Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

 

Music

Writings

1995-1998  

Wherein,

 One Will Find a Tract of the Ridiculous,

by Paul Nathanael Berland aka Astral Prune

9/95 - 4/98

Patience Learned

9/95, after my visit to the East Coast I wound up in an apartment in Chicago near where I grew up and wrote the following words:

"I don't have the energy to be impatient any more.  Patience is a gift from God in it's natural form.  Through patience, anything is attainable, in time.  How much time should we allot to our chosen tasks?"  For example, if you allot no time for reflection of the above words, your chance of comprehension are small.  But more importantly, the time allotted to the task should be equal to the patience one is capable of, as allotted by Spiritual Forces invoked by higher powers.

"It is possible of course not to have energy and not to have patience as well.  That is a torturous state.  Unless you are suitable entertained.  Our daily allotment of patience depends on God's plan and can sometimes be very short.

"Do we talk about God or about the subconscious when we talk about allotments of patience?  Probably both.  God works through the subconscious..." according to the theory.  Can you disprove it?  No.  Can you prove it?  No.  Yet....

"Because existence could not be otherwise; God is constantly working.  Naturally, things fall apart.  God keeps things together.  When things fall apart there is dread.  Things that I imagine can be ungodly and God would not allow to happen except that he cannot stop them from happening sometimes and maybe He doesn't exist?"  Cannot be proven or disproven.

"Well one should not try to understand all of God's plan at once.  You know he looks out for you."

The Warped Divinity Theory

It is only through God's will that we all do not become paranoid and the world crumbles into complete suffering.  The world is complete suffering for many and yet God would not stand for an entire world that is in suffering.  God chooses demigods and for the rest is Hell.  But there are small satisfactions and the people get by on their own rationalizations.  Many have self-control and need it to survive; the rich don't need it to survive because they survive on their "glow".  The rich are not the only ones who are demigods; it takes a person with unusual drive, persistence, and whatever the Hell else.  I am not rich, I don't want to sell my soul to the Devil, and I cannot survive on a "glow", therefore I need self-control, and Maturity: without Maturity you will lose everything and who knows what would happen except that you would regret and regret with a mighty passion and not allow yourself the excess to start off a significant run of self-controlled thought or self-propelled "I am" type of thing because ugliness surrounds and you have no choice but to turn inwards and find the inner voice that does not stop talking no matter what for that is the collective spirit belonging to God and you know that you must pay for any usage of that spirit so learn quickly what you will and turn to the next page of your life even if it means ignoring God for the time being --- do you need God right now?  What trial do you face?  If I am speaking for the Devil, it is only because I am a virus-infected computer, but believe me, I spend most of my time picking through my thoughts trying to find inconsistencies and other problems.  Embarking upon writing in the form of essay, "Go Forth", like a philosopher.

What Do I Know?

So you want to write a book.  What about?  Write about what you know.  Ok what do I know?  I know that even in my dreams I pray cuz they are frightening sometimes, and in real life I rarely pray cuz my faith at this particular time (back in 1/96) is low and now I sit like an energyless positron sitting on a cold slide already frozen for the microscope.  "The almighty cool ass DJ" who thought he was on a higher level.  "Stop the bus"?  Hell, make the clock go forward; speed up time until nothing moves all wound down and life has its exit code deposited on a tombstone.

 

Subconscious Interaction

I got words in my head dying to get out

You betta check yourself cuz I got the clout

pounding esophagus got no room to speak

nothing to do but talk and I must be a freak

show me yourself and what you got to say

and hurry up cuz I aint got all day

was it your head I was searching when I came up with this rhyme?

It always sounds so blunted but maybe not this time

you and me got the magic that will make the world turn around

there's nothing better than this groove that I have found

betting on your existence in the grand scheme of things

is better than pawning a set of diamond earrings

cuz without me you are missing a marble or two

and what have I got to say if I don't have you

so be me you and you me all day

and that's all I really wanted to say

Stay

What have I said and what have I spoken

is this just another promise to be broken

or another crazy notion cooked up in Brooklyn

what kind of fool would you have me be tookin

there's nobody there just me and my ego

and some would say even where did he go

for there's nothing left but my id and intellect

so let me see which of my wits I can still collect

just me and you God that's what I meant I'm sure

just me and you God now isn't that pure

but there's something I must say before I do launch this

how much is God and how much subconscious?

as Hans Christian Anderson would say, it's all a dream

but to say 1 thing is to mean another, things aren't what they seem

so let us clarify this bogus state of confusion

God is up there and I am down here and all else is illusion

We cannot love each other cuz we are not equal

but we don't need love we can rely on the sequel

the sequel to love which means understanding

and hence in sense I may yet be landing

if you don't understand that I'm not a good poet

I hear it is a skill that takes time to grow it

but now that I have said what I came here to say

I will take off my mouth and bid you a good day

 

 

Attainment of the Moon

Where we live is okay but we keep trying to take it to the moon.  The trick is to live in your own space and don't cross too many boundaries and you will see that the moon has its own affairs to tend to and one day you will reach the moon but only for a brief period of time so don't even get concerned cuz next time there won't be a moon there will just be you and you'll be reaching for the brew so just know that you got to chillify - did you know the moon is maze of cheez?

Skin

Skin

is what we're covered in

 full of holes and layers thin

 beneath which flows blood to our toes

hair on our legs and under our chin flexible so we can grin

cells arrayed in rows watch as it grows black or white or yellow or brown there's a lot of folks here in this town covered in our special robe from waxy knee to ear lobe what better way to romp around than with bare feet upon the ground I have thought and I have found that this covering of ours in which we're bound is most satisfactory and we ought to be perfectly happy to be covered in skin.

 

Elements of Divinity

The three divine aspects of life: beautiful, sad, funny.

Elements of God's Discourse

Fanciful scholars create discourse but I favor God's discourse to me through minute signs ---- the unanswerable rumble of thunder, cars driving through a wet street, Spanish people talking upstairs --- these things tell me like nothing else that I am alive --- an ambulance siren, a door slamming, the flash of lightening, thunder --- the sounds of our natural habitat --- train rumbling --- there are no sounds of owls or crickets here --- there is no sound of Me here either --- Disengage the rage that set the stage you have to be blind to read my mind you can get fired for being tired Adam is and Adam Ant. Corkscrews in my soul. How many ideas do you want?? Born to be toxic.  You got all the pieces to the puzzle.

God set let there be a square so I put a square there.

Elements of My Discourse

Can I calculate the rate to relate telekinetic phonetic diametrically wrong when I send the beat through three feet of cable electrostatic erratic anti thematic and off mike the psyche and gripe cuz its not right digitally bitchin and itchin an illusion witness the fitness of found sound around no cable or turntable to label this fable just be nice like rice and no device will suffice to catch what you're sayin cuz that's what's delayin the process of rhythm without excess of schism turn off the microphone I can't handle this tone dynamic jammy the whammy in ceramic diodes on overload transistors in dead mode saturated fated to be grated or graded by a teacher or preacher that's dated just press on the mess on I confess nonetheless that it's best to be smooth style not too rude chile don't delude while you stack all the cut wax and its facts on the rack just bear witness to the fitness of a poetic form that's not with this negative sedative coming weak off the speaker cuz I'm meeker and sleeker on paper and safer well I got other things to say so cut the beat and turn it around.

Scintillating Allegory for Cheese

Frajuh Mijit Hookah-Suckin Ghost Dog Sense-Slave Caveman Dingathing Cow-Eatin Insane GlabberFritz Reaction-Sensor Lost Soul Sick Brain Frozen Dutchman Caterpillar Lost Ed Wobble Steady Darkness Falling Dungeon Deep No Longer Feel --- No Longer Feel the Established Existence of Another Person, Need Constant Proof need constant proof.

Air

Air as thick as ghosticene

stands aside for anything

let us pass through the air let us not I don't care

air is king of everything it may guide the song I sing the knife I wield cuts through wood and also air as it should (what more can I say about something as plain as day) even when the sky turns gray it does not stop every last ray of the sun up in the sky through this air I'd like to fly like an airplane to the moon although without air I would swoon so on the Earth I will dwell surrounded by air like a shell and breathe this air I know I must even though it makes the cars rust I think this air will be around awhile so that we all can live in style And In Retrospect All Is Right Air Is Refreshing Let There Be Air (Praise God).

Verbal Picnic

Hair is central - on the periphery is skin - in between are the multifaceted vessels of blood in colors of red and white - you can be my rag doll - I'll hold you and fold you and I'll never scold you - like strips of platinum I am set in stone - I categorically deny all responsibility for everything you represent - the management is in control - peel my breath from your soul - the water runs down the drain exiting from the system somewhere below the ground in pipes that run deep and metal into the next county where you are and all of your friends can have a drink from their sink but is it healthy?  Check the script - the management is in control - but you can borrow my dreams, I'm only pretending to use them - what color are your eyes?  Want to borrow a shade of blue?  First I'll have to dig for it, the cobalt mine is down there somewhere, beneath the pipes, but above the magma.  Check the lava flow, it's burning up all the villages, but we'll survive, and here's your twist of lemon, I'm sure the sandman would like to know about that one so he can make you a nice dream about calendars and what days do you have off - drink the water we'll pump some more for you later - let's have a verbal picnic in the sound jungle with the alley cat and the baseball bat - forget everything and become a prisoner of the present and I'll turn up the volume on the coherency and reproduce a whole generation of blank faces ready to plug into the machine where they're singing the future.

 

 

React To The Fact

React to the fact that I'm exactly on time no need to mime or even to rhyme I've got control I've got soul I've got all that and better what's a matter you're bitter at the letters from this hitter a disgrace to your face put you in your place at the bottom cuz I got 'em the collection every section of dialection that's showin you that I'm all knowin of nothin so quit fussin I'm just cussin and cursin and immersin in my own thought streammm you were caught dreammming of seemmming like some superior posterior but your derriere is fairly square so quit dreaming there's no meaning to your activity you've got longevity of the cavity and the gravity of your savvy is like lead boots I haven't said news you've been fed a ruse so don't confuse yourself or lose yourself because there's a point to this joint unless you've led yourself to the dead end of some passing trend that's amassing your spent blend so pick up the pieces and trample the feces stop your derision and send in your mission statement so fate can relate and put a dent in the troubles that trap us in tracks of trash there now I've put a gash in the stash of predilections now hop now stop life is always fair au contraire so redetermine the sermon you vermin so screw it I blew it so enough of that fulfill your own self and go your own way.

Whatever

WHATEVER so low so small so tiny and transparent, sessile, emotionless drainage, flow, chemistry, all the colors of the Earth ran and formed one color

WHATEVER and yeah so much for that and this too now go away and never come back cuz we don't need you around here no more you're just taking up space, space that could be occupied by someone much more alive and not this mush jive you've been passing off as reality in a can canned Reality now who spoke who cares let all the voices combine in their subterranean caverns unseen and just bring out the total flow the drainage from the mind sewer let it roll and rock like Batman

WHATEVER projections abound like mud flies dragging all our souls to the bottom of the lake cuz we are all mindless in our other minds dreaming and not fully aware of all that flows across the plains of the planet

ALRIGHT time to disperse and flow across the turntable of your mind bring in the bug juice time to flow like coriander silver colander cylinder whisper said strictly definitely no holding back free flow of nothing no not nothing just empty your head and let this flow like rice pudding in the strong summer light let's be Real now and bring in regularity once the main vein is found then press and hold for eternal savvation cuz that's what's lacking in this experiment more of the same and whatever follows will surpass this

THIS TOO will flow like ripe chilies basking in the strong noonday summer sun so much at the center of mind-expansion that no one truly understands the flow cuz it overlaps itself all over the place MIX and you will see what became of caterpillars who fall off of leaves, they roll over and on and on and over to the next leaf where they continue to germinate what what did I say never mind just relax it's just words there is nothing here that will stick in the memory except this and maybe a word if I spell it really big and put it in a box but how silly there's nothing here except flow and if that was original it would have been stolen so skip and distract back to the original checkerboard of possibilities just make random moves on a board that you cannot see so that was stolen so I refuse to take in new sources there will be no more stolen words in some unreal universe fly

The Toad, Part One

Once there was a toad who was scared of other animals so he wore gray suits which was suitable because of his ugliness.  He was a humble toad, which is to say the he was highly egotistical and sensitive, although not in a sensory way.  He hoped to find the right princess but that the right princess would find him since he was too lazy and cowardly to invest and commit towards any other entity besides God who granted him favors occasionally upon request (and sometimes without having requested it).  Altogether he was a disagreeable toad who spent long hours with his back turned to the other animals, he was an ungrateful toad who disliked swamps, and he was an intolerable toad who croaked into the wee hours of the morning.  He considered all insects fair game and would open his mouth and out would dart his tongue snapping up some morsel or another.  He liked to hop around and thrilled in the mere activity of motion as it was the truly real gift of God to the animals to move over the surface (and beneath the surface) of the entire world.  He figured one day he would be dead and gone and he looked forward to that day because to him life was an endless stream of meaningless activity that stemmed from nothing more than the all-powerful lord of lords the one who would soon return to ruling over all the animals the great JaJa who lives ever on as the sole provider of all good things and the real reason this book has been possible.  This toad had a great curved back that dominated the body structure and told a tale all of its own.  True the toad spent much time low to the ground but some of his thoughts toured the heavens and he often thought about buying real estate in the great Out There where Krotus lived.  This toad was no friend of Krotus, the great 6.7 in the sky, but he was the friend of the sand particle, which got in between his fingers and left a good feeling.

To be Continued

Looking For Honey

Voyager climb down your steps walk down the path go where the bears go into the jungle looking for some honey.  "Chipmunk, where's the honey, honey?"  "Pilgrim, you have only to climb to the top of this tree."  Up into the branches and past the bird's nest to the Leafy Canopy.  "What'll you have?" asked the moon.  "Tea and a touch of honey."  "We don't serve that here, I fear, would

 you care for a beer?"  "Give me a Honey Brown."  "I'll be right back" said the moon handing me five vials of crack as collateral and disappeared, to be replaced by the sun.  Falling from the tree landing on the dirty pavement.  "I will get my honey by and by."  Climbing back up the tree only to find a hive of bees.  To kill one bee, why that's easy, but then the horde will take over.  "Come out and fight, O king of the bees!"  "Be sensible." said he.  Two storks flew by and by pecking, they dislodge the intruder who falls into a deep pit.  "Deep pit, emit your honey."  Silence.  "Silence, emit your honey."  Dreams.  "Dreams, emit your honey." God.  "God, give me a pizza."  "Say what?"

 

Purple Feather

There was a spot on the moon that I decided to go to one afternoon

 So I built a gigantic ladder out of intangible spirit matter

 To the world I said good-bye and then embarked into the sky

 But when I reached outer space God took me to another place

 A cell in the depths of Hell or was it Heaven I could not tell

 And so I lost my confidence in trying to influence

the course of events.

In the next episode I was transformed into a toad

tried to dance in my swamp but I had forgotten how to romp

"What's the secret?" I asked the cat he didn't answer so there I sat

then one day the phone rang a voice said "rejoin the gang"

so I grabbed a purple feather I don't care about the weather

but if I knew what was in store then I wouldn't worry any more.

Then I saw a giant flower so I stared at it for about an hour or maybe it was only a couple seconds there's always something else that beckons brightness like a flare of light separated me from night and I knew that it was raining and the hounds of Hell were gaining I began to trace a spiral pattern like the rings that circle Saturn there were certain dots to make but I could not see what's real and what's fake so I made a triangular shape and then paused to rewind the tape but the tape was on fast forward and I had to say one more word so I took a chance and made a point which was really bad and screwed up the joint.

Lazily I surveyed the room thinking only of my doom when I noticed a spot on the wall that I hadn't noticed at all I turned to look at the cat he just sat there and looked back but what was it about that spot?  Was it just an ordinary blot?  I confess not much conviction that I had made a contradiction but pennies falling from the sky should be treasured by and by where they land they quickly melt too quickly I have always felt.