ok this really isnt going
to have much of a point its just gonna be me rambleing on and on about
nothing, but if u read it u might catch sumthin. ok where to start........
dont u hate it when u like someone and u know it wont work? well that is
what always happens to me. basicly every girl that i have ever liked didnt
like me in return. except one (kerry) but that didnt work out, but who
knows it might some other time (yes im still thinkin about it kerry). anyways
i just wanted to say that. the other thing i really wanna say is that all
u ppl that just abandon your friends.......there is sumthin majorly wrong
with u! my friends are just like my family. they help me through the bad
times and are there for the good times too. but there is a diff. between
a friend and a true friend. i only have around 3 true friends and i feel
lucky just to have that many. friends are the kinda ppl that u trust and
that u have somethings in commen with, a true friend is more like a bro
or a sis, u can trust them with anything, and they will always be there
for u and u will always b there for them. well at least thats the way i
see it, there are alot of ppl that i want to become true friends with but
u have to be carful, if they dont feel the same way u may just hurt yourself.
yeah thats about all i have to say on that topic......now what...........hmmmmm
o drugs r bad! im sry but i have seen what they do to your life too many
times. my grandma is about 57 and she has the medical record of a 80 year
old and my aunt kristy, shes a case.....she is a crack head litteraly,
i have a crackbaby cuz and i think she is going to die anytimes soon. so
even if it us just pot, it still can fuck up your life really quick, and
i dont wanna see that happen to anyone i know. same with drinking and smokeing...but
i dont think drinking is as bad as smokeing anything. but thats just my
opinion. well all of this is my opinion isnt it, haha o well. so for all
u stoners/smokers/drinkers...for your own sake keep it under control and
next time b4 u spark up or take your 1st drink...think about y u r doing
it.....yeah ummmmm next sub..........u know i could never talk this much
b4. these last few months have really changed my life alot, for so many
reasons too......its crazy. now on to the ever popular subject of religion......im
sry but i see no meaning in mass religion, i feel that we should each have
our own belifes and that is what i live by, but i also feel that no ones
belifes should be pushed on u for any reason. so i think ppl should do
what they want with their lives and leave me outta it. im gonna quote sonny
from P.O.D. "there is a diff. between religious and spiritual, in religion
u do things because others say u should, when u r spiritual u do them because
u feel they are right" that isnt exactly what he said (i forgot the wording)
but it is the main idea. i coulent agree more with that. there is another
thing that i find just compleatly amazeing, have u ever noticed that there
is good in everything? that everything works out in the end. i didnt think
it was true for a while but if u wait long enough and try to fix things
it will work out. and alot of the time things are better than ever b4,
u just need to know how to see things and what to look for. i could find
good in almost anything. or so i think right now. even a broken heart,
"once broken the heart learns to defend its self from that same pain again"
that is one example. another is say someone u know gets in a accident (r.i.p.
amber) it teaches all of us a lesson and we need to learn from that lesson
and not make the same kind of mistakes, or try to avoid that same situation.ummm
yeah im kinda runnin outta things to say now......give me a few ill have
more........u know this little hick town that we live in is prolly one
of the most messed up places ever. i mean look at some of the ppl here,
theres me and im just messed up all around, theres ppl like stan, beau
and that little group, then there is the ppl with way too many inside jokes
(c.a. erin and kyle) then there is the little ppl that just sit there and
draw (james) but the ones that get me the most are the ppl that act like
they are from the ghetto, wtf? there is no ghetto in this little town.....im
sry .......u arent foolin any of us. YEAH IM A HARTLAND BADASS!! lol. u
know i could never type this much if i needed too. but just cuz i want
to i can say sooooo much. i think im gonna stop this ramble right now......ill
make more later, whenever else i get really bored (so it should be soon)
anyways see ya when i see ya!
ok here we go again, im grounded
from the internet so i have nothin to do but work on my page untill i can
upload it all, damn im gettin pissed at my family! i dont have much
to say but ill stretch it out as long as i can for those of u that actualy
read this shit (marisa) lol, anyways, u know what isnt too fun, not being
sure who u like and what to do about it, see as of now there is 3 girls
that i like, u know who u r and if u wanna know just ask me. yeah well
anyways im not quite sure what to do, see im not very good at this gf shit.
im just lost and neurvous, and all u girls that think u r too shy to make
any moves, well guys can be just as shy as u, so y dont u put just as much
effort into it if u want it to work out too, but that is just my opinion...not
like any of you really care.. but this is my page so i can say whatever
the fuck i want! so u better get used to it, and fast. my hands feel like
they are frozen! its really hard to type like this...but like i said i
have nothin better to do..so yeah, im tryin to think of sumthin else to
say..ummmmmm this isnt gettin anywhere fast........"the silence gets us
nowhere way too fast" -staind, for u-, sry i just thought it was kinda
approprate for that moment, dude i am way too into my music, what i listen
too can decide how i act and feel for a entire day, so lately i have been
trying to listen to more upbeat music (punk) but i still love the depressing
stuff, if a song has emotion in it it makes it sooo much better, it shows
how much the writer is into what they do and shows their inside feelings,
and it is even better when u can relate, that is what makes some of the
music in this world so great....u know i cant spell or type at all lol,
i wonder how many times i have messed up so far...hmm probably too many
to really count, yeah but anyways. u know what is really fun is to go see
a movie. (preferably with a girl) then walk to target and terrorize the
store (that part doesnt have to be with a girl tho) but either way it is
sooo fun, i love not careing what ppl think of me, it makes my life so
much easyer, i hate the person i used to be, so weak and pathetic, i would
follow the crowd just to feel like i belongd, now i know that belonging
isnt a felling that u have to earn, if u be yourself and find ppl that
will except the real you then your truely do belong. well thats the way
i feel at least, anyways u know what else is fun? likeing a band b4 anyone
else does, and when or if they ever get popular then u can be like " i
knew about them b4 any of you so HA HA HA HA!!!" sry im just thinkin
about that cuz i am listenin to this band called brodie punk, i think they
are the best! they should be famous by now! and im gonna do my best to
get them too be! anyways.....my hands are still really cold, im gonna try
and warm them up, brb, there i have my hoodie now...i love these things,
they are all warm and kool looking at the same time, and i also like the
way
girls look when they wear them too..im not too sure y but i do, well if
any of u girls out there like me (i doubt it) theres sumthin that i like
just so u know........yeah so anyways. i need a job, im gettin sick of
never havein any money, i mean i spent half my money goin to the movies
last night, and i only paid for myseld too.. thats kinda sad isnt it? damn
i just looked back at the other one...and this one isnt nearly as long
guess i gotta find sumthin to talk about, and fast! oh! if any of you ppl
will be able to drive and have a car by this summer i wanna go on a road
trip! sooooooo bad so if u can tell me, im not sure where i wanna go or
when but we could figure it out... come on plz i need to get outta this
hell forsaken state! lol yeah anyways, i was dead serious just tell me!
now onto sumthing i hate again, i hate it when u like someone and u r sitting
right next to them and u dont know what to say or do, and u r going crazy
inside your head but u have too keep the kool and calm apperance on the
out side, its prolly one of the least fun things to do...besides sitting
next to someone that u like alot and know that u could never have them,
i would have to say that is a worse feeling. u know i never even really
put that much thought in to haveing a gf untill this year.. im not sure
y but thats the way it is i suppose, i guess i just like the feeling of
even being around someone that u really like, and if u r going out with
them you have more of a chance of gettin hurt but u feel much better inside,
well i know there are ppl out there that are just in it for the sex but
im not like that and i hope i never am. i think that might be the reason
that i have so many friends that are girls, cuz im not constantly obsessing
over sex...ok this is gettin weird to talk about and im just talking to
myself, so anyways moveing on......oh yeah marisa didnt u get mad at me
for not mentioning your name last time? well here ill put u in now, u know
u r like a sis to me and i know u r there for me and im there for u, always
, there u happy now? lol
ok i think im gonna finish this
one now, i would have to say it is just as long if not longer than the
1st one, so yeah, see ya when i see ya!~
rejection sux! thats it im done
with this whole girl thing for a while! i cant take it anymore, im just
lost and confused all the time. and that isnt much fun. i dont blame the
girls that i like that didnt like me back, i kinda blame myself for haveing
no idea what im doin, or maybe i could blame my bro for this somehow.....maybe
not.....he makes a good scapegoat but not in this case. yeah im really
bored again and im just gonna write as much as i can again. its almost
12:00 am and ummm la de da, i know my life is goin really good in comparison
to some other ppls but y do i hate it so much? i guess i should just live
with it but i am too much of a complainer to do that lol. damn do i need
to change, im sick of acting like a diff person around diff ppl. so i think
im gonna go with being myself...it would help if i knew who myself was
tho, is it the me around my guy friends or the me around my girl friends,
or the me that i am at home? im not sure, i think its a mix of all 3. thats
interesting......i am already a mix of a bunch of types of ppl. now that
i think about it i have friends in almost every group of ppl, theres the
little freak boys (thanx for the name chopski) then there is the part of
me that hangs out with the socialy withdrawn ppl, then the part of me that
hangs out with the goth/freaks, then the me around "normal" ppl, then the
me around girls i like (i dont like that part of me, its not to honest.well
i can be but u know what i mean) and the big brother me, then the smartass
son me, see there is alot of me's to deal with. i think im gonna mix em
all together. then i will be the true me. and my life should be alot better
than it is, not that its bad now but i want it to be as easy as possible,
i wanna live this life to its fullest, cuz u never know when it could just
end, "on a cosmic scale our lives flash by in the blink of an eye" so make
it the best blink ever! there is a limit on what u can do in your life,
but your actions are the only thing setting that limit, so JUST LIVE DAMMIT!
yeah anyways, now to move on to sumthin i hate, i have to agree with you
on this one cyntheanne, ppl that just go and repeat everything are some
of the worst ppl out there, especily when they change the story, ppl should
learn when just to keep their mouth shut, that is one of the few things
that i am good at, but some of us arent and they really need to learn.
and also ppl that say that they understand when they dont...that is just
as bad, i know that they are just agreeing but they could at least admit
they dont know what the hell u r going through. "the only way to understand
what someone is going through, is to have lived it for your self" and that
is compleatly true. and the other thing is u can alomst never tell if they
actualy know what u r talking about, but u can tell sometimes. anyways
now onto a sub that i thought of....do any of you understand y wal-mart
doesnt sell parental advisory cds? that i so gay, they lost like 4 sales
because of that not too long ago, they only carry edited versions of cds.....that
is so lame. i mean what do they gain from that? nothing, all they do is
lose sales from ppl like me. but anyways.....this one isnt as long as the
other 2 but o well. im gettin tired so i think im gonna go to bed......see
ya later i guess
well its time again for me to go on and on about nothing,
well my life is being really confuseing right now..so i dont know how much
sence this is all gonna make, but here i go. did u know that japanese is
really kool? i love it now its really kool looking and fun to try and learn.
its even more fun cuz im the only person in the entire school that knows
any, so i can confuse ppl and it gets really fun. but something i hate
now is doing a damn research paper, they are evil! chopski is out to kill
me i think cuz she knows that im gonna fail and have to take her class
again so she has decided to kill me to make sure that doesnt happen. and
the library nazi is out to help her. she wants me dead too. u know nobody
has been on aim 2day and its pissing me off, cuz i got alot on my mind
and i wanna tell ppl but i cant if i cant talk to them now can i?
damn u marisa!!! ah u know what i dont wanna write anything else cuz i
learned not to tell everyone everything so u dont get to know anymore so
ha! see ya
ok well its been a while but
im back, and this time with a whole new outlook on life, I LOVE MY LIFE!
i have never been this happy in........ever, i always said if it happens
it happens, and it happend, and i am like sooo happy. i never thought a
girl would be the thing that made my life feel so great, but apparently
thats what i was missing before. i know she loves me and that i love her
just as much in return, but im still scared, even though i dont think it
will end any time soon, and i dont want it too end at all...nothing at
this age lasts forever...no matter how much we wish it will, but then again
you never know, my parents started going out when they were younger than
i am, and they ended up getting married and are still together...almost
20 years later...so i guess you just never know, all i know is nothing
has ever felt this right, and i have never wanted anything to work out
so bad....yeah anyways next topic, the world pisses me off sometimes, i
wish i could do what beth was talking about earlyer today, just get this
little island (where me and her could rule hehe) and just create our own
society, no money, no education...just live, and only the ppl we really
care about could live there. and it would all be perfect, all my friends,
no crazy outside world, and the girl i love...what more do you need...oh
yeah, only good music would be allowed, no pop...none at all lol. i just
want ppl to go away (not the ones i like) i dont care where they go...just
go there and leave me and my friends the hell alone! lol...yeah im going
through another one of my "fuck the world" phases, damn...this is like
the 8th one, eventulay im gonna lose it! ahhh, beth! keep me sane! please!
lol for the sake of everyone, lol anyways...yeah sorry its like 4 am and
im hyper as hell and its my page so im allowed to just go on and on about
nothing so there! i sure i said that somewhere up there too but that doesnt
really matter to me right now, nothing does, im like walking on air, im
just sooo happy, but i miss her! and i cant wait till next time i see her,
then ill be even happier and then ill end up missing her more again, but
its worth it, its deffiently worth it. ahhh its too light! *turns off light*
there thats better! you know what its too damn hot in here, i cant take
it, i mean im just sitting at my computer just typeing and im starting
to sweat, how sad is that? i cant take it much more *opens window* thats
better. ahhh anyways now to talk about my summer so far, ITS THE BEST ONE
EVER! last summer was just the same thing over and over and over again,
now its different every day, i hang out with ppl mainly one :), but my
friends are making this summer worth living, thanks guys! love you all!
and just for the record IM NOT GAY so i dont mean love in that way lol,
anyways...you know what sad people suck,they get mad at us happy people
and try to bring us down with them, i would know, for a long time iwas
one of the sad ppl but now that im one of the happy ones i see how
mean it is to do that and i wont do it ever again, or at least ill try
not too..mad ppl too, anger is contagious dude! if one of my friends is
really mad...ill end up mad too, im not sure why but i will, its kinda
like when someone yawns you yawn, or someone else cracks sumthing and you
have too, or anything like that its just my natrual responce to other ppls
anger...i guess its just the way i am. and another thing im sick of ppl
being mad at me for things that happend a long time ago, you know what
im talking about if you are one of them. i just wrote what i felt at the
time, i cant change that and im not gonna lie and say i didnt think that
way before, but i will tell the truth when i say that i dont feel like
that anymore and im sorry if i offended you...i was pissed, and if you
know me you know that i cant stay pissed that long...ever. next year i
plan on giving everyone another chance, no matter who they are, everyone
deseves a few shots at being cool with me, hell i even am friends with
heather again, she never did anything that bad. oh and on the subject of
friends...im not really sure who my real friends are anymore...everyone
is changeing, and so am i...and some of us are growing apart. i was best
friends with this kid for over 4 years..and now we hate eachother, and
im not even sure why! and it just kinda bugs me how ppl can change enough
to make stuff like that happen, its just not fair, the world should be
a nicer place and everyone should get along....yeah right, like that would
ever happen, guess i should be more realistic, and learn to deal with whtat
i have. bein happy with what you've got...isnt that what life is all about.
well i think so at least, and another thing about life, if you cant at
least try to make someone else happy...whats life for anyways? its pointless
then, i mean you like to be happy right? so why not make someone else feel
special and do that for them...if we all did that the world would be such
a better place, and if your reading this they you need to go out and make
someone happy a.s.a.p. cuz its your new mission, get it, got it, good!
isnt music great? well real music (or EMO as this mag. would call it) if
you find a song that you can relate to...its so perfect, like this song
"perfect" by simple plan, it fits my life so much, its about how he can
never be good enough for his dad and how he tires to as hard as he can
but its not possible to be perfect...like our fathers want us to be...yeah...pent
up rage! i gottta take it out somewhere, or im gonna end up in a fight
and kicked outta my house...so yeah, and the other song that describes
my life right now is "moosh" by Big Wig, its just about finding the girl
that makes your life perfect, and knowing it'll all work out in the end...and
i know thats what i found her....god i love her, i dont care what anyone
else says...i know none of you belive me on this one...but only i know
what i feel when i kiss her or even when i just see her..or think about
her for that matter, nobody else can tell me wether im in love or not...its
just not possible, so all of you who are trying to tell me what im feeling...dont
take this the wrong way, i still love ya and all but FUCK OFF! its
my feelings, not yours, i have never tried to tell you what you were feeling
so dont do it to me!..cough cough anyways i guess thats all for 2night...its
4:30 and my hands hurt like hell...so night all....love ya all! especily
you know who ;) peace out!