleep. I remembered it because John had taken the picture with Stu’s camera. I took the picture out to see if there was a date on it. I got more then I bargained for. Emma, I’m dying. I can feel it. Don’t cry for me. I’ll be at peace. I just wanted you to know Em, I’ll always love you. If you weren’t for George I would have asked you out. You’re mine in my heart. Love, Stuart 4/62 My tears were free flowing. He wrote this the day he died no doubt. I first realized then how much I loved him. As a friend and maybe more. I wished he were here. Stu always brought out the best in us all. “You alright?” Paul asked me as he brought sandwiches in. I smirked up at him and showed the picture, “We finally got to say goodbye.” Chapter 31- Try Some, Buy Some… I used that box of possessions generously given to me by Astrid and Stu’s mother. The pictures were set out on every shelf with my books and others were put in the albums where I kept the memories of my mother. I realized how much I missed her when I was looking at those things and remembered the strenuous activity it was going through my Mum’s things. It also helped me to bury it, to put all my bad memories behind me and live for now. John and Cyn came back from Tahiti with George and Pattie within a month. Cyn described it to me in as much detail as she could. Of course, John wasn’t there any pf the time because it was time for the Beatles to start touring Europe. They went to Denmark, Holland, Hong Kong, Australia, and New Zealand. Ringo got sick with tonsillitis during those months and the band had to use a different drummer whom I had never met. It was almost like when Pete got sacked and the girls at the Cavern Club would yell ‘Ringo never, Pete forever!’ it always amused me completely because Ringo really was the better drummer but Pete was better looking. There was the question of whether or not it was about the playing or looks. He went back to his job after a few weeks later and after that, the tour was over. I thought it seemed strange how short the tours were. But there was something to come back to, and that was the ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ premiere. “What if I don’t want to go?” I whined to Cyn the same day as the premiere. She was trying to get me to comply with John’s idea of my tagging along. “He wants you there,” she replied slipping a dress over her undergarments, “And I want you there.” I changed my cross-legged position and let myself fall on her bed, “But, I read his book isn’t that enough?” She laughed, “Not for my John. Come on Emma, it will be fun.” “What about Julian! You need someone to watch him don’t you?” I said popping up with a pointed finger. “We have a nanny,” she said applying makeup. I huffed. Every excuse I came up with was already taken care of. I finally have in and went to get myself ready. Considering the amount of star power that would be present, I dressed in my best. I wore a red mini dress with a white sweater. I made myself up so I could have almost passed as Pattie. God, I was a jealous person. “Ready Em?” a voice and knock on my door asked. “Yes Johnny, be right there” I replied slipping on my shoes and then I headed out he door with the two if them. The place was packed with people and finally we got in to see the film. Of course before and after were the press meetings, which you could tell the Fab Four hated. I loved the movie instantly; it captured my 4 best friends perfectly. Little did I know that within the next 2 years, my 4 friends and one wife would become them and 2 more wives. Chapter 32- Thanks for the Pepperoni… (it is a George Harrison song) Sitting and sobbing, that is what I was doing at George and Pattie Harrison’s wedding reception. 2 years later my jealousy of the blonde sweetie had gotten much worse. It seemed like just because Ringo had married Maureen Cox the year before George felt that he had to marry too. But I knew deep down that wasn’t true, they were in love, and it made me sick. It also made me sick how I would refuse to have any fun if it didn’t involve George. My world revolved around him, and Ethan sure didn’t like it. “Come and dance with me Emma,” he insisted as I sat in my ‘pity me’ pool of sorrow. I looked up at him and made a childish face, crossing my arms tighter against my chest. “No, I told you to find someone else to dance with. I don’t feel like dancing,” I replied and positioned myself looking at the bathrooms. Ethan took the chair next to mine and positioned it face to face with me. He cupped my face in his hands. “I love you Em, stop acting so ridiculous. George doesn’t hate you; you’re still the best of friends. Let go of the past,” he ordered and took his hands in mine, attempting to pull me out of my place again. I gave in this time, and go onto the dance floor. Ethan and I danced part of the night away, but of course my mind was elsewhere. I couldn’t help but watch George’s every move and become more and more sick to my stomach as I saw it all unfold. He was certainly in love with Pattie and that would never change. Even I, I former girlfriend and best mate, couldn’t change that. I truly didn’t want to think of it all the time, but I just couldn’t help it. I knew I was in love with Ethan, but you know how exes can be, you are so attached you cannot bear to let go. “Having fun?” a voice from behind me said. I turned around from my dancing location with Ethan to see Paul there, boogieing with his girlfriend Jane Asher. Paul was always my savior and I breathed a lungful of air in relief of seeing his face. “Kind of,” I replied and looked at Ethan, “I’m going to go get some punch with Paul. Ok?” Ethan nodded in agreement and took Jane’s hand for a dance or two. I followed Paul over to the punch bowl and the table where all the food was kept. He grabbed me a cup and handed it to me. I seized a piece of cheese and shoved it into my mouth. “I don’t understand what’s wrong with me Paul. I don’t want to feel like this,” I said finally breaking our silence. He gave a little chuckle, “You’re just stuck in that first love thing. You need to get out of it. Look at George, he’s done much better then you have,” Paul explained, “Besides you’re the one who broke it off.” “I know that! I just can stand to see him so happy and me being to sad,” I said finally unveiling my selfish thoughts. “I would have expected more out of you Miss Lennon,” John said in a Mimi sort of tone coming over to us. “You shut your trap! I’ll work it out in the end you know,” I said hitting his arm. “Yeah, we all know,” he said and he and Paul walked away to talk with George who was now alone by the bar. But if Pattie wasn’t with him that meant, oh no!- “I am so happy Emma!” she yelped coming over to my food sanctuary. She grabbed me in for a hug and I couldn’t help but squeeze her back. I gave a slight smile in response. “Aren’t you happy for me Em?” “Of course I am Pattie. I really am,” I said as genuinely as possible so as not to make her cry on her wedding night. “Good. Oh by the way, George told me to tell you that he wants to make a chat or something,” Pattie said and then she went over to George again, saying something, and then he made his way to me. “Congratulations Georgie!” I said giving him a hug. He looked into my eyes and frowned. “Are you upset about something Em?” he asked tilting his head slightly. Damn, he suspected me. So I joked, “I just know that know you and I can’t get together and get pissed anymore.” He laughed out loud, “You know I’ll always love you for that Emma. I’ll always love my first love.” Tears came to my eyes as he said it and gave me a light kiss on the cheek, “Now go and have some fun with your Ethan!” I smiled, “Thank you George. I won’t ever forget that and I won’t ever stop loving you, because you are who you are.” I gave him one last hug as the heavy weight that had been on my shoulders for years had been lifted off once again and then went over to Ethan who was busy chatting with my brother. “May I have this dance?” I said as I wiped a tear away from my eye with my sleeve. Ethan grinned and took me in his arms, as we danced our way into the dream of The Beatles version of ‘Till There Was You.’ I finished off the night with a few goodbyes to the newlyweds and a few more drinks of brandy. John and Cyn vouched to take Ethan home since there wasn’t an available taxi at 1 in the morning. I said goodbye to my boyfriend who I now felt was just that with a kiss and hug and then we headed back to Kenwood. “Are you ok Auntie Emma?” Julian asked me when he came in the room just before I would fall asleep. The rustle of us coming home had obviously woken him. I put ‘Gone With the Wind’ (now my life story) down on the bed, got up and went over to my nephew. “I am Jules, I really am,” I said and hugged his little body, “At last.” Chapter 33- Devil’s Radio… Trapped, that’s how I felt at this point. Beatle Mania was no longer a pastime for my amusement, but it had become a dangerous situation for not only the stars but their acquaintances as well. Everything had disbanded- the tour had ended in San Francisco earlier, record burnings from John’s ‘We’re bigger then Jesus’ comment were in full bloom, and John and George had gone away. John was in Spain filming ‘How I Won the War’ and George was in India studying some instrument called the sitar. I couldn’t understand him and his ways. George was trying to find some sort of clarity and truth in religion. I wish I were that willing. November had started out intensely enough. I was working part-time for the bookstore and helping Cyn at home. But I didn’t have too much to do, especially since they’d gotten a housekeeper. Tensions were high between my favorite married couple and it seemed we two siblings, or maybe just me, was the only one who could see it was doomed. A few days in, John decided to go to an art gallery in London he was invited to. I tagged along. “What is all this stuff?” I asked John as we walked into the halls. Most of the artwork displayed was boring me, and the next room was even weirder. “Look at that,” John ordered, pointing to a ladder and something attached to the ceiling. I climbed it and once at the top there was a magnifier. Stuck to the ceil was the little word ‘yes.’ Boy, I thought, this acid craze has really gone to everyone’s heads ( as it had my brother’s because he was now staring at the walls). “It is positive isn’t it?” John asked with wonder as I made my way back down. I looked at my new engagement ring, “Oh yeah, depends what you say it to.” John gave me a sarcastic face through his glasses, “I didn’t know he cared.” I blew up, “Goddamn John! He’s my boyfriend and just because Ethan goes off to America for months on business, and then comes back to pop the question doesn’t mean I don’t trust him. He’s not like you.” John sneered at me and continued his walk through this artist’s section, while I went the other way. It wasn’t old news, at least to me, that John or any of them were unfaithful. I knew, Cyn refused to hear it. She kept everything inside. Soon she was just going to blow. I was actually beginning to enjoy myself in this ‘avan garde’ gallery, when John found me. “Come with me,” he said grabbing my arm, “I want to meet her.” “Her who? I thought as I followed my brother into the main area where all the artists seemed to be congregated. “Oh John, this is Yoko Ono. Yoko, John Lennon,” the man who invited John in the first place said. She has straight black hair and looked to be older then John. Not the prettiest of woman. John shook her hand and they exchanged a quiet ‘hello,’ while I watched from a few feet. I had a sudden thought, “She’s going to be the death of we Lennon’ yet!’ I went white, Oh no! Ono! A/N- This is purely for comical value. I respect Yoko Ono. Someone tell me if I spelled ‘avande garde’ wrong. Chapter 34- Simply Shady… “Why did he have to do this to me? Why?” Cyn asked sobbing as she wiped her running eyeliner from her eyes. She was sitting cross-legged on the couch that now inhabiting Ethan’s and my house. It was a small cottage, familiar to me since I grew in one not far from Dublin. We had bought it a few weeks after our marriage in June and moved out of my brother’s house. Apparently something bad had happen after I had gone. I looked out the door to the patio and saw Ethan playing with our nephew Julian and his toy trucks. I turned back to Cyn as she stared at the floor. I needed to say something until her mother got here. It was strange; Cyn had seemed to pack up her whole end of the house and come over to mine for a few nights, without me even knowing why she was here. She was refusing to tell me, so I guessed I would have to figure it out for myself. I took her hand in mine, “What’s wrong Cyn? You can tell me.” She brought her head to my ear, “John, he had that woman in my house! MY HOUSE!” I looked around to make sure her son hadn’t heard anything, “What woman?” This was as if I didn’t know the answer. “That Jap, you know, Yoko Ono or whatever! I came home from Italy with Magic Alex and Jenny and then I see him and her in my house,” she explained turning redder with every word, “And to make it worse, SHE was in MY bathrobe!” I flinched at those last words. John had finally done what he had been wanted to do for a long time, years even. I knew he was in love with Yoko Ono from the moment he met her in the art gallery. He wouldn’t have said it though. He always said things like, ‘Come on Em! How could I every like someone that daft! And with a name like Ono, not very positive is it?’ But despite him, it had finally come to this. And to think that he had actually waited till my best friend had left on vacation to do this! I couldn’t stand John anymore; he just wasn’t the same person he was 6 years ago. He was stubborn, and utterly selfish. But sometimes I thought that John and I were really too much alike and that why we butted heads all the time. “I’m so sorry Cyn. I- I don’t know what to tell you,” I said as quietly as possible trying not to make myself angrier. “Tell me the truth! Do you think John will ever come back to me?” she said a grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to look into her blood-shot eyes. I bit my lip, “No, I don’t think so. Not this time.” She shook her head as if to understand and sat back in the chair she occupied. I felt like crying myself by now, all these thoughts running through my head. I wondered if maybe John and Cyn’s marriage was doomed from the beginning. I wondered if he really never loved her and John just married her because of Cyn being pregnant with his child. So many things were going through me; I was getting a headache. “I’m going to get myself some aspirin. Do you want some?” I asked Cyn as I got up to go into the bathroom. She looked up fro her huddle on the chair and shook her head, revealing a little bottle of whiskey in her hand. I went into the next room and grabbed my bottle, took 2, and washed them down with some water from the sink. I looked across the hall to the bedroom Ethan and I shared as a married couple and saw the telephone sitting on the desk. I felt like it was calling me as I went into the room and picked up the receiver. I dialed John’s number at Kenwood and it ran. Within 4 rings, someone picked up. “Hello?” I kept silent as I heard my brother’s voice on the other line. “Hello? What the hell, Cyn if this is you don’t call here anymore!” “It’s me John.” I could hear a smile and slight chuckle from the other line, “Emma, how are you?” That was it; I blew up, “How am I? Why don’t you ask how your WIFE is John Lennon?!” “I didn’t know I had one, I just thought she was a dog following me around everywhere.” I gritted my teeth, “You’re such a bastard John! What about your son? Doesn’t he mean anything to you?” There was silence and I thought I had finally gotten to my seemingly hard-hearted brother. Then I heard a bit of female laughter on the other line. John had been mocking me, and his son! I couldn’t take it anymore and I hung up. I was making fists and ready to punch the first thing I saw, when Ethan came in the room with Julian clinging to his arm. “Paul’s here. He wants to know if he can take Julian out for awhile and Cynthia won’t answer him. She sleeping I think,” he explained. I forced a smile and got up, “Come on Jules, Let’s take you to Uncle Paul.” I took his other hand and Ethan and I brought him down to Paul. I let go and went to one of my friends over the years for a hug. “How is she?” Paul asked in my ear looking at Cyn. I looked up at him, “She’s alright. Needed rest I guess.” He smiled and looked over at Julian, who had a huge childish smile on his face. “Hey Jules, you want to come with me? We can play with your toys and everything, won’t that be fun?” Paul asked the 5 year old. Julian nodded, “Let’s go!” He took Paul’s hand and they said goodbye on their way out. I looked back over at my husband and he motioned me out onto the patio. We sat and watched the sun beginning its journey into setting and kept silent. Then Ethan broke it. “Are you alright? I heard a bit of commotion upstairs,” he said. “I phoned John. I don’t understand him Ethan, it’s like he just doesn’t feel bad about how he’s hurting her and the long-term pain it will cause his son,” I said and curled up to him. He ran a hand through my hair, “It will all work out for the best, especially once-“ The patio doors open to see Mrs. Powell in full view. “Where’s my daughter?” she asked frantically. Ethan took charge. “In on the couch madam,” he replied and took her in, where she began to hold Cyn in her arms like a baby as my friend woke up. They got up and went into the kitchen, probably because Mrs. Powell was finally able to get Cyn to eat something, whereas I had failed. Ethan came back to me and gave me a big bear hug, “It will all be ok.” I breathed in relief. For once, I thought I believed him. Chapter 35- Isn’t It a Pity… “He returned it?” I asked almost shocked as my best friend in the world, besides my hubby Ethan, George Harrison told me of my brother’s newest campaign for peace. “Yeah, you heard right. He did it because of its meaning war or something,” Paul replied standing up from his comfortable position on the couch. I was having a little get-together of all my pals to celebrate the learning of my becoming pregnant with out first child. Everyone had been invited- the McCartney’s, the Harrison’s, the Starkey’s, Cyn and Julian, even the new Lennon’s. But that had not shown up. I couldn’t understand John, once again. An M.B.E. was an award of great admiration from the Queen herself and he felt he could just give it back. So much had happened in the past year or so it’s too much. I almost fainted when I saw the Two Virgins cover, and that wasn’t the first time I had to get out the smelling salts. Everyone started to get filed for having pot and the British police were swimming in their own praise of arresting rockers. Even on the day Paul married the very cool and my new friend photographer Linda Eastman, George was found to have it. John and Yoko married in Spain and then went off and had their ‘bed-in.,’ completely ridiculous in my tastes. I guess I wasn’t much of a hippie. Paul became a dead man to the American public and John quit the band. It all seemed to be drawing to a close, but not for me. “Oh well, if he’s happy so am I,” I said and looked up at my husband for the first time that night. He was glowing with happiness. I got up from where I was because I had noticed in all my daydreaming that Pattie had disappeared. I went into the kitchen to find her sitting with a bottle of brandy on hand. She looked considerably depressed. I sat down with her. “What’s wrong Pattie?” I asked. She looked up at me, “I’ve got a lot on my mind.” “Like what?” “Like that George and my marriage is failing and Eric is after me,” she said with a slight laugh at the end. “Eric Clapton?” I knew that he was George’s best friend but I had no clue he fancied Pattie. “Yes, that’s right.” She said and trailed off just as George came in the room. “Hey baby, he Em. What’s up?” he asked looking at both of us. “Nothing, everything’s ok,” I replied. Pattie got up, “I’m going back to the party.” This left George and I to talking. I grabbed the brandy to put away but not before I poured myself a glass. George took it from me. “You’re with child remember?” he said and downed it. I rolled my eyes. We looked at each other for a long time. I saw a man with long hair and a beard, but inside he was sad. I read his mind. “Do you think you guys will ever get back together?” I asked. He looked at me, “No, I don’t.” George couldn’t have been more right.