Funny/Stupid Moments in My Ever-Entertaining Life
The beliefs and opinions expressed on this page do not necessarily represent those of the people mentioned here...they are just plain stupid.
clare: i'm glad you could card i appreciate your come...
miss p: "i dont know why they were laughing anyway...it's made of latex for cryin out loud..."
geo: well then come sporadically!
ana: aww u should go out, u r so cute!
mags: yea, he needs a girl
palma: or maybe he needs to get laid...
me: That's it...i'm naming my firstborn son Awomanda so that he can get the same abuse i get!"
DeRaNgEdMoNkEe79: may the power of myagaga be with you...
DeRaNgEdMoNkEe79: oh yeah, and coleslaw
DeRaNgEdMoNkEe79: and the number of molecules in leanord nemoy's butt
me: Ooo...they're gonna make love in the barn...haha "honey, this isn't what i meant when i said i wanted a more 'stable' relationship"....
lindsey: it's a double entendre...
lindsey & omar: rrrrrrrrrrr.....
patrick: and then she farted....
Amnesiac Head: so im a hermaphrodite dating whale genitalia
MoonLitPath 8705: oly shit
MoonLitPath8705: **holy shit
Amnesiac Head: oly shit?
MoonLitPath 8705: thats like oily shit.
MoonLitPath 8705: EWWWWWWWW
geo: (looking at a poster) "What? Cum stoppers? Oh, crime stoppers, i see.."
me, jess, and mr. masters: OH MY GOD!! HAHAHAHAHAHA
omar: ::stands there with a confused look on his face::
maggie: do you think we switched my uterus and yours?
me: yeah exactly...wait, whats the plural for a uterus?
geo: yeah, she has the biggest ghetto booty....and it's definately not happy...
me: wow that's a small key!
brian: uh, not really
me: well it's not the size that matters...but my key is huge
brian: no actually i think mine is longer
me: naw mine is bigger and thicker too
brian: does that make it harder to put into the hole?
me: no it slides rather easily and it's better when you turn it
::we both crack up laughing::
me: LOOK! I'm a beached Nemo!! ::flops around on the stage:: AHHH!! ::rolls off onto the floor::
me: KYM! GIVE ME BACK MY CRINKLED PENIS!
me: okay, well i have to rest my molecules so they will be ready to vibrate like crazy during the exams tomorrow...in other words, i must sleep
me and clare: ::looking at the white spot left from the glue we just spilled on the floor:: wow...it looks like john pirelli was here...
geo: what did he grab, chest hair??
geo: yeah, and she can EAT HER TOO!!
kym: Yeah, you don't have to memorize the speed limits because, OH MY GOD!! THEY'RE POSTED!!
dee: There are always mexicans there...i know because i almost hit a few...
me: hey, are you homophobic? why are you afraid of yourself??
Dude: (after watching little dysher shoot out the star) oh my god, it's the next columbine kid...
me: (to omar) don't ask me why, but all of a sudden i'm picturing you in a cinderella dress...hahahahaha!
kristen: oh no, she's on her knees, that's not a good sign!!
mr. steer: i feel like a seal....arf arf arf!
me: i'm a gypsy! i make things pretty! okay, so maybe i'm just a high schooler with a triangle...come on, work with me...see? chrissy *ding* fulmer!
bill: (pathetically) do it again!
cheryl: it's only been ten minutes?
me: let's go streaking down the hallway...that'll pass the time
cell phone: who would you like to call?
cheryl: yo mama!
cell phone: the name cannot be recognized
me: (to bill) holy crap! you're lisa's brother? (after knowing both lisa and bill for 3 years)
me: woohoo! i layed that girl best! i am the lei-master!!!
me: damn my feminine sperm!
mom: awwwww....you're all a bunch of perverted virgins...
me: i HATE heavy balls! but i cant get my fingers in the small ones, and if i can't fit my fingers in, how am i going to get a good grip? and if i can't get a good grip, how am i going to score?
cheryl: he looks like a skanky jesus!
me: yeah, so my mom asked for eyedrops and she was looking through my purse and she got really mad cuz-
clare: *gasp* she found condoms?!
me: NO!! she found CANDY WRAPPERS!!
me: oh....dookie pops
maggie: wtf? lol
me: whoah, where the hell did that come from? i meant to say oh shit!
me: kym, work for me at the competition!
kym: well, if you wear that (looks down at my very cleavage-exposing spaghetti strap shirt), you'll get tons of guys.
andrew: yeah, that's a great shirt
omar: I CONCUR!
me: NO! I will NOT be a hot dog, and you can NOT be my bun!
andrew: you're violently stripping!
me: haha! can you just imagine? *porn music*...SMACK!
me: Kym, i'm gonna sit on your lap!
kym: don't fart!!
geo: i bet behind closed doors, he's an animal
(palma and brian look at each other)
brian: like an-i-mal!
palma: hairy, like an-i-mal!!
dee: My mom was talking to me about my next hair cut...
jesse: The next one? You're like Oprah!
jesse: no, you'll break your teeth!
jesse: kym, you're in the fetal position...
dee: o baby
(haha...double meanings rock)
me: drinking tea makes me have to pee
kym: nice, amanda...bring it up at the dinner table
dee: what? it makes me have to pee too!
me: hold me before i start humping the pole!
band: Chicken Noodle Soup! Chicken Noodle Soup! Chicken Noodle Soup!
jesse: omg...you guys must really like pee...
me: whoah, it's a 14-karat pecker!
mr. bravaco: (while crouching on a chair and flapping his arms) they're like vultures in their little choir robes!
me: watch your ass before i kick it!
murr: amanda, you are the only person i know who can rock the cleavage in fleece...
tyler: are you edible?
andrew: aw man, now i have manboobs! well, at least one...
ken: what is it?
me: i don't know!
paul: what's the capital of thailand? (kicks tyler) bang-cock!
me: i know i'm a band fag...you got a problem with that, dad?
angie: honeydew is NOT my friend...
jess: got the chills, man, got the chills...got milk?
me: (to omar) i had a dream last night, and you were my little chinchilla!!!
me: (after kym and i look at our hilariously distorted shadows on the wall) look, i have a penis!
kym: it's pointy!! i have one too!!
me: hahaha, mine is bigger
kym: it's not the size that counts
both: lets make them dance!
steve: (trying to say "Christina likes duck sweaters" in spanish) christina le gustan los sueteres de patos
mrs. hoffman: *GASP* don't say that!!
steve: why? she does!!!
mrs. hoffman: it means something else...something bad!
jesse: no it doesn't....it was our vocab word...pato means duck! PATO PATO PATO!
steve: what does it mean?
mrs. hoffman: in spanish, pato can also be used as another not-nice word for homosexual
(looking at steve's drawing of a penny on the board on which the face closely resembles a certain male body part)
jesse: that doesn't look like lincoln...
me: what is it?
both: PHALIC SYMBOL! PHALIC SYMBOL!
(Band Championship Moments)
graham: oh my god, she's holding it with her boobs!
little kid: (walking by with a friend who drops his smiley-face balloon) Oh, NO! (high pitched voice) Uh-oh, spaghetti-o's!
little kid #2: (walks past bill and i and stops) Did you win?
me: we didn't go on yet
lk2: do you want to go on?
lk2: no you don't
teenage girl: i like sex!
her friend: well then go have some...
(yes, band is weird...i think there was some type of contaminant in the water there)
me: (to jesse) now you go shower, you stinky, stinky man!
jesse: i've never heard of anyone resisting it...I certainly don't!
cristy: (to mr. masters) how did you ever find a wife?
patrick: (in chorus...bending over to speak from his butt) what song are we singing now, mr. masters?
patrick: (banging on the piano) daddy would you like some sausage?
man on tape with gay voice: great job, ladies! i really like the ripple effect here!
me: It could still be alive...just covered in its own feces
me: man, some people smell like ass and smoke all rolled into one...
chris: (runs towards steve holding a gym mat and smacks him over the head with it) Hiiiiiii-YAH!
telemarketer: Is Edgar Theissen at home?
aunt shelly: He died eight years ago...
telemarketer: I'm so sorry....*click*
me: go try my cookies...they have brandy in them
(eric jumps up and hops over desks to get to them)
ms. allison: you can scare people in an elevator. just go in there, look over all innocent and smile, and say "I'm wearing new socks *giggle*"
brian: well, this was near my genitalia, so it's mine!
ken: I put the FUN in funeral
kristen: oh, oh, OH!....oops, no...
geo: BUT NO ELEPHANTS!
geo: and they were all gone...like...jaminca!
The star sisters (a denomination of the alliteration association):
Geo - star dust
Ana - lone star
Kym - star light
Clare - metro star(s)
Me - Star Slut
Kristen - Porn Star
geo: (waking up from a sound sleep) Are you guys looking at porn? Are you online?
all: (passing the cell phone around) *animal noises*
kristen: she gets more action with (insert name of stuffed animal) than (name witheld)!
(more coming soon...)
ms. allison: it's so cool!
steve: what is?
ms. allison: *giggle*...gravity...!
AP spanish textbook: hay neblina = it is foogy
jose: let's all sing...
caitie lynn: look! senior man is dancing!
brian: does it have wontons?
matt: my left nipple is leaking!
geo: ...don't touch me
(talking to kym about my infected toenail removal and the needle used to inject novacaine)
me: *holding fingers out* and it was this big, and this thick! plus the top was really really long...and it really hurt cuz he hit a nerve, but then i didn't feel a thing, so it was great. I'm a little sore now, but not much
anthony: *lifts head up from a book* ....whoah....
steve: i have to get a haircut
ms. allison: which hair?
steve: ...i don't get it...
ms. allison: my BRAIN is shrivelling!
patrick: (to rob) As her boyfriend, you are obligated to show her things!
lunch table: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
brian: so why is it that life just pisses on me?
kym: honestly, who has a moose in their window?
(i update this about every other day, so keep checking back! - thanks)